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Bariatric surgery was a big mistake



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I'm only adding this post because I hope someone searching gastric bypass sees it. Everyone must make their own decisions about this surgery, but the overwhelming information out there sends the message that gastric bypass is a good thing. Please know that it is not right for everyone and anyone thinking of doing this should take a lot of time to research both the positive and the negatives. Gastric bypass is not the answer to lose weight. It's not realistic and it's not in line with society. If gastric bypass was just a way to eat half of what you normally ate, that would be one thing. I hate that I did this. I'm so mad at myself for listening to everyone else and not listening to myself. Gastric bypass is a bunch of rules and restrictions that make life miserable. You can't drink when you eat, so you have hours a day with no fluids. However you have to still get in 64 oz of Water or you get sick and your weight loss slows. It's ridiculously impossible unless you look like a fool carrying a water bottle around all day long! Then there is the Vitamins and medication to protect your stomach. I never took a pill before this surgery and now I'm supposed to be taking almost a dozen a day. Who has time for that? Then there are the limits to what you can eat, not just how much. Try going anywhere and it's nearly impossible to find something to eat that you like and want . Nine times out of ten you have to eat something you can eat, not something you want to eat or even like. I'm literally choking down food I hate just because it's the only thing I can have. Again, I have to pack my own food anytime I go somewhere or just not eat all all and I look like an idiot! What forty year old do you know that carries a lunch box around everywhere she goes? I didn’t pack this weekend when I went to my daughters lacrosse tournament and I paid the price because there was not one thing I could eat even though there were six or more vendors and food trucks! We don't have family dinners any more, I sit in another room to spend my twenty minutes eating four lousy spoonfuls, Mother's Day was ruined because for the first time in 21 years we could not go out to Breakfast or take my own mother out to dinner. I sat home alone on Memorial Day and skipped the family BBQ all because of this surgery too. I can't be around normal people enjoying normal things because I'm not normal anymore. Just chewing the food for a ridiculous amount of time and waiting twenty minutes to eat four spoonfuls of something makes me look like a fool. People actually stare and waitresses ask if something is wrong. Yes, something is wrong! I’m angry that I was not told that life was ruined by this surgery. I was never told all of the rules, restrictions, or possible side effects. Every appointment I went to was about what questions I had but no information was given. How could I have questions about something I was obviously so poorly informed about. It’s my fault because I did it I’m stuck and my life is ruined. There have to be others out there that feel the same way so I hope they step out and share so people who are thinking about this surgery can see both sides. This surgery is a money maker for surgeons and it’s advertised way to much with a positive slant. Hindsight is 20/20! If I knew then what I know now I would have gone to Weight watchers and a gym and never ever would have done this. This surgery has ruined my life!

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Out of curiosity how long ago did you have surgery and how much have you lost as a result of the surgery.

I have had multiple surgeries, I had lapband in 2012 and then revised to a sleeve due to complications. Fast forward to 2018 I developed GERD and a Hiatal hernia and in the next few months I am going to be revised to RYN. Even with all my complications I would not change my journey I have learned soo much about myself and it has truly changed my life. I have lost over 150 lbs and now get to live a full life!!

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I’m just under a month from surgery and while I don’t regret it at all (even when one bite of food caused horrific pain for a week) I do agree it’s hard to be prepared for how it changes your relationship with food. I just told my mom and husband that food gives me no pleasure anymore. It’s simply nutrition. But even though it’s hard sometimes I’m working to be ok with it. Everything we do as a family or with friends has revolved around eating. It’s so hard to change that mindset. And I had a similar Mother’s Day as you, my kids are 12 and 14 and it was the first time they were unable to make me Breakfast in bed. It was hard but next year they can make me an egg and a tiny piece of fruit and we are trying to find things we can do together that don’t involve food. I honestly think this is a good thing because there is a reason I had the surgery. I did try every diet including WW and exercise and could never stick with it. There was a time at the beginning that I doubted the saying “nothing tastes as good as thin feels “ but now that I can see the weight loss and wear clothes I haven’t been able to wear in 10 years I’m starting to see the other side. Find the silver lining since what is done is done.

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You can still eat things you want.. but the point is moderation.. and everyone should be carrying around a water bottle all day long.. the point is.. this was designed to be a tool! It's not a fix.. those holidays were ruined because your head was in the wrong place.. you made the choice to make those holidays about food instead of the company.. now it's time to make holidays about the company and not the food which it was supposed to be about anyhow! and why dont you make something you can eat to contribute.. so what it takes you a while.. you can eat and talk at the same time.. let people think whatever they want.. and sad to say.. this surgery is actually quite the norm.. if it wasn't Dennys wouldn't have a healthy place on their menu and except a bariatric surgery card and same goes for other places. I dont know about you but food I like got me to weighing 262 pounds because I liked it a little too much! And taking 20 minutes, eating and drinking at the same time.. that's stuff our generation was taught growing up, old habits are hard to brake.. but it can be done. I'm sorry you are frustrated.. but I hope I give you a new prespective.. maybe it will help put you in a better place..

Sent from my SM-J337AZ using BariatricPal mobile app

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The first few months after surgery are hard. Do you want to live to see your kids get married? Have grandchildren? PLay with grandchildren? Then buck up, buttercup. Put on your big girl panties and go see a therapist to talk about your food issues. You clearly have them.

