....except my husband of course. not even my son knows.

weight has always been an issue with me. whenever i see family and friends after any length of time, there is always the initial once over weight assessment. my father always says i look like i've lost weight which is his way of mentioning it when he and i both know it isn't true. there was a time when i thought maybe he imagined me heavier than i actually am.

i've never been comfortable talking to anyone about my weight or my struggles unless i'm at a successful time and, of course, those times aren't long lived. it's as if everyone is just watching and waiting for me to start gaining. and i only chat to my other overweight friends, clearly realizing just how unrealisitic it is to try to ask a normal weight person to relate.

during this entire pre-op process, i've been complaining about stomach and esophagus problems. i've mentioned how it's hard to eat some foods and how other foods get stuck. i've had esophagus tests and endoscopic tests and it all coincides with my stories. i am having hiatal hernia surgery at the same time i'm being banded. i'm telling everyone i'm having hernia and esophagus surgery at the same time. they are keeping me overnight. so far it's working. when i start to lose weight, i'll just say there are foods i can't eat and foods that get stuck and i will say the only advantage is weight loss.

this is not because i'm embarrased to admit i need a surgically impanted device to sustain will power. it's because i don't like talking about my weight. and i get embarrased easily when i get attention, especially from men.

what are you telling people?

I'll be honest, at first - i told NO ONE (only my live in BF and my mom). then i slowly started only telling close friends. now that i am more then half way done with the LONG process, i am telling a few more close friends. I decided NOT to tell anyone at work. I feel that people judge you like this is an "easy way out". Both those are the people that really have no idea about being heavy and no clue about what LAPBAND really consists of. I dont know what i am going to tell my job - what the reason for my week off from work, but honestly i am starting to care less about what people think. I am also finding more people are supportive then judgmental, however I have come across those people that are judging me - and it's THOSE people that are a size 2, eat like a cow and never gain a pound. That is when i want to punch them in the face. lol. If you decide to tell a few people that are close to you, choose the ones that love you no matter what and the ones you can trust. Whatever if you decide, to tell a few people or not tell anyone, it is all up to you and neither way is wrong.

Reading this post was like u were reading my mind I havnt told any one except my mother of my intentions yet . Not even my boyfriend .I am only in the beginning stages , i see the pyscolgist next wensday to see if she feels i am stable enuff for the procedure . This 6 month waiting period is going to drive me crazy . I dont know if it my dr or the insurance making me wait ... but i am ready for the new me !!!!Best of luck to u !!!

You go girl !!!! let me know when u go on your punching spree !!! I have a few judgemental people I could stand to puch to the floor LOL!!!! WE' re doing this for US and no body else !!!!

oh, and since i'm far too old to be caught up in a name calling event, didn't i read somewhere that you cheated on your pre op diet? one might think that's a form of lying, to yourself or others, but i'm not one to judge.

look, i didn't post my "story" to be judged about my methods. but i guess i opened myself up to that. so be it.

now that i think about it, i don't know why i posted it. maybe because i saw it somewhere else here.

we all have our stories and histories. we all have our reasons. and we are all here for each other.

so if you feel the need to remind me of your moral upbringing in case i forgot mine, thank you.

Hey maybe, you saw it on mine because I am not telling anyone. I finally told my cousin because I need her to drive m to the hospital. I am not even telling my husband because I don't want to hear his mouth. Quite frankly, it is your decision and screw what anybody else on here says, you don't have to tell anyone. I've read other people's opinion about who you should tell and all and at the end of the day, it is just somebody else's way of telling you what they think is right. Some I'm going to tell you what I think is right........Tell who you want and if that means no-one, then that's your decision and no one else has the right to criticize it.

When I get the surgery, I'll definitely be telling my family and friends about it. I don't mind, even if they react in a negative way. They'll see eventually that it was a good choice.

I might keep in under wraps at work though. I don't want my managers thinking I can't work as much because I'm post-op.

the only people that currently know that I had the surgery on the 15th of October are the other people that were having surgery the same day as me.

It is a personal decision to tell anyone, or not to tell. I may start telling people once I have restriction and my eating hapits change noticeably.

Chocolatecity, I am just curious how your husband won't find out, won't he see your scares?

I have a surgery date. Jan 11th, and I'm excited as it's getting closer...but I have decided not to tell my family. For personal reasons I guess. My immediate family such as my Mother, Husband and Son know...Otherwise only co-workers.

I have two schools of thought on this for myself.

1. It's no one else's business....do I tell everyone I know that I had my tubes tied after my third child....no....it's none of their business what I decide is best for me, even though that particular surgery was elective. They simply wont see me having another child. It's personal and it's no one's business but mine.

2. It's not for them to pass judgement if they do find out or even if I decide to tell. They are not me and don't know what I go through. The fact is I will struggle with my weight my whole life if I don't do this...and maybe even if I do...that is also personal.

It is unfortunate how much people but in and think it's ok to be the food police or second guess anyone elses choices but we can't control what they do, feel or think. All we can do is be comforable with our own choices and know that we made the best choice for ourselves.

I had planned to only tell a handful of people...my supervisor, my husband, and my sister in law because they are all my support team....then I find out my husband blabbed and now even people at his work that don't know me...know about it. I got to meet his boss and his wife last night for the firs time and couldn't help but wondering while I was meeting these very healthy athletic built people if they were judging me for being fat, if they even had an opinion about the surgery....but it never came up. I was just myself, and we got to know each other a little and it was fine. I had to tell myself...so what if they have an opinion...everybody does...but the fact that they didn't bring it up showed a level of respect that I am comfortable with. I hope that is how most will be.

My dh says he told because he is proud and there is no reason to be ashamed.

I told my husband, because I was worried about how he'd feel about it. He likes meaty women, and has always told me he didn't care how big I got as long as I was happy and healthy. Well, I've been happy, but now I'm not healthy, so he is supporting me. I told my sister because we're close, and she works at the hospital where I'm having the surgery done which could be a plus if I run into a problem. After much nagging from her, I relented and told my mom, who has been hounding about my weight relentlessly for the past 30 years. She has even gone so far as to snatch a deviled egg out of my hand at a barbecue and told me I didn't need to eat it. Now that she knows, she hasn't said a word to me about my weight. My sons are another matter. When I first mentioned the possibility, they were adamant that they did not want me to do it, and insisted that all I needed to do was eat less and exercise more. Easy for them to say. Other than that, I've told no one. It's just none of their business.