"WHY IS THIS NECESSARY??" along with " I don’t see where your weight is so bad that you can’t get on a diet regiment and exercise program to help that." and a ton of other says.

Of course I broke down my reasons for her. She still doesn't get it. I specifically asked her to not tell my sisters because I know the response from them will be even worse.

I honestly thought she would be a little more supportive than this.

I understand that 9 times out of 10, family is worried about your safety and the risks, and even though I don't have any healthy issues right now I feel like at my age (36, 228lbs) its only a matter of time before I start to develop all of the health issues my fathers side of the family has. Why wait, when I can take control now??? After all the diets and exercise programs I've been through, obviously they weren't working for me very well. This is a tool not a magic pill but I do feel that after seeing everyone's success, its a dang good tool and I'm willing to give it my all.

THIS makes me very sad, because my surgery is only a couple weeks away and I need support. Not the stress of family not supporting me.

Edited June 2, 201610 yr by reachbree

My mother's response was... "your so vain, just get off your butt and exercise." Mind you I do 15,000 plus steps per day just at work as a nurse. I can completely relate. Do what feels right to you. Don't worry about what others say. My first appointment with the surgery center is on July 8th 2016. I'm doing this for me, and no one else!! Hugs

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i talked out of my head most of the day yesterday and early today....those drugs!!

I am finally home however the pain has increased...gas and incision pain...i just vwant this part to be over with now!!

I was wondering if you were coherent yet.

The sipping part doesn't last forever. In a few days you'll be swallowing more easily. And in a week or so things will really change.

Hang in there. This is the weirdest part.

Feel better soon!

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So glad I read these posts and learn that I am not the only one with unsupportive family members. I am pre op and in the 6 months wait required by my insurance company. My husband is very supportive and the only other person I told outside my husband and kids is my sister. She did a physician supervised very low calorie weight loss program in the past and has since gained it all back. At a family gathering with me sitting there and no one else knows about my decision for surgery she can't stop talking about how you can't live on 800 calories a day and your hair falls out and all you are doing is starving yourself and on and on. I'm thinking that she is just upset that I won't be fat anymore.

I don't want to ell anyone else, too negative!

I also have been very lucky. My mom was nervous because I have Crohn's disease since I am 24 and I am currently 53. So to ease her mind she came with my to my first surgical consult, once she was reassured that it was just as safe as it would be for the next person she was so incredibly supportive. She sees the pain I am in with my joints and how I struggle to walk and she wants me to feel and be physically healthy. I couldn't imagine not having my mom with me through this. I have sworn her to secrecy though bec. I have 3 brothers and I don't want everyone's opinion. I am a nurse and my husband is a doctor who is also very supportive and has done everything in his power to help me through this process. Never once did my husband criticize me for gaining weight and not being the sexy girl he married.

Glad to find this thread. I'm 36 years old, married, no kids yet, have lived on my own for 18 years and I'm STILL scared to tell my family. We are moderately close, and my parents and brother are actually pretty great people, but when food/weight are concerned, any chance of support goes out the window. My mom is naturally thin and has been a lifelong disordered eater, and although she'd never say it to my face, she looks down on me for my weight - it's clear with every single comment she makes (and always with the "but I just want you to be healthy!" at the end, a little add-on to soften the blow of whatever hurtful thing she's just said). My dad is just a pudgy guy who likes sweets but thinks all it takes to lose weight is put the cookie down, because that's HIS experience, and he thinks being heavy is a choice.

I am expecting reactions like, "It's too bad it's come to this, if you'd stuck with Weight Watchers 13 years ago you'd never have gotten yourself into this situation," or "That's really typical of you - dramatic and impulsive. Why don't you try diet and exercise before getting yourself cut open and taking the easy way out?" or "Is that really necessary? You just need to do [x y or z] and I'm sure the weight would come off naturally." No, it wouldn't - I weigh 300 pounds, you think I haven't TRIED AND FAILED over 100 times in the last 15 years? I don't tell you about every pound I lose then gain back. I think they just assume I've been sitting here eating french fries for 20 years and all I need to do to lose the weight is stop. Not even remotely the case.

I've been thinking about this surgery for over 2 years now. I decided to have it 10 months ago, and am approved and scheduled for early August. My wife is supportive and ready to take this journey with me. It's a done deal, I'm not changing my mind. I feel like maybe I don't want to tell anyone until afterwards, so I don't have to hear any potentially negative reactions that might stress me out before surgery.

I may change my mind in the 6.5 weeks I've got left, but I'm learning towards not telling them until I'm fully recovered.... or ever. Maybe I'll just stick with "I'm on a medically supervised diet." or "I stopped eating Cookies and french fries, weird huh?"

You might tell them after.... or not tell them at all SK in the end this is about YOU and your health.... For the others... I was lucky to have the support and others who looked at me with horror... and yeah you lose some hair... but it doesn't all fall out... I have very thin hair to begin with and I am not bald...nor do I have bald spots.... wash with shampoo only every other day or so.. longer if you can... I can't my hair looks dirty if I don't use shampoo every other day.... but I condition daily use leave in sprays and do make sure to get in that protein in that's what really helps to lose the least amount of hair, but you lose some hair... but then again everyone does regularly...

I think you know what you need to do!! tell them to get off your ass and then seriously shut them out for a while until they can figure out how to behave. It starts with you though, they will do to you what you let them do!

I felt the same way when I told my mother this past weekend that I had decided to have the sleeve gastrectomy. I guess I took her by surprise. Her response to me is that you are not that heavy. I am 5'6" and weigh 231. I am experiencing sleep apnea, high cholestrol and my knees hurt so bad from supporting all of this weight. She tried to tell me horror stories about her friends that had this kind of procedure done 20 years ago. I tried to explain to her that medicine changes. Luckily, my husband is very supportive. I just know that I have finally come to a place in my life where I have to be healthy for myself and my family. I wish you the best of luck.

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I have had the same experience with my mother. I decided that I was doing this for me and no one else. I scheduled my surgery, told my best friend and didn't tell my mother. She knew I was considering it... but she didn't know until after I had it. I did it for me and no one else. Praying for peace on your journey.

thanks for responses everyone!

so far my mom has checked on my recovery a few times and my nutritionist sister has been chatting with me all day since i got out of the hospital. Another sister hasnt called me since I told her i was having the surgery. Oh well, they will need to deal with their own issues. Its time for me to focus on me. Tired of trying to satisfy everyone!