Bandista

GREAT piece, Alex, and needed -- so many questions out there about Protein. Personally, my body just tells me. It whispers, "salmon" or I suddenly feel like I've got to have a fried egg. So I listen up and enjoy my protein in food form.

Have fun, Jean, and know you are worth it all....I love reading your pieces. Choose yourself first and enjoy filling up that closet and feeling good about yourself. You deserve it!

Have fun, Jean, and know you are worth it all....I love reading your pieces. Choose yourself first and enjoy filling up that closet and feeling good about yourself. You deserve it!

What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

Boy am I glad I work from home and only have to dress up once in a while. Eeek! But as for clothes, I do think the jeans sizes going down are the key to happiness and momentum (rather than that damn scale).

I'm a good cook and enjoy eating out at restaurants. My main issue is that I have kept my WLS private and it is sometimes hard to conceal how little I'm eating. I usually split an entree with my husband if he's along -- like a tenderloin or something I'm not inclined to make at home. He also gets an appetizer or two to make sure he's not going to starve, lol. If it's a business lunch, etc., and I'm wound up or tense I often can't eat much at all. Sometimes I will say something like, "I had a protein shake before I came and it really filled me up." Another tactic is I will just order an appetizer and say I'm saving room for dessert. When it comes time for dessert I will forgo that or offer to split something, in which case I just have a couple of bites and am completely satisfied (miracle). And I don't ever go to chain places, etc. -- I want to have really good fresh food prepared well otherwise it's not worth it to me.

#1 Tip-Off for me is when my mother is promoting something -- she is a canary in a coalmine in that regard. Get-Rich-Quick meets Fountain-of-Youth is too much for some people to resist.......

#1 Tip-Off for me is when my mother is promoting something -- she is a canary in a coalmine in that regard. Get-Rich-Quick meets Fountain-of-Youth is too much for some people to resist.......

I'm a good cook and enjoy eating out at restaurants. My main issue is that I have kept my WLS private and it is sometimes hard to conceal how little I'm eating. I usually split an entree with my husband if he's along -- like a tenderloin or something I'm not inclined to make at home. He also gets an appetizer or two to make sure he's not going to starve, lol. If it's a business lunch, etc., and I'm wound up or tense I often can't eat much at all. Sometimes I will say something like, "I had a protein shake before I came and it really filled me up." Another tactic is I will just order an appetizer and say I'm saving room for dessert. When it comes time for dessert I will forgo that or offer to split something, in which case I just have a couple of bites and am completely satisfied (miracle). And I don't ever go to chain places, etc. -- I want to have really good fresh food prepared well otherwise it's not worth it to me.

I eat at restaurants everyday with no problems. They all serve protein and I take home what I don't finish.

I still go out. I can usually find something on appetizer menu:
Grilled shrimp
chicken wing without the sauce
With a side of veggies (usually steamed broccoli
Or on the regular menu:
I just ask for a few changes. I've never had any problems. And I always have left overseas for next day or two.
I have had waitresses ask if I didn't like the food.

"Why are you at the restaurant?"
As the date of my WLS drew near, my best friend offered to stop our habit of eating out each Sat night.
We had been going out to buffets every Sat. night for years. I told him there was no need to stop. I was going there to hang out with him and socialize, not for the food. 31 months later, we are still eating out on Sat nights. I just eat a WHOLE LOT less and do a lot more people watching. :-)

You may think of weight loss surgery as a bit of a trade-off: you get to lose weight, improve your health, and enjoy more activities. In exchange, you need to be careful with your diet. But don’t mistake “caution” for “deprivation.” You can still eat at restaurants after weight loss surgery.


