I've been debating wether to post on this. I've decided to because I've felt very alone on this forum as it seems there aren't many wls patients who have also struggled with this type of eating disorder and I want to share my experience in case anyone is out there and afraid to speak up about this issue.

I've had an eating disorder for about 15 years. I've gone through periods of anorexia, bulimia, and obsessive binge eating. My weight has gone from average(145-150) to overweight (250) to now underweight at 115. Five years before I had wls surgery I went through a rough period of bulimia/ binge eating and sought out treatment. I was in a 30 day outpatient program. It helped me get past bulimia but I was never able to stop compulsive binge eating which got me up to my highest weight and lead me towards wls.

I knew going into this that wls surgery could trigger my eating disorder and it has, big time. I am now truly anorexic with some bulimic behaviors also, and although I've been telling myself when I get to goal weight I will eat to maintain that is simply not happening. My goal weight keeps dropping and I'm sure I'm not going to be able to stop losing on my own.

I've been in weekly therapy with an eating disorder therapist and dietician since I had surgery and sadly it just hasn't been enough to keep me from slipping into this. She has been watching me literally waste away for months now and is very concerned. While my BMI is still technically in the normal range, I've recently begun losing about 3 pounds per week again because I've simply stopped trying to maintain and it's only going to go downhill from here. I look in the mirror and I can see all of my ribs and my body looks like a little girls. But as soon as I walk away from the mirror I feel fat again and want to lose more. Body dysmorphia is a real thing.

For me the issue is complicated, wrapped up in fear of regaining, a deep sense of satisfaction and safety in seeing the scale drop, anxiety around most foods and the inability to see how thin I've gotten and feel comfortable in my skin. Dieting and losing weight is the way I feel in control of my life, and eating is an emotional comfort that goes very deep in me and leads me into guilt and an ugly cycle of feeling guilty about food even in small portions.

Being overweight in this world is very difficult. I was tortured about it as a child and simply equated my own self worth with my weight regardless of health and logic. Having an eating disorder is an indescribable horror. It consumes your life and makes it impossible to function normally and be successful and happy.

I promised myself that if I got to this point where I felt out of control and in a full fledged relapse I would admit myself into treatment before it took over my life again and I hurt myself. Being post wls I feel like I'm already fragile enough and to be unable to adequately eat is putting me at major risk for serious health issues. It's gotten so bad lately I'm having trouble even taking in Water and I'm resistant to Vitamins, basically I'm unable to care for myself correctly. Thoughts about food and weight take up all of my attention and I'm suffering in my relationships, work, family life, etc.

I'm going to go into a live in therapy program for 30-90 days and hopefully get past this so I can enjoy my life and maintain my weight in the future.

If there is anyone out there struggling with an eating disorder I'd love to chat with you. I'm grateful for the support I've received on this forum from so many wonderful people and though I may not post for awhile my heart is with you all in your journey.

Edited October 29, 201510 yr by bellabloom

I wish you the best success with your program. You have recognized your need for it which is probably the hardest step.

Having the strength to make this decision makes me feel you will get through this and come out sronger on the other side. I wish you all the very best in your recovery. I think you are an amazing woman.

Thanks for having the courage to share and face this. You are in one of those really difficult areas to work on. For those who have not thought deeply about how hard eating/body image issues are as opposed to any other negative behavior...it is different, smoking/drinking/drugs are not mandatory for life....but eating is. It is a challenge to admit the problem and tough to overcome. So my heart goes out to you during this time and wish you the best in your recovery. Remember it isn't just for you, but for you to be the best and healthiest mom you can be for your kids.

I am so glad you are getting help bellabloom, and I hope that you come out the other side of your treatment with the skills you need to maintain a healthy life. It sounds like you have struggled for a long time.

We are here for you if you need to talk.

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles, but this doesn't come as a surprise based on a number of your recent posts.

I am thrilled that you are seeking treatment and allowing your therapist and other's to help you, not gain control, but learn to be the best, and healthiest you can be.

You deserve nothing but the best for yourself and your family.

I know that this journey isn't easy but you have taken the hardest step(s) already.

I am praying for you and will envision you happy, healthy, joyous, and free.

Please let us know how you are doing and how we can support you when you are able.

You are one smart, tough cookie. You can do this.

I applaud your courage in putting this very difficult post and issue out there, and in getting the help you need. My hope is that you will continue to internalize that you are so, so much more than what you do, or don't eat, or any number on any scale. I wish you nothing but good health and success.

Wow, good for you for confronting things head on! that shows enormous strength and insight! Wishing you all the help and support you need to get through this for yourself and your kids!

