....except my husband of course. not even my son knows.

weight has always been an issue with me. whenever i see family and friends after any length of time, there is always the initial once over weight assessment. my father always says i look like i've lost weight which is his way of mentioning it when he and i both know it isn't true. there was a time when i thought maybe he imagined me heavier than i actually am.

i've never been comfortable talking to anyone about my weight or my struggles unless i'm at a successful time and, of course, those times aren't long lived. it's as if everyone is just watching and waiting for me to start gaining. and i only chat to my other overweight friends, clearly realizing just how unrealisitic it is to try to ask a normal weight person to relate.

during this entire pre-op process, i've been complaining about stomach and esophagus problems. i've mentioned how it's hard to eat some foods and how other foods get stuck. i've had esophagus tests and endoscopic tests and it all coincides with my stories. i am having hiatal hernia surgery at the same time i'm being banded. i'm telling everyone i'm having hernia and esophagus surgery at the same time. they are keeping me overnight. so far it's working. when i start to lose weight, i'll just say there are foods i can't eat and foods that get stuck and i will say the only advantage is weight loss.

this is not because i'm embarrased to admit i need a surgically impanted device to sustain will power. it's because i don't like talking about my weight. and i get embarrased easily when i get attention, especially from men.

what are you telling people?

i think its ok to tell or not to tell people... i everyone knew when i did well on atkins and then everyone knew and talked about it when i failed... if i do the band i don't think i will tell anyone either. just don't want the conversation about the process with my friends and family. the OOOHSS and WOWWWs can get to me. plus i think its fun if they don't know

I have only told my closest family members and few friends. I am getting banded on April 30, and it is hard when everyone is not supportive. I have always yo yo-ed between being fairly thin and really chubby - so some of my loved ones keeps saying that I can do this on my own. They do not seem to understand that I may be able to lose the weight but I obviously cannot keep it off! On top of it, when I asked the few friends I did tell to keep it very very secret- one said- I don't want you to be like Star Jones.... I understood her sentiment that she was worried about people noticing and me looking like I am lying- however, I still found it rude. I may being ultra sensitive about it but it offended me because I had explained that my weightloss probably will not be that rapidly obvious (im about 5' and 200-208lbs, since pre-op I may be in 190s..dont have an accurate scale around;).

Anyhoo, thanks for posting this thread, as it gave me a chance to rant=). Congrats to all of us that have decided to do this procedure and make changes in our lives!

Dear 1980, The thing about Star Jones is her only purpose in life is to put her business out for everyone...OK, she WAS a lawyer but now shes just a 'celebrity' so she kind of gave away her right to privacy...when the public buys you your first multi-million dollar home, they can criticize you if you dont tell-all! Until then...just do your own thing!!! Cali

Here's the thing. Star Jones never lied. She didn't say anything - other people made statements for her and not necessarily with her permission.

Well, I told quite a few people and, obviously, those people told other people... I sooo regret having opened my big mouth. As it turns out, I'm a slow loser and I hate the look I get from people when I know they're expecting me to have lost way more, since I had WLS. My family is extremely supportive, and they're actually happy I'm losing slowly since it it healthier, but ohers, man I just get so mad :biggrin:

So those of you that are still going to have surgery and don't want EVERYONE knowing your business, I advise you to not tell (except your family, 'cause you will need some support)

Now that I have been banded almost three months I am really realizing this is no free pass to weight loss! Its really hard work and yes, I still make mistakes so I really dont want to deal with people who know and expect 100 pounds to just fall off me. I'm glad I only told my family!!

knewme:

Don't be too hard on yourself. First of all, it is no one's business but your own. If you feel bad about lying to people, just don't tell them anything at all. I'm not banded yet, but that's my plan. The only people who know are my boyfriend and my mother, no one else even knows I'm going in for surgery! My reasons are less because I'm embarrassed and more because my family and friends will start with the, "but you can just lose weight by diet and exercise" speeches. I figure that some people will figure it out on their own, but by then I really won't care. As far as a noticeable change in eating goes, if anyone asks I'll just say I'm "watching my weight." Good luck, and don't sweat the small stuff!

