Well, it's a start alright... the finish has yet to come. But I'll document my sleeve story here in the hopes that it'll help others.
Surgery to lose weight? Peh!! That's for weaklings... I would never mutilate my body.... why take the easy way out... in short, wls was a remote concept to me. Honestly, it just never was on my radar, that's all.
But like many here I struggled.. and it was a constant battle in the back of my head. I've been everywhere on the spectrum from "a real woman has curves, damn it" to " this is a social construct; it's todays world that makes me feel bad about who I am... I mean look at norms from 50-60 years ago" to "I don't have to be thin/normal/etc, I have brains to prove myself... I will never be one to rely on how I look to get ahead".... you name it, I've probably been there.
I'm going on 40... years of this... and dieting... and gaining... and dieting... and checking out the newest fad... and shopping based on what fits... not what I like.... years of focusing on the 'content' vs the 'packaging', coupled with a very low idea of self-worth rooted in childhood... well, for one reason or the other we all end up in the same spot.
Last summer my family and I were at the beach; There I am, sitting at the beach and I just can't stop judging people. Nevermind the fact that I lost 20 pounds and gained 19,5 back... So technically I have still lost weight compared to same time last year; I am just sitting here, in the shade and I can't stop myself from passing judgment on everybody... Bad posture, wrong choice of bathing suit... Omg!! What was she thinking?!?!? I would kill to have the body of most of the women who unknowingly are subject to my internal rantings but there you have it. And then I caught myself... sort of saw myself from a different perspective. Is this really who I want to be? This constantly bitter, unhappy person who blames everyone and everything but neglects to take responsibility? And it was there the first seeds of change had been sewn. Althought wls was still a long ways off from being even an idea.
I came to the US 20 years ago... It's not easy being the 'outsider', less so when you're a parent. At times it feels like everybody knows each other; even worse everybody likes each other... everybody but you. And this even though we all started being soccer moms and dads at the same time. Granted, sometimes you'll have your neighbors who know each other and naturally gravitate toward each other... or those parents whose kids are besties in school and who automatically click.
Some days a parent will say hi... good morning... how're ya doing? And those days are good days because for the next 60 minutes of a game you re-live that moment when you were part of the in-crowd. On other days your good morning will be ignored.. sometimes on purpose. And those days you put on a brave face for your kids because no kid likes their parents to be the outsider. Some days it gets so bad, so lonely, that I feel like exploding... i feel like asking "guys... what is it? Is it because i'm fat? Wear glasses? Have an accent? All of the above? I see these posts for parents with tips on how to deal with socially awkward teenagers... or how to boost their kids' confidence and I gulp them up looking for a glimpse on what it could be I'm doing wrong. It is a sad state of affairs when you're diving into teen advise columns but you're almost 40.
I have two amazing kids... and I know how easily effected kids are by how they view their parents. All parents are an embarassment to their kids in one way or another but what all of this led to, what I realized was that unless I accept myself, unless I am OK with myself and unless I respect and love myself I couldn't possibly expect others to show me the same. And this sense of personal responsibility was the second seed toward change. You see, as much as it seems from the above that I am doing this so that others will love me, I have come to realize that I am doing this for me... and only me.
Then, in January my husband's friend comes to visit.. and I don't recognize him... seriously, different human being. I felt like on candid camera where they do a switcheroo, you know? And he tells me about how he got sleeved... and he is patient with me and talks to me, explains, shows, guides me and before I know it I know that this is what I want. I just do, it makes sense, it all clicks, falls into place... damn in, I want it and I want it now!!!
I talk to 3 different surgeons even though I have to pay for consults... one can't even be bothered to look me in the eyes... he's Mr super busy and important... you know, like a factory assembly line, you're just a number, not a human being. The second is nice...patient, knowledgeable but his staff is not well organized. Then I went to see my friend's surgeon. Staff and surgeon... good call; I clicked and knew I had found my surgeon. Of course I did my research, I read reviews, reached out to people but first impressions are so important.
My insurance requires 6 months of documented visits. I was ready to have the surgery; I was excited; I didn't want to wait.. I even considered doing this out of pocket but thankfully cooler heads prevailed. I still think 6 months is too long but I'm halfway there.
I am hopeful to have a surgery date in september for my sleeve.
I still do my homework, I day-dream and I make lists, I fantasize about shopping sprees (which will be fun now, not torture... right guys?) but I'm not in laland in terms of expectation. I think I have a pretty solid grasp on the difficulties ahead. I'm going to therapy to prepare mentally.

I have an incredibly supportive husband who's been with me through thick (and will be with me through thin!!)

And with your support I know I can do this.

Updates will follow!

Yep, each surgeon is different. Mine only has me do day before.


