Before I tell you why my life was ruined, I first need to tell you about who I was before surgery. Unlike most stories you hear, I had not struggled with my weight my entire life. Sure, I was a few pounds overweight most of the time, but I didn't really gain my weight until I turned 18. At the age of 15 I met my fiancé, however we didn't start dating until my late 17’s. When we started dating, eventually becoming more serious, we ate out every single meal. If we were eating together, you could bet it would be out. To make matters worse, it was almost always Pasta and breadsticks at Olive Garden. Adding insult to injury, I took a night shift desk job with a security company working from 6pm until 6am. My eating schedule was never normal, and take out Chinese and fast food were staples on my work shift. Suddenly, three years later, I had gained 100 pounds. Thats a lot of weight to put on so fast.

I never really tried to lose weight, even on my pre-op diet. It was always tomorrow, and I was always too busy, or too stressed. Almost everyone has tried to lose weight before having weight loss surgery. They have all put in some effort, but not me. This was my first, and biggest mistake when I decided it was time to lose weight.

My grandmother, my mother, and my aunt have all had gastric bypass surgery. I am not sure of exactly when for each of them, but if I remember correctly my grandmothers was 30 years ago, my mothers was 6 years ago, and my aunts was 8. I wasn't around for my grandmothers, and surgery was a lot different back then, so it is quite hard to compare myself too, but I have seen the struggles she still has 30 years later. As for my mother and my aunt, aside from my fiancé, they are the two people I am closest too in this world. I stayed with my aunt after her surgery, and of course was with my mother after hers. Being a young teenager through them both, I was so jealous. Here were these two, “taking the easy way out” and I had to lose my 8 pounds of extra weight the hard way.

I would dare someone to say to my face that gastric bypass surgery is the easy way out. Seriously, I would land in jail and there is no way around it. How could I ever, ever, ever, even in my silly teenage brain, think that this was the easy way out. My mom had pneumonia and was re-hospitalized and my aunt had issues with scar tissue and a stricture, but my teenage brain said well look how easy this is.

Part of my problem going into surgery was I really didn't remember the struggles my family members faced. Today, my mom and my aunt eat like normal people, and they have for a long time. Honestly, I cant remember who they were right after surgery, but I don't remember them being the person that I am after surgery.

My insurance requirements for surgery were; a 6 month supervised diet (didn’t have to lose, just couldn't gain), an upper GI, a nutritionist evaluation, a psychological evaluation, and an EKG. It sounds like a lot, but I literally had one meeting with the nutritionist, and a half hour meeting with a psychologist whom I have never met.

How I passed that psych eval is beyond me. What could the criteria have possibly been to pass? I can assure you whatever it was, I shouldn't have met it. I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS SURGERY! Of course, I didn't see that then. Hindsight really is 20/20.

Before surgery, I had no co-morbidities, not even one.

I had my surgery on 1/13/2016, 6 weeks ago. Before you tell me it gets better, don’t. Seriously, my mental state isn't equipped enough to hear one more person say that. I knew this surgery was going to be a physical struggle, but the physical pain does not touch the mental pain in the slightest.

Physically, since surgery, I have suffered from serious muscle pain in my left side that did not go away until week four. Most people don't even have pain for half that long. I couldn't sit or stand on my own, and when walking I literally walked with a hunch. I have also developed hypoglycemia. As you remember I had no co-morbidities, so this is a hard pill to swallow. The desire to eat is gone, now being forced to eat consistently so I don't have a drop is physically painful. I have had constant nausea since week three. Yes, I said constant. All the Zofran in the world doesn't take away my nausea. Of course, I also have the dehydration, because that is literally a given with this surgery. I have also been experiencing some pretty extreme pain that radiates to my back, but my recent CT came back normal, so I guess thats all in my head right?

Speaking of in my head, this surgery has changed me. Obviously, my insides are physically changed, but this surgery has changed who I am as a person, and I hate this new person. I can’t find joy. All I have is anger and hurt. I never used to be this person. I can’t get out of bed in the morning, I literally cannot work. It hurts so bad in my mind that I would rather be dead then continue to live in this body. I literally want to tear my skin off. I want to cut open my stomach and put my insides back to the way they originally more. I CANNOT CONTINUE LIVING LIKE THIS. I literally question how I make it through each and every day. This surgery has fucked with my head so bad that I can hardly function. I DO NOT LEAVE MY BED. I am completely dependent on my fiancé for everything. I am worthless. I have become a worthless, helpless, human being.