Before weight loss surgery, a night out with friends or family may have meant thousands of calories and way too much fat and carbs. If you’re started to look some of the numbers up, you know those old patterns are history for you. You can’t afford the fried appetizers, the chips and dip, the plates of pasta, the burgers and fries, or the hot fudge sundaes anymore.
But so what? You’d be hard-pressed to find a restaurant that doesn’t offer a meal that you can eat. Some restaurants are a little tougher than others, and you may need to use a little restraint, but weight loss surgery definitely doesn’t mean the end of your social life and fun times.
Do Your Homework Beforehand
It’s always wise to do your homework beforehand when you can. If you know ahead of time you’ll be going out to eat, check the menu online. When you check the menu at home, you’re in a relaxed environment instead of the high-pressure situation of being in the restaurant with your friends waiting for you to order. Many restaurants even have nutrition information available so you can figure out exactly what to ask for. If possible, know what you are going to order before you enter the restaurant. That way, you don’t even need to look at the menu, so the off-limits options don’t tempt you.
Ordering from the Menu – Or Not!
It’s not the end of the world if you need to take a look at the menu, though. Just change your attitude a little compared to the way you looked at menus before Weight loss surgery. Instead of looking for what sounds delicious, look for what sounds healthy. That’s lean protein and vegetables.
In general, look for proteins such as turkey burger, grilled chicken breast, and fish or seafood. Have them on a green salad or ask for vegetables on the side, and you’re good to go! If you don’t see what you need listed in the entrees, see if there’s a menu section dedicated to low-carb or low-calorie items, and also check out the appetizers and salads – shrimp cocktail and salad with tofu are perfect examples of high-protein, low-calorie possibilities.
When you order, ask your server to leave the troublemakers off your plate, or at least serve them on the side. That includes creamy sauces, salad dressings, bread, pasta, potatoes, and rice. You can also ask for smaller portions of everything (except vegetables).
Don’t panic if you don’t see an entrée that meets your needs. The restaurant certainly has ingredients in the kitchen that are on your diet! Describe your diet to your server, and make suggestions. For example, you can ask your server if it might be possible for you to get a green salad with beans, tuna, or chicken, cottage cheese with fruit, egg whites made with vegetables and ham, or a veggie burger or ground turkey patty with a lettuce wrap. Otherwise, ask if your server will just bring you one or more of the following staples for your meal.
Hard-boiled eggs
Cottage cheese
Chicken breast
A green salad
Slices of ham, turkey, or chicken breast
Fresh fruit
Raw or steamed vegetables

When your meal comes, pause for a second. Push any suspect ingredients over to the side of your plate – like an extra pat of butter, or the garlic bread you know you don’t need. Then ask your server for a doggy bag and pack up the portion you know you shouldn’t eat. Finally, enjoy your food!
Enjoy Yourself and Half the Meal
Why are you at the restaurant? Sure, part of it is for the food. But really, why are you there? It’s for the occasion, maybe to catch up with friends, relax with family, or celebrate a birthday or anniversary. That has nothing to do with food, and nothing to do with Weight loss surgery. So enjoy it 100%. You can probably enjoy the occasion even more without focusing on a big plate of nachos in front of you!
During the meal, eat slowly, savor each bite, and be part of the conversation. The more you talk, the less you can eat. When you’re finished, make it clear. Put your napkin on your plate and push your plate away. You can even announce that you’re finished so you’re too self-conscious to start eating again.
So life goes on after weight loss surgery goes on, and you don’t need to hide from your old social life. You can be just as excited about going out to eat as everyone else. Just let your fun depend on the people you’re with and don’t even worry about the junk food you’re not eating. Weight loss surgery is about getting your life back, and part of life is hanging out with the people you love.

Boy am I glad I work from home and only have to dress up once in a while. Eeek! But as for clothes, I do think the jeans sizes going down are the key to happiness and momentum (rather than that damn scale).

Boy am I glad I work from home and only have to dress up once in a while. Eeek! But as for clothes, I do think the jeans sizes going down are the key to happiness and momentum (rather than that damn scale).

I'm sorry but there is a lot of new data coming out on the subject of whether breakfast is necessary. We are not all the same. I never eat breakfast anymore because I'm not hungry until a little later in the day. For many people, breakfast triggers more eating and thus a higher calorie count for the day.

Boy am I glad I work from home and only have to dress up once in a while. Eeek! But as for clothes, I do think the jeans sizes going down are the key to happiness and momentum (rather than that damn scale).

Boy am I glad I work from home and only have to dress up once in a while. Eeek! But as for clothes, I do think the jeans sizes going down are the key to happiness and momentum (rather than that damn scale).

Boy am I glad I work from home and only have to dress up once in a while. Eeek! But as for clothes, I do think the jeans sizes going down are the key to happiness and momentum (rather than that damn scale).

Many people describe emotional eating as a special type of eating. The truth may be that emotional eating isn’t really special at all. What seems special and mysterious about emotional eating is that it’s often insidious and not at all obvious. We don’t necessarily feel anxious (for example) and think to ourselves; “I’m very upset right now so I am going to have some ice cream.” It is more likely that we feel anxiety and our brain just steers us to the refrigerator because we’ve practiced that behavior so many times before. This is called a habit. In this way, emotions are just one trigger for eating no different than any other.


