gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I didn't know about the deaths associated with Almanza, but just reading the stories... omg. i have no idea how someone would go to a place where people routinely get their sleeve as surgery #10 of the day.

Do you ever read on the other sleeve forum? People there seem to not realize at all about him. I don't feel like i should say anything as i have no personal experience or direct knowledge, but it is worrisome!

Have a good trip Denise!

[Globetrotter 1,340]

CherylJane, I agree with you on the foodyfoodlustfoodcreeper vibe, almost like .... a combination of voyeurism and baiting people?

I am hugely angry right now, going through some major anger, at the world, at my body, at the scale, at my job, at my age, at having never been loved by someone I want to love, at so many damn things. Just, angry.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Florinda,

 

I thought you had found love but it didn't work out. I've been in love with someone before and it didn't work out. Sheryl is much better at holding her feelings in and not letting herself fall in love until she's sure it's going to work out. I am not the same at all. I fall head over heals for someone right away and can't seem to keep my emotions in check.

 

Yes, people know about Almanza at obesity help. People are just stupid. They think 4 grand and I can be skinny, Those bad things only happen to other people.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I have never been in love, not truly, not genuinely. I have a pattern of talking myself into believing that I feel something, I am persuasive, it is perhaps my greatest strength and weakness...

I want to make it clear that I genuinely do not think highly of my professional skills, but the analogy I am about to make might make it seem that way...

The way I feel at work right now is the way a Triple Crown winner would feel if they were bought by a farmer and just put in a corral with some hay and occasionally made to pull a small plow.

Or, it's like someone buying a Faberge egg, and keeping their toothbrushes in it, on the sink.

I feel like an object that was purchased just for the sake of saying that they have one, not because of any genuine interest in it. This sucks.

Because of my health issues, I cannot be without health insurance, also because of the structure of bonuses etc., I cannot just up and quit. So, mega frustrated.

At last weigh-in, I was at 213.2. I haven't weighed myself in almost 4 days though because I have been slayed by either a norovirus or an IBS attack or just the end results (no pun intended harhar) of a major anxiety attack. I have gotten in maybe 300 cals each day since the intestinal distress began and last night just gave up entirely. Today it is hot tea.

Oh hey there is one neat thing, I recently crocheted a pair of hedgehog teacosies, I've decided they are a big sister and a younger brother, Agatha and Arthur

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Florinda, I am sorry you are feeling so angry. It is also a normal human reaction and I think it is healthy that it is experienced as "anger" or frustration and not buried in food or other false coping mecanisms.

Denise, I don't hold my emotions in check, it is just that I don't fall in love that easily. I have a broad social group, but a fairly small group of people that I consider real friends that I genuinely love. In a romantic relationship, I would say it takes me a year to fall in love - minimum. Doesn't mean I don't feel some level of attachment, but love is something else for me. I would say that since becoming single, Steven is the only man I have felt "in love" with and that is really stupid actually. Last time I saw him I realized I didn't even like being with him that much anymore. He is getting old - literally, his age is changing him AND it is getting old dealing with his childish nature. I parted ways with him and of course that makes him want me because that is the kind of person he is - and I don't need the drama. Having said all that, at a pure emotional level, I still feel a connection to him even though I really can't stand to have him in my life.

Anyway, i have questioned whether I even want to fall in love romantically again or whether it is better to just keep things lighter. The longer I am single, the less I am willing to do the things that seem to be necessary to make a relationship work... like calling people back - ha. No, seriously, I am just low on motivation on all that and I have become the person that "sucks" when it comes to dating. I want a physical relationship but i have never been one for hookups so it would be ideal for me to have a friend "like" Steven was for me only one that is more emotionally stable and less irritating. I have 2 prospects for that right now that I think actually have the emotional maturity, communication and care about me enough that I might consider it.

A few years ago, I dated a guy casually (Italian, had been a pro soccer player in his youth, a few years younger than me). We had a nice time, great conversation etc but he moved back to Portland. Then he came back up here for awhile for work and he took me out and entertained me some while i was recovering from plastic surgery. For me, that was a huge trust building thing - someone who didn't judge me, accepted all that mess when I was in the thick of it. Well, he has contacted me a few times since going to portland with the primary message that he wished he had pursued more with me. He gave me a lot of detail behind that sentiment, but bottom line he has had a hard time finding someone that he really fits with - and has realized that he is better matched to someone in my phase of life than the younger women he has dated over the last year or so. I never gave it too much thought but he is coming back up in August for a weekend and I have agreed to see him. When is daughter goes off to college he will be free to travel together, he is pushing for early retirement, and he is caring to me. I have never wanted a long distance relationship but I feel like seeing a guy like him once a month will be more satisfying to me then "dating" someone just as a distraction. So, it's a long shot, but maybe something like that fits.

