Well, it's a start alright... the finish has yet to come. But I'll document my sleeve story here in the hopes that it'll help others.
Surgery to lose weight? Peh!! That's for weaklings... I would never mutilate my body.... why take the easy way out... in short, wls was a remote concept to me. Honestly, it just never was on my radar, that's all.
But like many here I struggled.. and it was a constant battle in the back of my head. I've been everywhere on the spectrum from "a real woman has curves, damn it" to " this is a social construct; it's todays world that makes me feel bad about who I am... I mean look at norms from 50-60 years ago" to "I don't have to be thin/normal/etc, I have brains to prove myself... I will never be one to rely on how I look to get ahead".... you name it, I've probably been there.
I'm going on 40... years of this... and dieting... and gaining... and dieting... and checking out the newest fad... and shopping based on what fits... not what I like.... years of focusing on the 'content' vs the 'packaging', coupled with a very low idea of self-worth rooted in childhood... well, for one reason or the other we all end up in the same spot.
Last summer my family and I were at the beach; There I am, sitting at the beach and I just can't stop judging people. Nevermind the fact that I lost 20 pounds and gained 19,5 back... So technically I have still lost weight compared to same time last year; I am just sitting here, in the shade and I can't stop myself from passing judgment on everybody... Bad posture, wrong choice of bathing suit... Omg!! What was she thinking?!?!? I would kill to have the body of most of the women who unknowingly are subject to my internal rantings but there you have it. And then I caught myself... sort of saw myself from a different perspective. Is this really who I want to be? This constantly bitter, unhappy person who blames everyone and everything but neglects to take responsibility? And it was there the first seeds of change had been sewn. Althought wls was still a long ways off from being even an idea.
I came to the US 20 years ago... It's not easy being the 'outsider', less so when you're a parent. At times it feels like everybody knows each other; even worse everybody likes each other... everybody but you. And this even though we all started being soccer moms and dads at the same time. Granted, sometimes you'll have your neighbors who know each other and naturally gravitate toward each other... or those parents whose kids are besties in school and who automatically click.
Some days a parent will say hi... good morning... how're ya doing? And those days are good days because for the next 60 minutes of a game you re-live that moment when you were part of the in-crowd. On other days your good morning will be ignored.. sometimes on purpose. And those days you put on a brave face for your kids because no kid likes their parents to be the outsider. Some days it gets so bad, so lonely, that I feel like exploding... i feel like asking "guys... what is it? Is it because i'm fat? Wear glasses? Have an accent? All of the above? I see these posts for parents with tips on how to deal with socially awkward teenagers... or how to boost their kids' confidence and I gulp them up looking for a glimpse on what it could be I'm doing wrong. It is a sad state of affairs when you're diving into teen advise columns but you're almost 40.
I have two amazing kids... and I know how easily effected kids are by how they view their parents. All parents are an embarassment to their kids in one way or another but what all of this led to, what I realized was that unless I accept myself, unless I am OK with myself and unless I respect and love myself I couldn't possibly expect others to show me the same. And this sense of personal responsibility was the second seed toward change. You see, as much as it seems from the above that I am doing this so that others will love me, I have come to realize that I am doing this for me... and only me.
Then, in January my husband's friend comes to visit.. and I don't recognize him... seriously, different human being. I felt like on candid camera where they do a switcheroo, you know? And he tells me about how he got sleeved... and he is patient with me and talks to me, explains, shows, guides me and before I know it I know that this is what I want. I just do, it makes sense, it all clicks, falls into place... damn in, I want it and I want it now!!!
I talk to 3 different surgeons even though I have to pay for consults... one can't even be bothered to look me in the eyes... he's Mr super busy and important... you know, like a factory assembly line, you're just a number, not a human being. The second is nice...patient, knowledgeable but his staff is not well organized. Then I went to see my friend's surgeon. Staff and surgeon... good call; I clicked and knew I had found my surgeon. Of course I did my research, I read reviews, reached out to people but first impressions are so important.
My insurance requires 6 months of documented visits. I was ready to have the surgery; I was excited; I didn't want to wait.. I even considered doing this out of pocket but thankfully cooler heads prevailed. I still think 6 months is too long but I'm halfway there.
I am hopeful to have a surgery date in september for my sleeve.
I still do my homework, I day-dream and I make lists, I fantasize about shopping sprees (which will be fun now, not torture... right guys?) but I'm not in laland in terms of expectation. I think I have a pretty solid grasp on the difficulties ahead. I'm going to therapy to prepare mentally.