H 5'6" HW 253, CW 245, TBS 9/19

Oh and update on this... not to rub it in or anything but my surgeons allows me to have breakfast THEN I have to do liquid diet for rest of the day prior to surgery. Man! Do I feel lucky or what !! Phew


H 5'6" HW 253, CW 245, TBS 9/19

I'm so glad that you all are moving along so well with your programs! I don't have a date yet, but am hoping to get one very soon. I've done everything required except my next appt. with the NUT. on 7/26. She said all of my results will be in by then, she will go over the pre-op and post-op diet with me then and if I have lost the 5lbs I gained then she will approve me. The scale said I've lost 4lbs but I never trust the numbers with such small increments. After that, I should just be waiting on insurance and a date. Fingers crossed!

On another note, I'd like to take a moment to celebrate my small victories and I would love to hear a list of yours as well.

1) I cut out diet soda, which was a huge vice of mine. Eeek! Ive replaced it with half a packet of Crystal Light per bottle of water. A full packet is too sweet for me.

2) I eat a salad atleast once a day, even on my cheat day. Arugula is my new, flavorful BFF. I hate iceberg lettuce and romaine goes bad so quickly so salad hasn't been easy until now. I crave salad now.

3) I've been ordering healthy options when we go out. Also a huge deal because the temptation is so real!

4) We eat chicken, salmon, or shrimp at least 6 days a week. I've also done some black bean and soy burgers. ZERO pasta, rice, potatoes. I'm limiting breads and pastries too but that love affair needs to de-escalate a bit, I can't go cold turkey.

5) I don't do meal prep, but I have started to snack prep. It has helped SO much! I went to Dollar Tree and bought three 10packs of the tiniest little "tupperware" containers. I divide out perfect portions of cheese cubes for the fridge and a dried berry/nut mix for the pantry. I eat one of each, as per NUT's recommendation. It's a nice little snack that keeps me full and doesn't let me overeat. Also loads cheaper than the premade ones at the market.

Now where I've failed:

1) I stare longingly at cookies. I haven't found a healthy replacement yet. The good thing is I don't buy them and my husband likes oatmeal raisin, which is a blasphemous cookie imposter IMHO, so I rarely feel tempted...but when I do...[emoji7] it's a work in progress.

2) it's so bloody humid outside (90% humidity) so I haven't been out to exercise. I have an infant to tend to so my old water aerobics routine is out. I'm sucking at exercise lately. I try to do 30 minutes of dance time using my 20lb kid as a dumbbell...I mean dance partner.

3) I still forget to drink and end up chugging water. I've always done it. I get at least 70 oz easily but in large portions. Working on it.

If any of you have tips and tricks to share for pre-op prep, I'd love to hear them!



Sent from my SM-G950U using BariatricPal mobile app

I just wanted to say "hi". I am in the same area of NJ as you (I think), similar stats and age. So hi there!! Also, my surgery is scheduled for September 26.

I just wanted to say "hi". I am in the same area of NJ as you (I think), similar stats and age. So hi there!! Also, my surgery is scheduled for September 26.

Well hello there where abouts are you? You're just after mine! Who's doing yours?


H 5'6" HW 253, CW 250, TBS 9/19

I'm in Morris county! I think I saw something about Morristown in here. I had my babies at Morristown hospital but I am doing Saint Clare's Dover for this one. Dr. Abkin in florham park.

I'm in Morris county! I think I saw something about Morristown in here. I had my babies at Morristown hospital but I am doing Saint Clare's Dover for this one. Dr. Abkin in florham park.

Yep, my doctor is there, Dr Bertha! I'm in Nutley though so it's a drive


H 5'6" HW 253, CW 250, TBS 9/19

Update - I got my date! Sept 13.

Pre-op diet begins August 30. It's not a total liquid diet, I get limited veggies, fruits, yogurt, and shakes, but unlimited broth, sf popsicles, and sf Jello. Still not looking forward to it.

Let the countdown begin!

Sent from my SM-G950U using BariatricPal mobile app

Whoohoo.... way to go!

i just upgraded from the 19th to the 15th so right behind you!!

Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!Frick!

Thank you.

For all of you who don't speak "nervous" I'll translate:

Long story short; My date was postponed due to insurance hurdles and some personal stuff but it is now coming up FAST! I'm due to have my sleeve done Oct 10. So I'm nervous, yeah!

I can't seem to get in the mood; not food-wise, not following instructions-wise, not eating or drinking properly. So yeah, I'm nervous.

I'm only human; so as you all do, I too have stuff going on in my life that just compounds this nervosity. So yeah, did I mention I'm nervous?

Thanks for letting me vent [emoji4]

Phew... carry on!

And yesterday I had my pre-op class. I dragged my husband there because supportive as he is his lack of interest in the details was disconcerting. He was a good sport and sat through it all
We went through all the good stuff; you know... prep stuff (what to take, what not to take)... meds, pre-op diet details, pages and pages of explanation for the post-op diet, I got samples.... his NP went through it all with us. Then my surgeon came in and answered any remaining questions. And finally the insurance coordinator came and went over a few things. Overall very informative and reassuring really. All set for tuesday!