....except my husband of course. not even my son knows.....

I'm with you. I was banded August 2007 and only told my housemate who needed to know and one lady who I thought might want to have WLS. Other than that, it's on a need to know basis and most of the people in my life simply haven't needed to know.

When people ask how I lost the weight I say, "In part, waaaaaay too much exercise and waaaaaaaaay too little food." But few people are interested in the exercise component of the answer so that pretty much chills further conversation. And anyone who knows me knows that I exercise daily -- they see me out walking my 5 miles per day etc etc etc.....

A person who does not tell everything about his/her life is not a liar. What we have done is we have chosen to keep our business to ourselves. I know I'm very glad I did in this case. If I need support, I come to this board or sign on to the board of the team I had surgery with in Mexicali. (Dr. Aceves).

Edited July 30, 200917 yr by canary1

Yep, don't feel you have to tell anyone. People are snoopy, but your personal life is none of their business. I don't know why we feel so guilty about other people butting in to our lives.

I told a lot of people, including some at work. We are a small office, so they knew I'd be gone as I took 3 weeks off, and why and are very supportive as they've experienced my life with GERD that caused me to miss a lot of work and constantly visit the doctor and have endless useless tests, which is the major reason why I had this surgery.

My best friend had this surgery around three years ago and attended the local support group. It turns out that most of the people in that group are bypass and not band, so she was getting a lot of info and answers that didn't really apply to the band and it got confusing. I am not much of a group joiner in person, so online works well for me, plus we can talk to each other.

I am sort of in the middle - I had a bad back injury and I also had a hernia removed so, truth is my back caused me to realize that I could not loose this weight on my own and led me to the band. The hernia they found is what I tell some (especially men) but some people I just tell my whole story. I am not ashamed at all just shy - cause I have noticed that people that know I had the band look me over from head to toe. I guess I have to get used to that. Your choice who you tell and what you tell (the whole story or part)...

Well, I also chose not to tell my family. I have no idea what I am going to tell them when they ask about my weight because it is a topic that always comes up. I have had attempts at losing weight in the past that have lasted for about a year and were pretty successful so I guess I will just tell them I have been going back to the gym. Not totally sure they will believe it. Hope to find alternative explanations.

I only told my husband, my sister, two of my step-kids, my dad, some people at my church, the nurse at work (who promised not to say anything) and my boss (who said he would take my secret to his grave; I thought that was so sweet). I only told those two people at work, because I wanted those two to know, just in case I had any medical problems during work. Good luck to you.

Well LIAR I am, I only told my Husband & he of course told his Mom. So i'm assuming thats all that knows but regardless thats my business if I choose not to tell anyone. I told everyone I had a hernia repaired & I did.

Its your choice to tell or not.

I will be finding out tomorrow when my surgery is. i have only told my husband and told my childern that i would be having surgery. I told one or two at work as i work in an office full of women and they are very nosy, chatter boxes and look down on people. I really dont want them to know so i am going to say that its my gall bladder as they dont need to know. the dr can just say have surgery. It does concern me about the fast weight loss in front of them but i will just say really following strict diet.

this really helped me out. Thanks for all the ouput.

Alison

I struggled with this same question for quite a while...finally, I brought it up with my therapist and he said "why do you have to tell anyone (other than my husband)? It really isn't any of their business." Hearing that from him really helped me feel better about my decision...

I had only planned to tell my husband and no one else, but once I found out that my surgery will be on December 2nd and I would be on a liquid diet on Thanksgiving I had to tell a few more people. In the end, I have only told my husband, my sons, my mother and my mother in law. My mother in law is coming to stay with us for a week during Thanksgiving week so I really had to tell her and I couldn't justify telling her and not my mother. I deliberately did not tell my father (and my mother has promised not to tell him) because he can't keep a secret to save his life.

Everyone I have told has been extremely supportive and have promised not to say anything...I was very honest with them about my reasons for not wanting everyone to know and I feel strongly that they will all honor my request.

In the end, this is a very personal decision and you need to do what you feel comfortable doing...

Good luck!