I didn't know where else to post this and it does have to do with WLS. The short version is my ex and I have been seperated for almost two years. We last spoke almost a year ago and I honestly never thought we wouls speak again. The other day we spoke on the phone for the first time in a year and long story short we've been talking about how we both want to see each other and see what is still there. The issue is my ex met me when I was big- I was around 350 when I met him and he is someone who is soley attracted to big woman. I have met a lot of guys who view it as a fetish but he was just attracted to larger girls as a preference which I understand. I didn't tell him I had weight loss surgery because frankly at first I thought it was just going to be a catch up convo, I told him I had my gallbladder out instead (which I didn't) but as we talk more and more now I feel like I need to tell him. I did tell him I lost 40 pounds and he has basically kept saying how I shouldn't get too skinny, and I actually told him today I planned to lose more weight (keeping surgery out of it) and he kind of changed his tune a little bit because he said he just doesn't know if he would be attracted to me at say 250 pounds versus where I am now despite still being in love with me. I've been crying on and off after discussing this because I don't even know if its worth it to try. I AM going to change, its not like a diet where I can stop losing weight- I CAN'T- not like I want to because I have wanted to lose weight more then anything, but have felt like this guy was the love of my life also. It's sort of the reverse situation a lot of people go through when they GAIN weight. I told him I need to be healthy and he said that is the most important thing and wants me to be healthy, but he is just being honest about his attraction which I understand.

I'm really upset and in my head know what I should do, but my heart can't bring me to- it never can when it comes to this guy. Please help!

My husband is against me having the surgery and he said that I wouldn't look right skinny and in my head I am thinking I wouldnt look right dead either cause my fat ass had a heart attack! I have to say that although I love my husband this is my body and he doesnt and has never walked in my shoes. My grandmother always told me that a man can come and go and she is right. If you stay big is a man guaranteed to stay with you- NOPE. If you lose weight is he guaranteed to stay with you- NOPE. You have to live your life for you. When you look in the mirror how do you feel? If you could go back would you? Love is unconditional regardless and as long as he can offer you that, you two will be fine. Ask yourself, if you had a daughter in your situation what you would tell her. Just my two cents...

Thank you all for all the honest answer, tough love and all. It's a rough day for me. I know I need to tell him soon. And to answer the question- we broke up for a few reasons. Honestly there are a little blurry now. We live a bit far from each other that was one of the issues, but things are different now he used to live at home with his mother and now he has his own place. We really just started to take each other for granted, lots of back and forth and we both hurt it each other. It was a messy breakup. We spoke several times over the last two years even saw each other a few times but never really 'tried' again. I'm thinking that our time to really 'try' may never come. I've always been a romantic, only when it came to my relationship with this guy- but maybe this just wasn't meant to be. Maybe the timing is so off because it just wasn't suppose to happen.

Thank you all I'm still trying to mull it over because its never been easy when it came to my feelings for this guy. He's the only person who's ever really gotten to me. I really don't think ill win either way here

Thank you all for all the honest answer' date=' tough love and all. It's a rough day for me. I know I need to tell him soon. And to answer the question- we broke up for a few reasons. Honestly there are a little blurry now. We live a bit far from each other that was one of the issues, but things are different now he used to live at home with his mother and now he has his own place. We really just started to take each other for granted, lots of back and forth and we both hurt it each other. It was a messy breakup. We spoke several times over the last two years even saw each other a few times but never really 'tried' again. I'm thinking that our time to really 'try' may never come. I've always been a romantic, only when it came to my relationship with this guy- but maybe this just wasn't meant to be. Maybe the timing is so off because it just wasn't suppose to happen.

Thank you all I'm still trying to mull it over because its never been easy when it came to my feelings for this guy. He's the only person who's ever really gotten to me. I really don't think ill win either way here [/quote']

I personally think you should take some time and focus on you. Your health is important. He doesn't sound like the one because the one will love you no matter what you look like. My husband who is so far from perfect I should call him the antiperfect has never made my weight an issue, fat, skinny, or in-between. If he loves you he will think your sh#*! don't stink.

The only way you will win is by being healthy!! My opinion is to spend time working on you now! get to a weight where you feel comfortable and than revisit this... All this stress will just slow you down from your ultimate goal of being healthy! You deserve that and it seems he thinks the same thing. Maybe you will never be romantic again but maybe you two can be really good friends. Just my opinion I know it is easier said than done! Good luck!!

The fact that you and he are so focused on your weight tells me it's not a relationship worth hanging onto. He wouldn't be sure if he'd be attracted at 250? That's just not something a man who "loves you" says. And if he's loved you so much for the last two years...where's he been?

You broke up for numerous reasons. Write them down and remember them. They don't get better the second time around and distance is NOT a reason for a break up. When I met my husband I lived in Alaska and he lived in Texas. We didn't live in the same state, even within driving distance for heck...three no maybe it was five years almost. If you were actually in love you'd make it work, you'd make the effort.

We are married now, 12 years later, with a 7 year old child. He fell in love with me when I was a size 2 and he's never been out of love with me, even when I was an 18. In this, size does not matter! The fact that the douch would even say that he might not be attracted to you at 250 screams slimeball...sorry but it does. It's not love honey, it's a bad break up romance that will fail and hurt you more later. You got out once, stay out and focus on yourself.

Stop talking to him! You're on a different path now and he's an X for a reason.

Do not get back with this guy. You need to move forward and be with someone who will encourage you with your goals. You will find someone else. I believe in second chances but he isn't really giving you a reason to give him one.

If he even uses your weight (higher or lower) as a reason not to be attracted to you he has issues. If he loves you truely he will love you no matter what size you are and he will continue to be attracted to you if you lose 1 more pound or 100 more pounds... I dont think you NEED to tell him about surgery, I think you should take some time and spend it by yourself. Get to your goal no matter what that might be... If you still have some lingering feelings for him, meet up with him, talk in person, let him see how you are as beautiful thin as you were heavy. If he looks at you and still can't resist you then he truely does have feelings for you... If not then his loss!

Reconnecting with ex lovers is like going to an all you can eat buffet...never a good idea and you always pay for it later.

Junk punch him to the curb..be the strong and confident woman you are!!!

Good luck, I think you are more confident and know what you want in a man and what is best for you...

okay, for me my ex has been dying to get me on a date and its all because of my weight loss! he knows I'm confident and I'm looking great! but what we both need to remember is that, there was once a reason for why we broke up and if they truly love us, then they need to accept us either fat or skinny! normal exercise or sleeved!

best of luck!!

<3