....except my husband of course. not even my son knows.

weight has always been an issue with me. whenever i see family and friends after any length of time, there is always the initial once over weight assessment. my father always says i look like i've lost weight which is his way of mentioning it when he and i both know it isn't true. there was a time when i thought maybe he imagined me heavier than i actually am.

i've never been comfortable talking to anyone about my weight or my struggles unless i'm at a successful time and, of course, those times aren't long lived. it's as if everyone is just watching and waiting for me to start gaining. and i only chat to my other overweight friends, clearly realizing just how unrealisitic it is to try to ask a normal weight person to relate.

during this entire pre-op process, i've been complaining about stomach and esophagus problems. i've mentioned how it's hard to eat some foods and how other foods get stuck. i've had esophagus tests and endoscopic tests and it all coincides with my stories. i am having hiatal hernia surgery at the same time i'm being banded. i'm telling everyone i'm having hernia and esophagus surgery at the same time. they are keeping me overnight. so far it's working. when i start to lose weight, i'll just say there are foods i can't eat and foods that get stuck and i will say the only advantage is weight loss.

this is not because i'm embarrased to admit i need a surgically impanted device to sustain will power. it's because i don't like talking about my weight. and i get embarrased easily when i get attention, especially from men.

what are you telling people?

I've told people I got the lap band. I'm proud of it. I'm happy to have it. I think that it is my best chance for a healthier life. I've been met, unfailingly, with support and interest (many people say they have a family member who wants to have it, or some such, and are pleased to have someone to talk to about it). No one has ever been rude or told me I should try something different, but then, my personality is pretty open. For me I've learned, from the time I was small, that honesty is the best (and easiest) policy.

ok i get your point. i'm a liar.

i'm horrified about my weight. i am always the heaviest person in the room. i hate talking about it and i hate being noticed one way or the other. it's my way of avoiding being embarrased.

i've been lying to myself for decades that i can lose this weight and keep it off without help.

so i'm a liar. but at least i'm honest about it.

oh, and since i'm far too old to be caught up in a name calling event, didn't i read somewhere that you cheated on your pre op diet? one might think that's a form of lying, to yourself or others, but i'm not one to judge.

look, i didn't post my "story" to be judged about my methods. but i guess i opened myself up to that. so be it.

now that i think about it, i don't know why i posted it. maybe because i saw it somewhere else here.

we all have our stories and histories. we all have our reasons. and we are all here for each other.

so if you feel the need to remind me of your moral upbringing in case i forgot mine, thank you.

Wow! I never thought anyone felt EXACTLY the same way I did. I never talk about my weight with anyone either. I come from a family of 5 foot 2 100 pounders! I on the other hand take after my dad who was 6 foot 3 and weighed 275 pounds. I am the misfit. I soo know what you are feeling. I too have decided not to tell anyone except my husband that if I get the band. I am just in the beginning stages of getting approved. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I apologize; I meant that for me, honesty is the best policy. Yes, I cheated on the preop diet. Did I get away with it? NO. Do others? YES. Am I up front about it now? YES Would you know if I didn't tell you? NO.

If I were, say, to say "I am having a hernia repaired" instead of telling about the band, then BAM I'd need a hernia repaired and people would wonder why since I JUST HAD it repaired. As I think I made clear, that is MY personality and MY karma. If I try to get out of an appt by saying my car battery died, then I know it is a rock solid fact that the darn thing WILL die within the next 2 weeks, usually when I am due at an appt with the people I just lied to. See my point? Some can get away with that type of thing; I can't. So I told.

Would you point out to me where I called you a liar? I think you chose that name yourself. I think I said FOR ME Honesty is the best and easiest policy.

Maybe you feel guilty? Don't know. But chill out. The only person doing any name calling here is you.

I told everyone and their mother! I figured that if they are my true friends and care about me then they would rather see me finally make a step in the right direction then to continually see me in misery, and when your my size you can only fake it for so long. Also I can't do this alone, support is important.

I have only been banded less then a week but everyone is on my side and people are coming out of the woodwork wanting information , so maybe in a sense I am helping others by being upfront with my decision.

Maybe the way I see it will change after I have the surgery, but right now I can't even talk about my weight with anyone. I have been married for 20+ years and my husband has never seen the number on the scale when it comes to me! I guess it's my own little psychosis.

Hey Knewme, well maybe you will come out of your shell once you start losing and feeling better about yourself. I was the same way when i was married, I never let him know how much I weighed or what size i was shopping for. He didn't have a problem with the weight, but I did! But that was probably growing up in a family where I was 7yrs old and on diet pills because my grandmother didn't want a fat grandchild, and the name calling I endured as a kid from FAMILY MEMBERS.

