So I will be sleeved Aug 20th. Two weeks from now. I’m having issues though talking about it with people who I’m not really close to. I’m not ready to tell everyone I’m having weight loss surgery. I don’t want their opinions or reactions yet. People who ask questions at work, relatives who are close but not close-close, neighbors, people want to know why I’m eating like that, why I’m not eating at the family reunion, why I’m taking time off work etc etc. but I’m not ready for their opinions or reactions. I’m a very private person.

Anyone else else deal with this? Did you just stick with saying none of our business? Or did you make up a fake procedure like I’m considering doing, or what? Please share.

I'd go with fake procedure. My fake procedure is going to be a hernia repair. At work, I am the only female, so I'm going to say it is lady business related. That'll shut em up real quick. : )

I think your absolutely right to me it’s an invasion of privacy. Example a girl friend of mine tell me something private and intimate about herself or her husband and I wait just as good to be in a room full of people and say did you guys workout that intimate issue you were having, so did the doctor give you meds to help you out with that. That’s my example and people need to mind their own gosh darn business. Tell them nothing if you don’t want to.

I once had a supervisor berate the fact that I knew Eric and Casey were not a straight couple and had not ratted them out to her. Said I was against facility policy. I then asked does HIPAA and the Federal and State governments have any knowledge,of this ruling, because I'm sorry,its against one of their laws? She turned on her heel and stomped away.?

You don't have to tell anyone anything, you can say diagnostic testing and recovery to HR and supervisors , nothing to everyone else.

Edited August 5, 20188 yr by GreenTealael

Tell them as little as possible to shut them up...' I have a minor hernia/digestive issue that is going to be taken care of, nothing to be concerned about'

Or - 'your concern is so nice, I assure you I am fine, what about those Cubs?' 'How is the coleslaw, my gall bladder reacts terribly to it but i love it, excuse me I want to go talk to Uncle Fred before he passes out, what a character.'

Work only needs to see your leave paperwork and your Dr.'s leave excuse but NOT the type of procedure.

I’ll just throw this in as well, it turned out to not be an issue with my group of coworkers as much as I hyperprepared for it...many didn’t ask questions until the weight was falling off...like my pants haha. I always needed new clothes early in. I told the truth about a month later to everyone but I got much fewer comments on the size of my meals than I thought. People care a lot more about themselves where I work at least ?

You don't have to divulge anything to anyone if you don't feel like it only those who need to know. PPl at my job i only discuss with those I care to know, any others can mind their own business. One coworker even saw that i lost 30 lbs already and our work gets a gym discount so I signed up and she offered to pay for a few sessions with a personal trainer........ thats the caring kind. Other than that, you do you!!!!! and you'll be fine.

I work at a privately owned company that is self insured, so they were going to see the insurance bills...it is a big reason they are self insured so they see what is going on with their workforce! I also am a regional sales manager who was not going to be able to travel for 3 months so I had to let them know a few weeks before my surgery. It was hard as I saw judgement from one side of management, a few of them made snarky comments, but to my surprise, others said it is for your health and we are behind you all the way! If I did not have to disclose I would have just said I need stomach/digestive surgery.

Tell them that you're having metabolic surgery. They'll probably be too embarrassed to admit that they don't know what that is. And include that one of the "side effects" of your surgery is losing weight and maybe some hair loss. (The hair loss is for a little shock value).

The best part is that this is all true. You are having metabolic surgery.

3 minutes ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

Tell them that you're having metabolic surgery. They'll probably be too embarrassed to admit that they don't know what that is. And include that one of the "side effects" of your surgery is losing weight and maybe some Hair loss. (The hair loss is for a little shock value).

The best part is that this is all true. You are having metabolic surgery.

I wish I had said metabolic surgery it would have made my disclosure much easier and it is completely correct! I had read another post from Missouri-Lee's Summit that explained this further and it was a Au ha moment for me! Amazing that we are all doing this surgery for better health and are have such a stigma about the fact that we are having surgery that improves our health!

Tell them you were born with 3 testicles, only 2 descended, they have to go in and find where it went. Or you got a boil the last time you wore a Speedo and you want it fixed so you can go on a Caribbean cruise. Or tell them you're having a sex change, you're going to keep trying,until you find one b you like. That ought stun them into silence.?

My SIL had amazing results with a lap band years ago, and when I (rather rudely, in retrospect) asked how she did it, she said "diet and exercise," and I felt like a loser for not being able to do the same. Just ... as a data point. (Obviously, I found out, because my family is into gossip, and eventually the band failed and she gained a lot back.)

Being several years older and wiser, of course, I now realize that it is super duper rude to ask people about their weight or comment on their food choices, so with people who are close enough to me that they get to ask rude questions, I'll probably tell the truth. (It helps that I have some complicating medical issues that make this surgery a bit more necessary, which will slow their roll on the judgment front. I'm also happy to point out "this is my body, and since I'm the one who has to live in it, I'm the only one who gets to decide.")

But coworkers? And randos I just kind of know? I'm still working on a set of scripts, but it's going to be something along the lines of "That's a very personal question" or "I don't believe in food-shaming one another" or ... just ... blatantly ignoring anything rude they say and changing the subject outright. (I'm working on my quelling stare, for if they try again after I've changed the subject. ;))

I'm not willing to make someone feel like I felt, not if they're well-meaning and generally not a jerk. But I also don't owe anyone any answers, you know? So this is my happy center line. Ultimately, I hope we'll each find what works for us.

Do you go around sharing details of every surgery or medical procedure you’ve had? I don’t think you need to tell most people about your medical history and doctor-approved treatment(s). TMI. Do you expect all the men you know to divulge issues with their prostates or hearts, or women with their ovaries or other internal organs (for example)? It is no one else’s business but your own. As well, people don’t need to know why you eat the way you do. Again, none of their business. I advocate that you be as circumspect as possible.

Edited August 5, 20188 yr by MarinaGirl

1 hour ago, soccrmom23 said:

You don't have to divulge anything to anyone if you don't feel like it only those who need to know. PPl at my job i only discuss with those I care to know, any others can mind their own business. One coworker even saw that i lost 30 lbs already and our work gets a gym discount so I signed up and she offered to pay for a few sessions with a personal trainer........ thats the caring kind. Other than that, you do you!!!!! and you'll be fine.

Wow! What a nice lady!

I wholeheartedly believe you have to do what works for you. That said, I told everyone at work the truth. In fact, I haven't kept my surgery a secret from anyone. I have done nothing wrong, by choosing to a medical procedure that will improve my health, if anyone wants to judge me for it, that says far more about them than it does about me. Though my honesty, I got INCREDIBLE support in my workplace and was able to talk with other people who are struggling with their weight and support them in their journeys. Being so open has been one of the best parts of my journey - it has shown me how much love people are able to share.