Many people are depressed because they lose self-confidence and self-worth because of their weight, but should it be an issue, to the point where it causes the end of a relationship? Can't couples do something to make it work without one having to leave the other? That's just depressing.

I met my husband when I was 22 but we did not start dating until I was 25. At that time, I weighed 125-130. He was a former model and absolutely gorgeous. We were wildly attracted to each other. We married in 1984 when I was 26 and always had an active lifestyle (sailing, water and snow skiing, tennis). I never had weight problems and we had a great relationship.

In my late 40s I begin to gain weight even though there were no changes in my diet or activity level. I had multiple appts. with my doctor to do testing (thyroid, cortisol)---all normal. I gradually got up to 220 which was unbelievable to me. At age 50 I started Atkins and lost 40 pounds in about 7 months. At age 51 I quit smoking after 33 years. Over the next few years my weight really shot up and my asthma got worse. I then, in 2014, was involved in a horrible car accident and sat in my house recovering from surgery and injuries for 4 months and then forced myself to return to work but I was unhealthy, obese and miserable. I hit my all time high weight of 290 pounds in November 2017. I had gained 165 pounds since we met...

Through all of this, he was and is my biggest supporter. Our relationship has suffered in every way because I was depressed, sick and felt so bad about myself. He has never gone a day without telling me that I am beautiful and he loves me. He has always said that the only thing that bothers him about my weight is that it makes me down on myself and limits/changes what activities we can do together. I do not believe this 100% but that is the type of man he is. We especially miss being able to take trips on the Harley, which we dearly love. Hopefully back to it soon.

He is thrilled with where I am at now, even though there is still a ways to go. I know our commitment is forever.

4 minutes ago, MIZ60 said:

I met my husband when I was 22 but we did not start dating until I was 25. At that time, I weighed 125-130. He was a former model and absolutely gorgeous. We were wildly attracted to each other. We married in 1984 when I was 26 and always had an active lifestyle (sailing, Water and snow skiing, tennis). I never had weight problems and we had a great relationship.

In my late 40s I begin to gain weight even though there were no changes in my diet or activity level. I had multiple appts. with my doctor to do testing (thyroid, cortisol)---all normal. I gradually got up to 220 which was unbelievable to me. At age 50 I started Atkins and lost 40 pounds in about 7 months. At age 51 I quit smoking after 33 years. Over the next few years my weight really shot up and my asthma got worse. I then, in 2014, was involved in a horrible car accident and sat in my house recovering from surgery and injuries for 4 months and then forced myself to return to work but I was unhealthy, obese and miserable. I hit my all time high weight of 290 pounds in November 2017. I had gained 165 pounds since we met...

Through all of this, he was and is my biggest supporter. Our relationship has suffered in every way because I was depressed, sick and felt so bad about myself. He has never gone a day without telling me that I am beautiful and he loves me. He has always said that the only thing that bothers him about my weight is that it makes me down on myself and limits/changes what activities we can do together. I do not believe this 100% but that is the type of man he is. We especially miss being able to take trips on the Harley, which we dearly love. Hopefully back to it soon.

He is thrilled with where I am at now, even though there is still a ways to go. I know our commitment is forever.

And in no time, you will be back to your active self! Just remember to be patient and gentle on yourself! :-)

On 7/28/2018 at 12:58 PM, macadamia said:

Should it or does it? It should not but it does, definitely.

I get you. Sad, but definitely true.

@sillykitty Thanks for sharing. I don't think he deserved you anyhow. He could have at least told you beforehand so you two could have done something. I find it cowardly to make excuses and to make you feel unwanted to the point where it is obvious that he's "getting rid of you." Can't he just tell it straight, just for the sake of the years of relationship. I mean respect should have been there somehow. Sorry if I may be overreacting, I just know someone I care so deeply that is going through this. I don't see why she has to experience this. She is an amazing person, like you. And when you see a person way past their physical, you just find it terrible to see them suffering. Anyhow, I think it is a blessing. I mean you and my friend are definitely amazing people, and maybe losing someone who is willing to lose someone like you just because of your weight is a blessing in disguise. I just hope that she sees that.

