Well, it's a start alright... the finish has yet to come. But I'll document my sleeve story here in the hopes that it'll help others.
Surgery to lose weight? Peh!! That's for weaklings... I would never mutilate my body.... why take the easy way out... in short, wls was a remote concept to me. Honestly, it just never was on my radar, that's all.
But like many here I struggled.. and it was a constant battle in the back of my head. I've been everywhere on the spectrum from "a real woman has curves, damn it" to " this is a social construct; it's todays world that makes me feel bad about who I am... I mean look at norms from 50-60 years ago" to "I don't have to be thin/normal/etc, I have brains to prove myself... I will never be one to rely on how I look to get ahead".... you name it, I've probably been there.
I'm going on 40... years of this... and dieting... and gaining... and dieting... and checking out the newest fad... and shopping based on what fits... not what I like.... years of focusing on the 'content' vs the 'packaging', coupled with a very low idea of self-worth rooted in childhood... well, for one reason or the other we all end up in the same spot.
Last summer my family and I were at the beach; There I am, sitting at the beach and I just can't stop judging people. Nevermind the fact that I lost 20 pounds and gained 19,5 back... So technically I have still lost weight compared to same time last year; I am just sitting here, in the shade and I can't stop myself from passing judgment on everybody... Bad posture, wrong choice of bathing suit... Omg!! What was she thinking?!?!? I would kill to have the body of most of the women who unknowingly are subject to my internal rantings but there you have it. And then I caught myself... sort of saw myself from a different perspective. Is this really who I want to be? This constantly bitter, unhappy person who blames everyone and everything but neglects to take responsibility? And it was there the first seeds of change had been sewn. Althought wls was still a long ways off from being even an idea.
I came to the US 20 years ago... It's not easy being the 'outsider', less so when you're a parent. At times it feels like everybody knows each other; even worse everybody likes each other... everybody but you. And this even though we all started being soccer moms and dads at the same time. Granted, sometimes you'll have your neighbors who know each other and naturally gravitate toward each other... or those parents whose kids are besties in school and who automatically click.
Some days a parent will say hi... good morning... how're ya doing? And those days are good days because for the next 60 minutes of a game you re-live that moment when you were part of the in-crowd. On other days your good morning will be ignored.. sometimes on purpose. And those days you put on a brave face for your kids because no kid likes their parents to be the outsider. Some days it gets so bad, so lonely, that I feel like exploding... i feel like asking "guys... what is it? Is it because i'm fat? Wear glasses? Have an accent? All of the above? I see these posts for parents with tips on how to deal with socially awkward teenagers... or how to boost their kids' confidence and I gulp them up looking for a glimpse on what it could be I'm doing wrong. It is a sad state of affairs when you're diving into teen advise columns but you're almost 40.
I have two amazing kids... and I know how easily effected kids are by how they view their parents. All parents are an embarassment to their kids in one way or another but what all of this led to, what I realized was that unless I accept myself, unless I am OK with myself and unless I respect and love myself I couldn't possibly expect others to show me the same. And this sense of personal responsibility was the second seed toward change. You see, as much as it seems from the above that I am doing this so that others will love me, I have come to realize that I am doing this for me... and only me.
Then, in January my husband's friend comes to visit.. and I don't recognize him... seriously, different human being. I felt like on candid camera where they do a switcheroo, you know? And he tells me about how he got sleeved... and he is patient with me and talks to me, explains, shows, guides me and before I know it I know that this is what I want. I just do, it makes sense, it all clicks, falls into place... damn in, I want it and I want it now!!!
I talk to 3 different surgeons even though I have to pay for consults... one can't even be bothered to look me in the eyes... he's Mr super busy and important... you know, like a factory assembly line, you're just a number, not a human being. The second is nice...patient, knowledgeable but his staff is not well organized. Then I went to see my friend's surgeon. Staff and surgeon... good call; I clicked and knew I had found my surgeon. Of course I did my research, I read reviews, reached out to people but first impressions are so important.
My insurance requires 6 months of documented visits. I was ready to have the surgery; I was excited; I didn't want to wait.. I even considered doing this out of pocket but thankfully cooler heads prevailed. I still think 6 months is too long but I'm halfway there.
I am hopeful to have a surgery date in september for my sleeve.
I still do my homework, I day-dream and I make lists, I fantasize about shopping sprees (which will be fun now, not torture... right guys?) but I'm not in laland in terms of expectation. I think I have a pretty solid grasp on the difficulties ahead. I'm going to therapy to prepare mentally.

