gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Bill loves me and treats me like a queen. The problem is we have nothing in common. He hates dancing and isn't willing to try. Dancing makes me feel so happy.

 

I might tell him I want to go to ballroom dance classes again and see his reaction.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Sheryl, he hasn't moved to Seattle with me, he is still in Eugene OR.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Ok Florinda then for me I see even more red flags...if he is still at home he really has no reason to be pissy. I stand by my comments that he will get worse not better. If he is cold distant and low interest in pleasing you sexually I say he will make a horrible husband and a lonely partner. I lived that. ..good man cold fish type and it broke my heart and made me feel undesirable as a woman. Turns out it was his issues not me but that was not how a loving relationship should feel.

Denise I could not help but notice you didn't mention your feelings and attachments to Bill. do you love him and want to be with him? I never expect a partner to do everything with me...so I would not think dancing is a show stopper but reading between the lines (perhaps incorrectly) seems like you just aren't feeling it.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Denise, I almost feel like you and I are dating the same man, 30 years apart... except for the dancing, the minute Jack found out that tango is important to me he immediately signed up for lessons and hasn't missed a class since we've been together (except for when he was visiting me).

I want him to be the one, but that is not the same as him actually being the one, is it...

Why do I always end up with men who are with me begrudgingly? For whom I seem to be a chore? My feelings of worth and self-pride are epically low right now...

I am on Sertraline (Zoloft), have been for 9 months, but am concerned about it flatlining all of my emotions, does anyone have any opinions on Lexapro instead?

I went to tango last night, and it didn't make me happy. I didn't enjoy myself on the dance floor, I felt like it was a punishment to the men to have to dance with me, and before you all say how that is all in my mind, I caught a friend making a guy come ask me to dance!

I think, if Jack and I had been in the same city, still having met online though, I don't know that we would have done more than gone out a few times, and once he had sex with me, I probably wouldn't have really heard from him, he would have "ghosted" me as the kids say these days, sort of like he is doing now....

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Lexapro decreases your sex drive and response. I take half a dose 4 days a week. My PCP says that is such a low dose it isn't therapeutic but it has virtually eliminated my anxiety which I believe was at the root of my "moods" so I beg to differ. My sex drive did drop but since I had plenty it has been ok. I am certainly NOT flatline emotionally. If i up the lexapro I get euphoria and a bigger issue with sexual response so I am pretty happy with my current dose.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Is there anything out there that doesn't turn a person into a sexual turnip?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I am not a sexual turnip.

Buse bar (or something like that) is supposed to work well but I haven't tried it. My goal is to be OFF meds ASAP. I am learning better coping skills and have eliminated anxiety provoking people from my world... Both of which help loads.

Florinda do you have a posse of good girlfriend s? I have been seriously nurturing those relationships last few years and it is paying off big time. I am so much more content these days.

Even so I miss my kisses cuddles and sex so trying again. I met someone who is quite literally a rocket scientist. physics degrees and a career designing stealth war machines. He is also fit, affectionate, engaging and fun...and we have many shared interests. Early days...and I am trying hard to not get hopes up. ... but I really like him. He ran huge programs so he understands my personality type and we have actually discussed that stuff. He likes to dance, travel and rides horses and is a great kisser. I kicked his ass hiking and he loved it... told me it motivated him to workout a little harder. 12 hour date ...but I didn't want it to end. Like. ..hard to find such a combination! We almost have talked ourselves into going paragliding. He is afraid of heights and I get anxious in those sort of extreme trust situations. ..but I think we might challenge ourselves to take the leap! We shall see but it is fun for the moment anyway.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Hi ladies, thinking of you all. Bit of a roller coaster life right now. I am all caught up on our thread... Sarah, you look fantastic, 5 weeks? Time is really flying for me right now. Florinda. I can't even pretend to understand men and my relationships with them... I just do the best I can, and try and emote the qualities I want to engender. It thats not enough, then I am shit out of luck. 

I have been going through my moms closet, jewelry, and under ware. I'm so glad I have been able to do it for her. Its been really cathartic. Her Celebration will be on the 16th. I have a bunch of things I have to do for that. I managed to get a News Obit written by our local paper for her. I will MC the event, and have to put a slide show together from photos of her life. I do have help, which is a real relief. I d.o want to eat for stress relief. I am bouncing from the top of my bounce range to about 3 pounds over it.... trying to get in some fasting days... imperfect but they do help keep things closer to goal. Without them, I would have gained 10 pounds by now Im sure. I really can't let that happen. Chin up ladies. Life is a roller coaster. No time like the present to enjoy life a little! 

