Jealousy?

[BeanieSprouts 171]

Good Morning! I need a bit of a dose of reality from you guys, and I would really appreciate some feedback.

I work in an office with a girl who went to the same surgeon I did. We had our surgeries done about 2 months apart, me first and hers second. I know she's still in the honeymoon phase (and maybe I am too, I'm less than a year out), but she eats SO MUCH more than I can and eats SO MUCH that I can't.

We talk often about foods we can and can't eat. She recommended eating sweetened condensed milk because it "slides down", talks about how she can polish a whole bottle of wine off on her own nightly and eats fried chicken sliders multiple times a week. She still eats french fries, ice cream, cake, Cookies and chips.

I'm not looking to change her behavior, I know that's not possible nor is that my problem. My issue is that because she's a lighter weight than I was starting, she's visibly lost more weight than me and people in the office are commenting. If I pass on a piece of cake, they say I shouldn't because "well SHE'S having one!" and while I don't listen, it makes my life harder.

Admittedly I'm jealous that she seems to be putting very little effort in and seems to be doing well. I am not undermining my own progress, I've lost 120 pounds so far, and 90 alone from surgery. I have completely overhauled my diet and life. But I am still jealous of her ability to eat whatever and still lose weight.

I know in rational Beanie-Brain that she is not set up for success and that makes me sad, but it doesn't change how I feel about this. Someone please tell me that I'm not a loser for refusing all cake and candy in my office and that my emotions are irrational?

[AnnaWallace 35]

I dont think you are being irrational at all and you are most definitely NOT a loser. It is she that should be jealous of you and your self control cause she obviously has none and in the end that is going to come back and bite her in the ass. And for those people commenting, ignore them. They have no idea how differently people lose and this isn't their journey. They will never understand. You just keep doing the right thing and in the end it will be you who has the success!

[Sarah M. 19]

Good Morning! I need a bit of a dose of reality from you guys, and I would really appreciate some feedback.

I work in an office with a girl who went to the same surgeon I did. We had our surgeries done about 2 months apart, me first and hers second. I know she's still in the honeymoon phase (and maybe I am too, I'm less than a year out), but she eats SO MUCH more than I can and eats SO MUCH that I can't.
We talk often about foods we can and can't eat. She recommended eating sweetened condensed milk because it "slides down", talks about how she can polish a whole bottle of wine off on her own nightly and eats fried chicken sliders multiple times a week. She still eats french fries, ice cream, cake, Cookies and chips.
I'm not looking to change her behavior, I know that's not possible nor is that my problem. My issue is that because she's a lighter weight than I was starting, she's visibly lost more weight than me and people in the office are commenting. If I pass on a piece of cake, they say I shouldn't because "well SHE'S having one!" and while I don't listen, it makes my life harder.
Admittedly I'm jealous that she seems to be putting very little effort in and seems to be doing well. I am not undermining my own progress, I've lost 120 pounds so far, and 90 alone from surgery. I have completely overhauled my diet and life. But I am still jealous of her ability to eat whatever and still lose weight.
I know in rational Beanie-Brain that she is not set up for success and that makes me sad, but it doesn't change how I feel about this. Someone please tell me that I'm not a loser for refusing all cake and candy in my office and that my emotions are irrational?

My opinion is, every body's reaction to the surgery is different, having the same surgeon dont have to mean same result, the purpose of the surgery it to learn how to eat healthy and less portion to maintain the best results for longer time possible, u r unique, don't put ur self down by comparison to a non healthy lifestyle, otherwise why did u had the surgery in the first place [emoji6]

Sent from my SM-N950F using BariatricPal mobile app

[KimTriesRNY 1,853]

In three years she will have gained all her weight back most likely. Let her eat her cake now and drink her wine. Those habits won’t get you very far long term.

Do not be jealous. Under a year out most people can eat whatever and still lose weight.

Follow your own diet and stick to the right program for long term success.

[BeanieSprouts 171]

Thank you everyone so much! Rationally I know everything you are all saying, but it's so nice to hear it from someone else. ❤️

[Jazzy1125 1,008]

You keep doing what you are doing. You are both under a year out and from my understanding ppl will continue to lose weight during the 1st year. Its the hard work and determination that will pay off for you down the road and for her it will be a super long struggle. We all have struggles from day to day, but your struggles will be a lot less and you will be a lot more successful in the long run. I am only 3 weeks out and so far so good, tho I need to get my walking in gear. Sometimes I just don't feel like it and I go back to dancing next month. Ballroom dancing. My surgeon said that can serve as my exercise, but I would like to do both lol.

[Liz The New Me 281]

BeanieSprouts by all means you are totally normal. I would have a hard time not thinking the way you are. BUT first you come FIRST. Start by you have lost 120 lbs. in 8 months!!!!! WOW Go back and look at some old photos and then at your current pictures. I'm sure you will see the difference. Second you don't want it to come back on and have to start all over again. Always think of the future picture of where you want to be. Plus if she is a friend she should be supportive of you.

[Wanda247 908]

Admittedly I'm jealous that she seems to be putting very little effort in and seems to be doing well. I am not undermining my own progress, I've lost 120 pounds so far, and 90 alone from surgery. I have completely overhauled my diet and life. But I am still jealous of her ability to eat whatever and still lose weight.