The other prospect is the musician I met a month or so ago. We connect intellectually very strongly. He is also very intuitive and caring and creative. He taps into that side of me. what I don't like is he is overweight and not as active as I would like but he is working on his fitness for health reasons. He very much wants to pursue a relationship with me but lives quite a distance (60-90 minute drive) AND since he is a full time techie PLUS professional musician he has the craziest schedule ever. In spite of the obstacles, it is possible he could become that "long term casual" friend but things haven't progressed far enough for me to say...

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Florinda, I feel that way at work too... only circumstances are different. Your analogies are brilliant. I am more qualified and stronger than my boss but I DONT WANT her job. I like flying under the radar a bit but... it is also discouraging, boring and demotivating. This is why I am looking into early retirement. I am just tired of the rat race in general frankly...

I have tried to see the positive side which is the "under utilized me" had time to invest in my health and fitness whereas the "fully utilized me" struggled to fit it all in.

right now I am trying to talk myself into putting my hat in the ring for a promotion, moving to atlanta for a few years and really boost my income/bonuses for 3-5 years to launch me into early retirement. I can't quite seem to talk myself into doing it though...

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Sheryl, the soccer player sounds ideal for you. Someone you won't have to put a lot of time and effort into.

 

Who knows, eventually you may meet someone who fits your needs completely. You travel, and seem to meet people IRL. Dance classes is another great way to meet new people.

 

I just hope my surgery takes care of the problems I'm having so I can become more active again. I got my surgery date. It's 8-18 2 hours from my house, so I'll have to leave the day before. I get back from chicago on the 3rd of August.

 

Sarah, where are you? I hope to see you while I'm here!

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Denise, since before your recent surgery I have felt the need for you to have a stong(er) advocacy system in place, I feel like your doctors are just poking around, throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks, without any real concern for you as a patient, you need a patient advocate. I mean, was the first surgery even necessary? As necessary as they are now claiming this second one to be? Hmm....

CherylJane, Atlanta, yuk. Hot AND humid, worst traffic in the continental US (Honolulu has worst overall) and exorbitant cost of living. Having said that, you would probably enjoy the surplus of activities and the very social culture.

213.2 this morning. I don't believe it though, since it is just a result of three days of non stop diarrhea (sorry) and not eating.

Huge concert tonight of my favorite band, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, so stoked!!!!

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Florinda, I should have gone to the surgeon I am going to now, instead of the one I went to in the first place. The new one is a nuerosurgeon. I just didn't want to go to Eugene since it's 2 hours away for me. I should have bit the bullet and had him look at my original MRI and gone from there. He might have done then what he is going to do now, which is a much more extensive surgery. I trusted my original surgeon because I had been under his care for 10 years. He obviously knew nothing about post op infections because he completely screwed that up.

I love being in Chicago. Since I can barely walk, we went to the casino and for the first time ever, I got a royal flush and won $200. It would have paid a lot more but I was playing nickel machines cause I am too cheap to put money in those machines. My brother won $2600 cause he was playing quarter machines betting the max. Even betting the max, it's only 200 on a nickel machine. I'm happy though cause I didn't lose any money. It was entertaining for an afternoon. I don't know how people do that as a regular activity though.

Lake Michigan is so beautiful with all the yachts and skyscrapers as a background of sparkling Water that goes for miles. Maybe tomorrow, I'll go to the beach and people watch.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

The appeal for Atlanta to me is primarily because that is the heart of promotion opportunities within my part of my company. I also like the office there. Ever go somewhere and feel like "these are my people?" The women dress up, it is multicultural, the average age is a bit younger - just an energizing place to be. i like any workplace that when I show up to visit I get hugs and kisses - there just isn't enough of that in this world for my tastes! I don't feel that way in our Boston office and in fact refused to move there. I have been part of the Seattle office for over 20 years and am just tired of it and it also has very little executive presence since the big reorg of 08/09 so limited growth opportunities.

