Ugh my Mother!

[TEXASLADY52 264]

I am a mom of adopted children. Moms never stop worrying or praying for their children no matter how old they are. My sister and I fought our weight our entire life. My mother was able to control her weight thru diets (and it was a struggle), but diets never worked for me and my sister. My sister had her surgery a couple of years ago and is down to a size 10. I just started my journey. My mom did not live long enough to see us reach our goals. After your surgery....share each milestone with your mom. Let her know how happy you are and I asure you she will be happpy and excited right alone with you!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Oh, if all mothers were as beatific as mine, it would be wonderful. And mine is a true gem.

But I have some friends whose mothers are narcissitic, mean, jealous, ignorant, abusive fools.

Giving birth does NOT automatically make a woman a good parent.

(But we all know this.)

[cpinnell1977 3]

I can definitely relate to your rant about your mom. I am very fortunate that my mom is coming in to be with me during my surgery. She lives in Texas and I live in Indiana. I am an only child and she is worried about me having surgery. The only surgery I have every had was my tonsils when I was 7. However, she also keeps asking me why couldn't I just keep eating right and keep losing weight the "normal" way. Really? She is 5' tall and never has weighed over 130 pounds. I have always been taller and larger than her. She has never dealt with weight issues and cannot relate to my situation. I lover her to the moon and back but I am not looking forward to some of the negativity that is coming with her next weekend because my surgery date is August 27th.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

since i was a teenager my mother always continueally "commented" on my weight "situation"

i see a therapist about various things in life - mom and weight go hand in hand sometimes

as i've said before - according to my therapist

"1/2 the world sees a therapist - the other half should"

my 4 siblings were of good average weight

my mom was always dieting (she was small/thin)

when i told my mom about the WLS, she was sooooo excited

she was so happy/thrilled that i would lose weight and be "thin"

I was always an embarrassment (msp) to her

she said something like..............

"this is going to be sooo easy, you will just be able to eat a little bit"

"everything is gonna be great - you will never be overweight again"

you/me/all know how funny the above sounds

since i've lost my weight (goal) soooo many people/family memers etc have been giving me compliments

i'm not used to nice things being said about me - so i relish/thrilled about nice things being said

after all the years of critical comments from my mom about my "excesss" weight

I can count TWO times (not exaggerating) when she said a nice word about my appearance

this is sooo awful to say but..........i told my hubby(no one else) once when i was really upset with my mom

"if i die before my mom, i can just hear her saying------well at least she was thin

this is a life time "struggle" - you/me/we have to work consistently

but it is a good new lifestyle and i wouldn't trade it for the world

i am sooo happy that this was done

i luv my mom - don't think i always like her

kathy

Edited August 14, 2014 by proudgrammy

[Bandista 7,466]

@@Andrew0929 -- I also used the hiatal hernia alibi with my parents, and it turned out to be true. Sometimes I wonder of that fix is part of why I feel so great or if it's just the WLS.

[josiek1988 70]

lose4life2, I am scheduled for surgery September 3, 2014 and I haven't told my parents yet either. My mom can't hold Water, so imagine your mom x 6 = that is what I would get from my mom and siblings! I am right there with you in that, I too am HAVING THIS SURGERY! I am simply trying to surround myself with positive thoughts and people! You will be great!!! Heck....WE WILL BE GREAT!!!

Good luck! I can't wait to hear about all of your success!

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

Me and my mom have been at each other's throats since my decision to get WLS back in May. My first choice was the Lap Band and she was alright with that and almost seemed happy for me, after I read more about the band and complications I chose the sleeve and after my decision she's been argumentative and angry towards me. My own mother told me she was not going to support me at all with my decision.

My surgery is September 8th and I'm still going for it with or without her, I believe once she sees I'm ok and my success she will be alright.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Many of us here on the forum have been lifetime dieters like me, trying every reinvention for weight loss. I have been dieting since my last pregnancy in 1978. Getting the sleeve was the hardest decision I ever made, but I do not regret it. I applaud all of our younger weight loss brothers and sisters for nipping the weight loss / regain cycle in the bud. Being as you're an adult, your parents do not get to make or influence your health care decisions anymore. If family and friends cannot be supportive, then you need to excuse yourself from their presence for a while. This IS NOT the easy way out.