I have an incredibly supportive husband who's been with me through thick (and will be with me through thin!!)

And with your support I know I can do this.

Updates will follow!

19 hours ago, njgal said:

Hello everyone... greetings from a cold New Jersey thursday. It is time for an update.

I was just thinking about how I scoured every comment, every topic, every bit of info I could find pre-op.... today I check in because I had set myself a reminder. Life is back to "normal" and I am soooo over this checking-in every minute of every day thing... but I'm not all heartless; I remember (vaguely) what it was like and I had promised myself I would check-in and update

Hello NJ !!

I’m from New York but moved to Florida 4 years ago , the winters were brutal in the Hudson Valley I blamed my weight gain on the long depressing winters and then when I got to Florida , the excuse was the feel of being on the never ending vacation and so many people visiting Go Figure ! Lol. I enjoyed reading your posts, you are a very good writer. I def related to your pre-surgery posts , my sleeve is scheduled for Feb 6th. I’m feeling everything you did at that time ! The unknown is scary ! Thank you for giving us updates post surgery as well. Selfishly I want to hear more ! It sounds like you are doing so well and moving on with great success One of my fears is I will go thru this and won’t lose as much as I would like. I would like to lose 85-90 pounds. Ugh ! Could you give me some tips on what you ate when you got home ? Was it hard to drink water at first and to get your fluids in ? What does a day of food look like today for you ? Sorry for all the questions , I’m starving for any insight to Life post surgery and tips on how to make this process easier Thank you in advance and keep going Girl ! I love the part about you now wearing yoga pants ! I can’t wait ~ New Wardrobe here I come !! Lol

Hi Sunn,

You'll get up and walk as much as possible right after surgery, You'll be hooked up to an IV & your nurse will help you set the pace. I walked hourly and after 8 hours, 2-3x's in a loop. You'll get ice chips at first, and medications for nausea & pain. You'll only be able to consume 2 oz at atime of: broth, SF Italian Ices, SF jellos, SF puddings, SF popsicles & SF drinks at first, then 4 oz by the time you leave the hsp in one hour's time. H20 is so difficult for the next months, so the SF Great Value drinks at Walmart are your best bet, costing less than Crystal Light, you get more & have a great variety. Like most, I was discharged the next day, after I'd been given the SF shakes to try & after my surgeon checked in w me. Your pain & anti nausea meds will be filled before you leave the hsp, and you will need them. Your stomach will be very sore, so sitting or lying down & being propped up with a heating pad on your stomach/abdomen is a good thing to do for yourself. I walked my dogs up and down over and around the sidewalks near my home, By day two I increased my distance & walking speed. During this time I drank my shakes slowly & I built up to 8 oz/per hour. I included in the hour: 8 oz of broth & 8oz of my SF drinks, the SF jellos & 1/2 the bar of SF popsicles, dreamsicles or fudgesicles. Fudgesicles were/are my favorite. You might feel that when you drink anything, right in the middle of your esophagus, you're blocked or have pain: so stop drinking or chewing & let what you've consumed settle. The heating pad's a great help. After 10-15 min, you'll be able to continue on & finish up what you're consuming. I weighed myself everyday, and couldn't quite believe the weightloss, but it's real--you lose weight fast. I got cold during rapid the weightloss all summer. I live in Las Vegas, so it's hot as hell & in the teens by morning with the hottest part of the day around 5 pm. Before sun up, it's steaming. Two weeks post-op, I was cleared to use the treadmill & recumbent bike. Three weeks post-op, I was cleared to begin teaching H20 aerobics, Pilates Reformer, Yoga, etc. 2x's daily. I teach to people with various disabilities/rehabbing injuries, etc. I didn't move quickly, just nice & slow like the turtle. I started walking 2.5 mi to & from the dog parks, and all over inside the dog park following my dogs, I don't stand still & chat or sit down. I've got an Italian Cane Corso Mastiff (2 yrs, 150 lbs), a Giant Schnauzer (2 yrs, 80 lbs) & a mixed Wire-haired Terrier (3 yrs, 20 lbs). Walking them at night was great for me & them, because that's when the heat of the day was dissapaiting & I sweated bullets. Then we'd all hit the pool to swim & cool off. I'd shower us off using our outside showers & we'd air dry quickly. We'd go inside & all of us went right to sleep. When the weather cooled in Nov, no more outdoor pool work, since the pools here aren't heated, unless they're indoors. So that meant morning & evening walks/hikes. A week post-op I was ok'd to add the chewable bariatric multi vitimins, biotin & calcium citrate. By the 2nd week post-op, I was ok'd to start eating up to 3 oz of NF: Cottage Cheese, Greek Yogurt, Cheeses, Fish, Chicken & an egg. Remember your stomach's the size of a sunnyside up egg. I got in an egg & was full. I still continue to drink my 3 protein shakes daily. I sometimes add a tsp of cheese to a scramble egg or make one into a tiny omelette. Eating tiny bits slowly is still an issue for me: I want to eat so much more quickly, but trust me, if you eat quickly it's all going to come right back up & into your washbasin! Fish is easiest for me, followed by chicken/fowl: I can't do beef, pork, etc., can't do salads or raw veggies. I also see a therapist to deal with my emotional eating issues. You'll need to do exactly what your surgeon, PA & nutritionist tells you to do. Mine offers 3 support groups per month all free, so if yours does, go to them. I also belong to an online bariatric support group in my vicinity. One thing I shouldn't be surprised by but still am, is wearing clothes 6 sizes smaller than when I started post-op & seeing how baggy they are! Also, getting compliments & being told how slim & fit I am by my neighbors & clients. I still see that 218 lb. person in my head. From the beginning, post-op, I meditate & do affirmations daily/nightly. Louise Hay, YouTube, has my favorites, but I listen to many others. Hopefully this bio helps you so you can wear your yoga pants & whatever you feel like with confidence & know you've done the greatest thing possible to become healthy. Namaste.