I have been banded only since 3/11/09 and its one of the best decisions I've made, I just wish it was available 20 years ago when i was at my highest 300lbs. But over the years losing slowly on my own with different diets and exercising, I have been able to feel a little more comfortable in my own skin.

I have told people-my friends and family-and haven't gotten any grief. Too bad if they don't like it, there's always a Hater in the group. But, like someone else mentioned, I see it as hopefully helping someone else that's in my shoes that thinks there isn't any hope of ever losing weight.

Good Luck with your Journey!:tongue_smilie:

Edited March 28, 200917 yr by 1RockinMom

i'm not name calling either. i know i am lying whether you called me that or not. i'm not talking about it because of my own personal embarrassment and discomfort level. it's not about who approves or who has an opinion. it's just very personal. and, yes, when i lose weight, sometimes it's all i can talk about with friends and family but the weight always comes back on. until now.

and, btw, i really AM having hernia repair and my esophagus really is twisted. my hernia has been bad for a long time and i need to have it fixed anyway. it's like having a nose job while fixing a deviated septum.

it's not like i wouldn't have the support of friends and family. i just don't want to be the center of attention and the center of discussion.

with that said, i think we think people think about us way more than they actually do. i haven't had a single bite of food in 11 days and no one has noticed. not one person.

hey monkey - no hard feelings on my side -

Knewme:

I posted this same question on 3/17, and I was amazed at the variety of answers I got. It was wonderful, and after reading them all, it made my own indecision easier. Take a look at it here: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f84/telling-people-you-banded-90101/

I don't have my date yet, but am close to getting it, and I have told my mother, sister, best friend, my son, and 3 co-workers that are close friends. They are all very supportive, but I've asked them not to tell anyone else. I'm not ashamed of having the surgery, and maybe after it is over and things are going well, I will tell people, but I don't want to tell people now, and then wish I hadn't.

It's a personal decision, and how we each handle it is up to us. I hope to only be out of work for a few days, and plan to tell the other co-workers that I'm having a medical procedure. That is all they need to know. What I'm having done is no one's business.

Hopefully that is helpful - but read my thread from 3/17...I appreciated all the responses I got.

Good luck!

I'm set to be banded on 4/21. I have only told my boyfriend, his mother, my mother, and 2 co-workers who I really trust.

I'm not going to tell anyone. I'm a low BMI and people would criticize. My boyfriends mother said "do you really feel like you NEED it?" Everyone likes to say that they don't care what people think, but everyone does. They don't know about your history, your family history, and struggles and the only one who knows exactly what you're going through is you.

I'm not going to tell people because I don't feel the need to justify my decisions. When people start noticing (which will be very exciting!) I'm just going to tell them that I've been watching what I'm eating, which is the truth :thumbup:

This decision is for YOU and the betterment of your life, and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone that you don't want to.

My family knows, and one of my closest friends. I told my boss I was having my gall-bladder removed to get the time off of work. Would I have gotten it off regardless? Sure. I have decided, for now anyway, to keep it to myself. I want to go at my own pace, and to lose for myself.

I am not afraid of people criticizing, but I am worried that I will start to lose weight to keep up appearances, opposed to wanting to do it for myself. Twisted, I'm sure. Oh well.

I think that in the future, I will definitely be comfortable telling people that I have the lapband. For now, mum's the word for me. If I tell people right now, I will worry that I should be losing more weight, going faster, etc. I want this to be for me, as it should be.

I've debated over this question myself and I lean more towards the "not telling" of those among us. I don't feel that I am being dishonest, but just private. My partner knows and her best friend, but that is it. I also want to see if it's going to work because I have experienced too much weight loss failure (and humiliation) in my life that I don't want to go up against that scruitiny even if it's just my "perceived" scruitiny.

Tomorrow is my surgery and I'm psyched! I've never been this excited about anything in my life. It feels like I am embarking on a totally new journey.

I'm thankful to have found this site because the support from the various posts has really been helpful. I look forward to having that in the future.

You know I debated over this before i did it.. because most people will wait until you put something in your mouth and will then say HEY SHOULD YOU BE EATING THAT....and i am a grown woman i dont need for anyone to point out what i am eating... but i told a few people at work and they told someone, and then they mentioned it to someone else but were not convinced that i had had the procedure done because i only took off 4-days. But I know loosing weight is hard as hell and i actually don't mind people coming to me asking me if i had it done because they are thinking about doing it.. If i can help someone i will by sharing my story but for those that want to talk about you in a bad way... naaaa But i do agree with all of you.. it is a personal choice and you may want to keep it to yourself...

It's perfectly okay to hide your surgery. Boy, I sure have. I hid mine as a vacation. While I was gone on vacation I had the surgery. No one needs to know my business or yours. I am not at my goad yet but I look terrific compared to how I used to look. I eat very small amounts when I go out with my friends and they think that is why I lost the 100 pounds. They need not know the rest. Good luck to you.