I have been in the hospital off and on since surgery. They have upped the dosages on all my anti-depressants, and yet I lay here, my feelings becoming more severe by the day. My only hope now is to get a reversal. I have yet to see my surgeon, because she never happens to be rounding when I have visited or been admitted. I see her this Thursday and all I can do is hope that she sees the urgency and the need to reverse my surgery. I just need her to see the pain inside me that is literally eating me alive. I need her to understand the life or death situation that this is for me. I cannot be this person anymore.

I do not wish to scare, or deter anyone from having this surgery. I know it is right for a lot of people, but it’s wrong for some people too. I don’t care how mentally prepared you think you are, please seek out more mental preparation. I would never wish these feelings that I have upon anyone. No one should ever have to live in this kind of mental pain, with these demons.

SW - 277

CW - 240

This was very disheartening to read. Your message sounds very distressed and your statements are concerning for issues of safety. I urge you to seek professional help. Perhaps on an inpatient basis. I'm not going to tell you "it will get better." Instead I'll tell you a portion of my own RNY story. I had surgery on 01/11/2016. I've suffered the same flank (back) pain for 3 weeks. Constipation has been a problem, I haven't been able to keep food or water down for the past 1.5 weeks. I've had good days, and not so good days. More good than bad. It was a little rough at first trying to get my body to adjust to the long list of things that it won't tolerate, but I realized going in that this is a decision I made, no one else. This surgery has changed my life and it is teaching me patience. I'm back to work and feeling better. I'm down 40 pounds. Some days I do feel weak and drained, but I realize that could partly be because I sometimes forget to take my vitamins. Today I'm keeping fluids down and soft foods. I can't eat what everyone else eats and its a little awkward sometimes, but again, I had the surgery to help change my relationship with food, and that's precisely what the surgery has done. I do not know you, nor can I pretend to have a grasp on all the things you are feeling right now, but from what I read, I believe you have experienced a great loss. A loss for which you were unprepared. For example, the loss of the old relationship you had with your fiancée, you two use to eat out a lot together, that was your social circle and something you had in common, now its gone and he has become a caregiver. You're also morning the loss of the comfort food brings, the loss of control you have over your body rejecting food, the discomfort of surgery, mental health issues, etc. I feel for you! This is some serious stuff! Please, please, please reach out to a professional counselor. Know that now is not the time to make a major decision about anything, especially another major surgery. Get things sorted out emotionally ask for help and keep reaching out to people on this forum who have been through this same surgery. Its not all a bed of roses, but the path can lead you to a better life if YOU let it! Prayers and well wishes my RNY buddy! ????

Edited March 6, 201610 yr by Klaselayd

I just read all you have been through and my heart breaks for you since I felt the way you do now. I had a RNY on December 31st 2015. I not only had the RNY but a umbilical hernia where retention stitches were left in. From the minute I woke up the pain was horrible and needless to say it continued up to the 5 week. I cried everyday and wished I never did the surgery and even after the pain passed nothing tasted right I couldn't eat, long story short I had a stricture. I don't want to say what you don't want to hear but it is now March 6th 2016 and I am doing better, food is still a mystery and a challenge but I am learning. You made this choice as I did and we can conquer this and be happy. I still at times regret the surgery but I realize that the weight loss needed happen for me to get back a full life.

First off, check your antidepressents--they obviously aren't working. I speak from experience. Get out of your depression and things will look different.

I agree with nurse_Lenore. You need to see a Mental Health Professional. Sometimes meds alone don't cut it, or maybe you're on the wrong one for you. Some meds don't work after RNY because they are not able to be absorbed through your stomach anymore. Please seek help before you consider a reversal. At this point, nothing says that will help you either. Talk to your surgeon about the pain and nausea. Join a support group to learn more how to deal with your surgery. I don't know if you believe in prayer, but I will be praying for you.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I can't say anything that hasn't already been said. I had my surgery august 2013 I was in surgery 71/2 hrs. I had so much scar tissue, I was in the hospital longer than others I never returned to my bed for 3mths. My sw 321 cw216 my lowest was 211.,I didn't take my preop serious enough. I really should have lost more. But till this day with all my complications I'd do it again to lose what I have. It was worth it. Yes I still go out to eat. Yes I do over eat then throw up due to it. I still have the addiction. But I'm not giving up, there is still a fight in me, sometimes it gets weak, very weak, but I seem to pull it out. I have to do this for me and my family. The Lord is my helper in times of trouble, I call on his name. I'll pray for you.