Thank you ! I appreciate the detailed description, it was very helpful! Wishing you lots of continued success and peace !

On 1/18/2018 at 4:39 PM, MTL said:

Love this site, your posts are just wonderful & really moving. I haven't lost or gained anymore weight, but had the flu & bronchitis 2x's. I had to walk my dogs multiple times daily, but that just wiped me out. Today's the first day I returned to my 2.5 mi walk to, in & from the dog park. Still blowing my nose, but was grateful for the opportunity to jump back in and kickstart my exercise program. Up to this point, I ate whatever I wanted, which isn't good for an emotional eater with more weight to lose. I ate Ritz crackers, Cookies, chips, muffin tops, etc.: so I'm not kidding myself that I self-sabotagued & of course I was down on myself. If it were anyone else telling me this, I'd be first in line to say, "It's ok, let's begin where you are now & show yourself some love." Why am I so critical of myself? I've been doing meditations/affirmations/prayers from the get go, to quiet that critical self & love who I am as I am. Anyone else got this issue? What do you do to help yourself? Somehow I managed to lose inches, go figure. I am a chef & make homemade broths, Soups, etc., and there's still things I can't digest (i.e. beef & pork), but I do crave veggies & make soups with chopped up fresh veggies galore. I can only manage 1/2c at a time, 7.5 mos out. I'll see my therapist tomorrow who helps me deal with my eating issues, and at least she'll she my daily food & exercise journal: no matter what I ate, I was faithful to writing it all down. Here's something I found out: even though my hiatal hernia was repaired when I got sleeved on 5/24/17, it's still necessary for me to take my Acidphex. I went 4 days without it, and boy was I in major discomfort by the fourth day. Why did I do that? Well, to see if I still needed it! DOH! I'll see my dietician & PA this month, as well, something I haven't done for months. Same for going to their free VGS support, dietician & psychologist led eating issues support groups. Hitting the gym later today & will also do my Pilates Reformer exercises. In fact, I'm going to call to see when the groups are this month & schedule my appointment. If you feel like cheating: drink broth, have your SF popsicles/fudgesicles/creamsicles or SF puddings & jellos. Be kind to yourself & remember we're all here to help each other, so don't hesitate to put out here what you've been doing or not doing. This is such a personal journey to health, but we have such similar issues that it's fantastic to share what works & what doesn't work. TY for your posts & thoughtfulness.

