"WHY IS THIS NECESSARY??" along with " I don’t see where your weight is so bad that you can’t get on a diet regiment and exercise program to help that." and a ton of other says.

Of course I broke down my reasons for her. She still doesn't get it. I specifically asked her to not tell my sisters because I know the response from them will be even worse.

I honestly thought she would be a little more supportive than this.

I understand that 9 times out of 10, family is worried about your safety and the risks, and even though I don't have any healthy issues right now I feel like at my age (36, 228lbs) its only a matter of time before I start to develop all of the health issues my fathers side of the family has. Why wait, when I can take control now??? After all the diets and exercise programs I've been through, obviously they weren't working for me very well. This is a tool not a magic pill but I do feel that after seeing everyone's success, its a dang good tool and I'm willing to give it my all.

THIS makes me very sad, because my surgery is only a couple weeks away and I need support. Not the stress of family not supporting me.

Edited June 2, 201610 yr by reachbree

My mother's reaction was "well, couldn't you just write down what you eat? I am sticking to protein and vegetables and I am doing ok." Keep in mind that she is only about 20 pounds overweight, and that I have been logging my food into myfitnesspal for about five years now. So I know how you feel. I think when most mothers disapprove of this surgery, they are doing it from a place of love. You are her baby, and you are telling her that you are going through surgery and making a huge life change. I would give her a few days to let her get used to the idea. Explain to her that you need her support. Hopefully she will come around.

I am sorry you are not feeling support from your family right now. I hope she will turn her attitude around in few days after the initial shock of hearing your plans have passed. Do try to explain that you need her support. However, if she still isn't supportive, don't fret - you have a whole lot of support from everyone here.

I intentionally have not told anyone in my family because I knew they would not be supportive. However my family is all 300 miles away so much easier to deal with not telling them.

Do you have any close friends near you that you can count on?

I am lucky my family was supportive including my 5 kids. although my oldest son says I look funny after losing so much. You are doing this for you... not them and in the end what you think is what truly maters. you can do this... and we will support you here as well as their are usually support groups you can join and go to for additional support. it's a hard decision to make but in the end you do what you need to do to be healthy.... maybe mom just doesn't understand for some losing weight on your own is so very difficult. and if she has never been overweight.... well she couldn't possibly understand... Good luck on your journey you can do this

I am sorry you are going through that. It is tough when the ones you thought would support you.. do not.. but just remember ... they may not understand your why .. because they are not in your body and are not going through it themselves... As for support this site is great and there are weight loss support groups bariatric doctors recommend patients to go to.. FB has a ton of groups and we are on instagram too. Best of luck to you in your journey.

Thanks everyone! This site has been awesome for me.

My husband is now supporting me. I say now, because he didn't start until a couple months ago because he saw that I was serious about it and that I had already made up my mind. I really appreciate his support. Plus he is on Atkins so we will be rooting for each other.

I guess it makes it hard that my mom and sisters are 7 hours from me and my father is...on the other side of the US! My husband made me feel the need to tell them because of that "What if something happens to me?" Otherwise I didn't want to tell any of my family. I just wanted to surprise them after success.

BTW- After getting my moms reaction, I am considering to not tell anyone else.

Edited June 2, 201610 yr by reachbree

@@reachbree I haven't told my parents yet and wonder how my Mom is going to react. I live 2 miles from her so there's no way of getting around telling her. I'm waiting until surgery is scheduled. Your Mom may come around. She may have just been surprised and what came in her head came out her mouth. Give her some time.

Thank goodness you are a woman fully grown and can make your own healthcare decisions. Go ahead and do what you have to do. Once you have the surgery and are on your way to better health and an improved quality of life, they can gripe all they want but they can't undo your surgery.

@@reachbree Your hubby needs to man up. If something happened, he would pick up the phone and call and tell them what happened. If he knew you would be greeted with the kinds of "support" you are getting (sarcasm font needed here) from your mom, then he may not be supporting you. That sounds like undermining to me. He needs to stand up for you and your emotional health. It sounds like dealing with your mom is not emotionally healthy for you. If she tells your sisters and they bring it up with you, my suggestion is asking when was the last time they were tested for an STD. When they pitch a fit, just tell them you are showing interest in their health just like they are showing one in yours and change the subject.

My mother would say the same thing to me - which is why I'm not telling her and she lives less than two miles away from me. I'm not telling her about the overnight hospital stay. I'm not saying anything. If she asks at any point about my weight loss (since she has called me fat, ugly and stupid since I was 5), I'll say I'm following a diet my doctor prescribed. Not a word more. However, my mother is toxic and I don't care what she thinks.

