So I will be sleeved Aug 20th. Two weeks from now. I’m having issues though talking about it with people who I’m not really close to. I’m not ready to tell everyone I’m having weight loss surgery. I don’t want their opinions or reactions yet. People who ask questions at work, relatives who are close but not close-close, neighbors, people want to know why I’m eating like that, why I’m not eating at the family reunion, why I’m taking time off work etc etc. but I’m not ready for their opinions or reactions. I’m a very private person.

Anyone else else deal with this? Did you just stick with saying none of our business? Or did you make up a fake procedure like I’m considering doing, or what? Please share.

I didn't need much of an excuse for surgery or recovery. Both were quick and easy for me.

What I have needed excuses for is how little I can eat. It won't matter if you dine with people infrequently, any excuse will work. But if people see you regularly eating 1-2 oz of food, and losing weight rapidly, they are going to ask questions.

On 8/5/2018 at 10:07 PM, sillykitty said:

I have a question for those whom are able to stonewall and give non answers .... how do you do it?

There is no way in my professional life I would just be able to give non answers about my weight loss and eating habits.

This is also complicated by the fact I'm not willing to say, "I'm dieting, I'm watching what I eat", etc.. I have never admitted to having any issues with my weight. I have always projected confidence about who I am, and admitting to wanting to change myself would be acknowledging that was a lie.

Dining out is a a big part of my job. I may dine with some people a few times a year. But others I may have 3 meals a day with 3-4 days straight. The amount I can eat is so small (1-2 oz) it is always noticed. Even if I were to say "I'm watching what I eat", there is no way what I can eat is considered a healthy or balanced approach. No doubt people would assume I have an eating disorder.

Additionally, my weight loss has been so dramatic, it is not something that is achievable with normal dieting (if I was going to use the "watching what I eat" excuse). I know there are people at my company seriously concerned about my health. Some of this is genuine care. But a large part is succession planning. If I were to become suddenly unable to do my job, that would obviously cause a considerable problem.

So is my situation just unique? I can't imagine how I could not answer any questions about this day after day?

So - I fessed up to dieting. I said I was working with my medical team to get healthier and was on a very strict diet, if I was asked. Generally at group events, I wasn't - e.g. conferences with multiple meals with other members. No one is looking at the food on your plate. Just push it around and re-arrange it to make it look like you are eating it. Cut things up and move stuff around - you know like you did when you mother gave you something you didn't like as a kid.

As for the rest - I answer the question the same way after 2 years and 150 pounds from my highest pre-surgery weight - I worked with a medical team. I eat a diet that is very high in protein and have given up processed foods, white flour and all non-fruit based sugars. I do not drink soda or alcohol. I exercise at least 1 hour a day and log every bite of food with an app to be accountable. It hasn't been easy but it has been worth it.

Generally, as soon as they hear you've given up sugar, bread, pasta and booze, they run for the hills and change the subject.

I told everyone at work I got a hernia remove (which was part of the gastric sleeve surgery so not total lie lol) and that I was in pain after so I was eating only a little bit and lost 18lbs within 3 weeks when I returned to work. I told them that motivated me to loose weight and I’m just sticking to it lol. I’m 4yrs post up now I see it as no big deal and do tell people. At that time only about 4 close friends new and my family.

13 hours ago, Neversaynever said:

I know you live in America, but I seriously wish you were my next door neighbour, I love your humour!

I second that!

I'm not too worried about talking about having to have surgery, once the time is close enough, to bring some of the workplace into the picture. I have to have surgery..doesn't really matter what the surgery is, even to HR as far as I'm concerned..just that I have to have it as per my doctors and here are the dates I need to be away. What I am thinking about is the rapid weight loss and how to explain that. That is an interesting one... Someone I did tell about this suggested I say that I had to go on a medically supervised diet and exercise program due to blood test results. Could work...I have lost 30 lbs already and that was due to some results in blood work (pre-diabetes, adema and blood flow in the heart) scared me big time so I cut all the garbage out! Then a couple of months later I get the call for the orientation for this program..it kind of all fell together at the same time..but..tests results can scare us straight..so to speak!

I also had a hernia repair, and as far as everyone except my DIL knows, that is all I had. I told her because i may need the support later, andd she also works in healthcare, as I have. Did not tell my three adult children, mom or sister, and none of my friends. Fortunately I have been logging my diet for three years and they know that and that I had already lost 50 pounds. Also, most of my family doesnt even live in the same state, but in a nutshell, you should never feel an obligation to answer people's nosy questions.

No one is entitled to know this information but you and those you can trust. I only told my mom and husband and a couple who we dined with often. That is it. The surgery information is my health information and acquaintances and colleagues don’t need to know this information.

To those who ask about my weight loss, I let them know that I changed my lifestyle due to fear of Type 2 Diabetes. This is absolutely true!

