Regrets

[astambo 9]

I'm 25 years old and had my sleeve done on August 14, 2012. Some days I really find myself regetting my decision. I obviously thought about it for months and weighed the pros and cons. However, I didn't expect eating to be so difficult. I expected that I would have to eat smaller portions, but I think the social aspect of it is really started to hit me hard. I've lost a total of 34.5 pounds so far and for that, I am grateful. My blood pressure is normal now and overall, I feel physically better. Emotionally, I'm tearing myself up. Some days I cry and cry regretting what I've done because life is so different now. I picture myself when I'm 40 and have kids and how I will never be a "normal mom" because I can't have birthday cake with my kids or Celebrate like everyone else does with food because of my smaller stomach. Just wondering if anyone else experiences this, I'm struggling and could use some support/insight.

[delta_girl 931]

Why can't you have a small piece of birthday cake on your child's birthday? A few bites will satisfy you and you probably won't even want or need more than that. I have some very, very thin friends who are that way naturally who have children and they also have a small piece of cake on days of celebrations. They just don't do it all of the time.

[chitowngirl 884]

It gets better, before you know it you'll be wishing you we're back at this stage so you continue losing. I'm currently at 6 months out, and my appetite has grown, now I can eat a "skinny girl portion" I've heard from other posters that about a year out your stomach expands again. So now I'm able to socialize with out feeling awkward about my portion sizes. Trust me when I say embrace this phase as it does pass, this is your maximum weight loss phase. Happy losing!!

[abetterme4.2 268]

It sounds like, which is the same for many of us, there is an emotional attachment to food. You can still have these things, just in smaller quantities. In my large, southern family, we eat meals at weddings, after funerals, birthdays, celebrations, etc. we equate those feelings with food. So yes, I can say it, I am an emotional eater. Which is why I have started early in attempting to get these emotions and feelings under control. I worry about it constantly. Yes, I am pre-sleeve and want my emotions under control. My relationship with food needs to be for nourishment, not drowning.

"Will my children suffer because I will not be able to do those things?" I have 4 daughters and do not want them to have body image issues or to "eat" their emotions. I will be able to enjoy life, all in smaller quantities.

Definitely speaking with others, like-minded individuals will help. I am learning their is plenty of support here, on these boards.

Don't regret your decision to be happy and healthy, with a better self image. You deserve it!

[LindaS 316]

There isn't anything you can't have after you've completely healed, but you don't want to go back to old habits. There are things you shouldn't have regularly.

I don't want to Celebrate with food. That isn't normal. I want to celebrate with family and friends. food shouldn't be the center of celebrations. But it doesn't mean food can't be a part of celebrations.

There is a blog, The World According to Eggface, and she has great protein-rich recipes including protein-rich cake and protein-rich ice cream. Her blog is here: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/

I am more than a year out, and my eating no longer looks strange at gatherings/social events. I'm able to eat real foods, and I just pick out Protein rich foods and eat small portions. For the most part, people don't even notice that I am eating less than they are eating.

I also modify my meals. If my family is having spaghetti, I might grab two or three noodles and then just eat the sauce. If they are eating tacos, I eat the stuff inside the tacos but not the shell and skip the sour cream.

[JerseyGirl68 1,172]

Why can't you have a small piece of birthday cake on your child's birthday? A few bites will satisfy you and you probably won't even want or need more than that. I have some very, very thin friends who are that way naturally who have children and they also have a small piece of cake on days of celebrations. They just don't do it all of the time.

I agree, even though this is a huge life change. I don't think in terms of I can never have anything yummy again.

Once my weight is under control, I don't see it as wrong to Celebrate as others do (just much, much less than I did in the past). I am looking forward to a bite of cake being enough, a taste of something "bad" won't lead to a whole plate full. I'm glad I will have this tool to work with me, not against.

Good luck!!

[Pookeyism 1,143]

Stop regretting the food. start celebrating what you have - you arent missing anything you stood a good chance of missing because you were ill, or dead.

It is a hard road, but you dont deal with it like grief or loss, you have to come at it at an angle to understand (not trick, coerce, etc) understand that you now eat to live, not live to eat.

[Sharonisshrinking 82]

I have my surgery November 8th. I am on day two of my liquid diet. It's really hard, but I just keep reminding myself of all the positives. Do I really want to live like this anymore? Am I happy? The answer to both of those is no. Remember, this is a choice you're making, you are not a victim. You are choosing a better life for yourself. It is hard, but you deserve to be healthy and happy. Get rid if those negative thoughts and fill your mind with all the positives. There are so many more. Good luck. You CAN do it.

[kimmy*custis 276]

You need to quit concentrating on what you cant have. You will be able to eat normal foods again...albeit smaller portions. You made a decision to change your life...for the better. You are healthier and can be there for your kids and family. I am 8 months out and can eat pretty much anything I want. You will too...in time, in moderation!!!!

I went to my nieces b-day and had two bites of cake...I was ok with that. You too will be fine. Good luck, it will be fine!

[It's all new 453]

I am sorry that you are struggling right now. I think it is common to go through a difficult adjustment period in the first month or even two after surgery. You sound like you might be having a more difficult time. Have you thought about whether you might be depressed? If you are it could magnify any negatives of the transition and make it seem unmanageable. Just a thought.

If you think that this might be an issue, i would start by making an appointment with your PCP, and look into finding a counselor who is a good fit. Even if you don't feel you are truly depressed, a counselor could help you with your difficulty adjusting.

I think that you will find that in social situations you will be able to blend in and enjoy yourself - just give your sleeve a bit more time to heal. As others have said, focus on the Protein of any meal and you should be able to enjoy eating with others even relatively early on.

Hang in there. Give yourself time to adjust to eating in this new way.

[funkeechiggen 135]

I haven't been sleeved yet, but what you're describing sounds like similar experiences others have shared and they came through with a totally different attitude several months down the road

Don't forget that your hormones are all out of whack right now too!! Which is probably why you feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster... Focus on the progress you've made in such a short time!

(making a mental note to come back and read my own advice when I'm feeling the same way around this time next month!)

[Tealover 46]

I wish someone told me this at the time but you do gradually start eating more so if you can just go with this phase and enjoy losing. I am 3 months out and can eat a bit more each week xx

[Phi Phi 4]

I felt the same way after surgery. I had buyers remorse. It gets better, I'm so thankful for my sleeve now.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Sounds like you are going through some grieving... you can still eat, but not the uncontrolled way as before. It is hard to believe right now, but it really changes. At a couple of months out, food tasted weird, I couldn't drink Water plain as it tasted awful - eating was work.

I am 10 months out and I eat normal, but petite portions. For example, half a sandwich is a big lunch. dinner is the Protein, with small serving of veggies and a taste of the "carb" served. Trust me, that is not so far out of the norm compared to "regular slim women". When you are 40, you will not stand out like a weirdo - trust me, this gets much easier.

[Alljoy123 3]

I completely understand what your feeling! I was sleeved on 9/25 and since then I have been under an enormous amount of stress from family. It's been crushing and constant and at times I thoroughly regret my decision of having surgery because all I want is a nice comfy meal and a jack Daniels and Water. I know I can't. I try and remember at those times why I did this and go weigh myself. I also will go through weight loss surgery cookbooks and read about the good food I'll be able to have down the road. I'll be happy when the family stress lifts and I can just focus on me but in the meantime I am at least grateful that my desire for food is head hunger and knowing that at some point I'll be able to eat what I want and my new stomach will keep me nfrom eating lot of it. I remind myself that it's quality - not quantity!