Hi everyone. I am a single female and live alone so was not telling anyone I am doing this because I wanted to avoid comments and opinions and just all of the questions. As the months have passed, I realize I am lonely because this is the biggest focus in my life at the moment and I can't share it with anyone I know. SO, I decided to tell my friend I've known my entire life (lives in diff state) and all I can say is OMG! This was a text convo, not out loud. So, she went on and on which was like,

"Bindy, do you know what you are doing to your body? You can't come back from this. You have lost weight before and you can do it again the healthy way. I personally know 3 people that have had bariatric surgery they all regret it and two are heavier than they were before. Don't let a doctor talk you into this. They make is sound good to people because they are getting rich off of it. This has become a trendy surgery and you just wait until they find out long term what it really does to you. They want you to do a liquid diet for two weeks. Do you even understand what that is doing to your kidneys or your pancreas? You are smarter than this. I love you, THINK!"

Well, I just never responded at all. Part of me wanted to disagree or explain or educate, but all I could do was wish I had never said a word.

I feel like .. ugh.

I didn't want to go on this journey alone, the isolation of hiding it away with people I know was getting me really down, but now I know I can't tell another soul. She is the one person, if any, in my life that would embrace me and be kind.

I am so sorry that you don't have a great support system. I am fortunate to be surrounded by a lot of people that really do support me. Surprisingly some of my coworkers have been the most supportive. I would really suggest finding someone who you can talk to about everything. I know its really the most important thing going on in my life right now and it is what I want to talk about. Feel free to facebook me or e-mail me. Smileystephanie1@aol.com

Pre-op, after making my decision to have WLS and feeling fully supported by my husband, I took a long, hard look at my extended family and my best friends and understood clearly that none of them was capable of (1) understanding my situation or (2) understanding as much about WLS as I knew or (3) accepting WLS as a legitimate, smart, modern way to treat my illness.

Most of them are normal-sized or slim or athletic and have never struggled with weight like any of us ever have. Many of them are stylish, sophisticated professionals. Oddly, I've seldom felt judged by them for being heavier than them (I have some other lovely and impressive qualities that they admire). However, over the years their comments in my presence about other heavy people have staggered me. I've learned that many of them believe people like us are undisciplined, uneducated, lazy cowards.

But somehow, they don't think of me "that way." Yeah, totally weird.

So knowing them as I do, I knew they couldn't possibly support me on this journey. So I didn't even invite them into my confidence.

I don't love them any less. I just knew this wouldn't be a concept they would ever get behind.

I am so glad I have not brought them into my confidence.

@@SeahawksGirl

What you said is the exact point. This is about YOU. This is your health, your struggles, your life.

When I talked to my husband the first thing he said is "I don't want you to do this. I love you just the way you are". I told him I was glad to hear that, but the bottom line is that I'M not happy with the way I am right now. I don't like being a diabetic. I don't like being embarrassed by my size. I don't like feeling miserable every time we go on a trip somewhere. I could go on and on here. We all get my point.

And yes, people who have never been REALLY overweight will never really understand. But that doesn't mean they have to be so judgmental. I've only told a handful of people. I know I don't need negativity right now. Knowing what I'm about to do is stressful enough.

@@VSGAnn2014

How did you explain your weight loss? I have lost a lot of weight previously, but with lifestyle change and tons of gym time and it takes a long time that way. How did you explain it coming off so fast?

@@Stephanie Stroup McIntosh

Thank you Stephanie, I use appreciate your offer

@@toler48

Hi. Whereabouts in Arizona do you live? When is your surgery?

I'm not going to wear a sign around my neck, but I will answer honestly if I'm asked. Some ppl have very negative attitudes about WLS. They can take their judgement somewhere else as far as I'm concerned.

But on the other hand, if a lady I had a chance meeting with just over a year ago hadn't been as open to me about her bypass, maybe I wouldn't be here right now- 2 weeks from surgery. It was probably the most life changing cup of coffee I'd ever had. ????

Edited April 6, 201511 yr by desertgirl_74

@@VSGAnn2014

How did you explain your weight loss? I have lost a lot of weight previously, but with lifestyle change and tons of gym time and it takes a long time that way. How did you explain it coming off so fast?