For example: If you are in the habit of having a snack while watching television at night, any time you watch television at night, you are likely to experience a desire to eat shortly after you sit down. Are you “in the mood” to eat? Not necessarily. Are you experiencing positive or negative emotions that are triggering a desire to eat? Not necessarily. Are there food cues on television that planted the urge to eat in your mind? Not necessarily. All that happened was that you sat down and turned on the television. But if you’ve sat in front of a television while having a snack over 5,000 times in the past, there’s a very high probability that you will want a snack in situation 5,001.
Emotions, like television are cues. Another word for cue is “stimulus.” If you keep repeating the behavior of eating while watching television, eating eventually becomes a “response” to watching television. This is called Pavolvian Conditioning, which you may remember from a psychology class in high school or college. After enough pairings of television/eat or feel anxious/eat, the occurrence of one triggers the occurrence of the other.
However, there is another part of the story. For the vast majority of us, the immediate consequence of eating is quite positive. Food tastes good and eating feels good. We enjoy eating in restaurants. We enjoy all of the many flavors and textures of food and eating. It is those positive consequences of eating that keep us coming back for more. Learning that occurs through the experience of consequences is called Operant Conditioning. So emotions can be a cue for eating and they can also be a response to eating. Generally, when people speak about emotional eating, they are referring to unpleasant emotions as a stimulus for eating and temporary relief from those unpleasant emotions that the act of eating provides.
When we eat certain foods in response to an emotional cue we often feel better. When you’re upset and you have a bit of chocolate (for example) you experience some pleasure from the taste of the chocolate and perhaps a little relief from your unpleasant feelings. The “pleasant taste” and “relief from unpleasant feelings” reward the behavior of eating and strengthen it over time. If you eat chocolate here and there it’s not a problem. If you do it too often, and rely upon eating as a means of coping with unpleasant emotions, it can quickly become a big problem. It is interesting to note that the “feeling a little better” part is usually quickly replaced with the “feeling guilty and upset with myself” part. This demonstrates how powerful experiencing positive consequences and getting relief from negative emotions can be in maintaining a behavior. But if we know that in the long term this type of eating is unhealthy and self-destructive, why can’t we stop? Why can’t we just learn to let ourselves feel a little uncomfortable or learn other coping strategies? You can. It just takes a greater sense of awareness and a lot of practice. It also requires a change in how we think about emotions.
In our culture, we put our emotions or feelings on a pedestal. We tend to worship our emotions and feelings and talk about them with reverence. We try to break them down and understand and change them, and while there may be some benefit to expending all of this time and effort, with regards to eating, it may be simpler to just think of emotions as just another cue for eating…no different than watching television. So what can you do about emotional eating?
The first step in addressing emotional eating is to learn to be aware that you’re doing it WHEN you’re doing it. Think of it as “freezing time.” Not only is this the first step, it is also the most important step. It is not possible to proceed to the other steps without mastering this step first. In fact, for many people, just noticing that they are eating in response to an emotional cue is enough to stop. Make it a habit to stop for 30 seconds just before every episode of eating. “Freeze time” and ask yourself, “What am I doing? Am I hungry? Am I upset? Am I bored? What am I experiencing that is leading me to want to eat?” Maybe it’s not an emotion at all. Perhaps you’re hungry. Perhaps you can notice that you’re watching television and it’s as simple as that. If it is an emotion, try to figure out which one it is. Anger? Anxiety? Sadness? Depression? See if you can put a name to what you are feeling so that you can identify your specific stimuli or cues for eating. Consider keeping an emotional eating diary and write down whatever emotions/feelings you experience before you eat, every time you eat.
The second step is to sit with the emotion. Now that you’ve frozen time, just experience the emotion you are feeling. Observe it and think about it a little. Notice the physical sensations in your body. Survey the thoughts you are having in conjunction with the feeling. Be present. Maybe even have a dialogue with yourself about it as if you’re watching yourself from above. “Gee that’s interesting. I’m feeling a little nervous about that meeting I have tomorrow and here I am holding a chocolate donut in my kitchen. Wow, I sure have done this many times before. It’s funny. I do really want this donut right now and I’m not even sure why. I wonder what’s going on? My muscles feel a bit tight. I’m thinking about what I’m going to say at the meeting and who will be there. I’m a little uncomfortable, but it’s not really that bad.”
The third step is to practice walking away from the kitchen and considering an alternative to eating that actually better addresses the emotion you’re experiencing. While chocolate donuts may taste good and eating one may temporarily provide a calming effect, it also provides a whole lot of unnecessary calories and chocolate donuts have never been clinically proven to enhance one’s ability to prepare for a business meeting.
Depending on the emotion, there are a number of strategies that could be helpful. Some strategies help with many emotions. Going for a walk, calling a friend, and trying a brief relaxation strategy can help with anxiety, depression and anger. There are an endless number of strategies that you can discover that actually help reduce the emotional upset you are experiencing much better than eating and with fewer weight and health consequences.
This is a big leap for many people. We hold emotions to be sacred and mysterious things and while they are a special part of the human experience, with regards to eating it may be helpful to think of them as just another cue or stimulus…no different than watching television. If you can make that leap then it’s just a matter of becoming more aware of when eating in response to emotions is occurring and learning new responses to replace eating as a means of coping. You’ll feel better that you did!

So happy for you to have found your worthiness and sense of self -- what a great story of breaking out of a mold you did not fit into. Your self-honesty and strength are very inspiring. Thanks for sharing!

A common concern among people who are trying to lose weight is the cost of your lifestyle change. If you are trying to decide whether weight loss surgery is for you, you might be worried about the cost of the procedure. If you have had weight loss surgery but are struggling to lose weight, you might be having trouble justifying the cost of your healthy diet.