You are working hard and seem to being doing things the right way for long term success...You've lost over 100 lbs and that speaks volume. Please don't feel jealous of her but feel sorry for her because like the other posters said, her weight will come back unfortunately and guess what...those same people trying to get you to eat junk will be talking bad about her and saying that she should have been like you and turned down the junk food. yada, yada, yada...It's her life though.

I know people as well who's had wls and did the same thing, never changed their eating habits or lifestyle and the weight has returned.

Keep doing you, we are proud of you and here to support you.

PS: You may want to distance yourself from her so as to not pick up her bad habits, be around positive people that are going to motivate and encourage you. 😉

Edited November 28, 2018 by Wanda247

[GreenTealael 24,866]

3 hours ago, BeanieSprouts said:

Good Morning! I need a bit of a dose of reality from you guys, and I would really appreciate some feedback.

I work in an office with a girl who went to the same surgeon I did. We had our surgeries done about 2 months apart, me first and hers second. I know she's still in the honeymoon phase (and maybe I am too, I'm less than a year out), but she eats SO MUCH more than I can and eats SO MUCH that I can't.

We talk often about foods we can and can't eat. She recommended eating sweetened condensed milk because it "slides down", talks about how she can polish a whole bottle of wine off on her own nightly and eats fried chicken sliders multiple times a week. She still eats french fries, ice cream, cake, Cookies and chips.

I'm not looking to change her behavior, I know that's not possible nor is that my problem. My issue is that because she's a lighter weight than I was starting, she's visibly lost more weight than me and people in the office are commenting. If I pass on a piece of cake, they say I shouldn't because "well SHE'S having one!" and while I don't listen, it makes my life harder.

Admittedly I'm jealous that she seems to be putting very little effort in and seems to be doing well. I am not undermining my own progress, I've lost 120 pounds so far, and 90 alone from surgery. I have completely overhauled my diet and life. But I am still jealous of her ability to eat whatever and still lose weight.

I know in rational Beanie-Brain that she is not set up for success and that makes me sad, but it doesn't change how I feel about this. Someone please tell me that I'm not a loser for refusing all cake and candy in my office and that my emotions are irrational?

Try to focus solely on your journey. I could say that she'll fail soon with those habits, but what if she's a super loser and will lose no matter what, while you continuously struggle but did everything right? It wouldn't seem fair, but thats the problem with comparison. Comparing yourself to ANYONE else is a setup for unintentional misery instead of appreciation of yourself.

Be wonderful at being yourself on your journey, and let Madame Eatery do the same.

Edited November 28, 2018 by GreenTealael

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

Girl, if you weren't jealous, that would be abnormal! That said, we all have to deal with our own body/hormones/etc. and it sounds like you're doing amazingly well. Congratulations on your success and just try to shut out the rest.

[Danny Paul 761]

5 hours ago, BeanieSprouts said:

. She recommended eating sweetened condensed milk because it "slides down", talks about how she can polish a whole bottle of wine off on her own nightly and eats fried chicken sliders multiple times a week. She still eats french fries, ice cream, cake, Cookies and chips.

She had WLS in May, about six months out and she's going back to the same "diet plan" that made her overweight? Excuse the pun but that seems to be a recipe for weight loss disaster. I was advised that this is the time to reset what you allow back into your eating universe. Try keeping as much of the bad stuff out and the odds are you will be more successful with long term weight loss. Keep up the good work.

[sillykitty 10,705]

6 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

Try to focus solely on your journey. I could say that she'll fail soon with those habits, but what if she's a super loser and will lose no matter what, while you continuously struggle but did everything right? It wouldn't seem fair, but thats the problem with comparison. Comparing yourself to ANYONE else is a setup for unintentional misery instead of appreciation of yourself.

Be wonderful at being yourself on your journey, and let Madame Eatery do the same.

Totally natural to feel jealous, but I concur with this.

It's really better to focus on your own success. She may end up ultimately failing, but there certainly are people who have been successful post WLS surgery with no real diet plan. It's not fair, but it's not different than how Sally in accounting can eat donuts and chips all day and still wear a size 4. We have all dealt with those types out whole lives, your coworker is just a WLS version

[BostonWLKC 806]

Keep doing you! You’re following your plan and she well,... isn’t. If she isn’t making lifestyle changes now it’ll eventually catch up with her.
Congrats to you for making the healthier lifestyle decisions
Don’t be jealous of her- she will lead to a bad place she will regret

Congrats!

[BeanieSprouts 171]

Thank you all so much, I really appreciate it. Yesterday was an emotional day anyway and I always struggle with compulsions to overeat on those days. It def triggered that in me, and I appreciate everyone's feedback.

I am VERY proud of how far I've come, and how I've chosen to face my issues with food head on. I will continue how I've been, make sure I'm trying new healthy foods so I don't get bored, and focus on MY journey. I'm also going to bring this up to my individual therapist tonight when I see her, I feel like it's good to get it out in the open verbally too.

You're all such a wealth of support here.

[Letsgetgoing2018 448]

Congrats on all of your success @BeanieSprouts! Keep with the program and focus on you......