Ugh

[LoreLu 79]

You "don't 'deserve' the surgery because you don't do anything to better yourself"?!???

That's pretty screwy logic! How is having surgery to help you lose weight, improve your health and quality of life NOT doing something to better yourself?!???

Oh. Maybe she meant you hadn't kicked her sorry, negative a** to the curb yet. THAT might improve your life, too!

[BizzyB 119]

Your true friends will want the best for you. They will support what brings you happiness and they will Celebrate in your successes. A friend who doesn't do that is merely a jealous aquaintance.

[lauraellen80 854]

I agree... I'm getting married next September. And some thread said that relationships are destroyed by this.

From other posts I've read, it seems to me that the relationships that are destroyed by WLS are the ones that were no good to begin with. In fact, it may be a good thing in the long run because it forces into the daylight issues that may have been there all along but were never dealt with.

How does your fiance feel about you having WLS? I know a lot of significant others (especially men?) are scared at first, but get more supportive as they learn more about the surgery. It can help for them to go to some appointments with you so they feel involved and informed and can ask the surgeon questions, too.

[capricec 32]

Like you said he was scared at first. Thinking I was gonna get skinny and loose weight. To reassure him i write him an email once a week telling him how much he means to me, and how I'm doing this to better myself for our future kids

[lauraellen80 854]

Yeah, I think the fear guys have falls into 2 main categories:

1. OMG, she's going to have this major surgery and die on the table!

or

2. OMG, she's going to get all skinny and hot and leave me for a Channing Tatum lookalike!

[capricec 32]

I can't lie if Channing Tatum wants me he can have me lmfao

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Was told today by a fairly new friend that I don't deserve the surgery cause I don't do anything to better myself. She wasn't around the weeks I suffered trying to loose weight my whole life

That's backwards. The surgery IS you doing something to better yourself. Really, some people don't really think before they speak, or maybe they just don't care.

[lauraellen80 854]

I can't lie if Channing Tatum wants me he can have me lmfao

Hahaha... touche`! Don't tell my husband, but I might leave him if Tom Hiddleston asked me to run away with him.

[julsofthenile 8]

It is your life. YOUR LIFE. to do as you choose. Don't let people push you around and make you feel bad. Remember: you are worthy of a great life! Some people mean well, and some don't...but stand up for yourself. simply say, "for me, its the right choice, perhaps for you it wouldn't be"....in the meantime just stay away from her. You have enough on your plate. She will eventually come around ( if just to be nosy), and if she can't be supportive then, just tell her you'd like her to be supportive, but if she can't, then you can't be friends.

if you do not stick up for yourself, then who will? besides me....and everyone else here....lol seriously...you can say it tactfully, but you don't need that kind of negativity on a regular basis. It then becomes HER problem.

[capricec 32]

I don't even know how to put into words what this site has done for me emotionally! People like you make me so happy! So thank you. Yes I try to tell her I don't like it. She has an annoying sister inlaw who complains all the time about everything. So anytime she thinks I'm complaining she calls me Rachel (sister in laws name) I just can't be bothered .

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

It makes me grateful for my incredible pool of family, friends and aquaintances who ranged from enthusiastic supporters to... at at least had the decency to keep their mouths shut!

It is important to realize that your friends/family don't really get a vote on this. While it is wonderful to have support, there are many of us (myself included!) who lived with a partner who never even breathed a word of support. After losing 125# I asked my (now EX) partner if he had noticed my weight loss and my changing appearance. He was indifferent. That is our reality - it is OUR battle/journey/cross to bear - whatever you want to call it.

Having said all that, for your own well being, DO be sure you really have exhausted other avenues. I genuinely believe that the most successful WLS patients have really tried to lose and maintain weight via conventional methods (weight watchers, diet programs, medically supervised diets etc)

For me, I could lose alot of weight with those methods, but could never get to a normal size and could never maintaiin. What ultimately drive me to a pretty drastic step - removing the better part of my stomach - when I could no longer really even LOSE weight with those methods. I had actually reached that phase where I could not get under about 280# even though I was really really trying.

All that "try" does pay off because if you apply that energy to your WLS efforts - it will pay off in spades!

Good luck to you, hope your friends become more supportive - but also realize that may not happen.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

don't deserve surgery cause I don't do anything to better myself.

@@capricec

say what????

people too often don't think before they open their mouth!!!

some people do think before talking and open their mouths saying such idiotic statements anyways

chuck (msp?) their words up to stupidity, ignorance etc

move on.............

i agree with others

these "friends/family et al are toxic to you

glad you are enjoying coming to the board to give and get info

we always need new blood added to the boards

keeps us on our toes

take care

kathy

[imsoglad56 402]

I don't know if I just have an amazing group of friends and family or if I'm such a pain that everyone is scared to say things like that to me, but I haven't had the slightest bit of negativity from anyone I've told. And I've told pretty much every person I've spoken to in the last year, lol. I'm very open about the surgery so anytime anyone mentions my weight loss, I talk about it.

On a related note, who treats their friends and family this way? I mean, really? I just can't even. I just can't. My mama didn't teach me to act like a total hosebeast to anyone, much less people I supposedly care about!

[MIMISAN 404]

The people that are important to me are my husband and children. When I was considering the surgery I asked my husband what he thought about it and he said he would support me in whatever choice I made and he also said that he felt like it would be a good choice just from a health perspective. He is always the most wonderful man and he is VERY supportive of me so I was not surprised.

My next step was to tell my 3 grown children. Every one of them has seen me struggle with weight for years and every one of them immediately said that I should do it. That is all the support I need.

Some people are not supportive of things like quitting smoking and major weight loss because they are afraid it will affect THEM. They aren't even thinking about you, they are thinking how your life change will affect them. If they hang in there with you so be it. If not you will find new friends.

Edited July 8, 2015 by MIMISAN

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Was told today by a fairly new friend that I don't deserve the surgery cause I don't do anything to better myself. She wasn't around the weeks I suffered trying to loose weight my whole life

Eff her. And for the record she would be an ex friend immediately. A new person in your life doesn't know you well enough to say crap like that. I have zero tolerance for toxic folks in my life.