Before I tell you why my life was ruined, I first need to tell you about who I was before surgery. Unlike most stories you hear, I had not struggled with my weight my entire life. Sure, I was a few pounds overweight most of the time, but I didn't really gain my weight until I turned 18. At the age of 15 I met my fiancé, however we didn't start dating until my late 17’s. When we started dating, eventually becoming more serious, we ate out every single meal. If we were eating together, you could bet it would be out. To make matters worse, it was almost always Pasta and breadsticks at Olive Garden. Adding insult to injury, I took a night shift desk job with a security company working from 6pm until 6am. My eating schedule was never normal, and take out Chinese and fast food were staples on my work shift. Suddenly, three years later, I had gained 100 pounds. Thats a lot of weight to put on so fast.

I never really tried to lose weight, even on my pre-op diet. It was always tomorrow, and I was always too busy, or too stressed. Almost everyone has tried to lose weight before having weight loss surgery. They have all put in some effort, but not me. This was my first, and biggest mistake when I decided it was time to lose weight.

My grandmother, my mother, and my aunt have all had gastric bypass surgery. I am not sure of exactly when for each of them, but if I remember correctly my grandmothers was 30 years ago, my mothers was 6 years ago, and my aunts was 8. I wasn't around for my grandmothers, and surgery was a lot different back then, so it is quite hard to compare myself too, but I have seen the struggles she still has 30 years later. As for my mother and my aunt, aside from my fiancé, they are the two people I am closest too in this world. I stayed with my aunt after her surgery, and of course was with my mother after hers. Being a young teenager through them both, I was so jealous. Here were these two, “taking the easy way out” and I had to lose my 8 pounds of extra weight the hard way.

I would dare someone to say to my face that gastric bypass surgery is the easy way out. Seriously, I would land in jail and there is no way around it. How could I ever, ever, ever, even in my silly teenage brain, think that this was the easy way out. My mom had pneumonia and was re-hospitalized and my aunt had issues with scar tissue and a stricture, but my teenage brain said well look how easy this is.

Part of my problem going into surgery was I really didn't remember the struggles my family members faced. Today, my mom and my aunt eat like normal people, and they have for a long time. Honestly, I cant remember who they were right after surgery, but I don't remember them being the person that I am after surgery.

My insurance requirements for surgery were; a 6 month supervised diet (didn’t have to lose, just couldn't gain), an upper GI, a nutritionist evaluation, a psychological evaluation, and an EKG. It sounds like a lot, but I literally had one meeting with the nutritionist, and a half hour meeting with a psychologist whom I have never met.

How I passed that psych eval is beyond me. What could the criteria have possibly been to pass? I can assure you whatever it was, I shouldn't have met it. I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS SURGERY! Of course, I didn't see that then. Hindsight really is 20/20.

Before surgery, I had no co-morbidities, not even one.

I had my surgery on 1/13/2016, 6 weeks ago. Before you tell me it gets better, don’t. Seriously, my mental state isn't equipped enough to hear one more person say that. I knew this surgery was going to be a physical struggle, but the physical pain does not touch the mental pain in the slightest.

Physically, since surgery, I have suffered from serious muscle pain in my left side that did not go away until week four. Most people don't even have pain for half that long. I couldn't sit or stand on my own, and when walking I literally walked with a hunch. I have also developed hypoglycemia. As you remember I had no co-morbidities, so this is a hard pill to swallow. The desire to eat is gone, now being forced to eat consistently so I don't have a drop is physically painful. I have had constant nausea since week three. Yes, I said constant. All the Zofran in the world doesn't take away my nausea. Of course, I also have the dehydration, because that is literally a given with this surgery. I have also been experiencing some pretty extreme pain that radiates to my back, but my recent CT came back normal, so I guess thats all in my head right?

Speaking of in my head, this surgery has changed me. Obviously, my insides are physically changed, but this surgery has changed who I am as a person, and I hate this new person. I can’t find joy. All I have is anger and hurt. I never used to be this person. I can’t get out of bed in the morning, I literally cannot work. It hurts so bad in my mind that I would rather be dead then continue to live in this body. I literally want to tear my skin off. I want to cut open my stomach and put my insides back to the way they originally more. I CANNOT CONTINUE LIVING LIKE THIS. I literally question how I make it through each and every day. This surgery has fucked with my head so bad that I can hardly function. I DO NOT LEAVE MY BED. I am completely dependent on my fiancé for everything. I am worthless. I have become a worthless, helpless, human being.

