I am a hair salon owner/ stylist and I decided not to keep my surgery a secret. I do not regret that decision. I do find it frustratingly interesting that people keep telling me that I'm not fat enough to have surgery! Really? Now granted, I'm not as "fat" as some but at 250lbs, bmi almost 42, size 18-20 pants and 3x shirts... I am damn well fat! "I just don't see it" I hear on a regular basis. Well, what's funny is that is always prefaced by "you look great" (of course I'm down almost 30lbs now). When I say.. well I have over a hundred lbs to lose... they simply say they don't believe me. Well.. if you're able to see my profile pic you might not see it either, but please know that I know the best angle to take my picture and photo shop is a miracle! When I (rarely) find myself in a picture with "normal" size people I am blown away at just how big I am.. it doesn't look natual. So.. rambling, sorry... my question is.. Do they really not see it? Are they just trying to be nice? What gives? Anyone else get this?

Really Seela?

Your recent attempt at humor was lacking. Correct me if I am mistaken but black people do not use foundation because they are black ("blackness" is not something to be hidden or corrected) just as white people do not use foundation because they are white. Of all the analogies in the universe this was your choice of words? Seems a bit odd, mismatched and underhanded. Hopefully your future comments will have more thought and consideration prior to posting. Have a great day.

Omg!!! That wasn't a dig... I don't think black is a bad word any more than I think fat is. I was talking about make-up... and last time I checked a lot of women of all colors do wear make up. It wasn't personal or defamitory... I think you are being way overly sensitive, as this wasn't directed at anyone. I could easily have said one of my white friends and 'you aren't that white'! What difference does it make. The comment didn't have ANYTHING to do with race until you went there. I used a similar analogy the other day... something about wearing glasses.. not one person that wears glasses took it personal. I'm sorry you took it that way, but really???

Omg!!! That wasn't a dig... I don't think black is a bad word any more than I think fat is. I was talking about make-up... and last time I checked a lot of women of all colors do wear make up. It wasn't personal or defamitory... I think you are being way overly sensitive, as this wasn't directed at anyone. I could easily have said one of my white friends and 'you aren't that white'! What difference does it make. The comment didn't have ANYTHING to do with race until you went there. I used a similar analogy the other day... something about wearing glasses.. not one person that wears glasses took it personal. I'm sorry you took it that way, but really???

yes Seela really. If you have ever read any of my posts and comments then it would be very clear that sensitive is not a word used by anyone to ever describe me. this was not about make up. now had you said something about one of your friends with bad acne scars or someone with chicken pox looking for foundation it would have been clearly understood. however, race is NEVER going to be an accetable topic to crack jokes about on this forum or any other. live and learn. good day.

I have been getting the same reactions from people and it's making me really question myself. I have heard you aren't that big and you don't have that much to loose why can't you do it yourself. I've heard it so much I am wondering why I can't do it myself? I am going crazy with self doubts now. I really need to find a way to shake it off and get back on a positive foot.

I had folks tell me I wasn't "fat enough" to have wls. I'm so thankful I didn't listen..obviously as I've lost some have changed tune and it's like all of a sudden realize just how "fat" I really was. Obviously I wouldn't have qualified if I didn't meet the requirements. Sleep apnea, hypertension, insulin resistance, pcos, high cholesterol and a few others..gone. I stopped trying to defend my actions to people who obviously didn't know what was best for me. Thankful every single day now I sought the help I needed out and had such a wonderful life changing experience.

I STILL have people telling me that...I recently found a work ID with a photo of me at 300+, I've started flashing it when someone says 'you were never THAT big' the facial expressions are AWESOME

Some people have said that to me, and I would reply oh ok so let me gain another 100 lbs so I can fit your description of what's fat enough for surgery!!!!! People are so quick to say remarks but be the first person to hate on you when you do lose the weight!.........I am 5'6" 266 lbs bmi: 43.4... I am fat enough for me!!!!!

This article is relevant. http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/11/ally-fat-people-lost-weight/

Really Seela?

Your recent attempt at humor was lacking. Correct me if I am mistaken but black people do not use foundation because they are black ("blackness" is not something to be hidden or corrected) just as white people do not use foundation because they are white. Of all the analogies in the universe this was your choice of words? Seems a bit odd, mismatched and underhanded. Hopefully your future comments will have more thought and consideration prior to posting. Have a great day.

Thank you. I thought I was overreacting so I stayed quiet for once.

Omg!!! That wasn't a dig... I don't think black is a bad word any more than I think fat is. I was talking about make-up... and last time I checked a lot of women of all colors do wear make up. It wasn't personal or defamitory... I think you are being way overly sensitive, as this wasn't directed at anyone. I could easily have said one of my white friends and 'you aren't that white'! What difference does it make. The comment didn't have ANYTHING to do with race until you went there. I used a similar analogy the other day... something about wearing glasses.. not one person that wears glasses took it personal. I'm sorry you took it that way, but really???

I don't think you MEANT it in a derogatory manner, but it was still a bizarre and off-putting analogy IMO.

Fat is considered a negative trait, race or color should not be.

"You are not THAT fat" could be construed as a poorly worded compliment where "you are not THAT black" cannot be.

Your zit isn't THAT angry looking, your hair doesn't look THAT bad today, the ice cream you dripped down your shirt isn't THAT noticeable...

Throwing a person's skin color in there just doesn't fit.

I think you are absolutely right. .. still frustrating though. I mean if one of my black friends was looking for foundation I wouldn't say.. oh your not THAT black! Haha

WTH? HIGHLY offensive! Do you actually have any African American friends? Seems that if you did you would know that we don't wear foundation to appear lighter!

WTH? HIGHLY offensive! Do you actually have any African American friends? Seems that if you did you would know that we don't wear foundation to appear lighter!

I truly don't think she meant it in a derogatory manner. Thoughtless choice of words, yes. Racial comment, no.

This article is relevant. <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/11/ally-fat-people-lost-weight/'>http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/11/ally-fat-people-lost-weight/</a>

Link's not working...

Worked for me!

Same for me, I am 5'3 and was 202 pounds, but I carry it well, my surgeon weighed me twice he could not believe I weighed that much. I have high BP and high cholesterol, ans sleep apnea that is the only way I qualified for surgery. It is frustrating when people say that you are not heavy, well I am now 167, and they are telling me I am skinny. REALLY...I agree I look better, health is better, but you are not in my shoes..shut up hahaha..tired oh hearing it already..

Why is nobody telling me that? No one ever told me that! I'm offended!

I think people around me know that I've struggled with my weight constantly and am always working on some way to reduce it, so I've received nothing but support.

Just once though, I wanted someone to say to me, "You're having surgery? why? you don't need it!" alas no one did.

My point is, the other side of the coin is no better.