....except my husband of course. not even my son knows.

weight has always been an issue with me. whenever i see family and friends after any length of time, there is always the initial once over weight assessment. my father always says i look like i've lost weight which is his way of mentioning it when he and i both know it isn't true. there was a time when i thought maybe he imagined me heavier than i actually am.

i've never been comfortable talking to anyone about my weight or my struggles unless i'm at a successful time and, of course, those times aren't long lived. it's as if everyone is just watching and waiting for me to start gaining. and i only chat to my other overweight friends, clearly realizing just how unrealisitic it is to try to ask a normal weight person to relate.

during this entire pre-op process, i've been complaining about stomach and esophagus problems. i've mentioned how it's hard to eat some foods and how other foods get stuck. i've had esophagus tests and endoscopic tests and it all coincides with my stories. i am having hiatal hernia surgery at the same time i'm being banded. i'm telling everyone i'm having hernia and esophagus surgery at the same time. they are keeping me overnight. so far it's working. when i start to lose weight, i'll just say there are foods i can't eat and foods that get stuck and i will say the only advantage is weight loss.

this is not because i'm embarrased to admit i need a surgically impanted device to sustain will power. it's because i don't like talking about my weight. and i get embarrased easily when i get attention, especially from men.

what are you telling people?

I am new here. I also did not tell a lot of people I was being banded for several reasons. I havent been "ashamed" of my weight so to speak but I am tired of being the white elephant in the room. I wanted to keep my personal life personal and only share wtih those that I knew would love me and support me without fail no matter how good I did. When I start to loose more (I was just banded 48 hours ago) and get to feel more comfortable in my skin, I am sure I will share my journey happily but for now I want to heal and re-birth in private.

I honestly thought about not telling anyone because I am so afraid of failing again that I thouhgt if no one knew then no one would know if I failed, but then again the more people that know the more support you have !!!!

You have to do what is right for you. And none of us here can tell you what that is.

I live with my parents so they know, and my husband knows. But that is it. I have PCOS so I am telling work that I have to have some cists removed. I just got my date for June 19th.

I have decided not to tell anyone for a lot of reasons. Knowing the way my family is, they will try to talk me out of it and be very critical about it because it's something they know nothing about. I know that the band isn't magic and will make me loose weight, I am going to have to work for it. But I don't want others thinking I took the easy way out and the only reason I was able to loose weight was because of the band. I want to feel like I did it and not have others make me feel otherwise, which I know they would try to do. Another reason, I don't want to talk about the band all the time. I don't want it to be the only thing people want to ask me about when I walk into the room. I want to talk about my career, my recent wedding, things like that.

Whatever your reason for not telling.....it's okay!

I am in the not telling catagory also. DH of course knows and is 100% supportive. I won't tell my girls ages 9 and 13. They are used to my crazy diets, me taking pain meds for my horrible foot problems, and my having stomach issues that have me in the bathroom for hours so they won't suspect a thing! I am hoping I could schedule for the week they are both at camp, but if not then I will tell them I need to have some tests (like colonoscopy) done at the hospital. They know that anything with anesthesia, IV, needles etc puts me in bed for a week.

The one person that I will absolutely never tell is my mother. She is extremely judgmental of my weight, and is part of the emotional reason that I am where I am! She harps on me all the time about my weight. If she knew about this I would never hear the end of it.

The only people that know I am considering this are some very close friends. But I also have a lot of friends that I don't want to tell. Only one could be a bit sticky because we go out to lunch as most of our social get togethers. We are very close but she also has loose lips and I only told those that I know I can trust.

Not sure what to do about my inlaws. I love them dearly and they are extremely supportive of me. But this just feels like something so private I don't want to share, at least not now. We do spend time at their house for holidays and visits and my father in law is an incredible gourmet cook. But they also have experienced my diets and I have had to take my own food or make special requests in the past and they always accomodate me. Since this will be so similar to South Beach I will probably just tell them I doing that. If I am not eating very much at the time then I will just blame IBS. MIL has it also and totally understands. I would gues that I will tell them eventually. I am figuring I will just know when the time feels right.

Haven't decided on my sister. She is a pharmacist that wears about a size 2. She was actually a very chubby child but hasn't had any problems since she was a teen. We have an understanding of "don't tell mom", but I am not sure I want to put her in that position of keeping my secret from our mom.

I figure that I would rather be cautious and go slow with who I tell. I can always open up later. But once it is out you can't take it back.

My husband knows I have considered this, as does one of my sisters. No one, and I mean no one knows. I'll keep it that way as long as I can. I do have some nosey relatives that work at the hospital (thank god for HIPPA - they won't know I'm there) I'm hoping i can get this done while they're on vacation so it won't be a concern anyway.

I'm not ashamed of being banded. I don't want to hear the whining from my mother because she keeps failing to follow the doctor's orders to get her WLS. I'm tired of hearing her compare herself to me -that we're the same. I'm not the same as her. I didn't choose to get sick. Sure, I didn't make the best choices, but I certainly didn't choose to have that all land on my head. I'm just ready to be me again, and i can't do that how I am now. I'll have a short vacation from work and just have it done. If people ask and are genuine people, I'll tell them. I just don't feel that I need to volunteer the information - UNLESS I feel it can help someone else.

