Debbie Downers...

[sharonsjourney 16]

Someone, anyone, give me some ideas to respond to a debbie downer when discussing my plans to have WLS. I am so over hearing negative remarks like "I know (or my sister knows) someone who had WLS and gained all their weight back and then some!" Or "Why would you do that to yourself." I wish I could just stay away from these DDs but I work with them.

Please help! ????

[Miss Mac 6,261]

"Thank you for your sudden concern about my health, but my medical decisions are between my doctor and me. I will not discuss this again. Here is my doctor's number in case you want to call him and tell him that you disagree with his diagnosis."

[prettyCali916 299]

Ask her why she feels the need to be negative? It's not very "friend-like". I would call her out. I would tell her that everyone is different and you do not plan on gaining your weight back. Bad things do happen but it's a hard process. Maybe even emphasize that clearly it's not an easy way to lose weight especially when she supposedly knows so many people who have regained. That should prove to her how hard it actually is and she should be supportive not negative.

That's all I got. I haven't told anyone else bc of exactly this. I would've ripped her a new one but that's just me. Don't be me. She should feel privileged to have been trusted with the details of your surgery. Sorry you're having to deal with this!

Good luck!

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

I do like @@Miss Mac's suggestion, but it is a bit of the ol' one-two when dealing with co-workers, i.e., people you have to see every day.

Keep it simple. "I would 'do this to myself' as a means of taking care of myself and my health for now and for my future." "Surgery is something I've given careful thought and it's right for me. We don't need to talk about it again." "It is possible to regain weight regardless of method of having lost it. The regain isn't necessary though and I don't intend to go that route." "Shut the frig up."

Edited January 22, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[sharonsjourney 16]

I like the suggestions so far, I'm taking them all in so I'm ready for the next DD. Thanks ????

[byebyedarkpassenger 203]

I have a friend who is super opinionated and when I sat down with him to tell him of my decision, I prefaced it by saying that I had made a decision I wanted to share with him and that I wanted this to be a judgment free conversation. Right before digging in I said again 'remember, no judgment'. After I told him, his response was he hoped I wouldn't end up like so and so who was still throwing up his food x years out. Even though it was Debbie downer-ish, considering how much more opinionated he normally is, it showed a lot of restraint!

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

Tell them in a very calm voice "Thank you for your encouraging words"; then walk away.

They will figure out very quickly that you just told them to "Go (bleep) yourself".

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

And when you discuss your personal business in the workplace you invite idiots to comment on your business.

[mykdzmom 387]

People grrrrrrrrr....

I chose not to share my decision because as VSGANN2014 says people feel obliged to give their opinion if you tell them, and I just didn't want to hear it. I still respect your decision because I am sure that you get support as well.

Maybe answer a question with one ..... "Why wouldn't I want to improve my health?" Or "What about those who don't gain the weight back?"

I saw a thread on if/when they start in on the easy way out attacks- It's a tool - do you wash dishes by hand or use a dishwasher? You can search on easy way out and find the thread where folks contributed tons in this area.

Good luck on your journey. You are doing this for you and that is most important.

[sharonsjourney 16]

Thank you all for your suggestions. I appreciate this forum, the support is incredible ????

[hurricanecarla 8]

I'm having my sleeve this Tuesday and I finally told the one sister who I know would be very against it. I said I want to tell you about something that I'm doing next week. I told her I was having gastric sleeve surgery. In her loud accusatory voice she said why are you going to do that. In a louder authoritative voice I told her because I was tired of feeling like crap, because of my sleep apnea, blood pressure and feet! She backed down real quick! She then said, well she wouldn't want to get that skinny, to which I replied I'm doing it for my health not for looks and that's the truth! She was fine after that! Be firm with these nay sayers and they'll back down, or they should...lol! Good luck!

[nprcowboy 533]

I agree with others. Just tell them this is Your decision to take back your health, you have made an informed decision and you appreciate their support, if not, you do not need their negativity and it's not welcomed. If they are friends or family and care about you, they will support you if not, they aren't worth a relationship. You understand and appreciate their concerns but again you have made your choice and now just need them to accept it and support you. Good luck

Edited January 23, 2016 by nprcowboy

[kelliev2015 136]

In my experience, people seem to be jealous. Everyone I have told who is at a healthy weight is super supportive and everyone who is overweight is super opinionated about it. I think that people just don't want you to succeed while they are still overweight and unhappy. I know that isn't the case with everyone but it seems to be a pattern in my life. I wouldn't think too much about it or bother getting into arguments with these people as you will never "win". I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of engaging in an argument and simply just smile and say "I appreciate your opinion" or "thanks for letting me know how you feel". That is much more powerful than showing that it bothers you. Also, don't let it bother you! You know you are going the right thing and when you show them that you can be successful, it's going to feel so good! Happiness is the best revenge, as they say.

[Paula'sVSGLife 49]

In my experience, people seem to be jealous. Everyone I have told who is at a healthy weight is super supportive and everyone who is overweight is super opinionated about it. I think that people just don't want you to succeed while they are still overweight and unhappy. I know that isn't the case with everyone but it seems to be a pattern in my life. I wouldn't think too much about it or bother getting into arguments with these people as you will never "win". I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of engaging in an argument and simply just smile and say "I appreciate your opinion" or "thanks for letting me know how you feel". That is much more powerful than showing that it bothers you. Also, don't let it bother you! You know you are going the right thing and when you show them that you can be successful, it's going to feel so good! Happiness is the best revenge, as they say.

YES! This, absolutely. People who are overweight have a much stronger opinion. Like "That's a bit drastic, "Oh I wouldn't go through all of that!", "Well... if that's what you want to do..." as if none of us have ever struggled with weight loss before. I have only just told people so I have another 5 weeks of boring judgemental jealous jabs about it. Nothing is stopping them from having the surgery! I just got fed up before they did! I wonder what nasty comments they will come up with once the weight starts dropping off.

[careya123 260]

I have the best reason of all: the five year outcomes of diet and exercise alone vs. with weight loss surgery. Check out this page and scroll down to Obesity Treatment Options and Effectiveness: Results of Five-Year Follow-up. Be sure to read the footnotes.

Without surgery, you are far more likely to be obese again in five years (after weight loss). With surgery, you are more likely to have maintained a significant amount of your weight loss.

http://www.surgery.usc.edu/uppergi-general/bariatric-amiacandidate.html

Obesity Treatment Options and Effectiveness

Results of Five-Year Follow-up

Treatment Weight Loss (% of Patients)

Diet and Exercise* 2% to 5%

Medication** 0%

Bariatric Surgery*** 50% to 70%<

* Success measured as a loss of 10 percent of initial body weight.
** Weight loss is not maintained once treatment ends.
*** Success measured as a loss of 50 percent of excess body weight (equivalent to loss of approximately 20 to 25 percent of initial body weight).

Edited January 24, 2016 by careya123