At 11 years old I was living with my mother and step father. My father was no where to be found. My step dad worked nights from about 3pm to midnight, leaving my mom with their 4 year old and a newborn. My mother, diagnosed only a few years ago, is bipolar. Two young children and a husband away in the evenings was too much for her to bear. But, at 11, after spending much of my time caring for their first child, I was well equipped. There were diapers to be changed, and dinners to be made, and someone to watch the kids while my mother needed "alone time", pursued a variety of different careers to keep her occupied and out of the house, or disappeared for days on end when life was too overwhelming. At that age, "normal" is whatever your life is. So, I did what I believed I was supposed to. But there was not much time to be a kid. No one to scream at to when my brother stuffed yet another box of crayons in the VCR or my sister decided to "puffy paint" the bathroom towels. No one to cry to when I was home taking care of two kids when everyone else was playing sports or meeting boys. So I ate. I used food to comfort me for the adult stressors I was incapable of handling at such a young age (and had been primed for over years before). Who do you cry to when your step dad says he needs to pick up your mom at the suicide clinic so make sure the kids get to bed on time? I became an expert at being capable. At being resilient. At relying on no one. But food. Food was my best friend and a constant. For years later during high school my parents would "scold" me for sitting on the couch to catch an hour of tv after working one of my two jobs (by 15), presumably because they noticed my growing waistline and assumed it to be lack of exercise (as a varsity gymnast holding down two jobs and "babysitting" every day you'd think they would have figured out it wasn't my ability to commit to hard work or the result of laziness). I left home at 17 and, by now the consummate overachiever, graduated with my bachelors at 20 and began a career I'm continuing 12 years later, becoming the youngest manger in my region, then the most quickly promoted sr manager, and so on. But always heavy. Always. The stress of two young kids was replaced by stress at work, the need to succeed, anger/grief/etc at my parents when I realized later how different my childhood was...but I never learned how to cope with thes emotions. Being dumped 5 weeks before your wedding, losing a best friend to sudden death at 28, funerals for 16 yr old cousins, and uncles who died too early, friends and family with brain cancer. I was ill-equipped to do anything but make it to therapy, and eat. So, at 32, I needed a catalyst. A push. A drastic change. Enter the sleeve. At nine weeks out my journey is an emotional one. One that I'm conquering. Slowly. But surely. With the guidance of a therpist who specializes in food and has picked up where other therapists began (but without the weight connection). It's not easy, and it's not about Protein or Water intake. It's about becoming more emotionally mature. And I'm committed. And I'm nothing if not resilient.

Jo - sleeved 5/21/12

Everyone has a story and, I'm curious, what's yours?

This makes me feel bad I am fat and do not have a reason like these people.

No way...don't feel bad! I totally don't know your situation (so you can tell me to stuff it but many (not all!) folks who are overweight have an underlying cause. Physical for some (illness, etc)...but for a lot of us there is something driving our "excessive" use of food and blocking our ability to consume what would be considered more "normal" quantities of food. Always always exceptions, but if you've been sleeved (or are considering it) it's worth a think about whether or not you have reasons of your own. Either way, feel glad you've come to the boards for info and support...and that's certainly healthy!

From what I have seen there are two kinds of fat people:

1) Those who experienced something terrible and turn to food for comfort

2) Those that eat because they are so happy and they use it in a celebratory manner.

So you are just the 2nd

This makes me feel bad I am fat and do not have a reason like these people.

No I just eat because it is what I am good at. Things are not good but not near as bad as these people had it. I think it would easier if I could have one thing to point at and say this is the cause. I have the last app. with surgeon on 7-25 to set the date for the vsg.

My story has to do with my mom, she always had her own weight issues and all of my sisters are overweight too... I was skinny as it gets, then my mom got upset one day and sent me to a catholic school where it was a boarding school. i had no permission to use the phone, or go out, or talk to my friends, nothing. I gained tons of lbs... When I retired home after a year my bf just looked at me and turned around a walked away... I was heartbroken... then I lost some weight but never like I was before.... From then on I felt different than the other girls... me self esteem was crushed... then my eating habits just got stranger and had binging episodes,, etc... My mom kept on punishing me for no reason and being extra critical of everything that I did... which crushed my self esteem... problems and seeing no way out made it worse...