I have an incredibly supportive husband who's been with me through thick (and will be with me through thin!!)

And with your support I know I can do this.

Updates will follow!

Hahahaha... yeah, the goodbye eating... I either didn't do it at all or did it for about 6 months, depends on how you look at it.

My recovery is going well, I had 1 week liquid, 1 week mush, 1 week mush with **** and 1 week modified solids before I started on everything. I experimented a bit and advanced my diet a little bit as necessary but my surgeon's program seems to be a lot more accommodating than most. I mean, I got to have breakfast the day before surgery and then liquids for the rest of the day, that's it.. So I totally respect that you're doing liquids for as long as you are but the more you read the more you'll see that each surgeon's system is different.. vastly different so whatever yours says goes for you, no cheating! ou'll be fine

I'm almost 6 weeks out and have lost about 30 lbs so I really can't complain.

Great post! You seem so self-aware and I believe that will be incredibly helpful through your journey.

I wanted to comment because I am 4 days away from being sleeved and I wanted you to know that the time will fly! Anticipation at certain times (the very beginning, when you schedule your date, and for me now) are difficult but overall, you'll need this time to prepare!

So much good luck to you.

1 minute ago, JCKlgl123 said:

Great post! You seem so self-aware and I believe that will be incredibly helpful through your journey.

I wanted to comment because I am 4 days away from being sleeved and I wanted you to know that the time will fly! Anticipation at certain times (the very beginning, when you schedule your date, and for me now) are difficult but overall, you'll need this time to prepare!

So much good luck to you.

Thanks! and good luck to you, If at first you have problems don't despair, it does get easier so hang in there and feel free to come and rant if needed

@njgal - thank you so much!

On 11/17/2017 at 11:17 AM, njgal said:

Hahahaha... yeah, the goodbye eating... I either didn't do it at all or did it for about 6 months, depends on how you look at it.

My recovery is going well, I had 1 week liquid, 1 week mush, 1 week mush with **** and 1 week modified solids before I started on everything. I experimented a bit and advanced my diet a little bit as necessary but my surgeon's program seems to be a lot more accommodating than most. I mean, I got to have Breakfast the day before surgery and then liquids for the rest of the day, that's it.. So I totally respect that you're doing liquids for as long as you are but the more you read the more you'll see that each surgeon's system is different.. vastly different so whatever yours says goes for you, no cheating! ou'll be fine

I'm almost 6 weeks out and have lost about 30 lbs so I really can't complain.

LOL i hear ya about the six months of saying goodbye to food:D I have a feeling i’ll be easily nauseated after surgery and even if I crave things I won’t be able to eat much of them so I’m giving in to ALL my cravings at the moment till pre op diet

Wow! Not even a whole day of clear liquids? That’s awesome ?

I don’t think I’ll have a problem with the liquids if i only do 1 week.. I’ve done almost a month of juicing before and even though this won’t be the same it is similar.

Did you tell people around you about the sleeve?

I’m not telling anyone at work and I don’t know how I’m going to explain to people around me why I’m only having liquids on lunch and dinner breaks.

right now only my cousin/best friend, hubby know about my surgery. I plan on telling mom and my sister after the surgery just so i can focus on my own feelings/nervousness around and on surgery day vs worrying about them worrying about me if that makes any sense LOL

you lost a good chunk in this short time! I wish you more and more losings till you reach your goal!

I told my husband (obviously!) and SIL. My mom I told afterwards for similar reasons. I’m glad that’s how I did it too. Nobody at worked has asked; I didn’t have to tell for time off so I was lucky in that regard

Ok folks... 6 weeks out and a TMI post for y’all:

Ok so THIS is constipation. 45 mins of agony on the toilet [emoji37] then an enema, which, 5-7 mins after being inserted, burned like hell. I must’ve damaged something beforehand. Needless to say hubby and I are a new kind of close now [emoji4]

At the risk of being gross; didn’t realize this much had accumulated, I mean, I’ve been having bms daily so what gives? And I’d been taking fiber too so I guess it’s time to up it even more ?

