Hi everyone. I am a single female and live alone so was not telling anyone I am doing this because I wanted to avoid comments and opinions and just all of the questions. As the months have passed, I realize I am lonely because this is the biggest focus in my life at the moment and I can't share it with anyone I know. SO, I decided to tell my friend I've known my entire life (lives in diff state) and all I can say is OMG! This was a text convo, not out loud. So, she went on and on which was like,

"Bindy, do you know what you are doing to your body? You can't come back from this. You have lost weight before and you can do it again the healthy way. I personally know 3 people that have had bariatric surgery they all regret it and two are heavier than they were before. Don't let a doctor talk you into this. They make is sound good to people because they are getting rich off of it. This has become a trendy surgery and you just wait until they find out long term what it really does to you. They want you to do a liquid diet for two weeks. Do you even understand what that is doing to your kidneys or your pancreas? You are smarter than this. I love you, THINK!"

Well, I just never responded at all. Part of me wanted to disagree or explain or educate, but all I could do was wish I had never said a word.

I feel like .. ugh.

I didn't want to go on this journey alone, the isolation of hiding it away with people I know was getting me really down, but now I know I can't tell another soul. She is the one person, if any, in my life that would embrace me and be kind.

I know I would feel lonely if I was doing this without any support. Maybe you can educate your friend. Perhaps you should send her the URL of this website. She is obviously uninformed and some real stories from real people might be what she needs to read to shake her preconceptions.

I doubt there's any of us that haven't heard something similar from a friend or loved one. I heard all this from my mom. And I know it's because she's afraid. She was trying to "talk some sense into me". It wasn't until my sister laid it all out to her that she calmed down. She's still worried about it, and I doubt she will ever be 100% ok with it. But, she's at least being supportive now. I'm scheduled April 21st.

I only told my immediate family for the reasons you stated. I didn't want questions, I didn't want to be judged or have anyone watch every bite I took. I am sorry your friend had this reaction.

Maybe you can get your support from a local WLS support group? Does your surgeon's office have them? Maybe google a support group?

Good luck on your journey.

I would respond to your friend in essentially the last paragraph you wore us, that you are doing this alone and would like her support! But I understand not wanting to open that conversation again.

I am so sorry that this happened. At one point or more we have all received this kind of treatment from someone in our lives.

It comes from uneducated people who do not understand that obesity is a disease and that bariatric surgery can and will give you your life back literally!

You do what you need to to feel safe with your decision. Leverage local support groups, leverage the folks on this site to help you in your journey.

Once your weight starts coming off and your health improves you can have a face to face discussion with your friend about it. She is just worried for you and does not understand how you are currently feeling about your health.

I wish you all the best! Feel free to reach out to me anytime!

Your friend sounds she genuinely cares about you - enough to talk you off what she thinks is the ledge. She is obviously basing her opinion on what she thinks are facts. In her small world of knowledge about WLS, I'm sure it's enough for her to "know" this is a bad idea.

I would try to talk to (not text) her. Tell her what you told us - that you need some support. Give her some facts and statistics. Have her come here and get opinions from the thousands of people who have actually succeeded. I don't know your friend, but she might be willing to reserve judgment since she cares about you. If she can't do that, then find support elsewhere. Eventually, you will prove her wrong.

I doubt there's any of us that haven't heard something similar from a friend or loved one. I heard all this from my mom. And I know it's because she's afraid. She was trying to "talk some sense into me". It wasn't until my sister laid it all out to her that she calmed down. She's still worried about it, and I doubt she will ever be 100% ok with it. But, she's at least being supportive now. I'm scheduled April 21st.

I know what you went through. I was so surprised by my moms reaction. My brother helped her see the light ????

Okay she loves you and she's concerned. I get that. But her implication that you haven't thought about this, or thought enough about it to reach HER conclusion, is somewhat manipulative. Your body....your decision. Don't "let" a doctor talk you into this? Don't "let" her talk you out of it if it's what YOU feel that you need and it's what you want. I'll get off my soapbox now (wow, did this strike a nerve with me!). Wishing you the best on your WLS journey!

