Secret sleevers?

[thatch 377]

I've kept my surgery very private. Nothing on social media at all. I debated not telling my parents, but ended up doing so since they would figure out something was up next time they saw me eat when I visited. Only my closest friends and family members know. It's not that I'm keeping it a secret necessarily, I just don't like sharing details about my health with people. I do admire the more extroverted among us who are sharing their journeys though, and I enjoy reading about people's experiences.

[thatch 377]

On 9/10/2018 at 12:59 PM, sillykitty said:

You're fortunate, that has not been my experience at all

Same for me. Even waiters feel the need to comment on how little I'm eating. :/

[CrankyMagpie 509]

2 hours ago, thatch said:

Same for me. Even waiters feel the need to comment on how little I'm eating. :/

I've already warned my spouse: I'm probably not going to want to go out to eat for at least 6 months, maybe longer. Eating such small amounts, while in a visibly fat body... yeah, I'm not interested in people's commentary.

[MargoCL 677]

2 minutes ago, CrankyMagpie said:

I've already warned my spouse: I'm probably not going to want to go out to eat for at least 6 months, maybe longer. Eating such small amounts, while in a visibly fat body... yeah, I'm not interested in people's commentary.

My BF and I share meals often and this helps especially if you can do the dividing up of meals.

[Psyched 91]

53 minutes ago, CrankyMagpie said:

I've already warned my spouse: I'm probably not going to want to go out to eat for at least 6 months, maybe longer. Eating such small amounts, while in a visibly fat body... yeah, I'm not interested in people's commentary.

What if when you order your meal you immediately ask for a "to go plate" as well? I order my food and I literally do not take a breath when I say "and may I have a to go plate with that order please". They look awfully confused and sometimes will ask, "you want a to go plate now?" I smile and respond, "Yes, please, when you bring my meal, please bring a to go plate along with it. <Insert smile and batting eyelashes>" It does a couple of things, it trains me on Portion Control, but it also trains those around me so that they won't think anything of me eating a little or sometimes not eating at all when they are eating, but instead having a Protein Drink (which I have done in several meetings and gatherings), so after this surgery next month they will probably just think, "she is just going to far with this "dieting" stuff :-)". Now, I do know that the portions change even more DRASTICALLY after surgery, so we'll probably only go to dinner with my best friend and her family! HAHAHA!!!! When we HAVE to go with others, I'll probably just order a cup of Soup or something.

[Psyched 91]

1 hour ago, MargoCL said:

My BF and I share meals often and this helps especially if you can do the dividing up of meals.

That's a great idea! I like it.

[CrankyMagpie 509]

6 minutes ago, Psyched said:

What if when you order your meal you immediately ask for a "to go plate" as well? I order my food and I literally do not take a breath when I say "and may I have a to go plate with that order please". They look awfully confused and sometimes will ask, "you want a to go plate now?" I smile and respond, "Yes, please, when you bring my meal, please bring a to go plate along with it. <Insert smile and batting eyelashes>"

I'm super glad that works for you (sincerely! that's great!), but it isn't an option for me, either right now or in the period immediately after surgery. It does the opposite of what I want, by calling more attention to how much I'm eating, not less. I may be bold enough to do that when I inhabit a thin body, but I definitely won't do it now.

(This is my own hangup, and it's probably more of a thing for therapy than a thing we can problem solve on a discussion board. I'm all right with that, though I do really appreciate your sharing what works for you! My spouse and I are both cool with not going to restaurants for 6-8 months. And if we get pulled in by friends before then, I can probably get him on board with @MargoCL's approach, especially since we're into Indian food and sushi, which both lend themselves pretty well to sharing.)

[GreenTealael 24,867]

This is sneaky and deceptive but... You could always say the food was terrible, so you couldn't eat it, or you recently developed IBS, or say nothing looks good so you'll just order soup/salad/coffee/tea...

Or the other end is say something's so great you *force* everyone to try it and oops look at that, not much left on your plate...(what I do)

When out with my family in large groups they like to play "now everyone pass your plate to the left" so much fun!

No cares if I eat a ton, more for everyone else to try

It gets easier, eventually

And if the conversation is engaging no one cares what you're eating...

