So I go for my stress test for my heart issues today, and man, did I regret doing it. Not because of the test, but for the incredibly uncomfortable situation I was put in while undergoing the test. Many of you know I have so many scars, from SO many surgeries over the years, I make frankenbride look like Heidi Klum! I always try to warn people who need to see me in a state of undress what they are about to see, because it IS quite shocking to someone unfamiliar with my situation. And most folks handle it accordingly.

Today was just unbelievable. I put on the ever-cute hospital gown, and as the gal who took the readings removed the part to expose my torso for the pads they must place for the test, her face told it all. Not sadness or pity like a lot show, but repulsiveness. She would slap that gown over me again every time she had open it like it was on fire. Huff and puff with disgust, like it was all she could do to be there and do her job.

It was bad enough I had been without food for almost 5 hours (you can't eat for 4 hours prior to the test), and I normally eat every 3 hours. So I was feeling pretty faint, and tried to explain to her I needed to speed this whole thing up. I told her about having the sleeve surgery, and she told me how she knew about that surgery and "all the repercussions" that followed it. IF I had been in my right mind at the time, I would have laid it on the line for her, and called her out on it. But I wasn't up to par with my queasiness. She acted so disgusted, and repulsed, and all I wanted to do was.....cry.

I didn't, but it's like, hey - I have been through HELL over the years, more times than anyone should ever have to go through. When I look at someone who has the physical evidence of horrific things that has happened to them, I feel compassion. Empathy. Sympathy. Love. This gal was young, probably 30 or so. I am not. But considering what I have been through, I look pretty good, if I do say so myself!

As I am lying on this table, with my torso exposed for all to see, I have 2 women and one man hovering over me like I am something from a freak museum. WHEN will hospital staff act like they are mature, adult, compassionate HUMAN BEINGS instead of moronic morons (like that term???!!!) who feel they are superior to us lowly patients who shouldn't even soil their floors with our footsteps??????

Yes, I am venting, and I apologize. I cannot tell what occurred to my husband, who would go in there like the thundering cop he can be, and DEAL with them. So I thank you for listening (or reading!!!), and letting me vent. Tonight I am greatly saddened. I do not even know what the results of my test are, but I'm not sure I care at this point. I know one thing. I WILL NOT be using this hospital again for ANYTHING. I am at this point, after so many surgeries, where I think I have just had too much, and cannot do anymore. I just can't right now. I can't see those people standing over me, looking at me like that. No more. I am sooo tired. No more.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Another thing to think about.

What about the other women who will be subjected to this person? You will be fighting for respect not only for yourself but others.

I work in a hospital and I certainly hope you write a letter to the department head and the president of the hospital. This is unprofessional and no one should make you uncomfortable while you are getting test done. Believe me, there are people who should not be working in the health care and I have seen this.

To All who have responded, so tenderly and caring, I thank you. I can't tell you what it means to have your support. Today was a day that made yesterday look pleasant. Today I found out my husband of 18 years probably has colon cancer. The Dr. who did the colonoscopy is pretty sure, and he did a CT scan. We won't find out the results of that for a while, so I am going to ask ALL of you to say a prayer for us, for my very brave husband who has spent the last 25+ years putting his life on the line as a law enforcement officer. He is only 53, and this tumor is about 3" in diameter. It doesn't look good.

Right now what I experienced at ANOTHER hospital (yesterday), seems so trite and unimportant. What happened to me will NOT go unanswered, rest assured. Now I need to focus on hubs, he has been MY support for all these years, and all my surgeries, now the shoe is on the other foot. My primary focus must be on him, and with God's help, see him through this.

I will try to post from time to time, answer posts form time to time, and keep you all in my prayers (this is a GIVEN!) But in the meantime, you probably won't read much from me for now. I cannot tell you enough how I thank you for all the support you have given me over the past several months, but believe me, you won't be forgotten, nor your kindnesses.

Now, my dears, I wish you all the best of success on your journeys, and know that God will go with you on your way. Blessings to you ALL!

Jenifer (aka CanyonBaby)

My prayers are with you.