I went to overeaters anonymous but it didn't work for me... i felt worse going....

Then I just got depressed...

Then someone recommended this surgery...

Great topic. Growing up, I was thin and athletic. I lived for my sports. Up until my pregnancy at 34, I had an amazing body and worked very hard at it. All was good until my last trimester when I gained an astounding 85 pounds. Our son was 2 weeks late and 10 1/2 lbs via c-section. As soon as I was healed, I started working out vigorously. I basically did the Atkins diet, and worked my way from 240lbs down to 165. That didn't last. Fast forward 14 years- I am at 250 ish. I want to keep doing my sports, but I have had 9 surgeries on my legs and my weight won't let me do the things I enjoy.

I do think this experience has made me more compassionate towards others. I don't judge people as much. I have experienced the looks and I know people that have known me for a long time say "what happened to her?" I do have some autoimmune problems (Celiac Disease and Hashimotos), which make it a little harder. I am hoping this will give me the tool to get back to where I was. My son has seen pics of me thin, and I have a super supportive husband. I am lucky. I think this experience has been good in a way for me (sounds funny). This weight has taught me so many things and has made me grow as a person. If I had remained thin and not gained the weight, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I like who I am, I don't like this weight. It hurts my knees and doesn't let me do the things I enjoy. I am looking forward to this journey.

Been fat since I was about 4 or 5. I know there are reasons, but the key thing in all of this to know is that once you are really fat, it is very very hard to get/keep it off on your own.

I counsel every young person that the main thing should be to keep from gaining MORE weight. If I could have stayed around 200# which seemed just enormous to me when I was in my 20s, I would be alot better off then what really happened!

1. Subconscious protective mechanism against intimacy (childhood sexual abuse).

2. Underactive thyroid--slowest metabolism on the planet. :-)

3. Diet of a teenage boy, for no apparent reason--just eating whatever I felt like whenever I felt like it.

4. Sedentary lifestyle.

Two years ago, finally decided to do something about all of the above. Went to a counselor, who helped me with the residual issues stemming from childhood. Once that was in place, I realized I really wanted my outside to match my inside; that's when I started to seriously consider the surgery. And here we are!!

This makes me feel bad I am fat and do not have a reason like these people.

As far as I'm concerned, unless there is an underlying thyroid condition (or similar), everybody has the same reason: taking in more calories than we burn.

These poignant and heartbreaking stories explain part of WHY we did so.

Nobody should feel guilty for not having an emotionally painful family history... you should feel lucky and blessed! But clearly, it's only part of a larger and more complex picture.

No I just eat because it is what I am good at. Things are not good but not near as bad as these people had it. I think it would easier if I could have one thing to point at and say this is the cause. I have the last app. with surgeon on 7-25 to set the date for the vsg.

You know, there are two ways to look at life...both are ok if you use your experiences the right way (as a motivator, not a crutch). So if you ask me, I got fat because I'm lazy and find fast food easier to "prepare" than good food .

I haven't used food as a replacement, in fact I was quite the opposite most of my life. My father was horrific and if you ask my sister she would say she turned to food to cope. I did quite the opposite and was always slim, not obsessive, but appearance was important to me. Sort of my way to say to him that the things he said about us were wrong. It wasn't til I was married and happy that I gained weight. Lost weight after that divorce and then married and got happy (and gained) but not much. It wasn't until I accidentally (was told I couldn't) got pregnant with my lovely little boy that I gained weight significantly. He was born with a rare blood condition that wasn't diagnosed until he was nearly three. We spent two years of hospital nights all over the country trying to figure out what his issue was. During that time I ate very few Vegis and lots of carbs (because in hospitals they're not so big on healthy food oddly enough). Never lost the pregnncy weight and gained another 30 lbs or so during those years When he was diagnosed I then went into ivf for child number two, who we didn't end up having, but I did gain five lbs or so while on hormone therapy for each child I lost. 35 more lbs.....I didn't gain a baby, just some hefty baby weight! So unfair lol. While losing Those babies was sad, i didnt eat out of depression or anything, i just continued to enjoy carbs...theyre an addiction ya know.....and Anyhow, I said at 49 that the extra 80lbs just isn't going to hang around! I don't want to be the fat mommy on the playground and as such, I'm getting sleeved in August.