Jesus I ask right now where this person lay that you touch her mind, body, and spirit. She needs a healing touch some where that only you can do Lord. So I'm asking this in faith believing in Jesus name Amen.

This is so sad. I will pray you find peace. Please please get a support system. Please don't give up there is power in prayer.

My problems are not exactly the same as yours but you are experiencing some of the remorse I feel. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I just want to send you a ((hug)) through the puter and only hope that with time and treatment there will be some kind of happy medium for you! If not a complete healing of some sort.

I deal with a lot of chronic pain (back pain) and I can understand how it feels so unfair that we go through this and have to deal with so much pain and negative aftermath when we expected the best.

xxoo Jamie

I just want to thank every one here for there support. As of Thursday evening my story has completely changed. I will post a copy on this topic.

I'm almost afraid to say it, but at the same time I feel like I need to go outside and shout it from the roof tops! I feel amazing! I am an entirely new person. These first two months from surgery have been the most trying time in my entire life. Most days I couldn't get out of bed, and I wanted nothing more than to lay there and die. I struggled for the first month with muscle pain so severe I couldn't move. After that I struggled debilitating nausea. It got so bad that I hadn't eaten in over a month. On the rare occasion I would try the food would come right back up. Early last week it got so bad that I could no longer keep down Water. At this point I had been in the hospital 5 times for dehydration and different tests. I was taking protonix, Zofran, scopolamine Patches, Reglan, and I was wearing sea bands for motion sickness. None of these things could even take the edge off my nausea. My CT and my Upper GI were clear. My surgeons team kept telling me jit was all in my head. I was so severely depressed and felt like I had no where to go. I was beginning my surgeon for an EDG and she was refusing to give me one. After being unable to keep water down for two days I went back to the ER and finally demanded I get the care I deserved. I was not going to leave there without answers. I was immediately admitted upon arrival where they found that my potassium levels were dangerously low. Lower than they have ever seen. I was given 6 bags of potassium and countless bags of Fluid to clear the dehydration. I also demanded the do the scope. The scope found slight narrowing that was able to be fixed on the spot. I don't know if it's the scope or the fluids, or potassium that cured me, but whatever it was I finally have my life back. I wake up ready to live every single day! I'm taking half the anti depressants I was before. I hated hated hated hated hated hearing people say it gets better. I was so convinced there was no way out for me. I would lay in bed waiting to die. But it got better. It got so much better. I am living breathing proof that it can all change. I encourage anyone struggling the way I did to advocate for themselves, the doctors and surgeons won't do it for you. I still can't say I would do this all over again, currently I am still too traumatized, but I have learned so much from this surgery. I had this surgery for myself and it was like I had forgotten that after surgery. I needed to still be fighting for myself. I know this is long but I just hope my story can help.

It's ruined my life too. The only reason I had RNY was to address pain issues that were blamed on me being overweight. I had a crazy high metabolic rate before surgery and we knew I'd gain back the weight quickly.
I had a stroke during the surgery with permanent damage. So many of the things I was really good at are gone. I have to learn differently now. I can't take anything I think I know for granted.

My pain, after losing 130 pounds, was identified as fibromyalgia, deteriorating joint disease, and critical damage I did to my joints by being so physically active when I was heavy and trying to get healthy (lose weight, my health was perfectly fine otherwise.)

My pouch didn't stretch much. I max out at 1 cup at a time. My malnutrition, anemia, and endocrine issues are a constant threat to my health.

I eat so little, it's embarrassing to eat with other people. They get concerned about how little I eat. Eating in a restaurant is a waste - I have 3 bites of this, 2 of that, and my meal is over. Cooking for myself is miserable. I used to be an excellent cook. Shopping and cooking for maybe 20 cups of food per week without cooking once and eating leftovers for the rest of the week means SO much work and so much money wasted.

I lost my livelihood, my retirement, filed bankruptcy, lost my social contacts because of my cognitive problems caused by the brain injury during surgery.
I can't keep my weight stable. The less I eat, the more weight I gain (same problem as before surgery).
My pain is only just being managed in a way that I'm not dumb and stupid for hours at a time.
Eating is misery.

I met with my therapist today. We talked about food for the first time. She suggested I think about how I want food to be in my life. I decided to come online and see if there was a support group for people who are also having a hard time after RNY.

I feel a little less alone.

I'm sorry about what happened in surgery also why you're body want let you loose weight. Body feels like it is in starvation mode so it holds onto what ever you feed it. I pray that wt. will come off and you get back to your normal life deserve it. Good Luck!!!