And by “ the world” I mean everyone whom asked you about your weight loss, co-workers, friends, etc.

I was 90% on board with telling people about my WLS. But now my anxiety is through the roof with opening up about it. When I had my VSG, I told people I was having a female related surgery (I have had them in the past) and then told people that I was following a doctor supervised diet. Because I was visibly eating less & losing weight.

But now I am having a revision (regain/GERD) to RNY & I don’t know what to tell people. The only people who know about my revision are my husband, mother & sister. I just feel like I dont want the embarrassment of regain or disappointment from others for having surgery. But people will clearly see my body & eating habits change. Part of me wants to just say nothing but then again I don’t want to hear people talk behind my back or whisper their assumptions about me. Also, part of me feels incredibly guilty about lying! I didn’t feel guilty about lying about the VSG because I was just scared. I have already been around friends/co-works where weight loss surgery topics pop up and I see their dislike for it (even from my obese friends). Deep down I want to shout to the world that I am having it and feel good about it but another part of me feels so ashamed.

I know this topic must have been brought up a lot but I need input/opinions. Thank you in advance to all.

I have kept who knows down to as small of a group as possible. I have told all of my friends, as I wouldn't have friends who judge me. I have told only coworkers whom I consider friends, and they have been told it's completely confidential. For family, I've only told my mom and my sister.

I have actively misled everyone one else I work with, my management, associates and clients. I'm in sales, so eating and drinking out is a multiple times a week thing. It's very obvious how little I'm eating, especially if it's one on one or with a small group or over more than one meal. I've had to say that my stomach has been bothering me lately. I also have to explain why I'm not drinking.

For my extended family, I'm a little torn on that. We are close and see each other pretty often, so at some point I'm going to be asked. I don't really want to tell, but I wouldn't feel right lying, and it would also put my mom in a situation to lie for me. They are all loving and supportive. But I have an aunt who was a NUT in the 80's (and is now a psychologist) and is a lifelong calorie counter. I just know she will be silently judgemental, lol.

My sister is the one person whom I had to tell, because I didn't want to lie to her. She has opinions on everything and they are usually 180 degrees from mine, lol! As predicted she told me I shouldn't have the surgery and just do yoga in the park w her. It's ironic because she is far from fit herself.

One unexpected thing is my friends whom I have told have been so supportive, and not thought it was a big shameful thing at all, have gone on to tell people. I can't be mad at them because they just really didn't think it was something that needed to be kept a secret.

I told everyone. I made this decision, I am proud of it and I own it. If I am asked why, I tell them I didn't want to die too young from weight related health issues. I figure they will talk behind my back anyway so it just as well be about my weight loss. hahaha!

I was surprised actually how supportive everyone was and still is. Whether to tell anyone or not is totally a personal choice. You owe nothing to anyone.

1 hour ago, istytehcrawk said:

I effectively told the entire county, and then some. I'm a reporter for the county newspaper, and once I got back to work, I wrote an editorial commentary about having the surgery. (You can read it here if you want: http://enquirerdemocrat.com/taking-big-step-forward)

I read your article and really liked it. Especially your thoughts regarding getting rid of the stigma of WLS. You make a very good point!

I don’t have the luxury of hiding my surgery from my coworkers - I work in the operating room where I’ll be having my procedure. I’ve gotten a range of reactions from my team of 6 - all much much thinner than me. 2 are super supportive and think it’s great. 2 don’t think the surgery is necessary “if you have to change your diet and exercise anyways why is the surgery necessary?” Well because surgery gives you a metabolic advantage as well as takes binge eating out of the equation. And “why don’t you try Plexus?” I’m 100 pounds away from a healthy BMI I don’t think Plexus is going to get me there.

The last 2 have kept their opinions to themselves. Maybe they don’t have a strong opinion either way.

I don’t mind telling people I’m close with. I’m not very good at keeping secrets and wouldn’t want to have to keep my lies straight anyway.