I'm so sorry to hear you've been feeling miserable. It's difficult enough to do this on a good day; turning it around after being sick is definitely not easy. Unfortunately I don't have a magic solution and I do understand the virtue of analyzing and accepting myself and I avail myself of those options plenty but when it comes right down to it, holding myself to a higher standard and just carrying on has always done the trick for me. Sometimes the why doesn't even matter; you just move on. Today is a new day (or if you're mentally better equipped than me do it by hour; don't waste the whole day because one thing went wrong in the morning etc), take it as such and do your best.

You are clearly further out than me, so far be it from me to lecture you on what works but I have a feeling that in the long term it'll help me manage this lifestyle better if I don't think of eating certain things as cheating.. if I want a cookie; I'll eat a cookie.. if I want a sandwich, I'll eat a sandwich... if I want pasta; I'll eat pasta... what I am currently working on establishing is the "eat protein first".... then, if there's still room, work with that. Who knows what I'll be saying in a few months but one of the vets on this board once said something to the effect of "eat your protein first.. not with something, not one bite protein, one bite something else... but eat your protein FIRST" and that made sense to me; it still does. So yes, I'm trying to eat protein first. I hope it'll reduce my chances of gulping down other things... at least to a point.

Oh, and skipping your medication to see if you still need it? Well, you're still here and if doing that taught you a lesson then you're better person for it, right? Trial and error is probably best done with non-life-or-death medications and it does sound like something I might do... the sheer number of pills one takes is overwhelming so I get it. Any day I can get out of taking something extra is a bonus good day! Cheers!

Edited January 21, 20188 yr by njgal

On 1/19/2018 at 9:26 AM, Sunn said:

Hello NJ !!

I’m from New York but moved to Florida 4 years ago , the winters were brutal in the Hudson Valley I blamed my weight gain on the long depressing winters and then when I got to Florida , the excuse was the feel of being on the never ending vacation and so many people visiting Go Figure ! Lol. I enjoyed reading your posts, you are a very good writer. I def related to your pre-surgery posts , my sleeve is scheduled for Feb 6th. I’m feeling everything you did at that time ! The unknown is scary ! Thank you for giving us updates post surgery as well. Selfishly I want to hear more ! It sounds like you are doing so well and moving on with great success One of my fears is I will go thru this and won’t lose as much as I would like. I would like to lose 85-90 pounds. Ugh ! Could you give me some tips on what you ate when you got home ? Was it hard to drink Water at first and to get your fluids in ? What does a day of food look like today for you ? Sorry for all the questions , I’m starving for any insight to Life post surgery and tips on how to make this process easier Thank you in advance and keep going Girl ! I love the part about you now wearing yoga pants ! I can’t wait ~ New Wardrobe here I come !! Lol

Oh, thank you.. *blush*

Look; you'll be like all us other post-op pals.. once you're over THAT hill, it'll be hard to even remember how anxious and nervous and curious and on-the-brink-of-things you were. Trust me!

One thing that has helped me so far (and keep in mind I'm only 3 months post-op) and something my surgeon concurs with is not setting a goal... I mean, I know, we can't help it.. we dream of this weight or that.. live out numerous fantasies in our heads for when we reach that goal and usually I'd say goal setting is a pretty healthy thing to do (and yes, I secretly have a vague number in my head as well) but I don't voice it for fear of giving it too much power and I certainly don't plan accordingly.. what I mean to say is I want to give my body the freedom to settle where IT thinks it is healthy and happy... not where my brain thinks it should be. Look, there are many things one CAN change in life and then there are the things one CAN'T. My mother says "it's all good but in the end it doesn't matter what SHOULD, it matters what IS". Sometimes this hits the spot and weight is just such a topic for me.