Edited September 12, 2018 by GreenTealael

[diabladepaz 42]

First of all, I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for your helpful and thoughtful responses. You guys continue to give me strength and courage through sharing your experience.

Second, and please take this with a grain of salt since I haven't actually been sleeved yet -- I'll just add that I am in AA and haven't had a drink in nearly 13 years. One of the most common insecurities felt by those new in recovery when going out is that people will see they're not drinking and ask them why and give them crap about it. This does happen sometimes, but usually people are just so happy with their own cocktail that they don't really care what the other person is or isn't drinking. So with food, I am hoping it is similar -- especially when I go out with my husband we we share Entrees.

[Psyched 91]

2 minutes ago, CrankyMagpie said:

I'm super glad that works for you (sincerely! that's great!), but it isn't an option for me, either right now or in the period immediately after surgery. It does the opposite of what I want, by calling more attention to how much I'm eating, not less. I may be bold enough to do that when I inhabit a thin body, but I definitely won't do it now.

(This is my own hangup, and it's probably more of a thing for therapy than a thing we can problem solve on a discussion board. I'm all right with that, though I do really appreciate your sharing what works for you! My spouse and I are both cool with not going to restaurants for 6-8 months. And if we get pulled in by friends before then, I can probably get him on board with @MargoCL's approach, especially since we're into Indian food and sushi, which both lend themselves pretty well to sharing.)

@CrankyMagpie, no worries, trust me, I totally understand. Please take note of my last three or four lines though. I am under no disillusion. I am sure it probably works for me now because I am pre-surgery. I may and probably will feel differently post surgery and I've accounted for my feelings changing by saying okay, we may only go out with my best friend and her family (as she knows about it and knows two or three bites and I'll probably be full). Or if we have to go to dinner with other people (because for us there is no way around it sometimes), it's probably a cup of Soup for me. So, I definitely understand and can empathize. We are all different though and I enjoy reading everyone's journey and learning as I travel my own, so, thank you for sharing! I wish you all the best. Keep us updated!

[S@ssen@ch 745]

My strategy depends on the restaurant and who I'm with.

If it's just DH and I, we might get one of the larger (combo-type) meals and share. We're talking something with 2 or 3 different entrée items only in smaller portions. Sometimes the restaurant will separate it into separate plates as a courtesy, but I'm just happy with my side plate. I pick items and amounts that I want and hubby eats the rest. If he can't, then we take it to-go. I have also got just one item from the a la carte menu. I've looked at the children's menu, but honestly, most of those are things I wouldn't eat.

If I'm with co-workers, I try to select smaller meals and sometimes even order an appetizer if I can find one that is a healthier option. If not, it's the a la carte method or Soup.

My biggest issue with eating out is the water/drinks. Every darn restaurant wants to offer you drinks and when you tell them no, you get the expression that says "is this woman nuts". If I know I have a reasonable wait until the meal is served, I will get Water or tea, but then they're constantly trying to re-fill something I won't be drinking.

I have never asked for the to-go box before my meal, but have strongly considered bringing my own gladware in my purse because those flimsy Styrofoam ones are a pain.

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

10 minutes ago, S@ssen@ch said:

I have never asked for the to-go box before my meal, but have strongly considered bringing my own gladware in my purse because those flimsy Styrofoam ones are a pain.

My goodness, that takes dedication!

[S@ssen@ch 745]

26 minutes ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

My goodness, that takes dedication!

Note that I said "considered". I haven't actually done it, but the thought has crossed my mind more than once.

Last weekend, went out with my son and had white chicken chili. This restaurant has THE BEST and I went out of my way to get it. It's thick with lots of chicken, but even a cup size was too much. So, I got one of those Styrofoam cups with a lid. It exploded on me and in my purse. Now my wallet has a crust of white chicken chili.

[sillykitty 10,705]

6 hours ago, thatch said:

Same for me. Even waiters feel the need to comment on how little I'm eating. :/

And then when the manager comes over to make sure nothing was wrong with the meal

[thatch 377]

4 minutes ago, sillykitty said:

And then when the manager comes over to make sure nothing was wrong with the meal

Oh jeez, that would annoy me to no end!