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Sheryl, I am really happy for you! He sounds so great! How old is he? If he's fit, and not on medication, he probably won't have an ED problem. My last bf was really good in bed, and rarely had problems, but if he did, I could "help him"

Alcohol is another story, but he rarely drank any.

 

As far as Bill goes, I do love Bill, but it shouldn't have to be this difficult. We have nothing in common. He can't hike because of his health, he hates the kinds of movies I like, etc. We work around it, but it's difficult. I've already shared with you that he has ED problems and the sex is not great.

 

The other guy is older, and I know nothing about him and could have ED as well. I  just want to talk to him, for now, and find out why we went out before and all I remember is talking to him on the phone and him sitting on my couch.

Maybe it was because I was fat. I JUST can't remember and it's driving me nuts.

 

Bill is really bugging me to buy a motorhome together because he loves to camp. We would both put equal amounts for a down payment and split the payments and it would be in both of our names. I am SO not ready for that.

 

Florinda, you need to talk to Jack  about sex,and things not being right with each other lately.  Do you video chat, or talk on the phone? Is it possible for you to take a train to Eugene? or How about meeting in Portland? Tell him it's important that you two talk, and you can't live like this!

Edited August 8, 2014 by Oregondaisy

[BrownDoesAll 409]

Globe I agree with OD talk it out. Men are dense and often don't realize what vibes they put in the world. He may have some heavy "man crap" going on he hasn't shared with u yet.

Tell him what's up and what u want. Be prepared for some comprimse cause no man is perfect. But don't settle for anyone that doesn't make u feel loved

Cgj I think your lucky to keep finding good potentials. Good for u for staying in the game. Some women might have given up and raised 50 cats. Good luck with this one

OD follow your gut. Explore

I am still fasting 2 to 3 days a week. Just can't get my big but to work out!! Still bouncing around the same stupid 5 pounds.once I want it bad enough I will find the time to work out and move beyond the spot I am in now

Part of a school supply give awya at my church this weekend. That's always a fun hectic time for me. Have a good wEekend!

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Sheryl, girlfriends? Look around you, this is it. I have never really had girlfriends, I have malefriends. I have told all of this, all of my frustrations, my fears, my love to Jack, and the response I get is aggrieved, put upon, put out, pained.

Yesterday I ate a turkey sandwich. the end.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Finola, why don't you try going some of those meet up groups like Sheryl has been talking about. They have meet up groups for all different interests. You need to make some new friends!

 

Do you plan to talk things over wtih Jack? Do you think you could plan a trip to meet half way in Portland? Are you going back to work?

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Denise, I am currently in KS and will be here until 1 Sept. I do plan on suggesting a meet-up with Jack in Portland, if only to do the right thing and break up in person.

Sheryl, I was on Buspar prior to Sertraline and that was way worse, I was just numb.

I was a competitive swimmer in my youth and yesterday I got back in the Water for the first time in 17 years. I expected to feel this ... joy, this sense memory of freedom and strength and confidence... I felt none of those things. I felt uncertain, embarrassed at my skill level, pressured, and anxious. The only time I felt happy was when I finished and took off my cap and goggles and dunked, a ritual I adored when I was younger after an intense practice. I look in the mirror and I don't know who I see. Yes, I technically recognize my face, I haven't yet reached THAT level of confusion, but it means nothing to me. I see myself and feel nothing. Not delight in my beauty, not a groan over a pimple, nothing. I have no appetite, yet am eating too much of the wrong food. Yesterday I ate nothing all day and then for dinner I ate a turkey sandwich and an organic ice cream sandwich, at midnight I ate the same again. This has been my rhythm this week, eat nothing all day, then eat a couple of slices of baguette with tomatoes or toast with butter.

My birthday is next weekend and I doubt I will hear from Jack. If this were the Middle Ages I would be dead by now, now I'm just approaching middle age. I feel unaccomplished, stagnant, worthless and worse, I feel pointless.

Yesterday I had a phone interview with a dream job and I was thrilled. Then she mentions that the job is in Anchorage, as in, Anchorage Alaska. Apparently someone in the office made a mistake and put that I was available for Alaska. crushed.

I am perfectly fine with my sensuous voluptuous size and shape, but the floppity flab crushes my spirit. Yes, muscle tone makes a godzilla-sized difference and I desperately want to get back to lifting but even at my most intense lifting and weight loss back in March, I still had to wear a full bodysuit Spanx and tunic length shirts.

