What has anyone said to you that they meant in the best way possible, but it actually hurt in the long run. An example of what is always told to me is "you are sooo pretty to be your size."

Another thing a skinny girl once told me, not realizing my weight and state of depression, was that she would kill herself if she ever weighed 200lbs, then asked me "wouldn't you?" And I was thinking, I'm still alive you scrawny b****. I can laugh now, but it kept me depressed for years, oh Lord I have some stories of the goofy things people say to me, not realizing my position.

Yup, I get the classic, "you have a beautiful face." We all know thats code for, "you have a disgusting body."

I've had people who are handing out restaurant coupons make a mad dash across the room to hand me one. lol Thats always pretty sad. Oh, and whenever I go out with my skinny sister, I order something healthy and she doesnt. The waiter ALWAYS assumes the fatty dish is for me and they will place the dish in front of me. I guess they think that a fat person would never order anything with a veggie!

Edited November 9, 200817 yr by LoadsofLaughs

A very skinny friend at church knew I was going to have the surgery. A month after the surgery (when I had already lost over 50 pounds with pre-op and post-op) she asked if I had it done yet. I said, "Yes about a month ago." She replied, "Oh when will it start working?" If I hadn't been in church I would have lit into her.

Fanny, the comments from family are nasty at times, but most of the time they are meant to be loving concern. Our parents can only parent us the way they were parented. If they were brought up with parents who showed concern and love by nagging or making humiliating comments, then they will do the same. Its only today really, that we have so much information out there to educate people on better ways to do things.

If men don't live fat women, then how do you explain all those men who will only date BBWs? Just because one man who happens to be your father doesn't like fat women, doesn't mean all men are the same!

Kimmy, sorry but your mum is a bitch. I hope you give her as good as she gives you at xmas. Not in a nasty way, just a way that says you won't be taking her emotional abuse anymore - because that's what it is.

Sunwyse--you're right-- she is quite the bitch. Love her-but she justifies her nasty comments because she says she cares. She is an out spoken Italian, spirited, guilt giving Catholic, youngest of 5 sisters and can be really really mean. (please note I am not putting down anyone-this is me and my family) But her "intentions" are not an excuse for her horrible comments- people don't understand it makes it worse! All those comments do ismake you want to eat a pizza. I intend to have the sit down with her. A big motivator for me was the fact that my grandmother (her mom) was morbidly obese and it killed her. I loved my grandmother more than anyone and she didn't judge anyone-- regardless of her size. I think my mom is scared of me having to face her challenges and struggles but doesn't know how to address it. Either way--- I am DONE with her insults- regardless of the intention!

Everyone can kiss it!! Big or small!

You go girl!! Love the guilt thing. They just don't realise when they nag, its like they are trying to control us and of course, when someone tries to control you, you will rebel.

i've just finished reading all 22 pages of this thread, and boy can I ever relate! i'm so fed up of the backhanded compliments and snide remarks. and as painful as they are, nothing compares to the awful insulting and judgemental looks some morons give. it like their eyes are saying "you are so disgusting" or some other equally rude thing.

I could add to this a bunch of stuff along those lines but I will got to the place that has haunted me for years, THE GYM!!!! Last week I am in there struggling as a beginner, just trying to make it through the warm-up on the bike when behind me.. "Oh my God, I don't know what happened to me, I'm up to 98lbs." Of course she is on some machine next to another "skinny" working like they trying to get to God. This is the stuff that has keep me out of the gym, no matter what promises I have made to myself. I always managed to be there when the crazy people are there; sweating and panting and of course talking about how fat they are when I can take them and fold em into my gym bag!! I now live in a rual area with a new YMCA and it's not busy around 10 in the morning so I can usually avoid the "skinny crazies"!

I started a thread in late october saying how my boss has THREE times now made some sort of desparaging remark to me in regards to my weight. All of a sudden these comments have been coming out of her mouth.

Twice she made reference to plastic surgery in the form of tummy tucks or breast lifts, and the third she actually asked me why I didn't get a "few staples" when I have my hiatal hernia fixed (which is all I'm telling coworkers I'm having done... she has no idea I'm having WLS). It doesn't exactly fit the "compliment" thing, but it's like WTF is with your mouth?? It's so inappropriate that I finally went over her head yesterday and it WILL be dealt with come next week.

I have gotten remarks like...you used to be so skinny (like when I was 22 and 103 lbs. I was sickly and most probably a bit anorexic although it wasn't called that in 1970. I gained the weight in my early 40's and 50's. Now that I am 60 it's time to get healthy. I have been lucky most of my family is very very supportive and so have most of my friends.

I just think that people are jealous and want you to stay fat then you won't be a threat to them in some way.

Do what you want to do and the hell with them I say.

I was in my front yard today raking leaves and my neighbor drove by. She rolled down her window and said "you have lost a TON of weight." I think she meant it as a compliment but as she is a skinny beotch it just pissed me off. She also said that she saw me walking the dogs the other day and at first did not recognize me. I have lived two doors down from her for the last 15 years and she does not recognize me after losing 50 lbs? I know I was/and still am overweight but I only have 30 - 40 lbs left to lose (flexible goal) but apparently before the lap band I was Jabba the Hut. I want to believe that her intention was to compliment me but it just came off as an insult.

Doctor:

I went to a back doctor because I had a lump on the base of my spine. It took him 5 seconds, he looked at it, felt it...then sat down and started writing on his pad. I asked what it was and he barely looked up at me to tell me it was a fat deposit from me being so overweight. His recommendation was to lose weight. While I'm glad it was *only* a fat deposit, it was very embarrassing to sit there in the room, in all silence while he's scratching on his pad: FAT DEPOSIT.

Glou - for your information, that doc is WRONG. My obese father has those little fat deposits. So why do I say doc is wrong? Because of his 2 beloved offspring, does the obese daughter have them? NOPE! His under-to-regular weight son does!!! He had a couple in his forearm that had begun to hurt and were even affecting his finger movement. So tell the doc to BUGGER OFF!!!

Yeah, I appreciate the comment of "Wow, you're looking terrific recently." But the comment of "You've lost a TON of weight, I mean really!" is just bad. Seriously? a TON? Come on!

Glou - for your information, that doc is WRONG. My obese father has those little fat deposits. So why do I say doc is wrong? Because of his 2 beloved offspring, does the obese daughter have them? NOPE! His under-to-regular weight son does!!! He had a couple in his forearm that had begun to hurt and were even affecting his finger movement. So tell the doc to BUGGER OFF!!!

Just to confirm this, my extremely fit and slim boyfriend (@160lb?) also has a large one of these on the base of his spine. It's called a lipoma and they occur in about 1% of the population. Some general information can be found here: Lipoma - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, http://www.australiandoctor.com.au/patient/010316LIP.pdf and Lipoma

When I was 17 one ofthe high school security ladies came up to me and said you look so great and I said thank you so much and then she asked me if I was having a boy or a girl....I cried until my mom came and took me home...I didn't even want to leave the house ever again!!! The more recently my sister-in-law who I'm not too found of came up to me and said thank god you got that band when you did...you were starting to look really puffy and kind of like a slob....I have no idea what people are thinking when they open thier mouths sometimes...lol

I can relate to the baby story. I was waiting in a queue while shopping and turned around to 'talk' to an 11 month old in a pram behind me. When I got to the check out, the girl (about 17) said "Oh well you won't have to wait long" when I asked her what she meant, she pointed to my stomach and said "you'll have one of your own soon". I grabbed my tummy and shook it "uh uh, its all fat". She was so embarrassed.