While it is true that you will have to pay more for certain things, such as the upfront cost of surgery and the cost of healthy foods, it is also true that by getting healthy, you can save plenty of money on long-term healthcare costs and other expenses.

How Much Does Obesity Cost?

The answer is not simple when you consider the current and future costs of medications and other medical care for obesity and related conditions. Many obese individuals are taking medications to lower cholesterol and blood pressure and to manage diabetes. You can easily be spending hundreds of dollars a month on your prescription drug regimen. Blood tests are another expense that you probably regularly need to purchase in order to monitor your cholesterol, blood sugar, and triglyceride level. Even with insurance, you might be paying substantial amounts until you hit your maximum out-of-pocket level.

You also need to think about the possible costs down the road. These can include major expenses, such as the cost of knee or hip surgery to relieve osteoarthritis pain, a hospital stay for a heart attack or stroke, or dialysis because of kidney failure resulting from complications of diabetes. Obesity is not guaranteed to cause all of these in every individual, but it does increase your risk.
Of course, you are also paying for obesity if you take more sick days than you otherwise would, or if you are unable to accept promotions or switch job because you cannot meet the job demands.

Do Not Forget the Cost of Temporary Weight Solutions

If you are even thinking about weight loss surgery, it is because you have already tried – without success – to lose weight. You might have been unable to lose weight on any diet plan, or you might have been able to lose weight at the beginning, but you gained it back within months or years.
Whether you were unable to lose weight at all or were unable to keep it off, you have undoubtedly tried numerous diet programs. They are not cheap. You need to pay for the cost of prepared foods or special diet shakes or supplements. Some diet programs also charge for their support as well as for each pound that you lose. Hundreds of dollars over the course of years puts a serious dent in your budget, especially if you

The True Cost of Unhealthy vs. Healthy Food

At many fast food restaurants, five dollars can buy you some sort of value meal with a burger, burrito, or chicken sandwich, a side, such as French fries or nachos, and a soft drink. For those same five dollars, you can purchase a can of tuna, a few servings of fresh or frozen vegetables, an apple and an entire loaf of whole-wheat bread. Even if you want to eat lunch at a fast food restaurant after weight loss surgery, you can buy a salad with chicken breast or a small taco or grilled chicken sandwich for those five dollars.

The unhealthy value meal can have over 1,000 calories, while the other options might have only a few hundred. While you might not be getting as many calories for those same five dollars when you make the healthy choices, you are still spending the same amount of money (or less) and meeting your needs for that same meal. Get out of the mindset of trying to get the most food per dollar, and get into the mindset of making the best choice for your money.

Are the Costs of Weight Loss Surgery and a Healthy Lifestyle Worthwhile?

The weight loss surgery procedure itself can cost several thousand dollars without insurance, and that may not include the cost of medical tests before and after surgery, follow-up visits, and any additional care that may be necessary in the case of complications related to surgery.

You also need to buy healthy foods. Lean sources of protein, such as chicken and turkey breast, cheese, tuna and extra lean ground beef, are no longer optional. You also need to buy vegetables, fruits, and whole grains. These can seem expensive, but compare them to what you used to buy.
As an example, if you are a man who weighed 260 pounds and exercised lightly a couple of times per week, you needed 2,500 calories per day simply to maintain your weight before surgery – and if you were gaining weight, you were eating more than 2,500 calories per day. After weight loss surgery, your calorie consumption is closer to half that amount. Eating half the calories lets you select nutritious foods while keeping your total costs low.

Another cost of a healthy lifestyle is staying active. A gym membership can be a few hundred dollars a year, but you do not need to join a gym to get fit. Throw on a pair of sturdy walking shoes and some comfortable clothes, and you can be pounding the pavement for under $100.

Consider the Intangibles

Life is not all about dollars and cents. It is about living. As an obese individual, you might be missing out on a lot of life. You might not be able to spend the day on your feet when you go out with friends and family, shopping for clothes might be a humiliating experience, and fitting into an airplane seat or restaurant booth might be impossible. On top of all that, your life expectancy is lower if you are obese. Seeing your children graduate from college or being able to take care of the grandchildren is a privilege that has no cost.

Bottom Line: Do Weight Loss and Health Fit into Your Budget?

Weight loss surgery is not for everyone, and surgery and a nutritious diet can be large upfront costs. However, you are likely to gain the money back, along with a better quality of life, if you are successfully able to lose weight for good. Because of lower healthcare costs, better attendance at work, and the ability to do more fun activities, weight loss and health can surely fit into your budget.

The most successful "bariatric warriors" have learned to manage their weight loss using the same management tools they need to complete a project at work.