This morning I had a small handful of raw almonds and a small gala apple, for lunch I am having an organic Protein Shake (water). For dinner in all honesty, I will likely have another turkey sandwich or a sandwich salad (all the sandwich fixings no bread) and an ice cream sandwich. I don't want the ice cream, I really genuinely don't, but I will eat it anyway v_v.

What do I want. I want to be strong, in body, in heart, in mind, in soul. I want to be admired and loved and respected. I want others to enjoy spending time with me. I want to advocate for those who are voiceless and I want to get paid well for doing so (since we are wishing aloud here...), I want to get my doctorate without having to go through a circus of prerequisites, I want a really great Protein shake made with almond milk and a raw donut from those great raw cuisine recipes I found.

I want to wear the amazing Prada shooties I got for a steal from ebay.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Denise, I am currently in KS and will be here until 1 Sept. I do plan on suggesting a meet-up with Jack in Portland, if only to do the right thing and break up in person.

Sheryl, I was on Buspar prior to Sertraline and that was way worse, I was just numb.

I was a competitive swimmer in my youth and yesterday I got back in the Water for the first time in 17 years. I expected to feel this ... joy, this sense memory of freedom and strength and confidence... I felt none of those things. I felt uncertain, embarrassed at my skill level, pressured, and anxious. The only time I felt happy was when I finished and took off my cap and goggles and dunked, a ritual I adored when I was younger after an intense practice. I look in the mirror and I don't know who I see. Yes, I technically recognize my face, I haven't yet reached THAT level of confusion, but it means nothing to me. I see myself and feel nothing. Not delight in my beauty, not a groan over a pimple, nothing. I have no appetite, yet am eating too much of the wrong food. Yesterday I ate nothing all day and then for dinner I ate a turkey sandwich and an organic ice cream sandwich, at midnight I ate the same again. This has been my rhythm this week, eat nothing all day, then eat a couple of slices of baguette with tomatoes or toast with butter.

My birthday is next weekend and I doubt I will hear from Jack. If this were the Middle Ages I would be dead by now, now I'm just approaching middle age. I feel unaccomplished, stagnant, worthless and worse, I feel pointless.

Yesterday I had a phone interview with a dream job and I was thrilled. Then she mentions that the job is in Anchorage, as in, Anchorage Alaska. Apparently someone in the office made a mistake and put that I was available for Alaska. crushed.

I am perfectly fine with my sensuous voluptuous size and shape, but the floppity flab crushes my spirit. Yes, muscle tone makes a godzilla-sized difference and I desperately want to get back to lifting but even at my most intense lifting and weight loss back in March, I still had to wear a full bodysuit Spanx and tunic length shirts.

This morning I had a small handful of raw almonds and a small gala apple, for lunch I am having an organic Protein Shake (water). For dinner in all honesty, I will likely have another turkey sandwich or a sandwich salad (all the sandwich fixings no bread) and an ice cream sandwich. I don't want the ice cream, I really genuinely don't, but I will eat it anyway v_v.

What do I want. I want to be strong, in body, in heart, in mind, in soul. I want to be admired and loved and respected. I want others to enjoy spending time with me. I want to advocate for those who are voiceless and I want to get paid well for doing so (since we are wishing aloud here...), I want to get my doctorate without having to go through a circus of prerequisites, I want a really great Protein shake made with almond milk and a raw donut from those great raw cuisine recipes I found.

I want to wear the amazing Prada shooties I got for a steal from ebay.

Florinda. I really like your "want", "I want to advocate for those who are voiceless" This sounds like it might start as a volunteer job until you get the paying version. Helping others is a boost for me. When i have been really depressed, and feeling no point to my life, I have dedicated my skill set to others. This helped me meet others, feel better, feel self worth and even give me a chance to pull out the cute ware for events, fundraisers and such. I would head there, even if you can only afford a couple days a month to start out. Sorry about the man. You are an intense person, and need someone who can "take it" I am the same way in my own way. Be yourself, get out there and those who are attracted to the real you will show up when they do. You are an awesome, smart (and VERY cute) woman. Put on those Shooties and get out there. Swim not to feel like you used to, but for the medicine you need to get better. You will feel more like your old (or new?) self after you do it for a while for real. My 2cents.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

In my youth I way undervalued girlfriends...now I see all that way different and I love my women friends. They don't break up with you when life gets serious, they are fun and you can leave them unattended for awhile without risking being replaced. I have male friends too but it's the girlfriends who really care about me.

The man I did a few dates with, even if it doesn't work out, I hope he becomes one of my friends. That is what tells me he is a good prospect, that I feel that way.