I just read a post about how long it takes to see what others see and I thought this was a good topic to bring up on the forum.

Most of the time, we ask this question in terms of seeing the newer, smaller versions of ourselves but this is really about what we see or don't see whether we're bigger or smaller.

For me..I never really saw how large I was when I looked in the mirror. Then I would be shocked and mortified when I'd see a picture of myself because there was no doubt I was a very fat woman. What is it about folks like us who cannot see what is obvious? I don't know that answer, but it's an interesting question.

So...what happens when we lose the weight? For me, and many others, I had a terrible moment a few weeks after hip replacement surgery, and about ten months out of band surgery. I was about 170 lbs. at that time and down about 90 lbs. from my heaviest. My hair was thin and looked terrible...my face was saggy and I saw an old woman staring back at me when I looked in the mirror.

It was so bad that I found myself in therapy shortly thereafter. I needed to get help to recognize myself. Thank goodness I was seeing a professional because once I went back to work after being on disability for two months, no one recognized me in the office...because I looked so much thinner and was not on the cane much anymore. If not for my therapist, I might have gone crackers during this time.

So while she has helped me, I am even nearly a year later, still struggling with what I see versus what everyone else sees. I am surely getting used to the way I look now and my head tells me I am thin...pictures bear this out, and I do find that I can recognize myself when I look at my reflection.

What I still struggle with is that I feel like I'm still a fat girl who has managed to figure out a way to fake it. Because I look thin, people think I've always been this way and have no idea what it's like to be thinking about staying in control all the time when it comes to food.

Just yesterday, I was in an all day training going out of my mind. I found myself nibbling much of the day. A little bit here, a little bit there. I even had two Cookies after lunch and I never do that. What I was thinking though was that if I was still fat, I'd be embarrased to go for those cookies knowing that everyone would be wondering why I was eating them considering how big I was. But because I'm not big anymore, no one paid attention. The problem was....those cookies were as deadly for me yesterday as they would have been 145 lbs. ago.

I have my therapist tonight and I'm going to talk about this. I want to do everything I can to not put weight back on and that includes high calorie crap that gets past the band with ease. I may have lost all this weight, but I am still very much a work in progress and still need this site for the help and support you all give me.

Sorry for the length of this post...but would welcome your thoughts and comments.

This is a really interesting topic! My wife gets on me because while I love the compliments, I usually deflect them with a, "Yeah, but I still have a ways to go." Or, "Yeah, but I'm no longer filling out my wrinkles, so I look like a shar pei dog." And when I walk by a mirror or other reflective surface, my eyes go straight to the (now smaller) soft roll around my belly. Why do we do this??? Is it being hyper-critical of ourselves? Or is it just that we want so badly to get to the new place that we critique our progress harshly during the trip? Realistically, I know that I look and feel a whole lot better. Everybody keeps telling me how much better/healthier/happier I look. So why do I deflect it? Must be old habits dying hard! BUT...I will say that now that I'm within sight of my goal, I'm beginning to accept that this IS the new me -- wrinkles and excess skin and all. So in the past couple of weeks, I've started responding more positively with, "Thanks for noticing, I feel great!" That's the message we should be telling ourselves!!! So, I guess as they say.... "Fake it 'til you make it." Accept our changing selves as we are right now, and be proud of our accomplishments all along the way. Don't obsess over what's not there yet, because if we can keep to the program and make good choices, we'll eventually get to our goals (or close enough to be comfortable). And during the journey, we need to work hard to learn and internalize new habits that will help us to eat healthfully for the long haul. That's my hope, anyway.....

I love this post! I used to always say I was the opposite of an anorexic. I would look on the mirror and I thought I was much thinner looking than I really was. Then, like you, I'd see a picture of myself and feel shocked.

It is a constant mental battle. Thanks for talking about it. I've been coming to terms that I will never be able to let my guard down, that while it may get easier to live a healthy life, I won't ever be able to eat like a "normal person. " I must give consideration to everything that makes it into my mouth. Some may not agree with this, but I'm okay with it. How I was thinking and eating before is not how I want to live my life. But at this time I feel like I'm still walking on the slippery slope.

Yup, never thought I was as heavy as I am/was. I am down 15 pounds and already looking at my soft areas. Worried that I will become more unattractive with excess skin. Sigh... better go see my therapist soon.

It's funny how our visual perceptions are off. I often take a hand mirror and look at myself in a second mirror from the back. It's kind of depressing because that's the angle for me that still looks quite big. When I look at the mirror face forward I suppose I focus on my face instead of the rest of me. I have mental work to do on my body image, that's for sure. No matter how much I lose, I still feel like my stomach is grotesquely large. Yep. Lots of work to do.

I know what your talking about , someone I used to see everyday , hasn't seen me in a year and he said wow you look good and have lost a lot , he then said I remember when you started this meaning I was thinking about being banded and he knew I was happy or at least I put up that good front for everybody I guess , well I went out on Vacation from work then I was out for a month when I went back of course people asked if I was ok and I told them e went on Vacation then had surgery well he had notice the transformation , I ONLY see it in certain fitting clothes and of course pictures , but I still till this day don't see it when I look in the mirror or in a reflection of a window , I don't know ever will or at least that is how I feel , so I go by what people , my kids or family tell me, it was funny because I was sitting talking with my Brother and he said do you realize your crossing you said and like I was in defense mode he said I never seen you sit like that , it kind of caught me off guard , I was surprised.

