i disgust myself.

[JadaBean4411 15]

I need this surgery so bad but everytime I want to start the process, something messes up with my insurance.

Back in 2010, I had reached my heaviest of 248. I went down a bad road to drop the weight and when i got down to 232 within 2 months, i found out I was pregnant. When I gave birth I was 235 & then dropped down to 212. Ever since then my weight had yoyod between the 220s to230s. I was able to mantain a weight of 218 for a while when I decided on the surgery.

I realized my bmi wasnt high enough since i had no comorbidities. So i gained weight. Im spiraling downward. I left my bf of 6 years due to constant verbal and emotionsl abuse. Im 23, i shouldnt have to deal with that. I should be happy but im not. I just keep eating & eating. I reached the bmi i needed but i keep going. I hate myself.

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

I need this surgery so bad but everytime I want to start the process' date=' something messes up with my insurance. Back in 2010, I had reached my heaviest of 248. I went down a bad road to drop the weight and when i got down to 232 within 2 months, i found out I was pregnant. When I gave birth I was 235 & then dropped down to 212. Ever since then my weight had yoyod between the 220s to230s. I was able to mantain a weight of 218 for a while when I decided on the surgery. I realized my bmi wasnt high enough since i had no comorbidities. So i gained weight. Im spiraling downward. I left my bf of 6 years due to constant verbal and emotionsl abuse. Im 23, i shouldnt have to deal with that. I should be happy but im not. I just keep eating & eating. I reached the bmi i needed but i keep going. I hate myself.[/quote']

First good for getting rid of the BF!! Second stop being so hard on your self. Does your doctors office have someone to talk to?

Have you gone to any of the support meetings ? They help a lot. Talking with other people There was a new woman at my group and we talked for 1/2 hour after the meeting and I helped her a lot by being supportive.

Take care and smile, tonight you get an extra hour of sleep.

[GodsTyro 63]

First and foremost, I am sorry you are going thru the emotions of leaving your BF, however, from what you said about the verbal/emotional abuse, it is also a good thing you knew to leave him because you along with every other person that deals with an abusive relationship deserves so much more in a relationship.

The question I raise as you spoke about needing the surgery, in the same comment you made a statement that you were able to lose weight and sustain there - how did you lose that weight? What was the driving factor that made you stop losing weight?

I get that everyone struggles with weight, and for those that this lap band procedure is needed for, I encourage those to look into it and get it. However, I would never encourage someone to purposely gain weight, to increase their BMI simply to have the surgery, especially if they are already in a state of being considered overweight.

I'm not saying what you are doing is wrong to do, I'm just more concerned on gaining weight while you are already unhappy, which will only make you more unhappy. There had to be something that allowed you to lose the weight that you originally lost - for me, I always look at a promise I made to my father (may he rest in peace) and it is that promise that keeps me going in those days I want to give in or give up. Most folks need something like that, something to hold onto and know this is the reason they are doing it (outside of just to be "healthier") in order not to give up. At least in my personal opinion...

[Bandista 7,466]

Hi Jada, it sounds like you have a lot to contend with right now. I'm glad you are standing up for yourself and reaching out. Emotional eating is such a difficult cycle to break. I totally get it about the borderline BMI and the absurdity of needing to get fatter in order to qualify for surgery. It sounds like now that you're there you're having difficulty stopping. When I started the process to get a band I decided to do some therapy to really get at the underlying food issues as much as possible and to provide support for the various stages. I also started a journal just for this. One of the first things I did was list all the things I want to be able to do and feel when I shed the weight. The reasons. And just writing out the difficult encounters with using food as a crutch, the ups and downs, etc. helps me get at the loving myself part. I am getting a band because I love myself, I love life and I want to be able to really show up for it fully. I need to be healthy for myself and for the people around me who love me. The journal also helped me write out all the next steps of what I needed to do, what my resources are. They are all needed for something this big -- the resources you dig up from deep down inside yourself, the part of you that wants to heal and to be happy, and the resources like family, our doctors, etc. The people who can help. This forum is at the top of my list. I have learned so much about the band -- the medical details, sure, but also what makes people successful with their bands. I wish you the very best as you sort through everything and make a plan for your health. Choosing yourself is a powerful thing and I can see that you are doing that. Best wishes!

[HotButterFly 981]

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. You don't "hate" yourself, you love yourself, that's why you got OUT of that abusive relationship and we here love you too. You may say: how could these strangers "love" me?!! It's because YOUR pain is & has been our pain as well. You are not alone because we have been there. No more self-loathing, little lady! Put yourself FIRST (after God, if you're religious), get your act together, and fight till the end for your approval. Be blessed & come visit us often. (((KISS))) (((HUG)))

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

I need this surgery so bad but everytime I want to start the process, something messes up with my insurance.

Back in 2010, I had reached my heaviest of 248. I went down a bad road to drop the weight and when i got down to 232 within 2 months, i found out I was pregnant. When I gave birth I was 235 & then dropped down to 212. Ever since then my weight had yoyod between the 220s to230s. I was able to mantain a weight of 218 for a while when I decided on the surgery.

I realized my bmi wasnt high enough since i had no comorbidities. So i gained weight. Im spiraling downward. I left my bf of 6 years due to constant verbal and emotionsl abuse. Im 23, i shouldnt have to deal with that. I should be happy but im not. I just keep eating & eating. I reached the bmi i needed but i keep going. I hate myself.

anyone with a weight problem (and i had over 100 pounds more than you on me when i started and a starting BMI of 62)... we all (hated) what we looked like, what we became and hated how we felt about ourselves..so enough with the i digust me or i hate myself because you dont...your child loves/needs you..you need YOU..

to begin to get well/healthy, you must like/love/care about yourself enough to follow what the dr advises you to do....i am sorry about the BF but it sounds like good riddance...you dont need that sh**it..he will get what is coming to him...

what you need is to dig down deep inside yourself, and make yourself well..

believe it or not, you are not alone