Feeling better now.

On 11/18/2017 at 3:35 PM, njgal said:

Ok folks... 6 weeks out and a TMI post for y’all:

Ok so THIS is constipation. 45 mins of agony on the toilet then an enema, which, 5-7 mins after being inserted, burned like hell. I must’ve damaged something beforehand. Needless to say hubby and I are a new kind of close now

At the risk of being gross; didn’t realize this much had accumulated, I mean, I’ve been having bms daily so what gives? And I’d been taking Fiber too so I guess it’s time to up it even more ?

Feeling better now.

Aww I hope you’re feeling better now!

I'm at my surgeon’s office waiting to be seen for my pre op session

i just found out that my mom is having surgery on the 18th, my surgery is on the 12th and I’ve been stressing about it ever since (nightmares of running hospital hallways looking for her drowning in my own guilt). We are really close and she’d be expecting me to be there with her the day of surgery and the next 2 days that she knows I’m off work on.

I’m so nervous as to what to do and if I’ll be ok enough to be there with her without her and the rest of my family (big fam) noticing anything.

Aww I hope you’re feeling better now!
I'm at my surgeon’s office waiting to be seen for my pre op session
i just found out that my mom is having surgery on the 18th, my surgery is on the 12th and I’ve been stressing about it ever since (nightmares of running hospital hallways looking for her drowning in my own guilt). We are really close and she’d be expecting me to be there with her the day of surgery and the next 2 days that she knows I’m off work on.
I’m so nervous as to what to do and if I’ll be ok enough to be there with her without her and the rest of my family (big fam) noticing anything.

Hmm... difficult situation. I don’t know anything about your general make up or how you are going to fair obviously, however, if there are no complications you should be able to get through it. Even if you have a couple of days of crappiness like I did you’ll be fine as long as you rest and stay hydrated. It’s not ideal of course but unless you’re willing to reconsider your own date I don’t see another option. It’s a tough spot to be in, no doubt. Good luck!!

@njgal ? girl you could have a hemmeroid from straining....be careful

[mention=311424]njgal[/mention] [emoji35] girl you could have a hemmeroid from straining....be careful

Luckily I had my annual ob/gyn check today and I’m good but yep... now I know not to! Thanks!!

4 hours ago, njgal said:

Hmm... difficult situation. I don’t know anything about your general make up or how you are going to fair obviously, however, if there are no complications you should be able to get through it. Even if you have a couple of days of crappiness like I did you’ll be fine as long as you rest and stay hydrated. It’s not ideal of course but unless you’re willing to reconsider your own date I don’t see another option. It’s a tough spot to be in, no doubt. Good luck!!

Ohh thanks! My surgeon said the same thing.. i pray to God I don’t have any complications so i can be there with her.

how are you doing lately? Hope you’re not dealing with constipation anymore.

how come you didn’t update your ticker after 30 lbs loss! I have a feeling I’ll be updating every .5 lb xD

ok so I wanted to ask you ( and everyone on here who’d like to share) these questions: are you driving yet? how many days post op did it take before you felt somewhat normal and went back to doing normal daily things? Have you been working out or walking?

sooo I’m going to do a two weeks of the pre op diet :/ i think i’ll try to just stick with the clear liquids for both weeks. Don’t trust myself to tasting real food for one meal only a day. Will see how it goes

Edited November 21, 20178 yr by {.Narin.}

Oh, I’m at 30 lb now.. one can’t change stats on the app and I rarely access the forum on a computer but you haven’t missed much with my progress [emoji4] If I didn’t have a reminder to weigh in weekly I would probably not step on the scale. It’s not so much about the pounds for me as it is about establishing good habits now. We’ll see how that goes.

As far as being back to “normal”; well, a friend of mine ended up being an outpatient and drove himself home... others take it easy for weeks. I was pretty much back to normal 2-3 days after I was home; so 4-5 days post-op.

Once you have your liquid intake under control I don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t be back in action but water (i.e. liquids) is key. It won’t be child’s play but it’s definitely doable!

Hello everyone... greetings from a cold New Jersey thursday. It is time for an update.