In other words, they’ve re-organized their lives in order to make nutrition, exercise and other healthy lifestyle endeavors gain equal ground with the other aspects of daily life.
It’s extraordinarily difficult to prep healthy food, squeeze in a trip to the gym (between work, home and kids) and get to bed by 11 every night if you don’t have an organized schedule to fit it all in. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and discouraged before you even begin trying to get your life more organized.
If this subject is resonating with you, here are five small steps you can take to better organize your day while regaining control of your health.
5 Steps to Organize and Manage Your Weight Loss
With these five steps, essentially, you’ll be organizing and managing your weight loss in the same way you might manage a project at work or school.
1. Sit down and think hard about what’s not working.
It’s hard to concentrate on cultivating healthy habits when your brain is constantly on overload. Successful weight loss requires time, planning and focus. If you’re also listening to a harsh inner voice filled with criticism, pessimism and negative messages, your chances of success will be diminished.
As much as you need to organize your time and environment, you will also need to organize your mindset.
2. Organize your surroundings.
Without a doubt, living or working in a chaotic environment is stressful.
When you can’t find the keys, you’ll be late for appointments. Likewise, if the kitchen is a mess, there is no food in the house and you can never find your favorite sneakers, you’re putting yourself at an unnecessary disadvantage.
Start with the most disorganized space and tame it. (This can usually be accomplished in less time than you think and the results will make you feel five pounds lighter).
3. Schedule your workouts the same way you schedule a meeting.
Pick a specific time each week to review your calendar for the days ahead and schedule your workouts accordingly. Treat them as you would an important meeting or appointment. And then get there — no matter what.
4. Plan meals, grocery shopping and cooking once a week.
Reviewing your schedule for the week will help figure out where and when you’ll be eating meals, what foods you’ll need, and how much time you’ll need to cook. Look at the weekly grocery store circular and buy the healthy items which are on sale and stock up for the future. Planning ahead saves money.
5. Go to bed (no excuses).
Sleep deprivation interferes with weight loss by confusing hormones that signal hunger and fullness levels.
Research shows that people who stay up late consume more calories than those who go to sleep at about the same time each night. When you’re tired, your willpower wanes. Even as an adult, you still need to aim for eight hours of quality sleep per night.
Where do I start?
Which areas of your life could see the biggest improvement if they were just a little more organized? Start there.
In just a few short weeks, you’re going to see the positive impact that “project managing” your weight loss has on your life — and your waistline.
Need more help? Give us a call or shoot us an email and we'll be happy to offer advise or direction.
We ARE in this TOGETHER!
Photo Courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

This is my journey. You may judge me by it, but maybe you can relate to some of it, or maybe it's going to shock you. Either way hopefully something in my story will help you; hopefully you will see that it's not just being overweight that is the hard part; that WLS is not the “easy” way to go and that this decision affects every part of your life.


