Family Issues

[mommeof3 58]

I guess I need to start out by saying HELLO!! I am a newbie...

Okay so here is my issue..

I have no family support (from my mom, sister, best friend). I am 30, 5'3, 302lbs and I don't have any major health issues yet but i can feel my body starting to get sick. I started the WLS journey in July with my 1st doctor visit and was elated to tell my family the news. Well lets just say i made a really big mistake. They started telling me about all these horrible things about WLS and what has happened to people. I have struggled with my weight all my life, going up and down and up and down, until i just kept going up. I have 3 beautiful children and I am married. My husband supports me(by the way my family is upset with him because he does).My surgery date is set for Sept 17 and the only person who will be at the hospital is my husband because i decided that i was not going to tell my family anything else about the surgery .I can't take anymore negative comments. When i told them of my plans in July they said, and i quote "you are going to die" I mean who says that to someone they love. I guess their comment was out of fear and lack of knowledge. What they said to me has been on my heart since my surgery date is so close. I don't know if i should go through with the surgery now, I am just so confused and scared. Has anyone else dealt with this issue. If so what did you do?

[chad2rad 491]

You are undergoing a very routine procedure. For me the risks of not doing it out weigh anything else. I'd rather go through some real but temporary pain, than 45 more years of misery.

If you have picked a good MD and want to, do it.

[UTGal99 327]

Let me start by giving you a couple of my favorite quotes, Mommeof3...

"You're on your own and you know what you know, you are the one who'll decide where to go!" - Dr. Seuss

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss

First and foremost, I'm sorry you are dealing with that. It is sad that you are not receiving support from your family; however, your husband is in your corner and VERY supportive of the decision. You have to do what is right for you and your family. Don't let anyone step all over that and try to put fear in you.

The realistic facts are: there are more complications from knee surgery than there is from vertical sleeve gastrectomy. Yes, could you die on the table, sure you could but you could with any surgery (minor or major). There is always a risk! As a matter of fact, you could die in a car accident driving over to visit that unsupportive family.

You have to get to a point where you do what you need to do and don't worry about what they think. I am saying this, b/c my mother is so very unsupportive too and doesn't agree with my decision. But I have told her it is my decision to make and it is not up for discussion! The bottom line is at 325 lbs. I am staring down far more serious obesity related complications than the surgery ever will be.

You will get LOTS of support on this site! Even though I am still a pre-opper (looking for late September/early October surgery date) I find this site invaluable to me and I am sure I will continue to see it that way.

Good Luck to you and I leave you with this quote:

"Get busy living or get busy dying!" - Andy Dufresne (played by Tim Robbins) in the movie The Shawshank Redemption

P.S. I am a huge quote gal! Keep me posted on how that goes with your family.

[LaBelle509 326]

You hit it right on the head! They said it out of fear and lack of knowledge!! If you did your homework and gathered all the info on what you are about to do, than do it. Thank God your husband is on your side with this.

I learned real early in this journey not to share with everyone about my plan. Even a few overweight family member started acting up! Like: silly me to want to be skinny and take such a drastic step! lol!

Let go of the bad energy of their statement, you do not need that right now. You made the best decision for your health and your life. Good luck

[UTGal99 327]

food for thought:

Maybe you should ask your family..."if I had cancer and they told me I would need to undergo surgery that would have a 1% complication rate or else I would die, would you guys tell me to go ahead and die b/c the surgery is too risky?"

[Barisaxylady 154]

Hey mommeof3! Good for you getting it out there and telling them. I am scared to death of telling my mom. She has been over weight most of her life and I can just see her saying, just don't eat as much. You've done it before, do it again. True but the was 15 years and two kids ago. There are possible complications for every type of surgery. I had two c sections. Should I not of had kids because of the possibility lf complications from child birth? Of course not. The drs that do these surgeries are very knowledgable and would not put you at risk. Keep a firm upper lip and do what's best for you. Time to be selfish for once. You will feel better and in turn be a better mommy to your babies!

[readyforachange 51]

I'm so sorry for you that your family is not behind you. I agree w what has already been said. This is why I didn't tell anyone but my 2 daughters. I just didn't want to hear any negative talk.....and we all know how people like to be Debbie Downers. I started "fessing up" after my extended family started commenting on how great I looked. So just keep that in mind. YOU are going to be looking FABULOUS down the road!!!