I was just thinking about how I scoured every comment, every topic, every bit of info I could find pre-op.... today I check in because I had set myself a reminder. Life is back to "normal" and I am soooo over this checking-in every minute of every day thing... but I'm not all heartless; I remember (vaguely) what it was like and I had promised myself I would check-in and update every so often so as to give the next generation of sleevers reading material; so here's the skinny (yes, yes, I know):

I was sleeved 1/10/17 and yesterday I had my three month follow up visit with my surgeon. Incidentally yesterday was also the date I hit one-derland (199.6, yay!!) so it all tied together rather nicely I say. My weight loss has slowed but all in all I lost 50 lbs already.

I love buying new clothes though I don't go crazy because I know I have some ways to go yet. My knees didn't hurt for a while but I must've abused those puppies a little too much before, because now I'm getting lubricant injections every few months, but all good... something funny I realized was that apparently I had been straining my neck out (most likely to prevent a double chin from showing) so that now I have neck pain and constantly keep reminding myself to auto-correct my neck posture. It just looks funny more than anything else really.

I'm a 14 now.. I don't remember ever caring much about dressing well before, even when I was 'smaller'.. now I go all out and love getting dressed up. As much as it probably has something to do with age and overall state of where I am in life; I also believe it has something to do with the direction I'm moving in. Clearly I hadn't planned on ballooning to 250 lbs before but the upward trend seemed to discourage me. Now that I am clearly moving down it only seems to fuel my interest in making myself look good. For the first time in my life I am "one of those women".. you know? not just the clothes but I try to take better care of myself in general. Heck I even moisturize now.. who'd have thought?

Oh, and I do yoga now... I used to read comments of women who were saying the higher they went in weight the less non-yoga type pants they would wear.. to a point where all they wore were stretchy pants. I am the opposite way; the more weight I lose the more confidence I have to wear them.. never would have been caught dead in one before. They're actually pretty comfy I realize I actually ended up wearing yoga pants with a long comfy sweater and boots the other day. OMG, I was such a cliche but so darn proud of myself you should have seen me. I kept giggling at my own vanity.

And I receive tons of compliments (which I can totally see getting over at some point but for now they're balm for the soul). So yeah, 50 lbs down in 3 months... not bad, eh?

Love this site, your posts are just wonderful & really moving. I haven't lost or gained anymore weight, but had the flu & bronchitis 2x's. I had to walk my dogs multiple times daily, but that just wiped me out. Today's the first day I returned to my 2.5 mi walk to, in & from the dog park. Still blowing my nose, but was grateful for the opportunity to jump back in and kickstart my exercise program. Up to this point, I ate whatever I wanted, which isn't good for an emotional eater with more weight to lose. I ate Ritz crackers, cookies, chips, muffin tops, etc.: so I'm not kidding myself that I self-sabotagued & of course I was down on myself. If it were anyone else telling me this, I'd be first in line to say, "It's ok, let's begin where you are now & show yourself some love." Why am I so critical of myself? I've been doing meditations/affirmations/prayers from the get go, to quiet that critical self & love who I am as I am. Anyone else got this issue? What do you do to help yourself? Somehow I managed to lose inches, go figure. I am a chef & make homemade broths, soups, etc., and there's still things I can't digest (i.e. beef & pork), but I do crave veggies & make soups with chopped up fresh veggies galore. I can only manage 1/2c at a time, 7.5 mos out. I'll see my therapist tomorrow who helps me deal with my eating issues, and at least she'll she my daily food & exercise journal: no matter what I ate, I was faithful to writing it all down. Here's something I found out: even though my hiatal hernia was repaired when I got sleeved on 5/24/17, it's still necessary for me to take my Acidphex. I went 4 days without it, and boy was I in major discomfort by the fourth day. Why did I do that? Well, to see if I still needed it! DOH! I'll see my dietician & PA this month, as well, something I haven't done for months. Same for going to their free VGS support, dietician & psychologist led eating issues support groups. Hitting the gym later today & will also do my Pilates Reformer exercises. In fact, I'm going to call to see when the groups are this month & schedule my appointment. If you feel like cheating: drink broth, have your SF popsicles/fudgesicles/creamsicles or SF puddings & jellos. Be kind to yourself & remember we're all here to help each other, so don't hesitate to put out here what you've been doing or not doing. This is such a personal journey to health, but we have such similar issues that it's fantastic to share what works & what doesn't work. TY for your posts & thoughtfulness.