....except my husband of course. not even my son knows.

weight has always been an issue with me. whenever i see family and friends after any length of time, there is always the initial once over weight assessment. my father always says i look like i've lost weight which is his way of mentioning it when he and i both know it isn't true. there was a time when i thought maybe he imagined me heavier than i actually am.

i've never been comfortable talking to anyone about my weight or my struggles unless i'm at a successful time and, of course, those times aren't long lived. it's as if everyone is just watching and waiting for me to start gaining. and i only chat to my other overweight friends, clearly realizing just how unrealisitic it is to try to ask a normal weight person to relate.

during this entire pre-op process, i've been complaining about stomach and esophagus problems. i've mentioned how it's hard to eat some foods and how other foods get stuck. i've had esophagus tests and endoscopic tests and it all coincides with my stories. i am having hiatal hernia surgery at the same time i'm being banded. i'm telling everyone i'm having hernia and esophagus surgery at the same time. they are keeping me overnight. so far it's working. when i start to lose weight, i'll just say there are foods i can't eat and foods that get stuck and i will say the only advantage is weight loss.

this is not because i'm embarrased to admit i need a surgically impanted device to sustain will power. it's because i don't like talking about my weight. and i get embarrased easily when i get attention, especially from men.

what are you telling people?

Does anyone know if I can have breast implants put in at the same time as they put in the Lap Band?

Hi knewme ...This is my first post - I just joined. Just wanted you to know that I could have written your letter. I feel exactly the same way. I'm waiting to get insurance approval for my band and I don't plan to tell anyone other than my imemdiate family, and I don't consider it a lie. I am a very private person and have always been self-conscious about my weight, and it's the first thing on my mind when I meet someone new. I don't want to be questioned about it, observed while eating, or have to discuss it all the time. I'm a registered nurse and I'm having the surgery at a different hospital from where I work for privacy. So, I understand and respect you 100% for your rationale. Good luck.

Yep, I feel pretty much the same way knewme. I told My Mom & Husband & Dad, and just 3 friends. I didn't even like the fact that my friends told their significant others. . . but what do you do! I don't want what I think other people are thinking to influence me in any way. I'm terribly shy about my weight and I know it's obvious when people look at me, but I don't want them to know I needed a lapband. . . I don't know why. I just don't. So you're aren't alone!! I don't have to take off of work really so I didn't have to make up anything, and I've decided if someone asks how I'm loosing so much weight (can't wait for that!) I'm going to say smaller portion size & more exercise!! Which is the truth!!

I feel the same way. I only told my husband, my mom, my sisters, 1 of my best friend at work and my lapbandtalk.com friends :thumbup:. Everyone is excited for me and I only need supports from them. If I told others at work, they will criticize and comments and I do not need that.

I going to be banded on April 7th. :eek: Good luck to everyone who is in the process of getting approval from the insuance, pre op stage and post op stage.

Not only am I banded but I am a licensed counselor and I do mental health evaluations for new pts seeking lap band. I always ask my pts if they are telling a lot of people and if they say yes, I always caution them. What sometimes seems like support can often turn into un-needed pressure following surgery. Others are often not educated to the procedure and what to expect which means you may get questions like "should you be eating that?" or "shouldn't you have lost more weight by now?" I feel that bariatric surgery is a privated decision and should be shared with only those who need to know in the beginning. That being said, once the obvious "what are you doing to lose weight?" questions start they can be addressed however you are most comfortable. Telling others you are eating less is not a lie, essentially that is what we are doing. I kept me decision personal for the first few months following my surgery, however now I tell everyone and anyone who will listen to me! I love to talk about the band! This will be different for everyone and there is no "right" or "wrong" way of handling it. .....just my two cents!

I had my surgery on Jan 13th. I only told my husband, mother and best friend. everyone else was told I had hernia surgery. I agree with your choice. People can be very judgmental. I have told 3 friends since the surgery, now I'm always worrying that they'll be watching to see if I eat the right things or if I'm losing weight. Too much pressure! You have made the right decision in my opinion. Good Luck!

Dear Knewme, I prob willl only be telling my husband and daughter and I think I have arrived at why.

1. It is truly no ones' business unless I was a celebrity who lives in a multimilliondollar mansion at the expense of my curious fans.

2. What if I fail?

Either way, do whatever you're comfortable with and there will be tons of people like me to support and encourage and never judge you!!!! Good luck, Cali

If you hate having to discuss your weight NOW- you will hate talking about it the rest of your life, because once people know- it is always up for discussion.

Plus, you never know who you can trust.

I wouldn't even understand this whole band thing and I have one if that makes sense...

Only a handful of people know, some got really jealous because maybe they are afriad. Some were cruel about it and say I didn't need it because all I needed was self control and diet and excercise. Even a doctor doubted me and was against me getting the surgery!

A lot of people will be "watching" you if you know what I mean.

It's a crazy life, because sometimes I am in very akward situations with people who don't know, like getting stuck, running to the bathroom a few times during dinner with people, the list goes on.

But, if they did know, it's guranteed the topic would center around it. I even have to deal with "oh, can you have this and that" and with me, my situation is CONSTANTLY changing with what I can and cannot eat depending on my fill and when I get stuck.

I just know who the judgemental people are in my life and have chosen to keep this a secret . We will see what happens when I hit my goal weight...But for now it is on a need to know basis. I am sure people have discussed it behind my back...

You have to do what is right for you. For me trying to explain to someone that I literally had and have no self control without this thing is hard.

