Hi everyone. I am a single female and live alone so was not telling anyone I am doing this because I wanted to avoid comments and opinions and just all of the questions. As the months have passed, I realize I am lonely because this is the biggest focus in my life at the moment and I can't share it with anyone I know. SO, I decided to tell my friend I've known my entire life (lives in diff state) and all I can say is OMG! This was a text convo, not out loud. So, she went on and on which was like,

"Bindy, do you know what you are doing to your body? You can't come back from this. You have lost weight before and you can do it again the healthy way. I personally know 3 people that have had bariatric surgery they all regret it and two are heavier than they were before. Don't let a doctor talk you into this. They make is sound good to people because they are getting rich off of it. This has become a trendy surgery and you just wait until they find out long term what it really does to you. They want you to do a liquid diet for two weeks. Do you even understand what that is doing to your kidneys or your pancreas? You are smarter than this. I love you, THINK!"

Well, I just never responded at all. Part of me wanted to disagree or explain or educate, but all I could do was wish I had never said a word.

I feel like .. ugh.

I didn't want to go on this journey alone, the isolation of hiding it away with people I know was getting me really down, but now I know I can't tell another soul. She is the one person, if any, in my life that would embrace me and be kind.

Seahawk,

She is just afraid for you, she will come around and give you the support you need. Do you have family, or a nieghbor or a local friend that can keep an eye on you for the first or second day. I live by myself also, the best advice I read from a thread was to buy a heating pad," got one from Walmart…I LOVE IT..was very comforting. Also had small "wedge" that I placed under my pillow, worked well for me only 7 inches high. Post op from 4/3 could not have had a better experience. Gas pain hits my collar bones like they were going to crack…but already passing (no pun intended).

This website was my only connection to prepare myself and help with any fears I had. The people that I did tell really didn't want me to do it because they were scarred for me. But I am still here and they all survived. Since you might be alone just make sure you have everything ready to go before hand; vitamins(chewable makes it easy), Protein drinks (make one, day you go for surgery),Water,or flavor water, drink bottles to put your drinks in, kleenex what ever you need to keep you prepared and comfortable…remember walking is "king" so you can walk to everything you have waiting for you. Best to you and keep us posted

Sometimes people are afraid of what they don't understand. Maybe she will come around. Until then consider us your support!

I'm sorry to hear about your friends reaction. It sounds like she needs some education and that she is also worried or afraid.

My sister, who is heavier than I am, reacted in a similar way. She said" well at least you have 6 months to change your mind" ( in reference to the pre op diet, waiting period).

I did my best to educate her and told her that WLS is my choice and a tool to reach and maintain my goals!

I am fortunate that the rest of my family is supportive as well as my friends and co workers.

Does your surgeon have a support group? My hospital has a group that meets every month. It really helps to talk to others and hear about their journey.

I am in my second pre op month and should be able to be sleeved in September!

You can do this and you have a big group of friends here to cheer you on!!

I think it's sad you can't tell everyone, your having surgery, Think you need better friends, I feel I am not asking them if I should, it's more like I'm going to do this can I have your support.

Besides who cares what they think.

Don't forget were here too, A lot of geart people on here

It's okay. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but you're doing this for yourself. If you need a support buddy, ask if your hospital has a support group.

@

Thanks David.. exactly.

First step taken, went to Doctor this morning and got referral to TMC Bariatric. He is sending information through to ins for me. Fingers crossed that Ins will cover me.

Hubby has agreed, reluctantly, to go to informational seminar next Tues at TMC.

I keep hoping he will come around and give me more support, but if he doesn't, so be it. I have support from my kids and friends and my new friends here.

Thank you!

Awww...that stinks! I didn't tell ANYONE until after my surgery. Not even my sister. She was supportive but it was surprising to me when other people weren't. But don't worry, you are doing the right thing. Like another poster said, wait 'til she sees you after! You will prove her wrong!

Pre-op, after making my decision to have WLS and feeling fully supported by my husband, I took a long, hard look at my extended family and my best friends and understood clearly that none of them was capable of (1) understanding my situation or (2) understanding as much about WLS as I knew or (3) accepting WLS as a legitimate, smart, modern way to treat my illness.

Most of them are normal-sized or slim or athletic and have never struggled with weight like any of us ever have. Many of them are stylish, sophisticated professionals. Oddly, I've seldom felt judged by them for being heavier than them (I have some other lovely and impressive qualities that they admire). However, over the years their comments in my presence about other heavy people have staggered me. I've learned that many of them believe people like us are undisciplined, uneducated, lazy cowards.

But somehow, they don't think of me "that way." Yeah, totally weird.

So knowing them as I do, I knew they couldn't possibly support me on this journey. So I didn't even invite them into my confidence.

I don't love them any less. I just knew this wouldn't be a concept they would ever get behind.

I am so glad I have not brought them into my confidence.