I'm almost 3 years out and 150 pounds down. (I've stopped updating my ticker - it's a pain in the a$$.) I fence at a national level and am ranked 23rd among women age 50-59 in the United States. I started fencing after I lost the weight.

I understand the need to vent in a safe place, but you need to get your head in the right place. Because if your head isn't in the right place, nothing is going to work. This is only a tool. Not a magic bullet.

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I'm sorry you're struggling, and that your surgeon's team didn't prepare you better for what to expect post op. I respectfully suggest that you find yourself a therapist with experience in dealing with bariatric patients and/or eating disorders. Your surgeon's office should be able to make some recommendations. I'm assuming that you're in your first couple of months post op, when things are toughest. This is a season of your life, and I strongly urge you to find the emotional tools to help you.

As has been mentioned above, you need to find ways to be social that don't involve food. It is a great lesson for your kids to learn too, to set them up with a healthy relationship with food for down the road.

I wish you good luck and hope you find a way through the next few months.

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You knew all of the ups and downs before going in to surgery. Yes, it's tough. Yes there are risks. But, you are given all of this information going into it.

Actually, for some of us it's the only way we can lose weight. Even though I spent 3 months in hospital with a leak in my sleeve and now after RNY a possible stricture or ulcer, I am glad I did it. But, I did my research and I weighed up the risks and for me at 368 pounds... I knew I wasn't going to live much longer and my daughter needs me so much more than I need food.

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1 hour ago, FluffySaysForkIt! said:

First, If your story is real, and you are not a troll,

please get help. You are dealing with some deep seated mental health issues that need professional help.

Second, if you are a troll,

please get help. You are dealing with some deep seated mental health issues that need professional help.

Either way I wish you healing and peace. :784_peace:

Fluffy try to be kinder. This woman seems to be going through a lot. She needs our compassion, not to gang up on her!

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You are worried about doing things because they make you look like an idiot , maybe you should worry less about what other people think and do what is good for you. One could also say that posting for the first time on a site like this about how bad things are and trying to put other people off could make one look like an idiot. A much better first post would have had a backstory and if a person is struggling asked for help!

I don’t have a bunch of rules and restrictions, I eat like a “ normal” person just in much smaller quantities.

If you follow the 20/20/20 rule for eating and drinking then there aren’t hours in a day where you can’t drink. I don’t see what is wrong with carrying a Water bottle as it is something a lot of people do these days, however unless you are going bushwalking it’s not really necessary. Most of the time we are not that far away from somewhere we can get a drink.

Having to carry a lunchbox everywhere you go is also not normal. Generally there is always something available that is suitable to eat. Even at unhealthy fast food restaurants if you focus on Protein you will find something. Eat some ribs, or the burger without the bun or some chicken or go to a 7/11 or supermarket and buy a yogurt or some cheese or.............

I have just been on a months holiday to the USA, UK, Asia. Not once did I need to carry a lunchbox, I didn’t starve and I didn’t feel like an idiot. At the end of the trip I had lost weight with very little effort on my part.

Sorry that you feel you weren’t given any info but there is a lot of info available for the taking for those that are happy to do thorough research.

I think that maybe you need to see a food psychologist as it sounds as though you have an emotional attachment to food that you are struggling with. I hope that you are able to overcome your issues and that you can start using this tool to it’s full advantage and eat in a normal happy way

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Posted (edited)
45 minutes ago, gabybab said:

Fluffy try to be kinder. This woman seems to be going through a lot. She needs our compassion, not to gang up on her!

Hi Gabybab,

I am sorry you see it that way. I really do try to always be kind. :)

I just really think we might be getting our leg pulled here.... If you look at some of the other posts (that got shut down by mods) in the last few hours because of proven trolls they look just like this one. Same wording etc.

If it comes out that I am wrong I will be the first to PERSONALLY apologize. Promise.

Either way, I respect your right to disagree. 💙 Take care!

Edited by FluffySaysForkIt!

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Posted (edited)

I just read your post again. Firstly, I still cannot believe you weren't given a diet sheet or informed about your diet post surgery. If this is really truly the case, contact your surgeon's office and talk to them. They have nutritionists there who can help you find your way.

Secondly, it sounds like you aren't just angry at the surgery, but maybe also angry that life doesn't and can't revolve around food any more. I get that. it's really hard. It's been a huge brain adjustment for all of us but you can make it and it does get better. I really hope that you can reach out to your surgeon's office and try to get some support. Maybe sign up with a support group near you, and definitely use this board. The people here are lovely.

Edited by froufrou

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The feelings of frustration are definitely normal, and I have had some dark moments too but you have to coach yourself (your mind) to focus on what can do and have and why you started the process.

A nutritionist at my work told me how proud she was that I was so enthused about eating scrambled eggs one morning after seeing me have shakes everyday... I asked why, and she said that many of the patients she used to work with were so focused on what they couldn't have or what the restrictions were that they made themselves miserable. You get to choose what matters to you...

I work at a major financial technology company and EVERYBODY carries a Water bottle. They are trying to eliminate bottled beverages altogether to reduce waste and encourage people to drink water. And people off all ages carry a lunch on the metro to work. You certainly don't look silly or abnormal.

I can agree with the sentiment, at least in my case too, that my program could have better prepared me for the mental battle--or at least provided a sense of how rough the ride can get. But like others have suggested, there are mental health providers that specialize in these issues.

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