[mommeof3 58]

I am so glad that I was able to find this website. Everyone here is so supportive. This is the best I have felt since getting my surgery date. Thank You guys, you have lifted my spirit so much.

[chitowngirl 884]

Sorry that your extended family is not supporting you. However in my eyes you do have the support if your immediate family (which is your husband). I say do what you have to do.

[Tipintx 41]

My dr told me the chance of you dying in surgery is less than 2 percent. The chance of you living 10 to 20 years longer without the problems of diabetes, heart failure and other problems brought on by obesity is 90%. So the odds are in your favor for a longer healthier life provided you make the necessary changes with surgery.

Believe me I have questioned myself the chances of death vs living the same old life.

[Shape_Shifter 83]

I know its hard doing it without extened support. Only my husband and kids knew for that very reason. I didn't want the negativity.

If you feel confident in your decision so not let them persuade you differently. You've got someone in your corner and that makes all the difference. You are also doing this for a good healthy reason. Nobody knows your body like you do.

Good luck.

[Finding MeMe 204]

It would be great to have their support but you husband's support is all you need. Drive on and I wish you luck.

[Wheetsin 714]

If you want to get into the stats and risks, I have a very, very long post around here somewhere that details the reporting practices for risk and mortality rates on WLS. The numbers were current as of the time I posted it. It should help make sense of the percentages and numbers we see. They really are not transparent at all. Nor are they all applicable. Even something narrowed down like, "...risk of dying from lap VSG" is going to count in numbers that simply will not apply to you.

It sounds to me like your family is having a knee-jerk reaction based on ignorance. The ignorance causes the fear. If there are other things like jealousy and/or animosity playing a role, that will complicate things a bit. It can be addressed, you just need to decide if it's worth the effort to you.

If my family does not support me, it means that ________________________.

So figure out what your blank is. Then you'll know whether you can accept their lack of support, or if you need to remedy it. It's your decision whether their support is important enough to be worth the effort of educating. If it were me, it would not be, but the emotional aspect of it is not that important to me (I don't need people to "support" my actions or decisions, I'm a big girl -- though I would not accept my family retaliating against my husband for supporting me.)

I guess I need to start out by saying HELLO!! I am a newbie...

Okay so here is my issue..

I have no family support (from my mom, sister, best friend). I am 30, 5'3, 302lbs and I don't have any major health issues yet but i can feel my body starting to get sick. I started the WLS journey in July with my 1st doctor visit and was elated to tell my family the news. Well lets just say i made a really big mistake. They started telling me about all these horrible things about WLS and what has happened to people. I have struggled with my weight all my life, going up and down and up and down, until i just kept going up. I have 3 beautiful children and I am married. My husband supports me(by the way my family is upset with him because he does).My surgery date is set for Sept 17 and the only person who will be at the hospital is my husband because i decided that i was not going to tell my family anything else about the surgery .I can't take anymore negative comments. When i told them of my plans in July they said, and i quote "you are going to die" I mean who says that to someone they love. I guess their comment was out of fear and lack of knowledge. What they said to me has been on my heart since my surgery date is so close. I don't know if i should go through with the surgery now, I am just so confused and scared. Has anyone else dealt with this issue. If so what did you do?

[yazun82 22]

Thank you for sharing your story! I can relate to it because my mother adnd father are opposed to and even had me feeling insecure about my decision! I love the quotes by UTGal99 they are so trrue and inspiring! I am 29 taking more medications than my parents combined. The decision is not to look pretty but to be healthy! I have also found encouragement and suport in this forum!

[caroless 18]

http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/49805-study-results-about-bandsleevebypass/ this is a good study I saw on another post.

I have a very supportive family, thought my mom is pretty apprehensive simply because her baby its having a surgery that is somewhat elective....

My extended family though... I have very judgmental grandparents and such that I don't feel would support me. I'm letting them think I am doing it on my own because, you know what? I still AM. I can remember being a child at their house for dinner and then telling me and my siblings to count how many times we chewed. That's effed up. I was a skinny kids and put on the weight in about fourth grade at puberty, likely with pcos contributing.

It's a tool. But you are likely saving your life. And doing it now target than when crippled from arthritis or slowly dying from diabetes or hbp... You have a far better recovery time and body than you would if you waited. You were supporting you. That's all you really need in the end.

Also, it's just like a bad experience at a restaurant. Human nature makes people more prone to talk about a horrible experience than a great one. For every one bad thing that happens, there are probably hundreds our even thousands of good. Take stories with a grain of salt.