@@kvlasy

I was getting from her that she KNOWS and I am somehow naive. Obviously, I have been the one doing over 3 years of research and Q&A groups at the hospital and reading and watching videos and she knows all of this. She kept saying "you're not fat!" i sent her a picture of the print out from my doctor showing how high my bmi is and that 49.5% of my body is made up of fat. She knows my health issues so I just don't see how she thinks this way. sigh...oh well.. it's about me. I have to live my life every day, not her or anyone else.

I just wanted one person in my real life that knows me to support me. I am a strong person, I can do this alone.. I just didn't want to.

Thank you to anyone who replied. It helps to read all of your comments.

All my family, friends, and colleagues whom I care about know about my new journey and they are very happy for me that I am doing something to lose this weight I have been carrying around my adult life. I think being open helps me be accountable and honest. This works for me, but it may not for you, and that's ok.

There are some things though that they will never understand because they have not walked in our shoes. This forum can be the place we can go to when we need the fellowship of like-minded people from all walks of life...to hear about different experiences. We can hear about what works, what's down the road, etc. We can take what we like, and leave the rest.

Thank you for sharing your journey with me. We can all learn from each other :-)

I am really sorry that your friend reacted that way to you, clearly its because she loves you but she is not very informed and thinks that she is.

I had someone in my family that I am very CLOSE too and there was no way around telling her.

I made it much harder for her to criticize by opening with "we are so close and I am only telling you about this because I KNOW I will have your support" She still gave me a bit of a hard time in roundabout ways. However, I think it eased what I would have had to endure if I had just told her without saying I KNOW you will support me.

Wow, I cannot believe this was posted today! I am in your boat with you girl.

I told me husband this morning about what I had been thinking and researching about bariatric surgery, HIS comment to me? "Well, I think that this would be a last resort." WTF!!!!!!!!??????? Where does he think I'm at?? I have dieted and lost and fought weight problems my entire life! We have been married for 45 years, where has he been?? Yes, this IS a last resort, MY last resort. I have to do something, NOW.

Sorry for yelling, but I just got SO frustrated this morning with his comment. He has never supported me, never. All the times I've tried to lose weight, he never says a thing. In the last 2 years he has complimented me twice, two times.

Ok enough ranting. Like you, I am going to have to find support elsewhere, and will. I'm 66 years old and weigh 215 and have borderline diabeties, high BP, high choles. and sleep apena. I HAVE to do something and soon because I want to see my two beautiful granddaughters grow up.

I hope we both find the support we need to get us through this battle.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Steve Jobs

US computer engineer & industrialist (1955 - 2011)

I'm sorry your friend wasn't more supportive of your decision. It sounds like she cares about you. You might tell her that you made this decision after a lot of research and soul-searching and you really hope she can support you no matter what.

Sending you good vibes.

I have been a lurker for a few months and feel like I know some of you almost well. This is my first post. I am 64 years and have been overweight since I was a child. I've lost and gained back hundreds of pounds, the last two times more than 80 and 100 lbs. This is my last resort. I am so hopeful that this will help me lose, and more importantly, keep the weight off. I have been in my bariatric program since early February but I'm still appealing my insurance who pulled the rug out from under me after first approving and then changing their tune. I've done what I need to do including starting on a Cpap, doing the psych evaluations, have gotten enthusiastic letters of support from my endocrinologist and cardiologist, etc. I have a BMI of 41, diabetes on insulin for more than 23 years, hypertension, and have had a stent put in my coronary artery because of a 97% blockage. I feel my health will no longer carry me through what should be the rest of a long life. I'm desperate to be approved. I have a very loving, supportive (slim & handsome) husband, an excited for me daughter, and six supportive siblings. I'm ready for this! I've lost 15 lbs since I starting seeing the NUT in February. I can't wait until the day I can finally announce my surgery date to my future new friends here in this forum. Thanks for listening! I feel better already.