Ideas for what to tell people?

[mistysj 1,939]

Why can't you just say you had a medical issue and you don't want to talk about it? If people,still ask after that, who cares about their feelings? "None of your business."

[No game 14,436]

Oh my goodness' date=' people, this is beyond ridiculous. The level of name calling and judging in this thread is completely unacceptable. The OP did not ask for a discussion on whether or not disclosing that she had weight loss surgery is a lie, she asked for suggestions on what to tell people. If you want to have a debate on what constitutes truth and what constitutes a lie, then start it in the off topic forums, do not derail someone's post for your own personal agenda. Everyone has different beliefs and nobody should judge anyone else for those beliefs, but if you wish to discuss it, again, do so in your own thread.

I am putting an end to this now. Return to responding to the OP's question, or refrain from responding at all. Take your debates elsewhere and show some respect to the OP. You want to debate religion, what constitutes a lie, parenting, moderating or anything else, do it elsewhere, not in this thread because it has nothing to do with the OP's original question.

Thank you.

Susan, VST Administrator[/quote']

Susan I find it rather unfortunate that this was not dealt with differently.. I have had hope for months that things would change.. I have had many positive interactions with people. And quite a few debates also.. But there is a point when even I can't turn a blind eye to the flagrant disregard to forum rules by certain people with absolutely no consequences..

I've told you what I think about the moderator. And so have many others...

But nothing changes if nothing changes right?

This is not conducive to anybody's recovery,

It is definitely not good for mine. And at the end of the day that's why I was here.

I've seen a lot of really good people leave the last couple of months. Really good members not just wise cracking hack jobs like me. People that had wisdom compassion and helpful information.

I see now why. At the end of the day they are just one person right? No big deal? I know that them leaving or people like me leaving are nothing to this site at the end of the day because of the sheer numbers of people that come and go on a daily basis here.

Oh well... right?

[leeann71 539]

Laura is right. I have left a few months ago for these reasons and I have to say I might as well be leaving again. Nothing has changed one bit. Things have been out of control for the past 6 months since I have been on here. Im sure they were probably the same before. Its a shame no one stops these post from getting to the point that people decide to leave because of the harsh judgements and name calling. I am no angel that is for sure , but I would never come on here and say that everyone is a liar if they dont agree with what I say or believe, and then have someone who supposably works for or is a rolemodel for this sight to concur with the person who is belittling everyone. I hope for the sake of new people who join or even the ones who have been here awhile that someone who is in charge will step in and stop these verbaly abusive people from ruining this forum and losing very informative and helpful people. So for now goodluck to all.

[******** 397]

I have been wondering how to tell and what to say to people at work. My closest friends know the truth' date=' but i work with a lot of men who can be extremely cruel. I'm not ashamed of having the surgery, but i really don't want to hear any crap from my co-workers. I will tell my immediate supervisor because i trust him, but im thinking I'll tell everyone else that I'm having female surgery. That should shut a bunch of nosey fireman up real quick.[/quote']

I'm telling the people I truly trust that I am getting the sleeve...my immediate family and close friends. Others I am telling I am getting a hernia repaired. Someone may see me in pain in my stomach area. I'm not embarrassed nor do I consider myself a liar (which is all that really matters right?) I just dont want immature people talking behind my back when I'm not there to educate them about the sleeve. Maybe in time ill change my mind.

[******** 397]

I've told you what I think about the moderator.

Oh yeah I completely agree about the moderator, at least the one in this thread. I thought moderators are supposed to be non biased...instead he/she begun judging me about parenting.

I hope I didn't break any forum rules...I was honestly trying to tell this medling woman that what other people do is none of her business.

[*susan* 1,709]

We try to keep a fine line between moderating and over-moderating. I know I cannot be everywhere at once, on every thread at once, etc. We count on our members to keep us alerted to issues. Laura, you made me aware there was a problem in this thread, and I responded. That is what everyone needs to do, if you see a problem, report it or notify us, and we will respond. Not everything is dealt with publicly, some things are handled privately. There are reasons for that.

Now please, let's return this back to the original topic.

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

I have never understood why people are so passionate about being straight forward about having surgery, or not. IMO it's a personal choice. You do not have to tell people about every medical procedure you undergo, and frankly it's none of their business.

I have ended up telling people, that was my choice. But I can see why people would not tell others that are not in a need to know basis. People are hateful. I spent a good amount of time reading a thread on mfp that was bashing WLS patients.

No matter what choice you make...it's your choice

[palomarules 45]

There has been much discussion on the issue of to tell or not to tell. I have decided to limit this news to only one person, my husband. I really didn't want to tell him either but felt that in case of problems he should at least know. I even regret telling him because he doesn't understand obesity or my struggle, and is mostly concerned that by my getting the sleeve, it will have an impact him. I have tried to explain what I'm going through, with my mobility and energy, but he won't really engage in a serious discussion about it. He just says nothing.