OK, now that the philosophical lecture is over; here comes the practical. Whatever you do be sure to follow your surgeon's recommendations. A decent practice isn't going to just prepare you for the surgery but for after the surgery as well. They will have given you (or will give you) an eating plan... something along the lines of first week liquids, second week liquids with chunks, third week ****.. and so on. Follow that to a T! Don't be afraid to ask questions.. I know for the longest time the whole liquid and protein thing was confusing as hell to me.But as far as the first few days are concerned; don't worry about the food.. really.. you will not starve, you will not be hungry, you will be OK. Focus on getting your liquids in and walking. Thinking back to my first few days I know it helped to actually set a reminder that repeated every 15 minutes. Get up.. walk... drink a few sips... lie back down. Rinse and repeat. It worked for me, maybe it'll work for you.

As for where I am today? Happy to tell you but it won't matter because chances are it'll be different for you anyway but my morning usually starts with a glass of water which is right by my bed.. helps with the visit to the toilet and gets me started to a good day. Breakfast is usually some variation of eggs... with cheese, without cheese... with some sort of meat or not, it really depends on the day. Some mornings I have yogurt with a bit of fruit and granola and honey)... the amounts are clearly minuscule compared to what I ate prior to surgery but as long as I eat slowly and chew well I have no trouble keeping it down and it is more than enough. I prepare my tea and start drinking that about an hour after breakfast.. if not tea then water. I have a protein shake at around 11 and lunch at around 12:30-1.. lunch is whatever, sometimes a bar, sometimes a salad, sometimes a nice juicy filet mignon and some veggies.. another shake at around 3-4 pm, sometimes a snack (cheese? nuts?) and then dinner at around 6-7 pm with the family... chicken.. salad.. veggies.. really depends. Only thing I usually try to steer away from (try being the keyword because sometimes a fork of pasta or spoon of rice will make its way into my mouth) is rice or pasta or the likes. I mean, did I have chocolate for Christmas? Yes... do I take a bite out of my kids' sandwiches sometimes for want of bread? Yes... do I condone this behavior? No. But as I mentioned above in another response; I'm also not going to see these as cheating and go and punish myself for taking a bite. Again; everybody will be different but for me the downfall would be grazing. Not indulging in the occasional whatever.

You'll be fine; do your research, ask questions and lots of them and know that there's really no sure way of preparing yourself for this surgery. Many things won't fall into place until you're actually on the other side.

Good luck!

Hello again with another update - 6 months this time- from your friendly neighborhood sleeve-bud.

I’ve lost a total of 67 lbs so far. I was luckier than most; I didn’t get a stall or slow down until month 4. That first stall for about 2 weeks.

It is right around this time where I started straying from following my doc’s instructions to a t. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not condoning that behavior; I’m just saying; that’s what happened with me. I am holding steady at 182 with a 5’6” frame and honestly; if I stayed right here going forward, I would be OK with that. My weight loss has slowed down; partly because, well; it’s been 5-6 months... and of course it would’ve gone faster if I were sticking to what I’m supposed to be doing.

Quick side note: You know how when you first notice your collar bones it’s an awesome feeling? Well, the knocking together of your knees when lying sideways gets old pretty fast. Yes, yes, I know; clearly I prefer my knees knocking together to being obese but... Anyway; any suggestions other than a pillow between your knees (-which doesn’t always work) are welcome.

Overall it is amazing how quickly one gets used to being a size 12 (as opposed to being a size 16 going on 18) and how quickly this becomes the new reality. It gets old receiving compliments on how much weight I've lost. I don't mean boring but I do mean that it gets increasingly difficult to relate to the person who I was.. I see obese people around me and recognize mimics or certain actions I used to do. I feel for them but only to a point where I vaguely remember being one of them. That isn't me anymore.

I'm not one of those people who can say "I wish I had done this sooner"... after all it was a confluence of events that brought me to where I was and I don't think I would appreciate my current situation if this had not been something I have suffered for, worked for and prepared myself for. Sort of along the lines of "earned money is sweeter than found money" if you know what I mean.

All in all, I have only three words for you: this is awesome!

Edited April 30, 20188 yr by njgal

Wow you get it njgal, great storytelling and spot on with pretty much how the first portion of this journey goes. I look forward to more of how things turn out.

1 hour ago, dillydog said:

Wow you get it njgal, great storytelling and spot on with pretty much how the first portion of this journey goes. I look forward to more of how things turn out.

Cheers! Awesome going looking at your stats too!

Enjoy reading it also.