I'm happy, and plan on staying that way for many years and apparently happy and busy for me translate to Mac and cheese lol. I'm a lazy cook and want the sleeve to be my tool to get to a good place physically . It's about time for me to focus on me for a change. . So I can get happier...and skinnier lol

Thanks, iggychic...love the post. And a great reminder/reiteration for everyone out there that a tough past that led to weight loss doesn't necessarily translate into "I'm unhappy".

I like to think I lead a happy and fulfilling life, and consider myself incredibly well-adjusted...but that doesn't mean that things in my past don't affect the way I view life, and the fact that I use food as a coping skill when I experience "normal" stress days, bored days, sad days, lonely days, etc. It wasn't until I was able to identify why was using food in a different way than others that I figured out that, for me, my weight loss journey was going to be less about counting calories (though that's an integral part) and more about finding other outlets for dealing with the normal ups and downs of life. While I definitely consider myself happy, that has brought up some measure of sadness and grief over stuff in my past - but that doesn't mean I spend my days "sad" or "grief-stricken".

Not sure why I felt the need to post that...perhaps a discussion with my therapist lol <she says tongue-in-cheek>

Such interesting stories. Thanks for sharing.

I honestly think I broke my metabolism! My mom noticed some pre-puberty pudge around my belly at 11 and put me on a grapefruit diet (failed), and then brought me to a diet doctor that put me on a restricted diet, speed and vitamins at 14. Keep in mind I wasn't even "fat" yet. I weighed 135 (hip bones sticking out) and they wanted me to weigh 110, so I starved myself. I would have turned to bulimia but I couldn't make myself vomit (thankfully). I was spent my entire life trying to reach an unacheivable goal given to me by my mother and quack doctor. I really never felt thin enough, although looking back at pictures, I looked normal. I was the queen of yo yo dieting, each time packing a few more pounds on. 8 years ago I got back down to 150 after having 3 kids and not only couldn't I maintain that, I gained 100 lbs in less than a year...and then some since. I wish that someone could have told that 135lb girl that she was just right!

Thanks' date=' iggychic...love the post. And a great reminder/reiteration for everyone out there that a tough past that led to weight loss doesn't necessarily translate into "I'm unhappy".

I like to think I lead a happy and fulfilling life, and consider myself incredibly well-adjusted...but that doesn't mean that things in my past don't affect the way I view life, and the fact that I use food as a coping skill when I experience "normal" stress days, bored days, sad days, lonely days, etc. It wasn't until I was able to identify why was using food in a different way than others that I figured out that, for me, my weight loss journey was going to be less about counting calories (though that's an integral part) and more about finding other outlets for dealing with the normal ups and downs of life. While I definitely consider myself happy, that has brought up some measure of sadness and grief over stuff in my past - but that doesn't mean I spend my days "sad" or "grief-stricken".

Not sure why I felt the need to post that...perhaps a discussion with my therapist lol <she says tongue-in-cheek>[/quote']

I hope I didn't make you feel that you were using your experiences as a crutch dear. I see that as the person who isn't dealing with their issues as you obviously are. Much like me, I think you've faced them head on and said "oh screw you....I'm gonna take care of me!". . Anyone who comes from a truly evil home environment as a child has been shaped by those evils (I'm sorry but I don't like what your parents did to you any more than how I feel about my father). In my family two of us have been very successful and two of us caved to his words. While my experiences and yours have been difficult...we have both dealt with them differently. I don't sense you are sad . I sense you are probably just as tough as I am in many ways .

