If I hear him say one more time how the wls is going to be so difficult that I won't be able to handle it..

And why can't I just make good choices & eat less to lose weight?

He is a very sweet, compassionate man and I adore him but his lack of understanding of why I need and want this is frustrating! (13 years of struggling with being overweight and depressed because of it)

He is usually supportive, but in this situation on one hand he just says I am find and he loves me how I am & the other side of it is that he doesn't understand my struggle with my weight and trying to lose it.

Can anyone relate? It's annoying when anyone without a weight problem says those things :-/

Edited April 19, 201511 yr by Butterfly512

Ask him why he can't grow just one more inch.

In length and girth.

No, really.

You aren't doing this for him, you are doing this for YOU. If he can't wrap his head around it, that's not your problem. Tell him to sit there quietly if he can't say anything supportive. This is your health that you are bettering.

Has your husband went to any of the PRE weight loss support groups? Maybe that would help?

Ask him why he can't grow just one more inch.

In length and girth.

Bwahahaha....bet he changes his tune then.

He did go to the first consultation and has a clear understanding of the surgery, etc., from me explaining it and bringing brochures and sending him info from online, he just doesn't understand the problems I have with emotional eating, appetite control, weight gain from my meds..and everything else that causes my failing on every diet.

And whether he is fine with how I am or not ..this is for me and will make me happy & complete.

I am sure he won't mind though when I am thinner and looking hot lol

He also thinks I will be throwing up all the time, suffering from fatigue from eating less...and he thinks it'll be too much for me to get through. I guess I just have to prove him wrong.

Ask him why he can't grow just one more inch.

In length and girth.

Lmao..if he pisses me off by saying that stuff again I just might!

I am so sorry that he isn't more supportive. Much of the time it comes from three things.

1. He is afraid for you and isn't expressing it the way he should

2. He does not understand that obesity is actually a disease and it needs to be treated

3. He is afraid of change. And life does change for both you and your spouse.

It might help if you can get him to talk about what is bothering him most of all. If he simply does not get that obesity is a disease, then taking him to the doctor with you may help. From what you have said it may be a combination of all three.

Use it as motivation people that don't support you now will praise you later. I've had a couple family members give me a hard time but they also have been a size 5 their entire lives. I can't complain about my boyfriend he's even started drink protein shakes himself to help me

Butterfly512, I think you have answered your own question. Don't let your annoyance with him not being on board come between you. As one of the other posters mentioned above, he doesn't want to lose you, he is afraid of change, and operations are just damn scary for everyone. Assure him you can do this (because you can!!!). Yes the first month or two may be a little challenging but after that it is smooth sailing for 99% of folks. My own husband was totally against surgery, as he was very scared of the entire process. Now he is my biggest supporter and is so proud of the weight I have lost. Your man will get on board with this as well but you have to give him time to process everything. Take responsibility for yourself and don't worry about him right now... things will change in time.

Some people who have never been there just can't understand. "There" can be many things, including:

weight problems

substance abuse problems

mental health problems

Can an alcoholic stop drinking just because they know they should?

Can someone who is depressed just snap out of it?

I think this is one of those things that your husband just can't understand.

My husband was pretty good about my decision to get the band but he had his moments -- I think he was worried he would be losing his restaurant date or that I'd get healthy and leave him. Unwarranted fears and unprocessed emotions. He's male, need I say more?

Get him involved in the process if you are able. Have him attend the surgery counseling meetings given by the doctor/hospital and the monthly bariatric surgery support meetings.

Butterfly,

Do you think he is maybe concerned about how you will feel about him once you are all thinned down and healthy? He wouldn't be the first husband to feel threatened in that way! Just a thought...

I think he's afraid you will become a hot chick, lusted after by a host of men, one of whom may capture your heart and steal you away, Men are very jealous creatures, after all.