I am not telling anyone either. My husband and my mother know and that is it. I am fearful that people will offer unwanted advice or tell me how risky weightloss surgery is. I feel like it is a personal choice. My mom had gastric bypass several years ago and people still offer up weight loss surgery horror stories that they have heard from someone. Maybe after I have lost weight I will share my story, but i agree that I am not comfortable talking about my weight with anyone either.

Another in the not telling camp here. My husband knows and that is it. When my children are older I will tell them.

Thankfully, I'm on a whole different continent from everyone I know and will be for nearly two more years. By then I hope to be at my goal weight and certainly my eating will have normalized.

In the beginning, I was so excited that I told several people. My family knows because I am getting financial help from everyone since I am self pay (my whole family is skinny, except for me and they all want to help).:smile:

I've stopped telling people though (most people think it's not going to happen because I don't have the finances) and only my family knows that I have the surgery date scheduled plus one close friend at work who is considering LBS. I haven't even told my Church family (which I am very close to).

What I struggle with is not telling my boss. I have made the surgery date for a day that I typically work from home (trust me, I work more than 50 hours per week at my job!). If I am not well enough to go back to work on Monday, I will have to call in sick. Of course, I hope and pray that there are no complications (my mom is just sure this is gonna happen, so it makes it hard to stay positive). I've decided that if there are problems, I will fess up to my boss (afterwards!).

But, judging how everyone else is doing, I expect to be ready to go on Monday, maybe just a little slower. :tongue:

I've decided not to tell anyone at work. I lost a good deal of weight once before, and everyone made so many comments on it, but then once I started gaining the weight back again, it was silence.

I have a hard enough time dealing with compliments, so I really don't want people to know they should be looking for change! Eventually they'll probably notice, but in the meantime, I'll be able to go through my "adjustment" period without feeling like everyone's watching, just waiting to see the pounds disappear.

I'm still trying to come up with what excuse I'll use to take off sick time from work, though. I'd really like to take a week, but I guess it all depends on how good my excuse is... :-)

I am also not telling many about my upcoming surgery. My boyfriend and mom and a few very close friends know. Everyone else just thinks I am on a diet. I am not sure what I am going to tell people for the actual surgery, if it comes up... I was thinking gallbladder or something.

I have an 8 1/2 year old and I have NO idea what I am going to tell her. When she is older I will probably tell her, but for right now I don't want her to worry about mommy. She is also at the age where she repeats things to people, such as the other day when she told everyone at the dinner table when I went to dinner with a friend, his brother's family and his parents, "guess what! My mommy is on a diet and she lost.... Mommy, how much did you lose already?". She was so proud and trying to brag on me, but wow! I almost fell out of my chair! LOL.

Anyways, I totally get the whole not-telling thing. My main reason is not wanting the food police to watch me and for that to be the big topic of discussion, "can you eat that??" "what can you eat so we can schedule everything around you??" etc, like others have mentioned. It's no one's business and I wouldn't care if anyone thought I was a liar if I didn't tell anyone or I just played it off as gallbladder surgery. At least I'd be a thin/healthy liar!!!! :smile:

My choice was TELL NO ONE! What I do with & for my body & weight is my own business. Other people's opinions weren't my reasons not to reveal it. Part of my nature is one of self-containment & self-reliance. That figured into my decision.

I'm considering having the band done without telling anyone in my family. I've been open about it with local friends and my therapist but I just can't deal with my family. They are so judgemental and my sister lost weight through OA alone.

I'm so glad someone started this thread cos this is exactly my situataion. I live with my parents now so I had to wait till I move out to have the surgery. My tentative date in July 15th. I decided not to tell anyone because I just want to do this privately and perhaps if it works, I just might open up to them some years later. I had to tell one friend cos she's also getting banded and another friend cos he's going to look after me after the surgery. I'm strictly limiting it to these 2 people for now.

Its not an embarrassment issue, its a hassle and harassment issue, really. I don't want to be hassled all the time by size 2 people wondering if I can help them lose those last 2 lbs they've been dying over and I don't want to be harassed by people who think I'm being lazy. Did I make some poor choices that helped me get to where I am? You bet I did. Now I'm making a wise choice to get myself out of this situation. Someone who hasn't been in my situation can't really tell me what I need to do with my life and health. Its no different than me trying to tell my sister how to potty train her kid just because I'm great at housebreaking dogs.

Its not an embarrassment issue, its a hassle and harassment issue, really. I don't want to be hassled all the time by size 2 people wondering if I can help them lose those last 2 lbs they've been dying over and I don't want to be harassed by people who think I'm being lazy. Did I make some poor choices that helped me get to where I am? You bet I did. Now I'm making a wise choice to get myself out of this situation. Someone who hasn't been in my situation can't really tell me what I need to do with my life and health. Its no different than me trying to tell my sister how to potty train her kid just because I'm great at housebreaking dogs.

I simply didn't want to hear ANY negatives or have 'poisonous' little seeds planted.

As it turns out I am looking to have the port removed but I have extenuating circumstances.

It sounds like you have a good attitude about it & are willing to do what it takes to reach success. Best of luck to you.