I thought this surgery was going to change my life. Instead I feel worse than ever. I never even drank soda before this and now I guzzle it down all day long! Before surgery I stocked my cupboards with all the junk foods I wanted to eat as a last hurrah and I thought I would have no problem with it after the surgery! But the hurrah just keeps going! I ate an entire plate of cookie dough last night before bed.

Now all I can do Is eat candy and burgers, go out dancing and have one night stands. I just found out I'm pregnant from the last one I had the week after surgery! I still had my stitches in and we got it on all night and snorted some #%##% and order room service - pancakes!!!

I just stretch my pouch and then I throw it all up after to I can eat some more. It's crazy! And I never smoked before but since the first cigarette tasted so good and that nicotine buzz feels amazing, I just chain smoke now. I might even try some other drugs, I never knew they were so fun!

I think the surgery did something to my brain. All I want to do is have sex and eat junk food, my husband doesn't even know. He thinks I'm at work! And now I'm pregnant and he has a vasectomy so boy am I in trouble.

My favorite thing to do is lay in my hotel bed and dribble maple syrup into my mouth and post on bariatric pal about my fiendish bad girl behavior.

Do you think the surgery changed my brain? Before this I was a straight laced schoolteacher with five kids and a pastors wife to boot!

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Just kidding. Thought you all might need a laugh. I'm totally committed to my journey and all of us seem to be doing amazing, and I am very thankful tonight to have this great supportive board of people to talk to. Happy Thanksgiving.

That's hilarious!(now that I know it's not true!)

That was really good.:-). I was thinking, "Wow. Some people on here have major issues!"

Listen I was reading this and was saying to myself, "This can't be real". I was shaking my head the whole time. Thank goodness it is not true.

You had me majorly confused.

Thank you! I needed a good laugh today!

even tho this post is exaggerated...I find it kind of offensive.... myself I have some food issues and concerns with my lifestyle change..But of course it will be handled. but what if someone on this site does have major copin issues and is looking for support .lol I Def would be scared to look for support on this site if I saw this post....hmmm

???????????????? good one!!

Sorry, but I find this post in very bad taste.

Such as in the taste of McDonald's burgers now and maple syrup more like drizzling turpentine.

Laughing all the way to my 4oz chicken breast. Ha ha ha!

OMG!! lol I was almost screaming STOP!! You're going to kill yourself!! Then I read the rest of it. whew! nearly called 911 on your a$$!! lol

Well played.

I have to say I was very worried about you for about the first paragraph. Then I was cracking up! Thanks for the good laugh!

Hahaha this is so good! Gosh!! You wouldn't believe how relieved I was when you said just kidding phewww!

Holy Batman balls!!! So thankful you are joking! You definitely had me saying WTF. Happy journey to you!

I find no humor in this either. Very offensive and done in poor taste

I am looking forward to more of your comedy posting. Although I value the support here, "How do I get my protein in?" and "I can't stop eating chips but can't understand why I can't lose weight" just don't make me laugh like your post.:-)