I have been in the hospital off and on since surgery. They have upped the dosages on all my anti-depressants, and yet I lay here, my feelings becoming more severe by the day. My only hope now is to get a reversal. I have yet to see my surgeon, because she never happens to be rounding when I have visited or been admitted. I see her this Thursday and all I can do is hope that she sees the urgency and the need to reverse my surgery. I just need her to see the pain inside me that is literally eating me alive. I need her to understand the life or death situation that this is for me. I cannot be this person anymore.

I do not wish to scare, or deter anyone from having this surgery. I know it is right for a lot of people, but it’s wrong for some people too. I don’t care how mentally prepared you think you are, please seek out more mental preparation. I would never wish these feelings that I have upon anyone. No one should ever have to live in this kind of mental pain, with these demons.

SW - 277

CW - 240

This is the saddest thing I've read. I can definitely sympathize with your struggle but it really does get better. Sending positive energy your way!

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I am not sure a reversal would alleviate your physical pain.

I assume you are seeing a therapist? If not please speak to someone, they can help you have a more positive outlook on life in general.

Have you ever had any other surgery besides your bypass?

I'm just curious about how you handle surgery. Some people are great and you would never know they had anything done. Others take weeks to recover fully and it's an arduous process. It just depends on your body.

I'm curious, who/where is your support system? You said your Mom and aunt have been through this, have you expressed your feelings to them? Reached out for moral support? Is your fiance a support?

Why have you not seen your doc since surgery?, usually the first post op visit is one week out.

I won't tell you what you don't want to hear or believe, you seemed to have made up your mind. Be very careful in seeking reversal. It's complicated and there's no telling if you'll ever be back to what you think is 'normal'.

Reading the OP once again I truly feel you need to see someone.

I know it's extreme but have you considered an inpatient stay to address your issues with depression?

It seems like everything is being blamed on the surgery and sometimes it's not that simple.

Please seek help from a mental health professional before making any major decisions like seeking reversal surgery.

Seems like your looking to blame a lot of people for allowing you the surgery from the psychologist who you saw for an hour or so to the surgeon whom never seems to be there when u are.

Fact is we are adults.

This was a major surgery for all of us and we all did our research and no one could have prepared any of us mentally for this type of surgery.

You WILL get thru it.

A reversal?

You wouldn't think undergoing a major surgery to reverse a major surgery will be an option. In fact I can imagine it being a massive risk to preform it.

I hope you seek some help psychologically and spiritually because there is nothing that can alter ones mind other than oneself.

Choose to be happy and you will be happy.

Choose to be angry and you will be angry.

Your fulfilling your own prophecy though - eventually your going to push even your fiancé away by choosing to be so angry.

Smile you WILL BE OKAY.

Reading this is disheartening and I'm sorry you're going through this. However, this post raises more questions than it answers.

From what you posted I definitely agree you should seek counseling of some sort. Otherwise, you'll maintain this anger and that's never healthy. Find someone to talk this through and get through it together.

Outside of that....follow up with your surgeons office. They are typically a great support system or can put you in contact with supports groups, therapists, or psychologists.

Keeping you in my prayers.

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Several people who underwent RNY gastric bypass surgery developed hypoglycemia. It is somewhat common. It doesn't seem to make any difference if they were diabetic prior to surgery or not. This is a specific type of hypoglycemia called "reactive hypoglycemia". These are a few links to this condition.

https://www.ridgeviewmedical.org/services/bariatric-weight-loss/enewsletter-articles/reactive-hypoglycemia-postgastric-bypass/

http://www.weightlosssurgery.ca/before-after-surgery/reactive-hypoglycaemia-post-gastric-bypass/

http://www.todaysdietitian.com/newarchives/060415p48tip.shtml

Probably the main point is that there are steps you can take to significantly minimize the effect of this condition on your body.

I know you are miserable and you think the answer is to get the surgery reversed, but I'd urge you, as others have, to find a psych you can talk to and work on getting your underlying problems worked out. It doesn't sound to me that the surgery was unsuccessful. You have apparently lost weight thus far, the problem is, you are depressed. I don't know if you were depressed before surgery, but sometimes when people are scared of the outcome, they can get depressed when they see they might actually achieve it and they really didn't want to on every level. For some of us, there's that little bit that holds us back....maybe it's from being abused in some way, or for attracting negative attention somehow or maybe we thought the surgery would be a magic bullet to make us feel happy and the aftermath of surgery is that the surgery won't make you happy. It's just a tool to help you lose weight and that's all that it is. You need to get help for the psychological side because at least from where I'm sitting and reading, you are suffering from full blown depression and you might think it's because of the surgery, but it's not. It's more than that.