Well, it's a start alright... the finish has yet to come. But I'll document my sleeve story here in the hopes that it'll help others.
Surgery to lose weight? Peh!! That's for weaklings... I would never mutilate my body.... why take the easy way out... in short, wls was a remote concept to me. Honestly, it just never was on my radar, that's all.
But like many here I struggled.. and it was a constant battle in the back of my head. I've been everywhere on the spectrum from "a real woman has curves, damn it" to " this is a social construct; it's todays world that makes me feel bad about who I am... I mean look at norms from 50-60 years ago" to "I don't have to be thin/normal/etc, I have brains to prove myself... I will never be one to rely on how I look to get ahead".... you name it, I've probably been there.
I'm going on 40... years of this... and dieting... and gaining... and dieting... and checking out the newest fad... and shopping based on what fits... not what I like.... years of focusing on the 'content' vs the 'packaging', coupled with a very low idea of self-worth rooted in childhood... well, for one reason or the other we all end up in the same spot.
Last summer my family and I were at the beach; There I am, sitting at the beach and I just can't stop judging people. Nevermind the fact that I lost 20 pounds and gained 19,5 back... So technically I have still lost weight compared to same time last year; I am just sitting here, in the shade and I can't stop myself from passing judgment on everybody... Bad posture, wrong choice of bathing suit... Omg!! What was she thinking?!?!? I would kill to have the body of most of the women who unknowingly are subject to my internal rantings but there you have it. And then I caught myself... sort of saw myself from a different perspective. Is this really who I want to be? This constantly bitter, unhappy person who blames everyone and everything but neglects to take responsibility? And it was there the first seeds of change had been sewn. Althought wls was still a long ways off from being even an idea.
I came to the US 20 years ago... It's not easy being the 'outsider', less so when you're a parent. At times it feels like everybody knows each other; even worse everybody likes each other... everybody but you. And this even though we all started being soccer moms and dads at the same time. Granted, sometimes you'll have your neighbors who know each other and naturally gravitate toward each other... or those parents whose kids are besties in school and who automatically click.
Some days a parent will say hi... good morning... how're ya doing? And those days are good days because for the next 60 minutes of a game you re-live that moment when you were part of the in-crowd. On other days your good morning will be ignored.. sometimes on purpose. And those days you put on a brave face for your kids because no kid likes their parents to be the outsider. Some days it gets so bad, so lonely, that I feel like exploding... i feel like asking "guys... what is it? Is it because i'm fat? Wear glasses? Have an accent? All of the above? I see these posts for parents with tips on how to deal with socially awkward teenagers... or how to boost their kids' confidence and I gulp them up looking for a glimpse on what it could be I'm doing wrong. It is a sad state of affairs when you're diving into teen advise columns but you're almost 40.
I have two amazing kids... and I know how easily effected kids are by how they view their parents. All parents are an embarassment to their kids in one way or another but what all of this led to, what I realized was that unless I accept myself, unless I am OK with myself and unless I respect and love myself I couldn't possibly expect others to show me the same. And this sense of personal responsibility was the second seed toward change. You see, as much as it seems from the above that I am doing this so that others will love me, I have come to realize that I am doing this for me... and only me.
Then, in January my husband's friend comes to visit.. and I don't recognize him... seriously, different human being. I felt like on candid camera where they do a switcheroo, you know? And he tells me about how he got sleeved... and he is patient with me and talks to me, explains, shows, guides me and before I know it I know that this is what I want. I just do, it makes sense, it all clicks, falls into place... damn in, I want it and I want it now!!!
I talk to 3 different surgeons even though I have to pay for consults... one can't even be bothered to look me in the eyes... he's Mr super busy and important... you know, like a factory assembly line, you're just a number, not a human being. The second is nice...patient, knowledgeable but his staff is not well organized. Then I went to see my friend's surgeon. Staff and surgeon... good call; I clicked and knew I had found my surgeon. Of course I did my research, I read reviews, reached out to people but first impressions are so important.
My insurance requires 6 months of documented visits. I was ready to have the surgery; I was excited; I didn't want to wait.. I even considered doing this out of pocket but thankfully cooler heads prevailed. I still think 6 months is too long but I'm halfway there.
I am hopeful to have a surgery date in september for my sleeve.
I still do my homework, I day-dream and I make lists, I fantasize about shopping sprees (which will be fun now, not torture... right guys?) but I'm not in laland in terms of expectation. I think I have a pretty solid grasp on the difficulties ahead. I'm going to therapy to prepare mentally.

I have an incredibly supportive husband who's been with me through thick (and will be with me through thin!!)

And with your support I know I can do this.

Updates will follow!

Thank you!!! You are brave to post this, it’s sensitive and concise and me...so me too! Thank you

Thank you!!! You are brave to post this, it’s sensitive and concise and me...so me too! Thank you

Very kind of you to say, thank you. And onwards we go!

I feel so funny.. OP is on Tuesday and I feel like I'm wearing my current clothes for the last time... as if I'm going to come out of the hospital suddenly wearing size 2s.. hahahaha, I guess I'm already living 6 months ahead of today.

You have made it this far and Tuesday will be here before you know it. How exciting for surgery and new clothes.

You have made it this far and Tuesday will be here before you know it. How exciting for surgery and new clothes.

Yes... so exciting!!