In my humble opinion, many previous patients on this forum have lamented that they were criticized, judged, became the topic of conversation around the water cooler, were frightened with horror stories, etc. when they told people who really didn’t need to know. In other words, my advice is to tell only those people you are sure will be supportive. You can always tell someone whenever the time is right for you, after the surgery to avoid regret.

If my journey will help someone down the road, I would be happy to share it with them. Until then, I’m so happy that this is my journey with people who I trust.

@ shoelace if my parents hadn't talked me out of emigrating to Canada in 1967, I very easily could have been your neighbour. But many miles traveled and much water under the bridge since then. I held on to a canful of BC soil from that summer, someday when I die ---I hope to have it put on my grave.?

First let me say - its your story and your choice with whom you want to share it! However, I had the same fear especially where family was concerned.

Family was a pleasant surprise! I was really nervous telling them because I had a major hand injury at the the end of FEB and wound needing two surgeries to repair it. I used that time to jump through the hoops for this surgery. I thought my family would really be upset that I chose a third "optional" surgery. I know its not an option its necessary. So I told them all at a family dinner one night and was thrilled at their support. They had all been harboring concerns about my weight and were glad I was taking control!

Work has been supportive because a well liked guy recently had it and it has made a big difference for him. So they are happy for me.

Friends have been mostly supportive. I have one good friend who seems to be keeping her distance because she is trying to lose naturally. I fell like she is either judging my choice as the easy way out or afraid if she talk to me she will want to do it,, but I don"t think her spouse is on board with that.

It's your journey! Live it and share based on your needs!

Good Luck!!

3 hours ago, Frustr8 said:

@ shoelace if my parents hadn't talked me out of emigrating to Canada in 1967, I very easily could have been your neighbour. But many miles traveled and much Water under the bridge since then. I held on to a canful of BC soil from that summer, someday when I die ---I hope to have it put on my grave.?

I'm the opposite. Family emigrated from SK to the states. I'm trying convince my family to go back but they're stubborn Canadians

On 8/5/2018 at 10:07 PM, sillykitty said:

I have a question for those whom are able to stonewall and give non answers .... how do you do it?

There is no way in my professional life I would just be able to give non answers about my weight loss and eating habits.

This is also complicated by the fact I'm not willing to say, "I'm dieting, I'm watching what I eat", etc.. I have never admitted to having any issues with my weight. I have always projected confidence about who I am, and admitting to wanting to change myself would be acknowledging that was a lie.

Dining out is a a big part of my job. I may dine with some people a few times a year. But others I may have 3 meals a day with 3-4 days straight. The amount I can eat is so small (1-2 oz) it is always noticed. Even if I were to say "I'm watching what I eat", there is no way what I can eat is considered a healthy or balanced approach. No doubt people would assume I have an eating disorder.

Additionally, my weight loss has been so dramatic, it is not something that is achievable with normal dieting (if I was going to use the "watching what I eat" excuse). I know there are people at my company seriously concerned about my health. Some of this is genuine care. But a large part is succession planning. If I were to become suddenly unable to do my job, that would obviously cause a considerable problem.

So is my situation just unique? I can't imagine how I could not answer any questions about this day after day?

I'm just impressed you know what succession planning is!! : )

On 08/08/2018 at 3:59 PM, Frustr8 said:

@ shoelace if my parents hadn't talked me out of emigrating to Canada in 1967, I very easily could have been your neighbour. But many miles traveled and much Water under the bridge since then. I held on to a canful of BC soil from that summer, someday when I die ---I hope to have it put on my grave.?

21 hours ago, Marisol Unda said:

I'm the opposite. Family emigrated from SK to the states. I'm trying convince my family to go back but they're stubborn Canadians

Well anytime you feel like wandering by for a visit at least, let me know! Bring some interesting shakes from the states..bloody expensive up here!

Oh they are going to ? me at the border. When they ask me," Do you have anything to declare?" I'll be ready." Your healthcare is better, your prescription prices are better but your bariatric protein shakes are overpriced. I have a cooler-full. Go ahead and look , no pointed objects there!" And perhaps after he picks himself up off the ground he'll let me in. If not he'll push me back across the border to Port Angeles Washington, "Here take her back she's a dangerous individual!"

On 8/5/2018 at 2:26 PM, KennyJenks said:

Or did you make up a fake procedure like I’m considering doing, or what? Please share.

Told the people at work that me and 4 others in my building put $1,000 each into a pot and the person who lost the most weight by years end wins.(Dec 31, 2017) I told everyone I came in a distant second. Now, I tell everyone we have a second bet, who can keep the most weight off by years end. (Dec 31, 2018) In the building I tell people , it's a bet with 4 others at work. So far so good. BTW, I'm winning the bet for the most weight lost being kept off.

2 hours ago, Shoelace said:

Well anytime you feel like wandering by for a visit at least, let me know! Bring some interesting shakes from the states..bloody expensive up here!

Done Deal.