Honestly I met my husband 10 years ago when I was around 175 and we were just friends. I’ve gained 100 pounds in 10 years over the time of him knowing me but 7 of those years he has spent by my side loving me getting me to the place I am now and he is truly my best friend and we have an amazing life. Mind you were waaaaaay outside the norm when it comes to lifestyle but I always come back to him

@sillykitty wow your story is just like mine! So glad we got rid that toxic relationship.

I would just like someone to like me for me. Everyone I meet is either married, lesbian (is this a convenient excuse?), or just not interested in a large human. I truly hope that I never see any of these women after I meet my goal. I'm afraid that I may say something that is in my best interest to keep to myself. I doubt it will ever happen...

1 minute ago, macadamia said:

I would just like someone to like me for me. Everyone I meet is either married, lesbian (is this a convenient excuse?), or just not interested in a large human. I truly hope that I never see any of these women after I meet my goal. I'm afraid that I may say something that is in my best interest to keep to myself. I doubt it will ever happen...

I'm not a married lesbian...

Did you ever sort out your salt lake city situation BTW?

So, what you are saying is there's a chance?

I did, actually... Thank you for reminding me, I need to update the post.

34 minutes ago, macadamia said:

So, what you are saying is there's a chance?

I did, actually... Thank you for reminding me, I need to update the post.

Lol I might as well as across the universe...

A year ago I would have said no, weight does not matter.

But a year ago I was miserable and trapped and still drinking the kool-aid.

I was living with someone I still care about very much...but he had gained so much weight that his knees could no longer support him. He needed to lose weight in order to get bilateral knee replacements. He was completely bedbound and I was his full-time caretaker. I fully admit that I was an enabler. I gave him what he asked for in terms of food. I trusted him when he said he did his physical therapy exercises while I was out of the house. I was blinded by my love for him and it was unhealthy for us both. I gained 60 lbs. while with him.

Family and friends begged me to leave him, but I loved him, and I would not give up on someone I loved. I tried giving him healthier food, but he would beg for junk and guilt trip the heck out of me. I would try to get him to do his exercises, but he would have any number of excuses why he couldn't. Finally, I had to admit that he was not doing anything to help himself. He was simply not interested in getting better.

For my own menatal, emotional and physical health, I found a care facility for him and moved far enough away that I can't visit him very often (every time I visit he begs for junk food and alcohol). He is doing slightly better in this facility but has not lost much weight, even though his diet is supervised.

Weight SHOULD NOT matter in a relationship, unless someone else's weight and unhappiness is directly affecting your own.

Now all I want is someone to go swing dancing with.

1 hour ago, GreenTealael said:

Lol I might as well as across the universe...

stranger things have happened...

I think it depends on whether or not you were at the same weight when you met.

If i met a guy and he looked a certain way when i met him and then years later, he’s as big as a house, chances are i’m probably not going to be attracted to him anymore. It’s just a difference from what you were used to.


But if you meet someone and you’re already over weight, then it’s kind of like who cares, obviously the person dating you can see that and it doesn’t bother them.


I will say for me personally since having surgery i would not be willing to date someone that is really really over weight because our lifestyles are different. I don’t eat out very often anymore and i’m always in the gym which takes away time from other things.

HI @MIZ60. Thanks for sharing your story. I cannot mention everyone here but I'm reading all your comments. Glad that you had a few moments to share your insights and stories.

Thank all of you for sharing these brave details, and the honesty.

My hubby is 6ft and 168 soaking wet. Second marriage for both married 21+ yrs to each other and each 18 yrs previously - I know he appreciates me as i was/am but I also know that physical attraction is part of it always.

He has never seen me at a normal weight, he is my total cheerleader, cabana-boy, and all around exceptionally decent man. I expect he will find new joy in the skinnier me because I will be enjoying it myself too - especially after plastics and i get new 'fun bags'....lol

I hope all of you get to goal, find good relationships with love and have a blast finding it all out....