It makes me uncomfortable, and let me tell you why...

When I started this journey there was a series of events that triggered a shift in the way I thought about gastric surgery. A few years ago I had a friend who died from complications of Gastric Bypass. It turned me off to it completely. I lived with that for years and as I was creeping up above 360 pounds and I felt like I had been on some sort of a diet for the last 15 years of my life. I thought about my weight constantly. I was in deep DEEP denial of reality. The reality was that I was OBESE. I was 6'2 and 365 (my highest) pounds. It was an ongoing frustration where I would take 2 steps forward and 3 steps backwards when it came to food.

I simply could not find balance. I was lost in a sea of 'do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that' when it came to healthy food choices. I was like a tennis ball just bouncing back and forth on a very large court. Paleo, low carb, low fat, 5:2, vegetarian, vegan, rice and chicken breast, Healthy Choice meals everyday, multiple gym memberships over the years, $200 trips to Whole Foods for a WEEK of groceries, juicing... I'm sure some of you can relate.

Then one day, a coworker came back from a leave of absence and she looked amazing. I walked by her and whispered in her ear that she looked incredible. That innocent gesture would be the starting point that would change my life forever. About 6 months to a year after that another coworker came back from an extended leave (I work in a department with a lot of people so someone leaving for a while is not terribly noticeable until they come back) and she looked AMAZING. She had lost quite a bit of weight. What I didn't know was that these girls we're very close friends and they had both gone to the same surgeon. I approached her in the break room and asked her how she lost her weight and she told me she doesn't tell a lot of people but she had the Gastric Sleeve done. I had never heard of it before. I had only heard of the gastric band and RNY. She told me that she had an amazing surgeon and that she was the happiest she had ever been before in her entire life. It was yet another domino falling in my decision to get the surgery. So I thought about it some more, went through the normal "I'm gonna try to lose this weight on my own one last time" kind of thing and I gave myself a time frame of 4 months to lose 40 pounds due to a flight I was scheduled to take and I was petrified I wouldn't fit in the seat and be able to buckle the seat belt.

About 2 weeks before the trip I had only managed to lose 10 pounds and I made my decision to seriously start researching and initiating the process of my gastric sleeve. I actually had my partners approval and support which was SO IMPORTANT to me so I booked the seminar and the two surgeons who perform the surgery's came in and explained all of my options to a small group of us. I felt like I was in a room full of lost souls. The underlying sadness in the room was palpable but so was hope for a better future. Once that was over I waited to schedule the first consult with the surgeon till after my trip. Well I am happy to report that I was able to fit on the flight and not weigh the plane down to the runway, thankfully. And on that trip I started telling those that we're close to me.

Well to make this long story short when I got back it took me 3 months to finish the requirements for my insurance to get the surgery. In that time I discovered this forum (quite possibly the BEST resource I had for knowledge) and started mentally preparing myself for surgery. I knew there was complications but I also knew that I would be okay. I knew I was young and healthy and if I was ever going to get the surgery than getting it now at 33 was my best chance for a complication-less surgery. So I went for it. I trusted my surgeon and I bypassed my fear and jumped in head first. I was ready for change. At that time I had no idea what form that change would take.

I was very transparent about my decision to get the surgery. I didn't mind telling folks, especially if I thought it would help them. Well, when I came back from my leave (30 days), I had lost about 45 pounds since anyone had seen me. A coworker, not unlike myself started taking notice. She is a friend, a wonderful woman who was just so interested in the whole process. I explained to her that I had little to no complications and that I felt great. She was fascinated just like I was. She had another friend who worked in a surgeons office that performed these surgeries so she decided to go with them instead of my surgeon. They seemed to streamline the process much differently that my surgeons office did. It's like they pushed her through SO FAST. What took me 4 months only took her 1 month and her surgery was scheduled. She was so happy and even though I had some reservations about her process compared to mine I kept them to myself because once you get into that head space you have blinders on. I couldn't blame her, I did the same thing. I was happy for her.

Then she had the surgery.

