I'm 20 days post-op and I've explained as much as I could to my friends and family what this surgery is all about. But no matter how much I explain it to these people, they keep asking me the "When can you have ____?" questions. You know, "When can you have ice cream again?" "When can you have hamburgers again?" "When can you drink alcohol again?" It seems all they're interested in is when I can start eating/drinking certain foods again.

They just don't get it. I've tried to be patient and explain to them that it's not just a surgery, it's also a lifestyle change. But they seem to fixate on the whole "timeline" aspect of it. And they never stop to consider that the last thing I want to do is think about all the foods I can't have yet (or can't have anymore). And god forbid I tell them something like, "I can't have soda anymore," they respond with that wide-eyed "No!! Oh wowwww!!!" in a tone that clearly indicates galactic doom. It's just not what I need right now and I've had to brusquely tell them to stop talking to me about it. I feel bad, but I can't take it anymore.

Has anyone else encountered this phenomenon?

Seems like they may be doing some of this to satisfy their own uncomfortable feelings. You did this surgery for you first. Be at ease with your plan and they should follow. Sorry you are going thru this.

All the time. Then I get people asking how will I ever make it without eating out and fast food and yadda yadda. I tell them its a choice I've made to become a healthier person and I made the choice to steer clear of that stuff. People are going to make comments because they're curious but they really don't know how to ask the questions without sounding like idiots LOL. I just answer their questions or give them a link to good sites so they can research it themselves.

Seems like they may be doing some of this to satisfy their own uncomfortable feelings. You did this surgery for you first. Be at ease with your plan and they should follow. Sorry you are going thru this.

You're absolutely right. I'm not going to let them deter me in any way, and I am committed to this whole process of eating more healthfully. And I am happy and comfortable with my decision--it just throws me off when they ask these questions because I never expect them. I'm going to have to come up with some polite canned response to deflect the situation.

All the time. Then I get people asking how will I ever make it without eating out and fast food and yadda yadda. I tell them its a choice I've made to become a healthier person and I made the choice to steer clear of that stuff. People are going to make comments because they're curious but they really don't know how to ask the questions without sounding like idiots LOL. I just answer their questions or give them a link to good sites so they can research it themselves.

You're far more patient than I am!

Interestingly enough, I was just asked by a friend last night when I can drink alcohol again and was appalled when I said "probably never". Her idea of drinking alcohol is getting drunk and acting stupid. Someday I may be able to have a glass of wine or a craft beer, but honestly I have no desire for it.

Interestingly enough, I was just asked by a friend last night when I can drink alcohol again and was appalled when I said "probably never". Her idea of drinking alcohol is getting drunk and acting stupid. Someday I may be able to have a glass of wine or a craft beer, but honestly I have no desire for it.

Right?!? I have a couple friends who act like it's a tragic handicap that I don't drink. It's such a part of their lives that the idea of not drinking just doesn't compute. Maybe I need to find new friends, lol!

My favorite is "I mean you can have a bite. A little bite isn't going to hurt you." I respond that I didn't get my gut cut out so that I could continue to eat junk. No that little bite isn't going to hurt but it ain't gonna help either!

I had a few guests for dinner last night and made a lemon pound cake. My friend, who is on a diet but ate cake anyway, was like you can't even have a little slice?!? Yeah, I can but I'm not! Jeez!

My favorite is "I mean you can have a bite. A little bite isn't going to hurt you." I respond that I didn't get my gut cut out so that I could continue to eat junk. No that little bite isn't going to hurt but it ain't gonna help either!

I had a few guests for dinner last night and made a lemon pound cake. My friend, who is on a diet but ate cake anyway, was like you can't even have a little slice?!? Yeah, I can but I'm not! Jeez!

Oh the irony. And another good example of how diets don't work (she had the cake anyway). A few days after my surgery I was craving macaroni and cheese, and I complained to a friend about it and he asked, "Can't you chew it and just not swallow?" The look I gave him must have been so withering that he immediately changed the subject!

LOL I've experienced this sort of this...both in my "real world", and in reading posts on this website! I'm amazed, almost daily, by the posts (here) that read "I'm X number of days post-surgery...when can I have (insert bad food/drink/behavior here) again??"! I rarely respond to those posts...sometimes its just better to keep my mouth shut... LOL As for people in my life, I tend to treat each question (and, Lordy, have there every been questions!!) as an opportunity to educate the other person regarding the realities of this surgery, and life afterwards. Oddly enough, the thing that seems to raise the most eyebrows is when I decline ordering a drink (and by drink I mean a non-alcoholic beverage) with my dinner. That really seems to throw waitresses right off their game! LOL Let people be amazed and bewildered by the lifestyle changes and choices we're making....maybe our example will make a difference in someone else's life one day!

And god forbid I tell them something like, "I can't have soda anymore," they respond with that wide-eyed "No!! Oh wowwww!!!" in a tone that clearly indicates galactic doom.

This sentence made me burst out laughing =) Thank you!

I have not encountered this phenomenon yet, but I am only a few days post-op still. I think my response to those questions will probably be something along the lines of "I can eat those again when I want to gain the weight back" or something similar. I do like skym's response that I didn't get my gut cut out to eat junk. So true.

I can imagine those questions would get very frustrating.

Next time this happens, put it back on them!

"When can you have (ex.) soda again?"

"Why would I want too?"

And leave it at that. No need to explain your position. They need to explain theirs!

How about this question... "Are you going to turn into a B!@#$% now that you're losing all this weight?" I simply tell them not to confuse confidence with being a B!@#$%. I will definitely be more confident in my new body but don't ever mistaken that for anything else. Confidence is a good thing and just because I'm nice and am the way I am now doesn't mean I was like this only because I was overweight.

I have experienced the huh look from waitress/waiters too when I don't order a drink. It was so annoying that now I just get water. It was like a major deal that I didn't want a drink.

I get tired of people on here asking that!

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Oh, the questions! To this question I just started saying, " Just because I can eat something, doesn't mean I should, " in a really innocent voice and then just smile. Or, sometimes, if people are annoying me with their questions/ pressuring me I'll say, "Well, if you really want me to take a bite, I will. But don't get mad when I projectile vomit on you in about 15 mins. If it doesn't agree with me." That usually shuts them up and makes them feel awkward. Lol. What annoys me more are the, "when are you going to stop losing?" and "you're too skinny" and "it's good to see you eating something!" comments I get. Really? They never said anything when I was obese, but now that I'm actually getting healthy you're going to make me feel bad about doing it!? To these people I've started saying, " it makes me feel so good that you love me enough to express your concern. I promise I'm doing everything to be healthy, and my doctor is taking good care of me." And, "I know you're just teasing about me being too skinny, but it really bothers me. I've gone through a lot of physical changes lately, and I'd really just like to be "normal." not fat, not too skinny, just normal." So now I mostly just get encouragement. I think most people mean well, so I try to be polite.