I am a hair salon owner/ stylist and I decided not to keep my surgery a secret. I do not regret that decision. I do find it frustratingly interesting that people keep telling me that I'm not fat enough to have surgery! Really? Now granted, I'm not as "fat" as some but at 250lbs, bmi almost 42, size 18-20 pants and 3x shirts... I am damn well fat! "I just don't see it" I hear on a regular basis. Well, what's funny is that is always prefaced by "you look great" (of course I'm down almost 30lbs now). When I say.. well I have over a hundred lbs to lose... they simply say they don't believe me. Well.. if you're able to see my profile pic you might not see it either, but please know that I know the best angle to take my picture and photo shop is a miracle! When I (rarely) find myself in a picture with "normal" size people I am blown away at just how big I am.. it doesn't look natual. So.. rambling, sorry... my question is.. Do they really not see it? Are they just trying to be nice? What gives? Anyone else get this?

I feel the same way. I am 5.9 and hide it well. Always get your not fat. Trust me I see myself nude not them. All that is going to change

Haha.. I hope you don't mean they're gonna see you nude now! Lol

Haha.. I hope you don't mean they're gonna see you nude now! Lol

that's why they call her the streak!

I don't wish to minimize our obesity, but to say that what we are hearing isn't so much about our obesity.

I think that many people don't know <em>what</em> to respond to when we tell them we are having WLS. They don't want to say "good move, you really need it!" I think that many of our friends who care about us do not define us by our obesity, and that is a good thing. It's no different than with race, or someone who has a disfiguring feature -- they see us as us, and not different from them in what we think of as a negative way.

I think you are absolutely right. .. still frustrating though. I mean if one of my black friends was looking for foundation I wouldn't say.. oh your not THAT black! Haha

I tend to lean towards many people just don't know what to say when you say you are going to have WLS. In fact, I think inside their heads, they're probably thinking we are quite fat. It just isn't comfortable for them to say "good for you! You're a cow, this will do you some good!" It isnt everyday someone tells them they are having surgery to lose weight. Just my opinion.

I agree but I have to say that most people do say 'food for you'... or are genuinely happy for me. Its the one's that almost argue about that fact that i am not fat that get to me.

I was a similar weight to you when I first saw my surgeon and had this conversation with him. My question was that I was basically healthy, that I had good luck with a large amount of weight loss in the past, that I could probably lose a good chunk of weight on my own. He was very firm with me and said "yes you are basically healthy and you don't have that much to lose, that is why you need to have the surgery now, because it will more likely be successful, you will have a low risk of complications and your will recovery should relatively easy. I have no doubt that you can walk out of here, go on some diet and lose a lot of the weight, but it is genetic, it is like setting the thermostat in your house to 72 degrees, no matter what the weather is outside the tempature in your house will return to 72. If you walk out of here and lose the weight, no matter how hard you try, sooner or later you will become overcome with insurmountable hunger and you will eat and you will gain the weight back." In my darker hours, when I struggle with the challenges of my surgery and my new lifestyle, I go back to that conversation. It is one of the most important converstation I ever had with anyone in my life. Listen to your Dr., have the surgery now, your recovery will be a temporary period in your life and you will quickly be pleased with your results.

It would be rude for them to say "I'm so glad" or something like that. It is a catch 22. And when they are saying "don't lose more" (I am getting that now), I think it is just because they can't picture it. When I tell people my goal weight, they always respond that it is too thin and I will be skeletal. But they are projecting that goal weight onto themselves. I am 4'11" which is way shorter than most people. I knew a few healthy-weight women at similar heights and ages and they look great at 45-55 kg. But when I tell people that's my goal, they just can't imagine it. They think I should stop now, and I'm not even "overweight" yet (though I'm on the cusp).

I feel the same way. I am 5.9 and hide it well. Always get your not fat. Trust me I see myself nude not them. All that is going to change

These were my thoughts exactly! Dude, you've never seen me nekkid!

I have only told a handful of people. have you guys told everyone?

I have only told a handful of people. have you guys told everyone?

I have mixed feelings about being public about my WLS. I kind of had to let people at work know, I was out for all those preop appts. and for 4 weeks for my recovery. If people thought I had cancer or something, it would have hurt my career. It also helped me to verbalize it, to get ready and I struggled with nausea and dehydration even when I returned to work so I wasn't up to a full workload for awhile. I didn't go as public as some people. It's not all over my FB page and I've told people more or less on a "need to know" basis.

I haven't posted it on any social media and I didnt have it printed on a t shirt but it would have been extremely difficult not to let my regular clients know due to all my time off. Plus I can't keep a secret

I think you are absolutely right. .. still frustrating though. I mean if one of my black friends was looking for foundation I wouldn't say.. oh your not THAT black! Haha

Really Seela?

Your recent attempt at humor was lacking. Correct me if I am mistaken but black people do not use foundation because they are black ("blackness" is not something to be hidden or corrected) just as white people do not use foundation because they are white. Of all the analogies in the universe this was your choice of words? Seems a bit odd, mismatched and underhanded. Hopefully your future comments will have more thought and consideration prior to posting. Have a great day.

I'm 5'8. At my highest weight of 262 people never believed me. Two of the nurses on two different occasions during my pre-admission testing asked why I was having the surgery because 'you don't look THAT fat'. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I needed to LOOK fat in order to qualify for this surgery. Bottom line is, I didn't have this surgery just to lose weight. I did it because I'm 43 and I was on 3 different BP meds that did absolutely nothing for my BP and after living for 18+ years with kidney issues, ALL my doctors and specialists agreed I should do it. I haven't looked back since.

_{I guess I am lucky. Most of the people I told said something to the effect of..... Wow, how exciting! Are you excited or nervous about it?}

_{I haven't told EVERYONE, but I am not gonna lie either if asked. It is kinda on a need to know case-by-case basis.}

Look, only you know what you need to lose when you take it all off. I'm trying to figure out what I will tell people when I start dropping the pounds without lying. Good Luck!