I kept in contact with her through her surgery and stay in the hospital. The complications started almost immediately. She failed the upper GI because of the swelling, fluids would sit in her esophagus for a minute before it drained into her stomach. She was in a lot of pain. Almost 4 weeks out she is still in a lot of pain and can barely eat, fluids still taking their time going into her stomach because of the swelling which should have gone down weeks ago. I referred her to this group to check out the 'Complications' section and talk to folks who are having the same (or similar) issues. She can barely eat, drink and I am sure very scared and feeling isolated because of her complications. Plus she had issues with the company who handles our leave and she was only able to be out for 3 weeks. This is crazy because she IS NOT healed yet and her surgeons office didn't extend it. This makes me so mad. She has to WORK, in an office, and be productive while she can barely drink anything and is suffering and out of pain meds. I think I am going to fill my final 2 liquid pain meds that I didn't take for my own surgery and give them to her.

I will NEVER recommend this surgery to anyone ever again. It's a shot in the dark if you will recover the way you're supposed to. I will tell people I had this surgery and show them my very obvious progress but the phrase "you should look into it" will never cross my lips again.

Because the truth of the matter is, you never know. And I refuse to my the catalyst for someone ruining their life when my intentions were the complete opposite. Sorry this was so long. Your thoughts?

Thank you for telling me how you feel...I am on here for the same reasons as everyone else to give this new life my perspective of it...If I can be encouraging to your friend...message me privately and I would be glad to help her where I can...maybe she would talk to me via email...I am here for the sleevers 100 %

Great post. I don't think I would recommend this surgery per se either...I am open and honest and try to stress that its not a miracle surgery when people ask about it. Especially to the ones that ask you how much you have lost every.single.day.

Great post. I don't think I would recommend this surgery per se either...I am open and honest and try to stress that its not a miracle surgery when people ask about it. Especially to the ones that ask you how much you have lost every.single.day.

That's just rude..The nerve...hey..I would not answer but ask in return how much they have gained today....okay maybe not! But I would ask why they thought they had the right to ask?

From Laura Ven:

"THIS IS MAJOR SURGEY and should be the last resort after all avenues have been exhausted.
There are risks but if you are fat enough those risks are outweighed by the benefits..."

When asked I answer any questions that I can, refer 'em to this board, and remind them to consider EVERYTHING else before major (and permanent) surgery.

I do not advocate, but I do support.

THANKS for the post!!!

_{First of all my heart goes out to you and your friend. As a nurse all my life being side by side with a Dr no one is a perfect A, Doing proper research and I sure your Dr made you sign on the dotted line like all surgeries there can be complications. So you knew what you where getting yourself involved with . We are adults and responsible for our choices and just because you had a good outcome doesn't mean another will. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your friend but PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU DON'T RECOMMEND ON A FORUM ! This sleeve has saved many many lives of people on this forum.}

Endless80 said "There were times I felt like they were herding us in like cattle."

I had my band at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. I definitely felt like I was just a number there,and one of the cattle being herded through the process. I didn't feel the support either pre or post op. I had the band because I needed colon surgery and the colon surgeon said too dangerous at 308.. He walked me over to the bariatric surgeons office and explained the situation. After the band I developed an infection and was unable to reach anyone in the bariatric surgeon's office. I had to contact my primary doctor. It was a weekend, but in a large hospital like Brigham and Women's when you call the number on the discharge paperwork, you expect a response. I may have been a fluke, but I was not impressed, felt like a number.

Fast forward to my pending sleeve experience at North Shore Medical Center in Salem, MA. I've felt like the testing and pre-op process was extremely thorough. Although at times it's seemed annoying and excessive, I know it's for my own safety. Everyone I've encountered in the program is genuinely caring. They don't seem rushed, and take the time to respond to my questions and concerns.

So much depends on where you go and the quality of the surgeon. It's important that they do all that annoying prequalification, and that they are sure I'm as physically and emotionally ready for this life changing event. We are all making a decision, and when I weigh my obesity health risks with the risk of this surgery, the surgery wins!