This is my journey. You may judge me by it, but maybe you can relate to some of it, or maybe it's going to shock you. Either way hopefully something in my story will help you; hopefully you will see that it's not just being overweight that is the hard part; that WLS is not the “easy” way to go and that this decision affects every part of your life.
Life is never perfect; if I could go back, I would tell myself that with losing the weight and transforming into the person I wanted to be comes a whole new set of problems.
I am 34 years old, fairly healthy; I started my wweight loss journey in 2013. I had tried working out, boot camps, over-the-counter medication, weight loss plans and books. Nothing seemed to work for me. I had been married at that point for 13 years, have four beautiful healthy children, and had been pregnant nine times. My body had taken a beating and at only 5'2" tall, the excess weight made me feel like a blimp. I was always hungry. I would eat my meal, and then finish my children's meal as well. It's not that I ate badly, I just ate a LOT.
I decided that I wanted more information on the lap band, but knew that my health insurance had certain steps I had to take before they'd even consider that a possibility. I met with the nutritionist, and we sat down and made a plan. I went on two different prescriptions. One was an appetite suppressant, and the other was an antidepressant with a side effect of decreased appetite. When after a few months of taking medication, going to Boot Camp and logging all of my efforts- did not seem to have much effect on my weight; my nutritionist ran some blood work and decided that I met the criteria for weight-loss surgery.
I was shocked; I did not think for one second that I was heavy enough to qualify for weight-loss surgery. At my heaviest, I weighed 204 pounds. That may not seem like a lot to you, but remember I'm only 5'2"(I'll include some photos so you can see for yourself). My health insurance required that I attend mandatory classes once a week for three months before covering the surgery. These classes taught me how to eat, what to expect, vitamin intake etc. after and before surgery.
I was very excited about the surgery. Right away after starting the classes I decided that the lap band was not for me and that I would go for the Roux-en-Y gastric bypass surgery. I thought that it would not only help my eating, but be a permanent change vs. something that has a shorter lifespan (lap-band for example).
I was an active person, but I could've out eaten a lot of people. I was not the first in my family to have the surgery either, six people in my family and close friends had the same procedure done and I knew what to expect going in to it. To my surprise though, I did not get the support what I expected from the family. Suddenly they were anti-surgery, and telling me that I did not need it and that I would regret it. It confused me because I had seen them successful with it and yet they did not want the same for me. Secretly I felt that it was jealousy, or fear that I would suddenly be skinny and then they would feel competitive with me for some odd reason. Everyone was so used to me being a chubby housewife; they didn't need to feel insecure around me. I understood it to the point, I wouldn't feel comfortable going out or being in a bathing suit around super skinny person either, but this was my family. They had no reason to feel insecure around me; we weren't in any sort of competition.
Surgery day came, and I was ready and excited. It was relatively smooth for me, no complications, no excessive pain. The one thing I can say is that everything was too sweet for me for the few months following surgery. My car air freshener was too sweet I felt sick smelling it; all the protein drinks and bars were too sweet. I ended up buying unflavored protein and adding it to my soups and broths, etc. Also, immediately following surgery I was very thirsty. My mouth was always dry and I craved the ability to drink gulps of water, but couldn't. I'd have pain from even drinking one ounce of water too fast, and if I drank cold fluids, I would have that same pain so I stuck to room temperature. I did however find relief in munching on the crunchy ice that I found at my local gas station. It kept my mouth moist and gave me relief.
When the weight started coming off, I couldn't help but smile. I got so used to watching it coming off daily that when it started to slow down a bit I got scared. I realized that my working out had to increase. No longer would the regular walks around the block be enough. That's when I got into a gym that I actually liked. I did not feel insecure there, it was not full of people that I thought were judging me, and it was something that I have actually stuck with now for over a year. I fell in love with Zumba, I fell in love with the staff and felt that I was supported by the people at the gym. I started working out daily and working out hard. I started seeing a difference in my body structure; my stomach muscles were getting defined and my arm muscles were showing. It was very important to me not to have excess skin if I could help it, so I worked really hard and pushed myself at the gym even to the point of throwing up. I had not thrown up from working out before, this was new to me; but it felt great. It felt great to post pictures of my progress and have people comment about my “six-pack”. Was this really me?
Part of my motivation came from social media. Letting friends know I was at the gym, kept me going to the gym. They motivated me. It held me accountable. I also started getting messages from friends that wanted to know more about WLS. I wasn't hiding it, and was sharing my journey. I would post pictures of my progress. I felt proud of my hard work and people wanted to see how I was progressing. That was where some problems started to arise in my marriage. My husband didn't want pictures posted that showed my stomach. He was thinking of them in a way I wasn't.
A problem I did not expect, was having to buy new clothes pretty much weekly. Every week my jeans would be looser and not fit me right, and after losing the weight the last thing you want to do is look heavier than you actually are. I was going shopping buying new clothes smaller and smaller each week, and I was excited that I could actually shop at stores that I never could walk into in the past. When I could fit into a size “0” I almost fainted. It was a proud moment for me. I was thin, but healthy. My doctor checked me regularly and I had muscle tone.
Strangely though, I noticed people starting to treat me a little bit different. Certain family members were very cold towards me suddenly, and pulling away from me and becoming more distant. It felt as though I was getting judged, people thinking that I was losing too much weight, or dressing differently and becoming more “sexy” in my attire. I didn't feel this way though, I felt like I was finally able to dress in style versus dress in overweight sweaters that came down below my waist and loose cut jeans. That was always my thing wearing shirts or sweaters that came down and hung below my waist, made me feel like he was hiding my stomach for some reason. LOL, as if it actually hid the fact that I was fat.
As the people around me started to change, I started to see my marriage for what it was. Not that it was bad, but there were things that I was trying to turn a blind eye to that I no longer feel I needed to. I suddenly felt like I was worth something, and that I didn't need to be turning a blind eye to anything. I felt that I deserved to be happy, and with that in mind so did he. I gained confidence; not that I changed, but I was able to be me for once and not feel worthless. I had felt like I could not live without him, that I couldn't survive. I was codependent and with the weight dropping off I suddenly felt like I could do anything I set my mind to. I felt like if I wasn't happy, I needed to make myself happy and not depend on anyone else to do so. I started to express my needs for more in our marriage and he was so used to our “routine” that he didn't hear me or take me seriously.