I totally relate. I still haven't opening said anything about my sleeve to no other family. my own parents don't even know "exactly" what I did. I did say that I had my tummy worked on and my hernia repaired. they normally are my great supporters with anything but like you over the past 5 yrs or so the older they get the more I heard them saying some comments on the friends we all know through the yrs and about their heaviness that the past few months I have been out right telling them to "stop saying them words" their judging and it needs to stop! that shut them up for a few days...I got sick of hearing it. they seen me for the first time after 2 months when we went down on vacation the very first words out of moms mouth was "how much more weight have you lost?" I said "oh a fifth grader"...that reply wasn't good enough for her..she asked again "how many pounds"? I gave in of course to satisfy her and said I hit a 100...she said thats great keep it up! ....oh lordy! I said from that moment on my weight loss is not up for discussion. I still say that with everyone that brings it up. I have 4 ppl I have initially told and thats it. I didn't want the neg talk or opinions before hand. but you know how rumors get started I'm sure it'll get around. maybe later I will say something if it's someone I think will benefit but otherwise I still say "strict portion control and controlled diet"...I have had 2 ppl come up to me and asked me if I had surgery or something and I said no bypass..the other asked if it was lap band..I said nope! my hubs and 2 BFF's are my biggest supporter's..

So sorry you got that reaction from your friend. I am 1000 miles away from my family and I only told my hubby and a few close friends presurgery. My hubby was uber-supportive & had actually been recommending I look into it for quite some time as he knew I wasn't happy. I told my mom/brother when I went to visit several months post-op.

I pretty much agree with everyone here - this has to be for you. Hopefully your friend is just scared/concerned/worried for you, which is understandable, and she just didn't put it in words very well. Once the surgery is over she will hopefully step up to the plate.

Even if she doesn't, a quote I saw on this site in the past comes to mind......

"Don't let someone dim your light because you shine in their face"

I don't remember who originally posted it. Keep your chin up & good luck on this wonderful journey. You can definitely find a lot of support & information here (24/7!).

I got into a big fight about this surgery when I told someone who I thought would be supportive... His idea was that instead of the surgery , go on a diet like the people in Auschwitz ...only eat a gram of bread a day....
Ok.. He's Russian and has a rather hard life when he was younger with starvation after the fall of the USSR... but that shocked me...
I told him too bad he doesn't understand because I'm doing it anyhow.. He went on to tell me of one guy he "knows" who only lost 5 pounds after getting this surgery... uhm.... liar,liar... pants on fire!

There is no educating people who have a prejudgemental idea of this. Let them stew.. They just care about you and are ignorant but don't want to listen to reason.

I had my sleeve done on March 16th.. and the fact I've had to already go buy much skinner clothes is enough to visially prove my naysayer wrong.. I just don't talk much about it so he can save face, but it sure feels cool to be right..and that it SHOWS.. Haha!
And yeah, he's still a dear friend . Auchwitz diet... smh...

First of all, I think it shows incredible inner strength for you to recognize that your friend's response was controlling and unhealthy, and even more self-control for you not to respond to her right away.

I would give her a call and make it clear that you are not asking for advice as to whether or not you should get bariatric surgery. It has been recommended by your team of physicians and you will be following their medical advice. That is not what the call is about.

I would state explicitly that you plan to surround yourself only with encouraging and supportive voices over the next year or so, as you go through this transition into a healthier you. Any person who is negative toward you will have to wait a few years before they can re-enter your life.

Your contact with her is to see if she is interested in being one of your cheerleaders during this difficult process, because she has been such a strength to you in the past and she is someone you hold dear to your heart.

While it seems counter-intuitive, it may help in the long run to allow your friend to feel heard. She has heard some negative stories about bariatric surgery, and it would help both of you to let her get it off her chest. I would ask questions about dates, what kind of surgery it was, how much weight was lost and regained. Ask if you may be able to speak with these people to find out what complications they had. I am guessing that once she airs her concerns, she will be better able to listen to your point of view.

I hope that she would then ask you why you are considering bariatric surgery. I would be concerned if she did not.

If she continues to behave in a controlling way toward you, I would thank her for her concern and perhaps even mention that you are disappointed by her response, and then wrap up the conversation.

I hope you can find wonderful cheerleaders to be there with you through the process, in addition to the friends you will make here. There may be a support group in your area where you can meet people.

@SeahawksGirl

I respect what your friend cares a great deal about you, and is probably concerned about your overall health after your surgery. But I feel that you need to educate her a little further. Tell her what you have learned in your three years of research, and let her know that you're doing this for yourself, and let her know that it would benefit you more if she offered you her support. It would fill the void that you're feeling.

I think a heart to heart talk (not text) will help you and her, and hope strengthen your friendship! Good luck to you, and know that you have our support on this board!

I am kinda in the same boat as you. The only person that knows is my mother and even she isn't very supportive. I know it's because they are uneducated and don't want anything "bad" to happen to us. What they're not looking at is the whole picture, of how unhealthy we've become. I think if you respond and educate her, you'll feel like she is in your corner!

I struggled with telling people at first. Then as I started to, the reactions I got we're all positive and supportive and excited.

If people who are questioning or judging your decision aren't licensed medical professionals, tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Their opinion is just that, an opinion. It's based on nothing but their own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. Not on medical fact or scientific knowledge. Ask them how the surgery is performed and see what they tell you. Odds are, they have no clue. Don't be put off by the opinions of someone who's (pardon my French) talking out of their ass. Everybody knows somebody who knows somebody whose sisters ex boyfriend's mom had WLS and regrets it. Oh the horror.

F those people and do you. Good luck <3