I thought this surgery was going to change my life. Instead I feel worse than ever. I never even drank soda before this and now I guzzle it down all day long! Before surgery I stocked my cupboards with all the junk foods I wanted to eat as a last hurrah and I thought I would have no problem with it after the surgery! But the hurrah just keeps going! I ate an entire plate of cookie dough last night before bed.

Now all I can do Is eat candy and burgers, go out dancing and have one night stands. I just found out I'm pregnant from the last one I had the week after surgery! I still had my stitches in and we got it on all night and snorted some #%##% and order room service - pancakes!!!

I just stretch my pouch and then I throw it all up after to I can eat some more. It's crazy! And I never smoked before but since the first cigarette tasted so good and that nicotine buzz feels amazing, I just chain smoke now. I might even try some other drugs, I never knew they were so fun!

I think the surgery did something to my brain. All I want to do is have sex and eat junk food, my husband doesn't even know. He thinks I'm at work! And now I'm pregnant and he has a vasectomy so boy am I in trouble.

My favorite thing to do is lay in my hotel bed and dribble maple syrup into my mouth and post on bariatric pal about my fiendish bad girl behavior.

Do you think the surgery changed my brain? Before this I was a straight laced schoolteacher with five kids and a pastors wife to boot!

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Just kidding. Thought you all might need a laugh. I'm totally committed to my journey and all of us seem to be doing amazing, and I am very thankful tonight to have this great supportive board of people to talk to. Happy Thanksgiving.

OMG you're insane! LOL.

Dear u be alright am have faith in you

Edited December 4, 201411 yr by sadanny34

Just so everyone knows, this post was satire. And now that I have had surgery and know how hard it is, I'm not exactly laughing anymore!! I know I'm in pain when I can't even laugh about myself!!!

I'm glad I made some folks laugh though. It is a major ideal an fits important to remain on the bright side!

@bellabloom- I was just thinking why is she telling all of her business?! Lol

I'm also a pastor's wife. Maybe we can start a new group... ????

@bellabloom- I was just thinking why is she telling all of her business?! Lol

I'm also a pastor's wife. Maybe we can start a new group... ????

Oh, PLEASE do! I will forego all TV and just tune in to you guys. It would be a hit!

Do you watch the show "Intervention"? I usually don't have time to watch that much TV (especially reality TV). I watched a few seasons of that show after surgery because I was so bored. There were two episodes of post op gastric bypass patients that were doing some incredibly reckless ****.

One episode in particular was similar to your hilarious tale. Your fictional confession was very entertaining but quite unbelievable. Now that I think about it, the high quantity of food right after surgery is what gave it away as fiction. I think it would be impossible.

There is actually a high incidence of post op patients that begin having drug and sex binges after losing a lot of weight even though they were perfect angels before surgery. They might be a little nervous to post on this forum, however. They are probably better off seeking help from a mental health professional anyhow.

Trading one addiction for another.

Is it a coincidence that McDonald's downturn in sales is in the news lately? I think not.

I think it's hilarious. Lighten up people my god! We all need a giggle! Don't like it, don't read it. Geesh.

Hahaha! You are too funny. That seriously made my night.

Your post was plausible up to the "my husband doesn't even know" part. If you were really that sort of Charlie Sheen cray cray on a daily basis there would be nobody in your immediate circle who wouldn't know.

But hey, on the bright side, you would have definitely gone out with a bang.

Lmfaooooo i am 5 days out this freaked me out!!