Enough Already With The Compliments And Questions

[mistysj 1,939]

I have noticed something interesting. I dislike compliments about my weight, especially out of the blue and in real life. I think I liked them at first (the first 10-15 kg) because they validated that I really was changing. Now, 30 kg and over 6 months out, they are just unpleasant.

First it means that I was fat before and they noticed.

Second it means they are looking at me and noticing me for something besides my brain.

Third it means they are judging me and probably comparing me to themselves.

Fourth it means I am suddenly the focus of attention when something else should be (like the party, if it is at a party like last night).

Fifth, nobody is ever discreet. They practically shout it at the top of their lungs and then everyone nearby feels obligated to chime in.

I'm a manager with a successful team and a successful career. I have a lot to be proud of. At work I want to be known and admired for work. I don't want to be pigeon-holed into the "woman crowd" that worries about weight, makeup, and clothes all the time.

Also the number of people who have INSISTED quite loudly and persistently that I tell them exactly how I lost weight. Don't get me wrong, I have actually been quite open with my friends and especially obese people who ask. But some random male coworker from a different part of the company doesn't get to invade my business that way.

I know this is some mind of first-world problem and that in a year I might feel differently. But right now I just hope it starts slowing down and getting less obvious so I don't have to be on high alert for the Gushing Praise Posse, especially at work!

Am I the only one? I feel ungrateful even typing this.

Oh and don't even get me started on "How much more?" And "But you're done now, right?"

[Bufflehead 6,358]

You are not the only one. I've been getting a lot of comments and compliments these last couple of weeks and I feel more and more uncomfortable each time. I can really relate to your thinking about how this means they were noticing your body shape before hand, are comparing now, thinking about you in judgmental ways, etc. Seriously it's like you took the words right out of my brain. I like people at work noticing when I do my job well. I don't want them staring at/thinking about my body. And I also don't mind talking about exactly what I've been doing but it seems like people always ask me in awkward social situations where you really don't want to start talking details about surgery. :ph34r:

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

It has gotten out at my church that I look different then they remember and now everyone is trying to get a look at me as it travels through them....A friend of mine was told the other day that so and so saw me and thought I looked amazing..she asked if it was true.....My friend said yes...then she said can't wait to see it for myself...What am I on display for their entertaining pleasure......I really hate this!!!!!!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

My advice is get used to it and learn how to make others comfortable with the topic. I lost alot of weight and some people freaked out on me... when I travel to other locations I am often not recognized.

I had a couple of guys really react....like telling me I am hot in a shocked...like who could ever imagine THAT tone. I could be insulted but I took the gracious route. I have so many supporters...I feel blessed by their genuine happiness for me.

I too am a professional career woman.

Of course people noticed we were obese!

This is a mixed blessing part of the journey.

[Lisa's Hope 421]

I think people are just trying to be nice. When we had this surgery, surely we knew that people were going to notice. I'd lot rather get compliments for my hard work than be invisable to people like before. I've lost many pounds in my life time and I've always welcomed the compliments. Getting them always encouraged me to keep doing well. There is no way we can lose weight and NO one notice. I guess I'm wondering how it would be if NO one said anything at all. I'm 18 months out and very close to goal. Believe me the compliments will stop and people will begin to accept the new you as "normal". I say enjoy this while you can. Just my opinion. I have to ask. Didn't you realize before you had this surgery that people were going to make comments? Of course we all have this surgery to be healthier but the change happens so fast since the weight comes off so rapidly in the beginning that people are going to notice. I may be different than most but I don't mind the attention.

[mistysj 1,939]

Of course I realized. I'm sharing my reaction, which may or may not be rational. I have a feeling it is a pretty normal one and one that lots of us will need to work through.

[swizzly 901]

I also hate the comments, compliments. Nearly three years out and I still don't like it, especially at work. I always try to manage them graciously and politely, but I also change the subject as soon as I can too. It's just awkward having your body be up for discussion. =\

[mistysj 1,939]

I also hate the comments, compliments. Nearly three years out and I still don't like it, especially at work. I always try to manage them graciously and politely, but I also change the subject as soon as I can too. It's just awkward having your body be up for discussion. =\

Yes! It's not like I did it for any of them. I did it for me, my perception of myself, my health, and of course my husband's visual pleasure (but that is way way last, as he has loved me at every size). I sure as hell didn't do it so my coworkers or strangers can think I finally warrant attention for my body.