Unlike some of you, I could never share this with my mother either, because when I start trying talk about myself, she shifts the subject to herself. I guess that I sound both embittered and misunderstood, but if I had the kind of support I needed, I wouldn't need a forum or a support group.

Everyone needs a witness as they try to get through life, someone who really understands where they are coming from. The sleeve is a personal choice that is not up for discussion or debate with anyone who has not had it. So, I don't choose to share it with anyone but the members of this forum. Is it cowardice? I don't think so -- it's just my business.

[Amie 90]

I have been wondering how to tell and what to say to people at work. My closest friends know the truth' date=' but i work with a lot of men who can be extremely cruel. I'm not ashamed of having the surgery, but i really don't want to hear any crap from my co-workers. I will tell my immediate supervisor because i trust him, but im thinking I'll tell everyone else that I'm having female surgery. That should shut a bunch of nosey fireman up real quick.[/quote']

I don't know if this will help at all but I work for a railroad and mostly work with men and some of them are pretty pig headed. I have told everyone and pretty much all of them are really excited for me and my journey to become a healthier me.

[taylokat 180]

I an an RN in a recovery room and we do lots of WLS. I mentioned to my co-workers last year I was thinking of VSG. I couldn't believe all the negative comments. "You're not fat enough" (my BMI was 36) "that's so extreme you would be stupid to do it", "we know people can die from it so why would you do it" "Just go back to weight watchers". We have has hospital employees have the surgery and they are judgmental of them too.... So I knew enough to shut my mouth. I used my husbands insurance and had it done at a different hospital. I only needed one week off from work, so I took vacation time. My husband and children know. Bottom line, It's nobody else's business. My job is not to be a spokesperson. My priority is ME!!

[butterfly_gal 151]

This thread has turned into a disgusting mess.

It is each persons business that they had surgery. The thing with "lying" as some are calling it is that when someone doesn't openly share with a stranger that they had surgery, it doesn't matter, how is the fact that I had surgery hurting someone else? It isn't. It is as much their business as my other personal medical information.

Also, implying someone is dishonest and does not value honesty because they didn't shout from the top of the Empire State Building that they had VSG is classless.

[Truckerchic_M 92]

Wow for this reason I am glad I have a job where the only person who knows me is my husband, I have 3 grown kids who are excited and supportive for me and for once im happy to say I have not one friend and im glad because I dont know how I would go about it...to tell or not to tell hmmm

[Not Applicable 52]

The question: what to tell people.

I decided not to tell my co-workers because I know they look down on fat people, WLS in general, and are huge gossips. When asked about my time off I said I was "having a procedure done," and did not elaborate. One co-worker asked me if it was serious, and all I said was ,"it can be, but I pray I'll be just fine."

I have 1 co-worker who constantly asks me (at least 3 times p/week) how much I've lost. I always respond "a bit." It seems to drive her crazy that I won't provide actual numbers . I have said, "you know, I really don't want to discuss it, it's personal" but she continues to interrogate me. She is a Huge office gossip and I know she is just asking for dirt not concern, (she has told me she is a size 4/6 so it's not like educating her on my WLS would help with her journey)...

I guess my point is even with the best intentions sometimes I am forced to evade the truth. Does that make me a liar... Probably. And I'm fine with that.

[jmendezrn 8]

All right. So I'm due back at work next week and I'm definitely ready to get out of the house!

My question is' date=' what did you guys tell people when you didn't want to reveal the real surgery?

I'm at a loss. Some coworkers can be inquisitive. I won't say "nosey" because they're all very nice, but I'm sure they'll ask where I've been for 3 weeks and notice the ~15 lbs lost!

My thoughts were to say something about stomach ulcers. Or maybe something about my PCOS. I DO have PCOS and that's a major cause of my weight gain, so it's not a huge lie.

And then part of me wants to just tell the truth... Worded in a way like "my PCOS was bad and my insulin was skyrocketing (all true!) so I had this surgery to help me lose weight and fix the issues."

I'm sure I'm worrying over nothing but was just interested in what you guys told others. I'm a "lightweight" so I feel like this may confuse some of them or even insult some of the ladies who are larger than me.

Any tips?[/quote']

If you decide to flat out lie to those that inquire, that is totally your perogative and should be judged by NO ONE.

After much research, I decided to tell those that were bold enough to flat out ask that I had a fundoplication done for persistent reflux. This procedure entails wrapping a portion of the stomach around the esophagus, therefore, creating a smaller stomach and resulting in weight loss (although unintended). The post op diet for that procedure is also pretty similar to what we have to follow. Has worked out for me thus far.

Hope this helps. Best of luck to you.

[MystiGal 143]

I have decided to only tell close family and few friends. I have told people at work I was having a hernia repair (which is true, just left out the sleeve) and that I have started eating healthy and exercising (truth).