Well, the weight hasn't come off all that fast. Frankly, I think that's a WLS myth -- at least for middle-aged and older women.

Pre-op I went on a self-imposed diet 2 months prior to my surgeon's prescribed pre-op diet; on both those diets (over 2-1/2 months) I lost 20 pounds. Post-op in the last nearly 8 months I've lost another 61 pounds for a total of 81 pounds lost. That's an average of 8 pounds a month. I'm now 4 pounds from my goal.

I've yo-yo dieted a gazillion times before. I think everyone just thinks I've had another successful round of dieting.

This time I've told everyone I'm: (1) serious as a heart attack about finally conquering my weight problem, (2) seeing a shrink to help me change my behaviors and resolve any ambivalence about finally conquering this beast, (3) eating fewer calories while eating very nutritious food, (4) eating a lot more Protein, and (5) exercising a lot more.

All that's true.

@@VSGAnn2014 is right.

The loss is steady more than super fast. You don't have to explain anything since you will be eating small, healthy portions and exercising regularly.

Sorry to hear you don't have the support. This is a great site and I enjoy talking with everyone, but having outside support from people close really helps. I'm lucky to have the support of many people including co-workers and friends. Hope your friend comes around and learns more about it!

Had several similar responses like you are not fat,you wear your weight well,are you really that heavy and my favorite while at the gym...well if you do more of this (exercise) you can lose and dont need surgery. If that was the case id be like 190lb by now because i spend 4-5 days aweek at gym. Hang in there and stay focused. And good luck.

@@SeahawksGirl

Hi, I'm in Tucson. I am just starting this journey. I've been doing reading and research to decide which surgery I feel the best about. I have an appt. with my PCP tomorrow and plan on going to the next informational meeting at TMC. I just don't know if it's April 7th or 14th.

I've pretty much decided the sleeve is my choice. It is my "last resort", as I have fought this battle since I was 10.

_{First time poster here, been lurking for a long while.}

_{I'm sort of in the same situation as the OP where I'm a single guy, live alone and planned to tell as few people as possible. At the beginning, I told a friend, but only because I suspected that she was also considering, and she ended up making her consultation appointment the same time I made mine. I had planned to tell no one else, ended up telling my parents later on because I realized I was going to need someone to take me to the hospital when I have the surgery. they were surprisingly fine with it.}

_{The response that the OP got when she told her friend is why I don't plan to tell anyone else if I can help it. When people try to give advice in that "authoritative voice" assuming you know nothing, but use uninformed opinions and "hear say" as facts to support their "expertise" on the subject, really bugs me. I can feel that regret in confiding in her as I was reading the OP. not a good feeling. can change the way you think about people.}

Edited April 6, 201511 yr by kingdavid757

Firstly, I am sorry you are going through this alone right now. You are not really alone becasue you can come here anytime and get the support you need. I have seen many women on here that are just wonderful and amazing. Second, I would like to say your friend is truely misinformed and ignorant. She is not living your life for you and I have read about this surgery for years. I had the same concerns about the long term as everyone else so when I researched it i found that people have been getting there stomach cut out for many years due to other factors excluding weight loss, Such as stomach cancer. Those people have lived many many years happily and healthy with their stomach cut out. Your friend should have been supportive of you. This is your body and your life. Add me as a friend and send me messages anytime. I am always on here. You are not alone.

That's the worst...I do think the issue for a lot of people is fear. And in some cases, it's jealousy. Sometimes people get used to you as the "fat friend" and don't want it to change. My answer when people try to say that it's risky or bad for my body is this: being obese for my entire life is an even bigger risk." And when they try the typical, "you can lose weight naturally, you've done it before" line, I say, "yes, cumulatively, I've probably lost 5 times my body weight over the years. And I've gained it back. Losing weight isn't the issue. Losing it all at once and not gaining it back IS."

It's funny how people "know someone" who had it done and gained it all back. Some people just do their best to discourage. Tell more friends. I decided to tell friends, family, and coworkers (kind of had to due to time off) and most have been super supportive. I think in general, the supporters outweigh the naysayers!