I agree that you need some professional mental health supports

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I am so sorry you are so miserable. Remember, losing weight may release hormones and that could affect your mental health. Please seek both mental and physical help for your pain.

I understand where you're coming from. We are surgery date buddies, but I had the sleeve. However, I only recently have begun to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had a lot of physical pain as well for a long time. It was miserable. My mental health suffered greatly because of it, not to mention my best friend and coping mechanism, food, was gone. I have started seeing a therapist and am feeling better.

I won't tell you "it gets better" but I will tell you that we are both still "newbies" and we have a long road to understanding how our new bodies work. Also, I suggest doing all of the research that you can on any of your pain/medical issues. Have you looked in to medicinal marijuana for the nausea? There are forms of it that have the THC removed so it's legal and it doesn't get you high, if you are opposed to that. It works wonders for people going through chemo which causes intense nausea/vomiting.

I HIGHLY encourage speaking to a therapist. Without fail, the day before my therapy appointments I tell my friend, "I don't think I'm going to continue seeing my therapist after this. I don't think i need it!" And without fail, I leave the appointment having gained some insight and understanding in to how my mind works and how to cope. It's been invaluable to me. There were days that I couldn't get out of my bed. I didn't shower for nearly a week once. I had no desire to eat, sobbed uncontrollably and multiple times I thought, "I wish I were dead." I got the help I needed and it's been a huge change for me.

Go to your surgeon and have a long, serious, intense talk with them about your medical problems and how you feel about the surgery. They probably have resources and options for you that none of us can suggest. Utilize WLS groups, there's nothing more powerful than a group of people who have been through the same situation coming together to lift each other up.

Please, I really hope you read through these messages and understand that we're not saying these things to force you to think "my RNY was the best decision ever!!" If you never feel that way, then okay. No one should fault you for it. You're right, this is not the easy way out, but it's your way now and you can either utilize all of the options that are available to you, listen to the advice of the people who have been in your shoes or can understand your struggle, and maybe help yourself to see that light too.

Good luck, I hope you keep us updated.

Edited February 24, 201610 yr by yerawizardamy

Right now you are mourning a DEATH the death of the strong relationship you had with food. You can't eat like you did and may never(hopefully) be able to again. You know what your aunt and Mom went through; and you chose to have the surgery. What is done, is done. Move forward with a positive attitude and use your surgery as the great tool that it is to seek a healthier, and yes happier life. Be an adult. suck it up and DO IT!! You know that you can.

I got so depressed after my sleeve procedure in 2012 and even thought I made the biggest mistake of my life. For the first 4 months I hated life, hated myself and hated the decision I made. I didn't want to tell anyone because I was so sure that I was making the right decision for myself and I would not listen to the naysayers prior to my surgery. I probably should have gotten professional help, but didn't. The best thing I did to help my mental state was getting on these forums and reading people's stories and believing in total strangers (on the Internet) that it would get better.

I'm 4 years out today and still down 90 of the 100lbs I lost. Life for me got back to normal around the 5 or 6 month mark and I kept my eye on my goal. My advice to you would be to let your body and mind heal. Give yourself a good 6 months post op before making any decisions. You owe it to yourself to wait it out. Stay on these forums and read success stories. Friend people who feel the same way and commiserate together. Help each other through it.

I'm not going to tell you it gets better. I think you must know that it does since your family members have gone through it. You are just in a crappy time period where your mental state hasn't caught up to your physical state and your relationship with food is still there. Your mind wants to eat, but your body says no.

I myself didn't mentally "break up" with food until the 5 month mark. Once I did, things improved greatly for me. I did activities and/or exercise every time I thought of food. Even at work, I would walk laps around my office or close my door and do sit-ups. At first, I used it as my punishment for craving food and I hated exercise so I found myself thinking less and less about food. Then, soon enough I got hooked on exercise and I stopped thinking of food and started thinking about my next spin, Zumba or dance class instead. I even took up running, trained for a 1/2 marathon and ran the entire thing without stopping (and I hated running)! I think I should mention that I also loved going out to eat and this had pretty much stopped the first 6 months and I believe this contributed to my negative state of mind. Nothing sounded good, yet I missed the social aspect of going out to eat. Luckily for me, my husband and a few friends jumped on board my exercise train and this became our new "social thing".

My point is that every journey is different and yours will be too. You will figure out what works for you, but you WILL find your way. Then, maybe one day you will find yourself on these forums sharing your story to try and help someone else. Good luck to you! I hope my story helped you a little. You will get through this!!!

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if you are that depressed, you need to see a psychiatrist immediately for some medication! I am a professional in the field.