Even last week I had to deal with someone's judgement as I wasn't feeling well because I got stuck after eating like 2 chicken wings. This person said that I shouldn't be eating chicken wings because they aren't healthy. Yah, but it was the only thing I thought I could eat at this partiular restaurant that was the best of choices vs. fried items. Whatever the case, I can only eat very small portions so SO WHAT if I ordered 6- not the end of the world! Turns out I ate 2 and threw them up so basically ate nothing!

I'm a few weeks from my "bandiversary." My husband is the only one who knows. We have two teenagers and I didn't tell them. I did this for me, for all the struggles I've had in my life. I didn't want to have to answer the questions as I made my way through this journey. I'm a private person, so people aren't so surprised to learn I started losing weight and didn't let them know. The only person I've had a hard time not being completely honest with is my mom. She's always 100% supportive of me and I feel horrible deceiving her. However, I think it would put her in an awkward position for me to ask her to keep it from my dad. I would never expect her to do that, so I keep it between me and my husband. Between him and this website, I get the motivation I need. Others in my life help me, but assume it's through all the lifestyle changes I've made that they can see. Good luck to you!!

I have only told my husband and one co-worker. She had GBS last year. I have been on this roller coaster for most of my adult life. I intend on telling no one else. My weight gain has been a private struggle. After my surgery I will change into sweats to make my co-workers think my wieghtloss is only due to exercise. We are adding a home gym, so I can jiggle in the privacy of my home! I don't feel like explaining who, what, when, where and why!

Dear Cubsgirl17,

Go Cubbies! Yes, I'm originally from Joliet Il and a Cubs fan! I think you are wise to realize this is personal and really no one's business except the very few whom you KNOW will support you unconditionally! PS: I hope to BE you in a year. I am around 215 and hope to get banded soon...you're an inspiration!!! Cali

When I first thought of getting the band, I called my mom. She has always known that I have struggled with my weight because so has she. She is getting GBP at the end of April and I couldn't be happier for her. She is 48 and is a little over 500 lbs. I have always thought of having a weight lose surgery to be for people who are at a weight like my mom. But then I realized my mom has not been 500 lbs her whole life. She has always been heavy like me. But how do I know I won't be 500 lbs in the next 20 years. I love my mom more than anything and if she can finally admit she needs help, then I need to do the same thing. She has supported me through this whole thing. Just like I have done for her.

I have told my husband of course and he is happy for me. Not happy I will loose weight but happy that I will finally be happy.

I told another person that I thought was a friend because I was just so happy and excited. Well the first words out of her mouth was "OMG, How over weight do you have to be to have the surgery? " It was kind of a slap in the face. I didn't want to tell her how much I actually weighed but it is quite obvious that I am over weight.

I have decided I am not telling anyone, anymore. I have to take off of work and if they ask, I will tell them I have to have surgery. They don't have the right to ask me what kind of surgery. When someone asks how I am losing weight, I will just tell them I am dieting and excercising. Which will be the truth.

I can't wait till I get my band, so I can have a healthy and wonderful life with my children and husband. :biggrin:

I've pretty much told everyone. I have to selfpay, so I am doing it with family help. They would've found out anyways, no real secrets in my family. My best friend had lapband, her mom had bypass, as well as another friend's mom.

We are all fat for generations. My mom is going with me, as I am going out of state to save about 33% on the cost. I've told my coworkers. I have massive GERD and since I can't have the other stomach surgery, my doctor suggested this as basically my only choice I have left. So, for me, there won't be huge pressure to lose a ton of weight. If it fixes or lessens the GERD that will be success. I may not be able to handle any fills as they can make GERD worse. My workplace is very food oriented, so it would be hard to explain the weeks of baby food. They are also very supportive. I am very glad of that.

I can absolutely understand not telling anyone. People can be very judgemental and know-it-alls. If you don't have a problem, it's very easy to just think the cure is simple.

Hi knewme,

By not telling anyone, you are not lying at all. Its just that you don't have to tell them, its a personal matter of yours. I think it would actually be better not to tell everybody except the people whom you can really trust and get support from.

I am not having the band yet and no one knew that I'm planning to have one and already researching about it. I have consulted a surgeon at Go Sculptura already and everything is all set, except for me. :scared2:

Wow, this is really a topic that hits home. I have only told my husband and my daughter. My daughter is loving and fabulous but, she doesn't agree that this is the path I should take. She is a college student in a pre med track and I think she is just being protective and worried about any surgery. She respects my decision and will be supportive of my decision. I wish I would not have told her.

I have a fabulous, loving and slim family. This is not there world. They wouldn't mean to be negative but weight issues are foreign to them and they would think this was too extreme. They also are used to me being "pleasantly Plump" and my sisters even make postive remarks about it to me. "Such a beautiful full face, Rubenesque, your lucky to be curvy, yada yada yada" They love me and i love them but this will be a big change. I tried to approach my brother in a casual way and asked him if he had heard about it. He said yes, scary huh....sad that there are ppl who would resort to that when all they have to do is get more active. I didn't go any farther in the conversation. However, he did call me the next day and ask if I was bringing it up for a reason.....I lied and said no. Since then he has called to offer to pay for a personal trainer and offered to pay for the cost of a weight loss program. Funny because I make a little more than he does. While I am touched and know this is a gesture of the heart and made in the spirit of a loving brother, I don't want this kind of pressure. So for now i am not telling a soul. I will use vacation for time off from work.

If this situation presents itself, I will share my situation if it could help someone else.