I guess I just wanted to say happy can be just as bad for weight lol. Fat and happy right? Let's change that phrase to skinny and happy shall we?

I just gain weight easily. I've always been one of those people who can just look at food and gain weight. Everyone in my family is the same way. If I really restrict my diet and I exercise like a madman, I can keep the weight off, but then my whole day becomes about "not gaining weight". My whole week, my whole life, becomes about "not gaining weight". I turned to bodybuilding because I can put on muscle easily, but again, my whole existence becomes about "how much lean Protein did I eat today?", "did I do enough cardio this week?", "when am I going to get my workout in?", etc.

After a while, I became so burnt out on worrying about what I put in my mouth and how my body responded to it. It was like, "Ok, uncle! I give up!" and I just ate what I wanted. So of course the weight just started piling on.

Am I an emotional eater? Maybe. Is my thyroid low? A little. Am I always hungry? Yes. Did trying to correct these things work? Not really. So weight loss surgery seemed to be the best idea.

Growing up my father was very physically abusive. He was also mentally abusive, pitting us kids against each other as well as against my mother and visa versa.

When I was in Kindergarten my mom sent me to live with my grandparents in another state for almost 2 years, and I rarely got to see my family including my 3 other siblings. It was when I was living with my grandparents that my grandma would make me food to make me feel better about being there alone without my family. When I went home at the end of 2nd grade it was quite an adjustment and I continued to use food to make myself feel better. My father and mother were both upset that I had come home a lot more "fluffy" than when I left and I would be punished severely for eating too much. Once my father choked me until I almost passed out for eating too much chocolate. This only made the problem worse as I used food to comfort myself, so I started sneaking food at night, and knowing that I had to be quick about it I would eat extremely fast, and then hide the evidence of my binging in the outside trash. The abuse continued and when I was in the 5th grade my dad beat my brother severely and I went to school the next day and told on him. Nothing was done for about a month and when the school finally contacted him, he threatened to send me away if I ever said anything to anyone again about what went on in our home.

He used to punish us sometimes by making us do sometimes up to 500 of an exercise like push-ups or sit-ups or up to 3 hours on the Nordic Track. He would also give us the options sometimes of us being able to take beatings for our other siblings. By the time I was in middle school I had 2 new brothers making it 6 kids in our family. I had 3 little brothers that I would often take their punishment for them so that they would not get hurt, and to numb the pain on being beat and helpless I would shove down the pain by eating anything and everything.

Twice while in high school I showed up with swollen black eyes, and bruised ribs and Child Protective Services got involved kicking my dad out of the house, and my mom would let him back in a few days later. At 18, my dad was finally arrested after I pressed charges after he held a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me and split my head open after hitting me in the head so hard.

Over the years I have worked on forgiveness of both him and my mom, and tried to get past all of it, but sometimes it still hurts. I still struggle with emotional eating, and it's a daily struggle.

I wish you all here the best. I just try to remember that "FOOD IS FUEL NOT THERAPY". It doesn't always work but I keep trying.

My heart just hurts reading all of your stories. What a sick and twisted world we live in! Every child should be raised in a home with love and patience and acceptance. It takes a special kind of stupid to be so selfish to hurt a child.

We are all so damaged. I thank God that we're all healing and not passing on the legacy of abuse.

I grew up in a lovely family... well, ok... emotionally dysfunctional, but not overtly abusive. My father is an honorable and ethical man who has always provided for his family. My mother is a loving and hardworking woman who also has always provided for us. So why did I get fat ? Heck, I don't know ! I was always active but since I was 6 months old I have been overweight. I weighed 200 when I got pregnant with my 1st daughter and then gained 60 lbs that didn't go away with the next 2 children.

I managed to diet myself into not being able to lose weight at all. Now I'm 56, sleeved since Feb. '12, and I am losing the weight!

I pray health and well-being for all of us *HUG*