brightfaith

I took off work today to have a four-day weekend and have spent the morning going through my closet. I have bagged up four big trash bags of clothes. So far, I have gone from 26/28 tops and 34/36 pants down to 14/16 tops and 18/20 pants, and I just bought some new inexpensive clothes to help me make it through fall. But bagging the old clothes up (including some of the things in in-between sizes I've gotten over the past several months) and planning to donate them is filling me with anxiety! What if I need these clothes again? I am so used to clothes being scarce--there is only one store in my area that sells clothes in size 34/36, and I always just felt grateful to find anything. I feel like I'll feel better once everything is out of the house, and I hope that's true. Anyone else struggle with this?

I struggle with wanting to eat more in the evenings and also with the frustration that I can't just be a normal person who can eat normal quantities of food and maintain a healthy weight. I really appreciate this post and reading all of the responses--feel less alone. I worry about keeping this up for the rest of my life but also know that I so very much value my new physical mobility and being able to be "in life" in ways I couldn't be before and hope that that will be enough to keep me going.

I'm almost four months post-op and have lost 140 pounds (92 pre-op and 48 since surgery), down to 222 from 362 and a starting BMI of 70 (I'm only 5 feet even!). I am still coping with feelings of disappointment about the slow weight loss post-op, and every time I stall, which is every couple of weeks, I find myself believing that the weight loss has stopped for good and try to accept where I am. But other times I am quite happy--I feel so much better, and I can walk without pain. I think where I get stuck is that, sort of subconsciously, I have really linked this weight loss to my ability to have a relationship and find a partner (something I have not yet done at this point in my life even though I am in my 40s), and I still don't feel like my body would be acceptable to anyone. My feelings about the excess skin, of which I have plenty, aren't helping here. One thing that helps me is seeing how many of you are in loving relationships; that gives me hope. Continued best wishes to all of you ladies on your journeys!

I have been big since I was a toddler and almost always the biggest in any room. Being fat is as much a part of my identity as being a woman, and sometimes more so. I cannot imagine not thinking of myself in this way regardless of the results of this process for me. I haven't seen data on results of the surgery based on "age of onset," but that would certainly be interesting to know.

I really hear you on this. I am a little father out (just over three months), and I'm losing pretty slowly in comparison with what I've seen here and in my surgeon's Facebook group (44 pounds since surgery). I had my three-month follow up appointment with the surgeon's office. I seem to be doing everything right and from their perspective am very normal in my progress to date. I just think I expected more without realizing it and so also have been emotional and discouraged at different points. But despite stalls, I still am losing, albeit slowly, and I'm sure you are as well. You sound like you're doing great! I'm really just trying to accept my body and myself wherever I am and be kind to myself. All the angst is not helping anything!

Hi peachwoodandspring. I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time and have so much stress. It's good that you have reached out for support. I will simply share my experience with a long-term binge eating disorder (from middle school to early 40s at varying intensities) and having had gastric bypass surgery in May. For me, it has been absolutely essential to coping successfully with surgery that I addressed the eating disorder prior to the surgery and spent the full 8 months before my surgery date making all of the changes I would need to live by following surgery, without engaging in eating disorder behaviors. I actually cannot imagine the difficulty of trying to actively manage an eating disorder while recovering from surgery and following the post-op eating plan. While my recovery from surgery has been very smooth, psychologically I have been up and down and am so grateful that I am not also dealing with binge eating disorder right now. I worry for you if you are to move forward with the surgery after having so recently been binging and purging. You could experience very serious complications, And of course, you also may not get the results you are seeking with surgery. As painful as it may feel, I think it might be worth it in the long run to postpone until you are in a more stable place. I wish you the very best.

Thank you! It really helps to receive encouragement! I am trying to stay positive and believe that my weight loss will continue, at least for a while longer. Congratulations on more than 100 pounds to you!

You look fantastic! Congratulations. Today is my 3-month anniversary. My weight loss has been SLOW. I have only lost 41 since surgery (133 overall, though). I have been feeling pretty frustrated with the pace and just trying to be grateful for any change. I believe I am doing everything I can--eating well, exercising, no "cheating"--and this is just how my body is responding. Given the slow pace, it also feels hard to know that I have lost 133 pounds and still am more than 100 pounds overweight. Some of that is excess skin that I won't lose no matter what, but I am still just generally worried that I am not going to be able to lose much more. I need to cheer up because I'm sure the disappointment and worry isn't helping me.

I was required to have a pap smear and mammogram as part of my pre-op work up. This looks to be very variable -- I'm thinking you could check the surgeon's requirements and look for a surgeon who does not require a pap smear. I'm so sorry that you were assaulted. I know there are gynecologists and nurse practitioners in some areas who specialize in working with survivors of sexual assault, and I wonder if you might be open to seeing one of them at some point -- not for surgery requirements but just to ensure you are able to get these screenings and protect your health. Healing and happy thoughts to you.

This seems like terrible advice to me! I'm so sorry you've been without the medication for this long. The Vyvanse I take is in capsule form, and I just open the capsule and stir the contents into sugar-free chocolate pudding (made with protein powder). Do you have a psychiatrist, and if so, what has their advice been?