People started telling me that I was changing; people started thinking that losing the weight was turning me into a different person. They blamed my decisions on the weight loss, versus just finally standing up for myself. I felt confident enough to go out and dance, confident enough to go have a drink with a friend and not feel like a fat blimp.
My husband had gone through the surgery, and I had seen him lose weight. Our reactions to each other's weight loss were quite different though. When he lost the weight, I wanted to lose weight as well and started working out more and more. But for him, when I lost the weight he got more and more jealous and insecure about himself. Suddenly in his mind I was having affairs, or wanting to be with other people because I was losing weight. Arguments became more and more frequent, and it ended with him becoming cold and pulling away from me more and more. I wanted more in my marriage. I wanted affection, love and an emotional connection.
Everyone around me (besides select few) started talking about me negatively. I was either too skinny, or making bad decisions. It was shocking to me, because they were so used to me doing nothing for myself and staying home while they all went out, that the minute I decided that I wanted one night a week for myself, they could not handle it. Looking back at it all, I realize now that I was expecting my husband to be happy in our marriage, when I was not happy with myself. I feel that in order for you to be happy in your life, you must be happy with yourself. How can I expect him to be happy with me, if I wasn’t?
One night my husband and I got into an argument. I was pouring my emotions out to him and as expected, he just sat and watch TV and when I was done telling him that I needed him to be there emotionally, he told me he did not give a f$&@ and to just go hire an attorney. That was it for me. Something clicked and I just thought to myself, I can do this on my own. I don't want to cry myself to sleep. I want to feel loved. I'm beautiful and smart and I should be with someone who loves me, not with someone because it's routine. So I hired an attorney and so began my “new life”.
Now this is not going to go as you'd think. My husband and I are still together, and happier than ever. But the journey isn't something that I expected.
We separated. He was shocked. I had actually gone through with it. Drawn up and signed papers. Served him and discussed custody. It got ugly and he couldn't see where this came from besides the weight loss. So that's what he told people. Suddenly I had people talking to me about the surgery and divorce statistics. I received emails of the news reports on the surgery and divorce, and people kept telling me that I was making a bad decision. What did they know? They did not realize the lies that were told or things that happened behind closed doors at my house. On the outside we seemed like the perfect marriage, but they didn't know the pain inside. Of course it was easy for them to blame the weight loss, but I don't. I still don't to this day. I do think however that it did give me confidence in myself, and helped me to believe in myself and feel that I had some sort of worth.
While we were separated, I went to out with my friends. Once a week I would have a night out. I would let loose and have fun. Sure, I got hit on, but that wasn't where my mind was. It felt strange to me to have a man approach me, and many times I looked at my friends to rescue me from these moments.
Suddenly I noticed friends and family looking and treating me differently. Friends were now choosing sides. I even had a family member spying on me and relaying all to my husband. People that I thought loved me, didn't bother to a check in with me, but judged me instead.
During this time I kept working out, kept eating right and kept up on my blood work ordered by my doctor to check my progress. My body was transforming into the body I'd always dreamed of. The more weight I lost, the more of my breast size I lost. I went from a DD to a small B cup. The excess skin that I had was on my Breast and my stomach. Sure when I stood up you could see my stomach muscles, but when I sat or bent over, the skin would hang and wrinkle up. I needed plastic surgery. I expected it though, so that wasn't a shock. The price tag was though. I am going to need $14,000 to get my breasts and stomach done. I'm hoping to get the procedure in the next few months. My inner thighs are another area that I have excess skin. There is a surgery for that, but I have decided against it (for now).
I throw up more than usual. I think though that it's because I use my limits. I have a food addiction; it's hard to just take a small bite, even when you know you feel full. My solution when eating out is to box most of my meals right when I get them.
Another side effect I was now going through was hair loss. I noticed it falling out more and more. It was thin and straw like. I started taking hair vitamins, but it kept getting worse. I decided that wearing a wig was a solution that I could afford and one that would not harm what little hair I had left. I loved them too. I'd never had long hair and it looked amazing. Of course the minute I started wearing the wig, people started talking more and more. Those that cared enough to hear my reason, understood it; but family just thought it was me changing from the surgery yet again.
I just couldn't win. Every step I took was judged and every step I took to make me feel good about myself was interpreted as me wanting to be single or making bad decisions.
My husband and I were going to counseling, we were having date nights and trying to talk about things that had been hidden for years (yes, secrets came out). We were trying to talk with the kids and let them know we were working on making our marriage work.
The minute we knew something changed and that we were falling back in love with each other, was the minute all of my thoughts on the family were confirmed. When we announced that we were staying together, certain people in the family showed their true colors. They were in fact jealous. I was even told that I looked like a “crack whore”. Really? So losing weight, standing up for yourself and what you believe in and being happy was suddenly a behavior I was to be apologizing for and me being a healthier version of me made me a drug addict?
So when I was fat, I was fat and put down. Now that I'm skinny, I'm too skinny for their liking? Again, I can't win.
My husband realized I needed him and his support. He began to see things for what it was with the family. He finally saw how I was treated and took a stand himself. We realized that outside influences were interfering with our happiness and we decided to pull away and focus on OUR family and not others.
I've learned that people project their anger, insecurities and unhappiness on those around them that are happy.
I've learned that I should have known I was worth something before the weight loss and if I had maybe it wouldn't have been such an easy target for the people around me.
I've learned that if I'm happy with myself, it doesn't matter what anyone else says.
I've learned how to eat right, enjoy working out and take pride in my health.
I've learned that with confidence comes insecurities in those around me and that I need to reassure those closest to me that I was still me.
I took boudoir pictures for my husband’s 40th birthday. I never thought I could do it, but I did and it was an amazing experience. It was empowering for me. I felt proud of my hard work. I felt sexy. When I saw the pictures, I cried. It didn't feel real. Didn't feel like I could ever look that beautiful. Then again, maybe I always was?
My journey is mine. Maybe some of it you'll relate to, or maybe not. But I felt it should be told.

