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Can you MAKE me feel worse?
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So I go for my stress test for my heart issues today, and man, did I regret doing it. Not because of the test, but for the incredibly uncomfortable situation I was put in while undergoing the test. Many of you know I have so many scars, from SO many surgeries over the years, I make frankenbride look like Heidi Klum! I always try to warn people who need to see me in a state of undress what they are about to see, because it IS quite shocking to someone unfamiliar with my situation. And most folks handle it accordingly.
Today was just unbelievable. I put on the ever-cute hospital gown, and as the gal who took the readings removed the part to expose my torso for the pads they must place for the test, her face told it all. Not sadness or pity like a lot show, but repulsiveness. She would slap that gown over me again every time she had open it like it was on fire. Huff and puff with disgust, like it was all she could do to be there and do her job.
It was bad enough I had been without food for almost 5 hours (you can't eat for 4 hours prior to the test), and I normally eat every 3 hours. So I was feeling pretty faint, and tried to explain to her I needed to speed this whole thing up. I told her about having the sleeve surgery, and she told me how she knew about that surgery and "all the repercussions" that followed it. IF I had been in my right mind at the time, I would have laid it on the line for her, and called her out on it. But I wasn't up to par with my queasiness. She acted so disgusted, and repulsed, and all I wanted to do was.....cry.
I didn't, but it's like, hey - I have been through HELL over the years, more times than anyone should ever have to go through. When I look at someone who has the physical evidence of horrific things that has happened to them, I feel compassion. Empathy. Sympathy. Love. This gal was young, probably 30 or so. I am not. But considering what I have been through, I look pretty good, if I do say so myself!
As I am lying on this table, with my torso exposed for all to see, I have 2 women and one man hovering over me like I am something from a freak museum. WHEN will hospital staff act like they are mature, adult, compassionate HUMAN BEINGS instead of moronic morons (like that term???!!!) who feel they are superior to us lowly patients who shouldn't even soil their floors with our footsteps??????
Yes, I am venting, and I apologize. I cannot tell what occurred to my husband, who would go in there like the thundering cop he can be, and DEAL with them. So I thank you for listening (or reading!!!), and letting me vent. Tonight I am greatly saddened. I do not even know what the results of my test are, but I'm not sure I care at this point. I know one thing. I WILL NOT be using this hospital again for ANYTHING. I am at this point, after so many surgeries, where I think I have just had too much, and cannot do anymore. I just can't right now. I can't see those people standing over me, looking at me like that. No more. I am sooo tired. No more.
Thanks for letting me vent.