I continue to be inspired by all of you ladies! Happy to report that I bought several tops in a size 18-20 tonight! All of the tops I have been wearing are a 26-28 and they were suddenly looking sloppy and falling off my shoulders. I thought I would be a 22-24 and was excited to realize I am an 18-20!

Why haven't you been crushing them and taking them with something (protein shake, pudding, applesauce, etc.)? Also, you can sometimes get medications in alternative forms (liquid, dissolveable tablet, etc.) that you can take after surgery. It seems very dangerous to have stopped your medications... I can't imagine going off my medications for depression and anxiety and trying to manage my post-op care.

Congratulations, Creekimp! And you are so close to your goal--that must feel wonderful. I wish you lots of continued happiness and joy with your niece.

I take Vyvanse for binge eating disorder, and it has been a very good experience for me. I take 70 mg, which is the therapeutic dose for BED (you typically have to step up to 70). It lessened my desire to overeat, but perhaps more important, I actually had slightly increased energy/oomph, and so it made a tremendous difference in my depression. Although I didn't really start changing my eating habits toward health significantly until I had been taking Vyvanse for a year, I do think it was really helpful to me in that process. I still take it (4 weeks post RNY) and plan to indefinitely.

I was going to say the same thing! You don't look like you need a lower body lift at all. You look terrific.

I am feeling up a bit. Today I bought new pajamas in a size 2X -- I started in a 5X. That feels like some progress!

I have no solution, but I feel your pain! I caught myself in the mirror at the gym this morning, and I seem like I am all belly. I have always been larger in the stomach than anywhere else and smallest in the shoulders/chest, but now it seems even more pronounced. I've gone from a 34-36 to a 26-28 in pants, and I can pull on a 24, but I would love to see more movement here. And to somehow hang on to what I still have left in my bra!

I just got the Fitbit Versa last week, and I love it! I had a Fitbit Flex 2 and gave it to my mother; now we challenge each other. The sleep tracking and heart rate analyses are great. I love that the Versa is waterproof and can't wait to take it in the pool once I am cleared to exercise in the water again. Very happy with this purchase, and much cheaper than the Apple Watch.

I second Vitamin Water Zero--tastes very good to me and sweetened with stevia rather than aspartame or sucralose. I don't like tea, but I do drink broth almost every day, and it's nice to have something hot. I have orthostatic hypotension, so I am trying to get at least 90 ounces of fluid per day instead of 64 so appreciate everyone's suggestions as well.

I think the meditation is a good idea, and I know it was helpful to me. Even though you do not want to lose weight during this period so that you can qualify for surgery (assuming you have a borderline BMI), you could also take this time to really practice mindful eating, which will help after you have surgery, and focus on any other behavioral or mental blocks to eating well and taking very good care of yourself. I wish you good luck!

For some reason, the app won’t let me quote... Just wanted to say that I am inspired by all of you ladies and glad to see you here. It’s good to know you’re not alone. My starting weight is about 240 pounds above normal BMI, but I’m not sure how realistic it is to think I would lose that I am down 106 pounds at just about 3 weeks post op. I am feeling a little more at ease with my body—I can fit more easily in certain chairs, for example, and my mobility is a lot better. At 5 feet even and 362 pounds, I could barely walk a block, and I did 4 miles on the treadmill yesterday. I very much hope this can continue and I get back pieces of my life I worried we’re lost forever.

I am interested in having my resting metabolic rate tested to get a better sense of where my calories should be, and I found a place near me that does the testing ($99; they also do DEXA scans for $129). My question is about timing. I'm only 18 days post-op -- would it make more sense to test when I am closer to my goal (whatever that is) because it may change significantly as I lose weight? Would appreciate anyone's opinion and information about this!

Wow, thank you so much for posting this. I read her memoir "Hunger" last year, and it was brilliant. I love her writing, and she is so raw and open about her experience in a large body. This was an excellent article. I wish her well.

I started at 362 at my consult and lost 92 pounds before surgery. I’m down 10 pounds since then (2 weeks ago). I am 5 feet even. I agree with AshAsh, it has taken a long time for me to see a difference. And I worry that the honeymoon period will not be long enough for me to lose as much weight as I would like. The other piece for me has been psychological—there don’t seem to be many women my size or larger here (starting BMI was 70) and so I feel still like an outlier and there are fewer examples of people who have been successful at my size or larger. It would be great to support other women with higher weights.

I had surgery two weeks ago. I am a stomach/side sleeper and was worried about this. I slept for a week in a recliner on my back. At 3 days post op I decided to lay down for about 90 minutes on my left side for nap, and when I got up, I had a red/purple bruise the size of a baseball on my side. I spoke with the nurse, and she thought it was just gravity pulling the blood down to my side and not a new bleed. Thankfully I had no pain and nothing developed. She did ask me to wait a week before I laid on my side again. At a week post op I started on my right side and a few days later tried my left. I haven’t had any other problems. I have laid partly on my stomach over the last few days, and that has been fine. A body pillow has been helpful.