I for one, do not feel guilty about having a cookie or two here and there...or nibbling all day if in that situation....

When I was first starting out, I observed very closely friends of mine who are physically fit and not an ounce o fat....they ate Cookies, ice cream, etc, etc....they also are very active in different things like cycling, swimming, running, etc...

The difference was they ate so little over a 24hr period...I ate enough to feed an army...I was a real pig and could not control myself.

What they are doing day to day as their normal lifestyle, I now do also. Difference is I needed WLS to do it. They did not.

This is not a diet were I'm going to die if I eat a cookie...I have been set free from all that.....This is a new lifestyle...it's what I do over an entire day as opposed to what I do minute by minute....

And what I actually eat over a 24hr period is so small I never though it would be possible.

I two would be shocked at photos - I had denial about what I saw in the mirror at 300# plus.

When I got to goal I was horrified of my face. I looked so. OLD!!!

I relealized last time i wasn't obese I was 22, so no wonder I looked so old in my late 40s.

Anyway I have been at goal awhile, I get lots of compliments on my pretty face and I accept it as me now. When I look at pix taken when I hit goal...I looked great, it was purely dismorphia.

So B52. What do you see? I missed where the thread changed into how you are doing the life change...

I was the opposite, I always saw fat and I avoided pictures or public events as much as possible because I felt that no one really wanted to be around someone as massive as me. I'm now at a healthy weight and I look in the mirror and think, well, you look ok, but those legs are big, and that butt needs work, and my god, those batwings of yours...girl put on something with sleeves. I know what you mean though about being a fat girl who has tricked everyone into thinking she's thin- I totally feel like that now. I was actually just thinking this morning about how every single day for the rest of my life is going to be about not eating too much and getting fat all over again. It wasn't the most optimistic of thoughts, haha.

I can so relate to your comment of: "What I still struggle with is that I feel like I'm still a fat girl who has managed to figure out a way to fake it."

Lord, that is me in spades. I've come to realize that people who never knew the larger me don't have the context of how far I've come. That's OK. I know how far I've come.

I actually have a note taped to my bedside lamp that says: "Fake It Till You Make IT" "Make up your mind to be happy". That way I see it every morning when I turn my light on.

I firmly believe in daily affirmations too. I am a worthwhile human being who DESERVES to be healthy and happy. I've basically had to re-program my brain. I was raised with negative bad programing--"bad code". I've worked for decades to change myself--FOR THE BETTER.

I hope y'all have a good one,

Kathleen

I'm struggling with compliments these days. Yesterday I had an interesting reaction when some one said, "you're disappearing." No, actually, I'm appearing. I'm showing up. When I was larger I was taking up so little space but now that I'm smaller and healthier I am spreading my wings out -- allowing myself to be "bigger" than I was before. The worthiness factor. The feeling welcome. Celebrated. Feeling like I deserve to be here. Yikes. It is, indeed, a lot to ponder.

Worthiness. I have read and listened to work by Brené Brown. Link here Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability:

She has great YouTube videos, books The Gift of Imperfection and audiobook The Power of Vulnerability.

For me the dismorphia went both ways. I didn't see 100 extra pounds on me, it was more like I say 50 extra, (maybe because the most I'd ever been able to lose on my own was about 50 so that was my skinniest reference point). During the time I was losing, there were days I'd see improvement and days I'd see a woman 2 or 3 sizes bigger than I was in the mirror. Pictures helped a lot. Today, most of the time, I see a thin person. Maybe not a size 4 thin person, (which is reality), but certainly a size 8, LOL which still looks damn good to me! People who haven't seen me in the last year don't recognize me. I still get compliments and accept them without dismissing ANY of my progress. For me, it's part of OWNING the new me. Fake it till you make it definitely applies here!

I am so glad I am not alone. I was the opposite too. I avoided pictures, going out, shopping, and looking in the mirror has often as I could. I was embarrassed of my own self. My self-esteem was gone. Even now at almost 50 pounds lighter, I take pictures and don't even recognize the person in them. I am afraid I will look in the mirror and always see the fat, ugly girl. I often think to myself this can't be me. This is not the person I see when I look in my mirror. I know it's a mind thing. I have to recondition myself, my thinking from the negativity I feed myself for most of my adult life. I am determined to look in the mirror one day and see “Me”.

Great topic! I love all of the responses! I will say this, I'm not one to "look" at myself as any one way. I have had the frame of reference of being super skinny and being severely obese.

Through all of it I have never let my size affect what I want to do, I just do it. I do see today that my appearance has changed and in some ways dramatically with the weight loss.

At work we are required to have a picture ID that the company takes when you first start. Now we operate on MS 365 and our e-mail and Lync IM show our photo's, let me tell you I hated that! I think I look terrible in my photo! It's not the first one I took while working here, my first one had me in these red glasses that were tipped on my nose I looked like the typical ditzy blond secretary. So when we had Weight Watchers at work here I joined with a friend and we said when we lost 20 pounds we would take new photo's. Well she lost 50 and I lost 19 so I took a new photo.

Recently I got an e-mail from a new co-worker that asked me if that was me? I have one of those faces that just stays the same, so you can tell it's me...but is it really you? Yeah it was me in a fat suit Yes it's me!

OK maybe after 70 pounds it was time for a new photo. I look younger in my photo today then I did 8 years ago and that feels pretty good!!