Ok so I had my surgery Oct 1 and have lost about 90 pds. Don't yet me wrong I am very happy about my weight loss but people have been telling me how great I look multiple times a day I cant go anywhere without someone stopping me and asking what I am doing and how great I look we live in a small community so people are talking. You would think this would make me feel good right but for some reason the first thing that I think is what I didn't look good before? By the end of the day I am very frustrated I am the type that likes to blend being overweight most of my life that is how I coped now what do I do?

Yolo

Say THANK YOU, smile and keep going.

Congrats

You are inspiring them. They want you to know your hard work is paying off. They want to know how you did it so they can do it too.

Accept it! You worked very hard to get where you are! When they say the compliments to you just think back at all you have gone through your whole life and take a step back and realize where you are today! You are beautiful inside and out, now its time that you see it! Oh yeah congratulations on your weight loss!

I so understand!! I also live in a small town and I get frustrated and when did my weight become everyone's buisness, don't get me wrong I do like the compliments but I hate when someone says you look great & someone that doesn't know me starts staring at me "like what's so great" that's just how I feel..

You are right. Yolo. Say thank and keep it moving if you aren't ready to accept the compliments yet.

I just say "Thank you, I feel great" and move on. For a long time I was also very tired of this, but now sometimes I also wonder why certain people aren't saying anything.

I figure that many people have seen me lose, gain, lose, gain and gain some more....but I know this time it is gone for good. What a great feeling.

What I found (experienced) is people don't really look at heavy people. They see a "heavy person" and don't look at them beyond that. When people become more physically appealing (to others) the "others" look more closely at them because they are initially more appealingly shaped. This sounds bizarre, but it's been my experience. It might be that people are really looking at you when they've not looked so closely before.

I had someone tell me that I was glowing this morning. Huh? I think I put on a little extra makeup because I'm part of an interview panel today but it's still odd to me!

What I found (experienced) is people don't really look at heavy people. They see a "heavy person" and don't look at them beyond that. When people become more physically appealing (to others) the "others" look more closely at them because they are initially more appealingly shaped. This sounds bizarre, but it's been my experience. It might be that people are really looking at you when they've not looked so closely before.

I had someone tell me that I was glowing this morning. Huh? I think I put on a little extra makeup because I'm part of an interview panel today but it's still odd to me!

I would agree. Many people cannot look past appearances to see who you really are. You may have colleagues who have had a bit of jealousy anyway, and now with your weight loss, it makes it even more difficult for them to respond to you. Just be who you are, say thank you, and go about your business, with a smile.

Ok so I had my surgery Oct 1 and have lost about 90 pds. Don't yet me wrong I am very happy about my weight loss but people have been telling me how great I look multiple times a day I cant go anywhere without someone stopping me and asking what I am doing and how great I look we live in a small community so people are talking. You would think this would make me feel good right but for some reason the first thing that I think is what I didn't look good before? By the end of the day I am very frustrated I am the type that likes to blend being overweight most of my life that is how I coped now what do I do?

Yolo

Accept that u look great and keep it moving

I understand and I struggle with that 'thank you' and move on sometimes. I am working my way through a book someone else on this forum recommended- Eat It Up by Connie Stapleton. It deals with life after bariatric surgery. I got the Kindle version and it was pretty cheap. It is by a psychologist who works at a bariatric clinic. I am determined to lose this weight, keep it off, and make the changes in my life to have those things happen. Lots of us have negative self talk for a variety of reasons and accepting a compliment is uncomfortable. We have to learn some new skills beyond what to eat.

I'm pre-op, but I know I will feel uncomfortable in these situations after surgery. I started seeing a counselor a couple of months ago. I figured that it couldn't hurt to get a jump start on my emotional eating issues. She has been amazing! We just talked about being "invisible" as an overweight person and what it will mean to be "visible" again after losing the weight. I never thought about it like that before, but being overweight is one of my buffers or protections from everyone else. It's kinda scary to think of losing that. I definitely recommend counseling for bariatric patients because the surgery helps with the physical part of overeating, but doesn't address the mental side of things (why we eat). There are also some great books out there too.

Now think about how you would speak to someone that had lost a lot of weight. Would you just ignore the "pink elephant" in the room and not acknowledge that they look great after losing 150lbs ? No ! You would notice that they carry themselves with more confidence, their clothes are nicer and fit better. They care more about their appearance so they are fixing their hair and wearing make-up more often. Of course they look better. They feel better. Now think about the changes you have made to your appearance since losing weight. Of course people are going to tell you you look great. Because you do. You feel better. It shows. Be proud of it. Say thank you. Or do like I do and start singing 'Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me. "

Thanks everyone I know I still have alot of emotional work to do this has and will continue to be a learning process. For now I say thank you and move

Yolo

I'm pre-op, but I know I will feel uncomfortable in these situations after surgery. I started seeing a counselor a couple of months ago. I figured that it couldn't hurt to get a jump start on my emotional eating issues. She has been amazing! We just talked about being "invisible" as an overweight person and what it will mean to be "visible" again after losing the weight. I never thought about it like that before, but being overweight is one of my buffers or protections from everyone else. It's kinda scary to think of losing that. I definitely recommend counseling for bariatric patients because the surgery helps with the physical part of overeating, but doesn't address the mental side of things (why we eat). There are also some great books out there too.

You advice is right on point. For those of us who may have been obese our entire lives (I started having problems around the age of 10), I was never the target of compliments or "positive" attention, especially from men (I was very seldom flirted with...). The only person who ever flirted with me (successfully!) was my husband!

Though I'm still "obese", I think I'm getting closer in weight to what many men find mildly attractive (still 65 lbs from goal!), and now I've been getting flirted with by more and more guys in more unexpected situations. Having never had that in my life, I'm not at all equiped to deal with it. Especially since I'm married and madly in love with my husband! I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by rebuffing them, but at the same time, I'm enjoying getting attention in a way I never have before! And I don't want to lead anyone on either! So confusing!

Who knew I was going to have to develop a new skillset along with the new body? LOL

Counselling would go a long way to helping me with this.......I'll have to look into it!