[lsereno 2,525]

The good news s that eventually it settles down. After more than a year and a half at goal, people rarely comment. I still get an occasional comment or zinger but for the mist part, people have moved on.

Lynda

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

So what I find even more fascinating - not insulting, but fascinating, is the people that didn't know me fat. I have a friend who I met actually while I was losing weight. She shared with me a pic from last year when I was about 50# heavier then i am now.... I lost over 150 total so she never saw me REALLY heavy. anyway, she is astounded at the transformation and I keep telling her she really has NO idea. And then, there are a few others that know about my "history" but I think at some level don't believe it. Like I have heard more than once that I don't look like someone who was ever heavy. Like, should we have the scarlet letter sewed on our shirts? What does it mean that someone looks like they used to be heavy?...LOL

I am not insulted, I do find it curious though.

I saw my family last night and my sister and niece wondered why it is I keep losing weight. I finally told them my actual weight, which is 150# and for someone 5'5" that is along way from twiggy. They were shocked and almost didn't believe me, they thought I was way lighter/smaller. I think there is a certain amount of dismorphia from the outside going on here...

Anyway, I too try to change the subject. Many of my work colleagues are at remote locations so i don't see them often so the shock waves of "oh my god, is that you?" continue for me...

[No game 14,436]

I went through the hating the compliments stage..

I think part of hating them was embarrassment...

I lied to myself about being super fat and also lied to myself that people didn't noticed I was super fat!

What?? I didn't expertly disguise it enough with clothes and sparking personality???

Shit!

I'm over it now and when they make comments or complements I agree and thank them

[mistysj 1,939]

I do agree part of it is embarrassment. But part of it is people don't want to stop at "you look great" but they have all these questions. Then if you really answer them, they either get bored or they say stupid things. But if you don't answer the questions, you are the rude one for being evasive.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I had tons of compliments, and the mixed reactions of those who cant get their head around it, or who are jealous or feel confronted by my weight loss.... when i had the 22 pound regain, the compliments mostly stopped....no one but me ever mentioned my weight regain... but when I re-lost the regain, and got to goal, the compliments started again... and the comments "Have you lost MORE weight?!!! Head shaking... to tell you the truth, I know I had reactions when people around me lost a lot of weight, or gained it for that matter... I almost think its an animal thing. I've had men volunteer that they liked me better fat (thanks for that!) and many more tell me I'm hot... Being fat is so unacceptable in our culture generally, and the added health problems... It is a hot button topic for sure. There there are the people who never new me as anything but "normal" and "sporty" That always cracks me up. Honestly, I miss the attention a little when I don't get it... but know its really not that big of a deal one way or the other. I would rather get attention for my other skills!

So what I find even more fascinating - not insulting, but fascinating, is the people that didn't know me fat. I have a friend who I met actually while I was losing weight. She shared with me a pic from last year when I was about 50# heavier then i am now.... I lost over 150 total so she never saw me REALLY heavy. anyway, she is astounded at the transformation and I keep telling her she really has NO idea. And then, there are a few others that know about my "history" but I think at some level don't believe it. Like I have heard more than once that I don't look like someone who was ever heavy. Like, should we have the scarlet letter sewed on our shirts? What does it mean that someone looks like they used to be heavy?...LOL

I am not insulted, I do find it curious though.

I saw my family last night and my sister and niece wondered why it is I keep losing weight. I finally told them my actual weight, which is 150# and for someone 5'5" that is along way from twiggy. They were shocked and almost didn't believe me, they thought I was way lighter/smaller. I think there is a certain amount of dismorphia from the outside going on here...

Anyway, I too try to change the subject. Many of my work colleagues are at remote locations so i don't see them often so the shock waves of "oh my god, is that you?" continue for me...

I've had this same experience.

[Bombs 353]

We hate standing out because we are fat. Enjoy standing out because you are healthy and say thank you.

[Georgia 2,908]

As a society, I believe we are conditioned to thinness. Even as a former "fattie" at times I already find myself somewhat looking differently at a larger person than a thinner one. And I WAS that person. People feel free to ask if we've lost weight and even somewhat angrily. Lol. But not so with weight gain. I got used to hearing it from everybody I knew when I initially lost weight and like FYE, it stopped when I picked up a few pounds I had lost. And began again when I re-lost the weight gain. "Are you STILL losing weight?" You are SOOO thin? almost accusingly. Lol