I'm pretty much on the same boat as Diana except my mother started the criticism when I became a teenager. I didn't tell anyone in my family and I never will. I had my surgery May 9th and my husband was there for me. He was supportive and told me it was my decision whether or not I wanted to tell my family. My mother makes everything about her. When I initially mentioned that I was participating of weight loss classes and that if I didn't lose enough weight I would consider the surgery she went off on a drama queen attack.

It helped that my closest family member lives 400 miles away and my parents are 4000 miles away.

LS

I don't think I've ever seen a post here by a woman of legal age who reported that, when she told her mother she was considering or going to have WLS, her mother said: "Oh, honey! I'm so glad. I've been hoping you would consider it. I support you fully and with no reservations 100%!"

I don't recall a single result like that.

Usually it's just like reported in the OP and other earlier comments -- the mother delivers some version of: "You're crazy. You're stupid. You're wrong. You're not fat enough. You're too fat. You're going to die. You're going to have complications. You should go on a diet and exercise. How could you do this to me?!" Or worse.

Most of you know your mother's not going to support you and is going to bust your balls. But against your better judgment you tell her anyway. And then she busts your balls.

I'm not a woman, but my mother has been incredibly supportive (I'm 42). Think it's more of a mother/daughter dynamic?

I think my Mom will be supportive. She may actually say "it's about time"! Lol. We shall see. There's no way I'd keep it from her.

I don't think I've ever seen a post here by a woman of legal age who reported that, when she told her mother she was considering or going to have WLS, her mother said: "Oh, honey! I'm so glad. I've been hoping you would consider it. I support you fully and with no reservations 100%!"

I don't recall a single result like that.

Usually it's just like reported in the OP and other earlier comments -- the mother delivers some version of: "You're crazy. You're stupid. You're wrong. You're not fat enough. You're too fat. You're going to die. You're going to have complications. You should go on a diet and exercise. How could you do this to me?!" Or worse.

Most of you know your mother's not going to support you and is going to bust your balls. But against your better judgment you tell her anyway. And then she busts your balls.

Sorry but that is pure BS ... I am an adult female and my mother had been supportive from the start. She asked me why ..stated her concerns ... she went with me to the first few appointments and each concern was addressed by my doctor.. fast forward 3 years after having the band removed .. her first thought to me was.. so our next step is a conversion?

While it does suck that there are mothers who can only think about themselves and are toxic for their children ( yes i know many) not every mom is like that... A lot of times mothers and fathers alike are the only ones who have your back.

@

People rarely post on forums about their mom supporting them, but every day we read about their moms raking them over the coals.

The negative mom stories far outweigh the positive mom stories.

Also posting how great your mom is doesn't really help OP.

It is like someone telling you that their husband just knocked up his assistant and you responding that your husband loves you and just bought you a diamond tennis bracelet and a new Audi.

I don't think I've ever seen a post here by a woman of legal age who reported that, when she told her mother she was considering or going to have WLS, her mother said: "Oh, honey! I'm so glad. I've been hoping you would consider it. I support you fully and with no reservations 100%!"

I don't recall a single result like that.

Usually it's just like reported in the OP and other earlier comments -- the mother delivers some version of: "You're crazy. You're stupid. You're wrong. You're not fat enough. You're too fat. You're going to die. You're going to have complications. You should go on a diet and exercise. How could you do this to me?!" Or worse.

Most of you know your mother's not going to support you and is going to bust your balls. But against your better judgment you tell her anyway. And then she busts your balls.

I'm so grateful to be the exception. Not only has my mom been tremendously supportive of my surgery, she insisted on paying for it and being by my side. I've made it into my early 30s without my mom having ever made me feel crazy or stupid about anything, much less personal healthcare choices. My husband is a physician, and I'm a professor, so she knows we're keen on educating ourselves before making momentous decisions. She's also known that I've struggled with my weight for years, and how it has impacted my quality of life in a myriad of ways. When I first told her about wanting to have the VSG she was mildly surprised only because she didn't think I'd qualify for it since I was a size 14, and definitely overweight but barely into the obese category. My endocrinologist had recommended the VSG to me because other patients my age and size who have PCOS have benefitted from it. I sent my mom the medical research on women with PCOS having the VSG, and she became as committed to me having it as my husband. Insurance wasn't going to cover a cent of the costs because my BMI was under 35, and she was initially concerned about that aspect. Local surgeons were going to charge $29,000 to $35K. My husband and I are still paying off student debt, so that was unfeasible. I did research on having surgery in Mexico, and sent it all to her. She got on board. She insisted on giving us the money for the surgery. Since my husband was working the week of the surgery, she and my dad flew out to be my support team and accompany me to Mexico. In the ten months since having the surgery, only my parents and my husband know about it, which has been perfect for me because they've given me all the support I need. I can't even put into words how much I appreciate her and my dad.