My 94 year old father has had colon cancer twice - surgery and chemo both times. The second round really took it out of him (he was 89 at the time), so he said he won't have it checked again. I was angry when he told me that but, at 94 (!), who's to blame him?

May he be blessed with a wonderful medical team and a speedy recovery!

My prayers are with you and your dear hubby.

Stay strong.

Cathy (toler48)

I'm keeping your family in my prayers. Please check out The Gerson Miracle on you tube. Hugs

My mom had colon cancer years ago, and with treatment went on to live many more years. Cancers are far more treatable now than they were even 10 years ago, so dont think this is the end. Hope things go well for both of you , keep us posted frequently ! We will send out support often !! Hugs !!

_{I'm sure that the emotions behind it are exactly what you describe, but in case they weren't - fwiw, as a nurse I frequently saw horrific injuries and scars from surviving them. If there was disgust on my face, it was because - based on personal history - the scars reminded me of the trauma inflicted by others that result in those scars. It wasn't - isn't about the appearance of the person with the scars or the scars themselves. For me, anger @ the theoretical perpetrator kept me from crying at the pain these people went through.}

_{There's a lot of nurses who think they know what a 'sleeve' is and don't know jack.}

_{Of course, if your surgical history was there for all to see - not sure what there was to be surprised or disgusted at.}

_{*hugs* I'm sorry you went through those feelings, regardless of what was in the provider's head.}

I am so so sorry for your bad experience. i absolutely agree that you should write a letter to the Admin so that they can address the situation. Nothing changes if you don't and this is something that HAS to change.

Hold your head high and know that you are better than those who judge you and one day they will need empathy and know what its like.

Sending hugzzzzzz!!

Prayers for you and hubby... take comfort in knowing that MANY people survive colon cancer with proper treatment. take care.

So sorry to hear of your husband's diagnosis. Wishing him a full recovery and many more years together for the two of you. Come back with updates when you can and to take whatever strength we can offer. You have lots of support here for you even if it's only virtual.

Liz (gowalking)

Oh honey, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I would definitely report this to the hospital management, it is so unprofessional and unnecessary for anyone to treat you that way. Ever. Especially in a medical setting.

I feel awful that you wanted to "justify" your body, saying you were getting sleeved, as if you were "fixing" yourself. Our bodies are all made differently and our scars are the badges of what we have been through. For this person to take your attempt to gain empathy from her and turn it into MORE shame, is despicable and she should not have her job. Period. Please report this. Spare someone else a similar agony. The hospital will have record of who tended to you that day, even if you don't remember her name. If you write a letter, include any physical description you can of her to assist them in finding out who treated you like that.

Most hospitals will send out random surveys for their patients. Most hospitals ARE interested in knowing when things like this happen because they are, in addition to medical providers, a business. A business is only as valuable as it's reputation.

I've got my share of scars, from my sleeve and other things. Body pride isn't something I have exactly, but I don't want to be ashamed of it, either. I try my best to avoid that. All those scars are reminders of your strength and what your body can recover from. Please let this experience let you think less of HER, not of yourself. You've done nothing wrong.

You've survived.

@@CanyonBaby ...

I understand your feelings. I had VSG surgery in August 2014. In October, we found out hubby had lymphoma. He is now cancer-free and in remission. But it was not an easy six months for either of us. But I will say one good thing came out of this: Neither of us is a cancer virgin anymore. I think if I were diagnosed today with cancer I'd be a lot more able to deal with it than I would have been before last October.

Also, my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer when she was 47 years old. She is now 96. Two of my brother-in-laws were diagnosed 5 years ago with colon cancer. They are now cancer-free.

This diagnosis is not a death sentence. But it is (not to make a pun) a major pain in the ass.

I'm so sorry. as a nurse....I feel ashamed sometimes of the profession. Youth anymore knows no compassion.

@@CanyonBaby, I am so sorry to hear of your husband's colonoscopy result. I hope it helps to know that all of your friends here on BP are pulling for you and wishing you and your husband well. Even if you can't check in often, you will still be in our thoughts. Also, I'm sure the doctors will tell you this as well, but treatment for colon cancer is a lot better today than it used to be.