So my boss and coworkers know I am going to have gastric bypass. They have been very supportive and understanding if I needed to take time off work for my appointments. A couple of weeks ago my boss told me when “good times” would be to have surgery and I said okay. Just the other day my boss came back to talk about my surgery and now wants me to wait an additional month to have surgery due to things that are going on at work. I don’t have my surgery date yet but will get it next week when I meet with my surgeon again.

During a meeting with our little department my boss made a point that my surgery is elective so maybe I should just wait until this fall to have surgery.

I don’t think it’s fair for my boss to tell me when I can have surgery. I believe that my surgery date should be between me and my surgeon.

Am I being overly sensitive about this? I talked to my mom about it since she had this surgery about 8 years ago. She said that I need to keep things private and not speak to anyone but HR at my work about my surgery.

Thoughts?

Yeah I definitely didn't tell my boss the specifics of my leave. I just let the FMLA company do whatever they needed to. I think all she ended up knowing is I would be gone 3 weeks.

And I agree with you, it should be your choice and whatever your surgeon has available! It isn't your boss' life, it's your life--and you've got some life changin' to do!

So my boss and coworkers know I am going to have gastric bypass. They have been very supportive and understanding if I needed to take time off work for my appointments. A couple of weeks ago my boss told me when “good times” would be to have surgery and I said okay. Just the other day my boss came back to talk about my surgery and now wants me to wait an additional month to have surgery due to things that are going on at work. I don’t have my surgery date yet but will get it next week when I meet with my surgeon again.
During a meeting with our little department my boss made a point that my surgery is elective so maybe I should just wait until this fall to have surgery.
I don’t think it’s fair for my boss to tell me when I can have surgery. I believe that my surgery date should be between me and my surgeon.
Am I being overly sensitive about this? I talked to my mom about it since she had this surgery about 8 years ago. She said that I need to keep things private and not speak to anyone but HR at my work about my surgery.
Thoughts?

Your boss has no right to dictate when you should have your surgery. It may be elective but it’s still medically necessary. If you needed heart bypass surgery, would he tell you to put it off until the fall when it would be easier on him? I agree with your mom. When you and your surgeon have a date, I would submit your time off to HR and make sure all correspondence with your boss has HR copied for your protection. Good luck!

Yeah I definitely didn't tell my boss the specifics of my leave. I just let the FMLA company do whatever they needed to. I think all she ended up knowing is I would be gone 3 weeks.

And I agree with you, it should be your choice and whatever your surgeon has available! It isn't your boss' life, it's your life--and you've got some life changin' to do!

Thank you

Your boss has no right to dictate when you should have your surgery. It may be elective but it’s still medically necessary. If you needed heart bypass surgery, would he tell you to put it off until the fall when it would be easier on him? I agree with your mom. When you and your surgeon have a date, I would submit your time off to HR and make sure all correspondence with your boss has HR copied for your protection. Good luck!

Thank you!!

It definitely helps to see that I am not over reacting.

You can always put the blame on the surgeon/hospital for the scheduling. 'The hospital has scheduling policies and I can't change it unless it is a true emergency, so this is the date.'

And DO NOT APOLOGIZE, this is not like you made a 'mistake' at work, it is your health and you are important and worth it. Would they ask you to postpone a knee surgery? Very nerve-y and out of line IMO.

You can always put the blame on the surgeon/hospital for the scheduling. 'The hospital has scheduling policies and I can't change it unless it is a true emergency, so this is the date.'
And DO NOT APOLOGIZE, this is not like you made a 'mistake' at work, it is your health and you are important and worth it. Would they ask you to postpone a knee surgery? Very nerve-y and out of line IMO.

Thank you for the support.

Thank you!!

It definitely helps to see that I am not over reacting.

You are absolutely not over reacting. He had no right to bring it up in a meeting with others present without your permission.

That’s ridiculous. There will always be “something “ at work. It’s also borderline inappropriate for them to even talk about your sick leave in that manner. Calling it “elective????” It’s none of their business why you’re taking a medical leave

You’re absolutely not overreacting. Just be careful how you respond to the request

WHAT!!!? 1. It's very insensitive of your manager to say since it elective surgery so it can wait and then give YOU a time when he/she feels it should be done. 2. I would review your FMLA policy, short term disability and PTO time to determine how much time you will have available. 3. After reviewing those policies keep in mind you may heal sooner or later than what your doctor recommends. 4. Tell your manager how that made you feel AND contact someone in employee relations. Give them the details and allow them to chime in and provide your manager some effective coaching. 5. Keep your surgery date as planned. This is NOT a vaction where he/she can give you suggested times you can be out based on business needs. Is he/she crazy??!!

In the eyes of my company, it was not elective surgery. (In fact, my short-term disability insurance paid for me to be on medical leave for 6 weeks paying at 100%). That is insane that your manager is acting this way. Talk to HR; file for FMLA, and do what is best for you.

Lol a lot of surgeries are elective. A knee replacement is elective but most often necessary...so your boss should shut his mouth.

your boss should not be telling you nor your co-workers in an a group meeting about you picking a surgery date time. Work will continue with or without you.

Your boss is way out of line. And this is medically necessitated surgery, which is why insurance pays for it. I agree with the others -- proceed with the date your surgeon gives you.

Elective surgery? You're not having a facelift. You're having surgery to deal with a disease that will only get worse the longer you wait. Tell your surgeon that you're having problems at work and have some certificate as backup that you need the surgery now to avoid further complications (believe me, someone in your bariatric team will do that, it's more common of an issue than you think).

Now with a medical note that you need it, you can plan it whenever the hell you wish. If they try to even move a finger against it, it's a HR/legal nightmare.

And doctor patient confidentiality is a powerful tool. You don't even have to tell your boss it's a bariatric surgery (sadly, you already did, but no reason to panic, the following still stands). You only need a medical order that says that you need surgery.

So... is your boss against something with medical experience ordered? Is your boss actively trying to sabotage your health? My, my... that looks like something that would be frowned upon... to say the least.

Go for it, the law is on your side.

This is appalling. Years ago when I was scheduling surgery to remove my gall bladder, my boss at the time tried to get me to postpone the surgery until a project at work was finished. I spoke to her and I spoke to HR and let them know that my health absolutely needed to be the priority. I got no argument from HR. I hope you schedule the surgery based on your needs only and do not feel in any way beholden to your boss! As others have said, just because the surgery is “elective” does not mean that it is not medically necessary or incredibly important to your health and well-being. Good luck to you in dealing with this!

Thanks for all of your support everyone!

What should I say if my boss wants to talk to me about surgery? Do I just say that I don’t feel comfortable talking about it because it’s personal?

I don’t want to get in trouble.