Really glad the OP started this thread. So much food for thought and important reading for anyone contemplating this or any WLS. I think that when this surgery is successful and w/o complications the resulting weight loss can seem magical. But it's really just math, we eat way less than we burn. (If I could have gotten myself to do that w/o surgery I would have!) The surgery is a tool but not a cure because we can defeat the surgery with our behavior. Almost everyone experiences some regain eventually. I think it's very important to go into this or any WLS armed with as much information as possible and eyes wide open to all the risks. ANY surgery is a risk and that is the reality. Please let go of your guilt about your co-worker but not your concern and support. I hope things get easier for her ASAP!

One of the things that struck me is that at my pre-op appointment I spent 10 minutes reading and signing 5-10 pages of paperwork that essentially said, "I understand that I could die." That means (to me) it is serious. In contrast, when I had my gallbladder out, or some female surgery…I signed the same paperwork but it was not nearly as complex or as emphasized.

All that said, yes…for me it has been miracle surgery so far. There is simply nothing I could have done that would give me these results and I tried for years. Do I love it all the time? No. But even 6 weeks out I feel like the benefits are already outweighing the disadvantages. Everybody's mileage may vary on this one.

I had been sleeved for a little over a year when my mother-in-law had her sleeve done. I was so nervous about it because I felt like she would blame me if anything went wrong.

When I first had my sleeve, she made it a point to say she'd never have WLS. Then two of her siblings died within a year's time from heart-related problems. She went to see a cardiologist because she was scared, and he told her she needed to get WLS. so she started asking me questions. She went to my surgeon's office and even ended up with my surgeon.

In the end, her surgery went well. She's lost around 70 pounds and is very happy. She tells people that I saved her life by telling her about WLS. She is just so much more active and happier with herself, but it was really the cardiologist that made her start looking into WLS.

She is pushing her daughter to get WLS. When I started, my BMI was 39/40, my mil's BMI was 48/49. My sister-in-law probably has a BMI in the high 50s if not into the 60s.

I have not talked to my sister-in-law about my WLS. She has a lot of health complications. I hope she is able to lose weight, but I don't have the magic ticket. I know that I would again be very worried about the outcome if she ended up getting the WLS.

I am so sorry to hear about the complications of your friend which you described in your original post. I'm even more sorry that you have made the initial decision to stop telling your story. I understand your feeling of guilt and how you feel you contributed to the pain your friend is experiencing. However, it's not your fault. You gave her your testimony of your experience and the rest of the events were her responsibility (more accurately as it sounds, the lack of responsibility by her surgery center). I hope you find peace and continue in your successful transformation.

This is a very interesting topic for sure! I'm truly sorry about your friend who is experiencing complications. That IS scary but it's also NOT your fault.

This is a bit off-topic, but I subscribe to something called Nutrition Action Newsletter. It takes a hard look at what we eat, etc. and comes from the Center for Science in the Public Interest.

http://cspinet.org/nah/index.htm

Anyway an incredibly healthy woman wrote to the editor saying basically, "look you all promote healthy eating, exercising, etc. and I did ALL of that, I ate a super-healthy diet, I exercise, maintained my weight (which was like 125lbs or something) my whole adult life, and YET I still got cancer. I beat it and I'm so happy about that, but I just want you to know that even with doing ALL THE RIGHT THINGS doesn't protect you from having bad things happen to you." I'm totally paraphrasing, but it was definitely an eye-opener for me.

Like Laura said...you get in the car and go to the grocery store and make it home. Somewhere, someone did NOT make it home and they did the EXACT same thing as you.

Again, I'm so sorry about your friend and I'm hoping she will be like many of the other sleevers who experience a complication, that eventually they will get better, feel better, and get to that place where they are happy that they had this done.

As for sharing...well, I'm quite open here, and in the bariatric community, but I would never be the one to "suggest" that someone have surgery. I wish that my own brother would look into it but I honestly can't make him do that. And I refuse to push him into "looking into" having any type of surgery. Being on this journey myself, I realize that everyone has to come to their own decisions, in their own time frame, and for their own reasons.