Weight loss surgery can be a godsend. Getting the surgery could be the best decision you ever make. It can give you your life back and help you become healthier than you have been in years – or ever before. But what you need to do to stick to your new lifestyle isn’t so different from what other healthy people need to do. If you want to be thin and fit, you need to think and act like a thin and fit person.


Bariatric Surgery: Necessary But Not Sufficient
Weight loss surgery is a significant part of the solution to surgery. If you can’t lose weight without it, it’s necessary. But, on its own, it’s not sufficient for weight loss. As every weight loss surgery patient knows, weight loss surgery only works when you add other components, like a healthier lifestyle, to lose weight permanently.
Don’t Give Up
It’s easy to start feeling sorry for yourself when regular diets don’t work for you. You may feel that your doctor’s recommendation to get weight loss surgery is official recognition that your obesity is out of your control. After weight loss surgery, it can seem like you’re still working harder than the “skinny” people, and you may feel like giving up. There’s no point in feeling doomed to obesity. Don’t bother resenting your “bad luck” with obesity. The truth is that most fit and healthy people need to work hard at it, just like you do.
Have a Plan
Don’t leave things up to chance. Skinny people may not have as many dietary restrictions and requirements as you, but you can bet many of them think carefully about what they eat. They plan what they’ll order at a restaurant, and you should, too. They’ll also compensate for oversized meals by exercising a little extra or eating a little less at the next meal.
Be Honest
Are you really acting like a skinny person? Their behaviors are the same as many of the rules you’re supposed to be following on your weight loss diet. If you’re not losing weight like you think you should be, look carefully at your habits.
Are you ending your meal when you’re barely full, or eating for another reason, such as eating to keep everyone else company while they eat?
Are you driving straight home, or passing through the drive-thru?
Are you drinking only water between planned meals and snacks, or are you getting in calories from juice and sweetened coffee drinks?
Are you eating only at the table, or are you nibbling while standing?

Watch your skinny coworkers and even housemates carefully, and you may start to notice some of their good habits. They may be lucky enough have those habits formed naturally while you need to work a little harder on them, but you can do it.
Ask Away
Yes, you’ll see a lot of skinny people doing a lot of things you wouldn’t dare try because you’d be afraid of gaining weight. They may pack away a hot dog, an ice cream sandwich, and a few beers at a baseball game, or munch their way through a bag of potato chips with dip while watching television.
Ask them how they get away with it if it’s your friend or someone in your family and you feel comfortable enough. You may get a frustrating answer (“I eat whatever I want and don’t worry about it.”), but you may get something helpful (“I eat very carefully six days a week so I can veg out and eat chips on Sunday” or “I knew I wanted to relax and enjoy myself at the game, so I worked out for an extra hour this morning to burn a few extra calories”).
These tips can reinforce the strategies you already know and add to your collection of strategies. They can also help you realize that everyone works hard at staying fit and thin – weight loss surgery or not. You may not be allowed to eat an ice cream sandwich and drink beer on your weight loss surgery diet, but you can exercise ahead of time as a strategy against
If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em
Until you hit goal weight, you may be most self-conscious about your weight when you’re at the gym. You’re likely to be surrounded by fit people with strong-looking and lean bodies. Don’t just think of these people as another species. Instead, use them to your advantage.
Strike up a conversation with them, being careful not to interrupt their workouts. Catch them while you’re both on the elliptical, bike, or treadmill, or when they’re done with their workout.
Some people will let you know that they’re not interested in making friends at the gym. Don’t take it personally – it has nothing to do with your fitness level, weight, or personality. Some people just go to the gym because they want to feel alone.
Other people will be delighted to talk to you. Most people love talking about themselves, including their workout schedule and goals. They’ll be happy to give you pointers. You can learn what they do to stay in shape, and how often they hit the gym. Possibly most inspirational of all is what you’ll learn about their dedication to their health. They had to get up just as early as you, they’re just as busy as you, and they worry about their diets just as much as you – and they make it a priority to get to the gym almost every day.
It Comes Down to Attitude
So much of your weight loss journey success depends on your attitude. When you feel like you’re working harder than everyone else, you may be tempted to stop trying. Once you realize that everyone needs to work hard to be fit and healthy, you’re more likely to stay committed. Act skinny, and you’ll hit your goal weight.