Hi there,

So I have told a few friends and some family, but absolutely refuse to tell work. I work as an EA and support super fit athletic men... yep. Not saying a word.

Hi there,
So I have told a few friends and some family, but absolutely refuse to tell work. I work as an EA and support super fit athletic men... yep. Not saying a word.

I only told my husband, and one of my closest friends. My family is filled with some strong personalities that definitely don’t mind letting you know what’s on their minds [emoji23]. So, I chose to keep my parents, sisters, four daughters and other friends in the dark (like, if I could have gotten away with it I wouldn’t have told my husband [emoji23]). But anyways, it took me some months but I wrote letters to my parents, sisters and daughters that I sent them, via text, the day of my surgery just as the wheeled me into the OR. I know some people may not agree but it was the best thing for me. Luckily, when I woke up from surgery they were all there supporting me [emoji7]

That's a great idea! I may tell all of my family as the day gets closer, but when I first mentioned thinking of it a few years ago most were super judgey. Most of my family are all very thin. They talked me out of it, and made fun of people who did get. Then again, I tend to get super emotional sometimes. For example, I was talking to my in-laws about how my kids are going to their daddy/daughter dance tonight, and ended up blurting the entire thing out in a rush like verbal diarrhea LOL. After I made my husband swear 129238409328409328402 times that he wouldn't tell them. LOL.

Only my husband knows. Everyone else thinks I’m eating small portions more frequently, cut out sugar and carbs as the reason I’m losing weight. TECHNICALLY not lying [emoji12]


HW 242, SW 236- (Bypass 12/20/17)
GW#1- 199 [emoji736] (2/11/18)
GW#2- 180 [emoji736] (4/2/18)
GW#3- 160
CW 178
5’6”

Reading all the replies have made me feel good about any option I choose! Going to talk it over with my husband. He feels like I shouldn’t blurt it out to friends/family but if someone asks me, then tell them. and I feel better about that option.

I told exactly two people and they were my health care proxies
I'm a private person

1 hour ago, Bryn910 said:

Reading all the replies have made me feel good about any option I choose! Going to talk it over with my husband. He feels like I shouldn’t blurt it out to friends/family but if someone asks me, then tell them. and I feel better about that option.

Do whatever works for you! Everyone has different comfort levels regarding how open they are about their surgery; no one way to do it is automatically better than any other. What works for me or anyone else may not be a good option for you (that holds true for a lot of things to do with bariatric surgery, actually.)

Only my husband knows. Everyone else thinks I’m eating small portions more frequently, cut out sugar and carbs as the reason I’m losing weight. TECHNICALLY not lying [emoji12]


HW 242, SW 236- (Bypass 12/20/17)
GW#1- 199 [emoji736] (2/11/18)
GW#2- 180 [emoji736] (4/2/18)
GW#3- 160
CW 178
5’6”

[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

Reading all the replies have made me feel good about any option I choose! Going to talk it over with my husband. He feels like I shouldn’t blurt it out to friends/family but if someone asks me, then tell them. and I feel better about that option.

That’s what I do now. I don’t want to lie for two reasons (1) I’m a bad liar (2) there maybe someone who was like me, struggling with their weight and pondering having the surgery, and I would gladly answer any of their questions.

Hells to the no!!! Based on advice from folks who made the mistake of telling co-workers about their surgery and having having been judged for it, I was told that I would have to be crazy to tell anyone about it.

I am pre-op and have been pretty open with co-workers so far. Not sure how much family I will tell. I have 3 sisters-in-law that are blonde skinny/hangry/judgey, growing up with them is why my husband likes this curvy brunette! I don't need to hear their under educated opinions about anything.

I agree that lying is too much effort and that the more open we are, the more weight loss surgery will lose its stigma. At the same time, we all need to individually decide how much judgement we want to subject ourselves to (especially when you know its coming).