I had fun seeing Dan play with Austin Jenke on Wednesday. Austin is a hometown hero who was on the voice. More importantly he works as a profiessional songwriter and now lives in Nashville. He has "made it" in the industry even if he isn't well known outside of his hometown. He has a great voice and the show was crazy well received. It was insane to me how many people knew Dan too and he just plays Seattle based gigs with Austin. (he mostly plays with a variety of bands not just Austin)

My anxiety went sky high earlier this week over my waiting forever for the mammogram before I can actually see specialists over my breast problem. Sky high anxiety - it has been amping up for weeks but this week became something I couldnt manage on my own. I drank too much one night (you know wine instead of dinner) and luckily only had a silly conversation with Dan which he thought was hilarous but that bad judgement could have been much worse. I talked to my EX who still knows how to soothe me and who coached me to get some short term anxiety meds and get some sleep. I did that from my new doctor and last night I slept the first decent night in weeks - no alcohol - just was able to sleep. I woke up paniced, took 1/2 dose and slept. I feel better able to cope with work today and feel more like myself since I am neither exhausted nor wound up or some horrible combination of both which has been my life the last week or two. Thank God. Now if I can just keep from "cycling up" again until I get my diagnosis.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

The appeal for Atlanta to me is primarily because that is the heart of promotion opportunities within my part of my company. I also like the office there. Ever go somewhere and feel like "these are my people?" The women dress up, it is multicultural, the average age is a bit younger - just an energizing place to be. i like any workplace that when I show up to visit I get hugs and kisses - there just isn't enough of that in this world for my tastes! I don't feel that way in our Boston office and in fact refused to move there. I have been part of the Seattle office for over 20 years and am just tired of it and it also has very little executive presence since the big reorg of 08/09 so limited growth opportunities.

I had fun seeing Dan play with Austin Jenke on Wednesday. Austin is a hometown hero who was on the voice. More importantly he works as a profiessional songwriter and now lives in Nashville. He has "made it" in the industry even if he isn't well known outside of his hometown. He has a great voice and the show was crazy well received. It was insane to me how many people knew Dan too and he just plays Seattle based gigs with Austin. (he mostly plays with a variety of bands not just Austin)

My anxiety went sky high earlier this week over my waiting forever for the mammogram before I can actually see specialists over my breast problem. Sky high anxiety - it has been amping up for weeks but this week became something I couldnt manage on my own. I drank too much one night (you know wine instead of dinner) and luckily only had a silly conversation with Dan which he thought was hilarous but that bad judgement could have been much worse. I talked to my EX who still knows how to soothe me and who coached me to get some short term anxiety meds and get some sleep. I did that from my new doctor and last night I slept the first decent night in weeks - no alcohol - just was able to sleep. I woke up paniced, took 1/2 dose and slept. I feel better able to cope with work today and feel more like myself since I am neither exhausted nor wound up or some horrible combination of both which has been my life the last week or two. Thank God. Now if I can just keep from "cycling up" again until I get my diagnosis.

Sounds like a fun time with Dan. I have dated a number of musicians, and the club scene can be fun, lots of dancing and back stage access. Sorry about the stress! Waiting for health results are so stressful.... My stress is really so much better after starting the Citalopram... really like it. I just had to change my medical plan, and will have to change all my doctors and such... do not like that, but will make the best of it.... the monthly charge is lower than before, I like that... Best of luck with the diagnosis on the breast swelling... sending positive vibes....

[Globetrotter 1,340]

The concert was fantastic, the actual music only lasted two hours between the two acts, and I stood in line for almost that long but it was totally worth it, beautiful music with thoughtful lyrics - awesome!

212 this morning, I have no gone from constant diarrhea into the exact opposite, so ......

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Glad you loved the concert! I am super into live music!

@@feedyoureye best thing about Dan isn't the live music..it's his lovey dove nature. In my book, too few expressive caring people. You don't have to be "in love" to express warmth and caring and I appreciate it very much!

Anybody know how to block someone? There is someone on bariatric pal that I just don't want to read them anymore. .don't want to see their posts or replies.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Glad you loved the concert! I am super into live music!

 

@@feedyoureye best thing about Dan isn't the live music..it's his lovey dove nature. In my book, too few expressive caring people. You don't have to be "in love" to express warmth and caring and I appreciate it very much!

 

Anybody know how to block someone? There is someone on bariatric pal that I just don't want to read them anymore. .don't want to see their posts or replies.

Lovey dovey IS nice for sure.   Block someone? Hum....  Let me look around...

[feedyoureye 3,087]

you can unfriend people if they are your friend... I would check in the host forum for an answer... or ask Alex.... I'm not sure about that one ...