This too shall pass, you've got this!

Good luck to you. I know with treatment, you will get to a point where you can live a healthy, happy life and find balance.

Take care of yourself!

Kudos to you for seeking real help in your struggles. I sincerely wish you the best in your search for good health.

You are worth so much more than the number on the scale or on the label of your pants. So much more...

Hugs.

Joining so many others in wishing you all the very best. Thank you very much for sharing - there are so many aspects to this experience that go beyond the actual physical weight and it takes great strength to wrestle with all of them. My prayers and best wishes for good, compassionate and helpful treatment.

Wow...prayers and hugs to you....thank you for sharing your story with us, and I wish you best of health and healing.

I've been debating wether to post on this. I've decided to because I've felt very alone on this forum as it seems there aren't many wls patients who have also struggled with this type of eating disorder and I want to share my experience in case anyone is out there and afraid to speak up about this issue.

I've had an eating disorder for about 15 years. I've gone through periods of anorexia, bulimia, and obsessive binge eating. My weight has gone from average(145-150) to overweight (250) to now underweight at 115. Five years before I had wls surgery I went through a rough period of bulimia/ binge eating and sought out treatment. I was in a 30 day outpatient program. It helped me get past bulimia but I was never able to stop compulsive binge eating which got me up to my highest weight and lead me towards wls.

I knew going into this that wls surgery could trigger my eating disorder and it has, big time. I am now truly anorexic with some bulimic behaviors also, and although I've been telling myself when I get to goal weight I will eat to maintain that is simply not happening. My goal weight keeps dropping and I'm sure I'm not going to be able to stop losing on my own.

I've been in weekly therapy with an eating disorder therapist and dietician since I had surgery and sadly it just hasn't been enough to keep me from slipping into this. She has been watching me literally waste away for months now and is very concerned. While my BMI is still technically in the normal range, I've recently begun losing about 3 pounds per week again because I've simply stopped trying to maintain and it's only going to go downhill from here. I look in the mirror and I can see all of my ribs and my body looks like a little girls. But as soon as I walk away from the mirror I feel fat again and want to lose more. Body dysmorphia is a real thing.

For me the issue is complicated, wrapped up in fear of regaining, a deep sense of satisfaction and safety in seeing the scale drop, anxiety around most foods and the inability to see how thin I've gotten and feel comfortable in my skin. Dieting and losing weight is the way I feel in control of my life, and eating is an emotional comfort that goes very deep in me and leads me into guilt and an ugly cycle of feeling guilty about food even in small portions.

Being overweight in this world is very difficult. I was tortured about it as a child and simply equated my own self worth with my weight regardless of health and logic. Having an eating disorder is an indescribable horror. It consumes your life and makes it impossible to function normally and be successful and happy.

I promised myself that if I got to this point where I felt out of control and in a full fledged relapse I would admit myself into treatment before it took over my life again and I hurt myself. Being post wls I feel like I'm already fragile enough and to be unable to adequately eat is putting me at major risk for serious health issues. It's gotten so bad lately I'm having trouble even taking in Water and I'm resistant to Vitamins, basically I'm unable to care for myself correctly. Thoughts about food and weight take up all of my attention and I'm suffering in my relationships, work, family life, etc.

I'm going to go into a live in therapy program for 30-90 days and hopefully get past this so I can enjoy my life and maintain my weight in the future.

If there is anyone out there struggling with an eating disorder I'd love to chat with you. I'm grateful for the support I've received on this forum from so many wonderful people and though I may not post for awhile my heart is with you all in your journey.

Big hugs to you! I know your decision to seek inpatient care was probably not an easy decision at all. While I haven't suffered from it, my 15 year old daughter does. She has been hospitalized for it several times. It takes a lot of work and dedication, but I know you can do it One day at a time, and for whatever it's worth, I am way over here in Michigan rooting for you!

Good luck with everything! I think its awesome that you are such a fighter! Nothing is going to stop you! Take care!

Congratulations on seeking professional help. My understanding is Eating disorders are typically very resistant to change.

(Our family has a member who has struggled for over a decade even with the best of help.)

Hoping you find peace with your body and your image. You deserve it????

Thank you for sharing this post, many people are telling me I'm loosing too much, I'm very afraid of getting my weight back, I'm 130lbs after only 7 months, I'm afraid of food, many friends and family tell me I don't eat enough even my nutritionist told to upper my calories, but I just can't go back to be obese, I used to love food now I just eat to survive. And don't enjoy it. I don't know if it's normal, after wls. I hope you get better soon. Thank you again for sharing this. @@bellabloom