[ScreamingForMySupper 4]

Mothers can really get on our nerves sometimes! My mother is the same... She herself is always on some sort of diet and it is never working, but her BMI floats somewhere between 28 and 33 and she is alright with that. Ever since I was a teenager I have been following in her footsteps. When I was 15 years old, with a BMI of 20 I really hated my body already and I found myself fat and I had ugly legs so I couldn't wear dresses... when I look back at old pictures I don't get it...

I do know that in my case my mother is really just worried and she cares, but the way she says things, the words she uses... Oh I hate that so much! It hurts...

I do think it is good that you have told her, because like you said, it isn't fair not to tell her. Especially because this surgery IS a big deal and it will most likely go well, but still. You don't want to leave your family out of something so big. I get that. Still you can be super proud of yourself for taking this step. And I am pretty sure that once the weight comes off she will be happy for you! :-)

[Cody's mom 247]

lose4life2, I think your mom is moonlighting as my mom. Scary!

[gowalking 10,790]

Oh I can so relate to the line, 'I love my mother, I just don't always like her.' That's our relationship for sure. She and my dad tell me all the time now about how proud they are of me. I can't help but wonder if that means they weren't proud of me before.

I never heard how proud they were of me for raising my children alone when my husband died. Or how I created a second career for myself. One that affords me the opportunity to live better than I ever did when my husband and I struggled to get our business off the ground and profitable.

This too, is a frequent discussion with the therapist I see. Somewhere along the line, this relationship I have with both my folks has given me a terrible self esteem issue...even though I know logically that I look very nice these days.

I've already appologized for all kinds of things I did to screw up my kids. I don't even know what some of those things are, I've just accepted that I must have done them...lol.

[FairySleeve 297]

I haven't told my mum yet... and not sure if I will ever tell her.

Me, my half sister and my brother all got this genes from my mother's side, my grandmun -- huge but she was quite tall, so she didn't look as big as my mum and my aunties (my mum's sisters) because they're all quite small like me.

We all were thin, even skinny when we were young until the age of 25-26, there when it begun. I'm very small merely 5' and in February this year I hit my peak at 228 lbs, and unfortunately that was when I visited my mum in Thailand.

I KNOW that she's worried for me because right now at the age of 67, her weight went up sky high and she's struggling also with diabetes but she expressed her "concerns" by criticising my appearance and my weight, as always, why mummy why???

She also struggled with her weight her whole life, several times she tried diet pills prescribed by some doctors which all gave her BIG yoyo effect, once she even convinced me to go see one of these doctors and I did because she said that it's safe and no yoyp effect.

Guess what, I lost 44 lbs and gained back 88 in a few years.

I haven't decided yet if I should tell her or not ::sigh:: I love my mum but we don't really get along. Anyway, I still have a few month to decide.

I'll see her in November, maybe this time if she's pleased with my weight loss result, probably I will tell her.

[marfar7 1,528]

My mom was the same way when I told her I wanted the lapband in 2009. She said "why don't u just do it the old fashioned way?" Her husband late wife died 3 months after have RNY. Got a blood clot. So she thinks everyone dies from wls.

The first time I went out to eat with my mom I made the mistake of taking a sip of soda AFTER I ate a bite of food. Came right up. And of course my mom reminded me that woould have never happened had I done it the "right way"..

Now that I've lost 100 lbs and kept it off (sleeve revision last year) she's proud and agrees with my decision. Just wait. Ur mom will feel differently when she sees how wonderfully it affects ur life.

Good luck!

[lose4life2 152]

What part? Im near Pensacola. Im so glad my mom has been supportive. She can tend to drive one crazy too but so far so good on this subject. She's been petite her whole life.

Ft Myers

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Oh good grief. Im so sorry you have to go through this. Im lucky my late mom was supportive, but I still would of had WLS , with or without her support. My body, my issues, my life. Same for you. Annnnnd.......... no disrespect to your mom, but im guessing she's had some sort of surgery in her lifetime, dental, broken bone, etc. Next time she bugs you about YOUR surgery, ask her why SHE had surgery. Why did'nt she just fix the problem herself and skip surgery ? Because she had a problem that could'nt be solved without it surgery. Same idea applies to WLS. Just sayin. I wish you the best. (and I have 3 adopted grown kids, im a step child myself, so yes I get that there are other issues, but thats a story for another day. ) good luck !